We have all heard about the comfort zone, but have you ever noticed how inaccurate that description can be? For many, the comfort zone may not be all that comfortable.
Perhaps a more accurate description might be “the less uncomfortable zone” or even “the avoidance zone.” I say that because if we were truly comfortable in a situation, why would we ever feel a need for change? Here’s an example:
If we are thirty pounds overweight and we are avoiding doing something about it, some might suggest that we need to get outside of our comfort zone. Why would they say that? Because exercising and dieting could represent an uncomfortable change.
Uncomfortable compared to what?
Being thirty pounds overweight is already an uncomfortable reality. Can we realistically call it the comfort zone? No, not really! Then what is so uncomfortable about making a change to improve the situation? Most of the time – it’s the idea of change that we find unsettling, not the change itself.
Sometimes, the very thought of making changes in our life can represent discomfort, even pain. This is because it requires us to make an effort in a new direction. It is very easy to become a creature of habit and to adapt to a set daily routine. Such patterns can be constructive or destructive, it really doesn’t matter.
Once established, we tend to resist change.
When we link change to discomfort, we begin to see avoiding change as the preferred choice. In comparison with upsetting our routine and changing our established patterns, doing nothing becomes our comfort zone.
Our strongest emotional motivator is the desire to move away from pain and discomfort. As soon as we link something to pain, our emotional response is “don’t go there.” By comparison, moving in the opposite direction feels much more comfortable.
You can change your emotional anchors!
What if we could reverse our pain and pleasure anchors? What if we could view our current situation as more uncomfortable than disrupting our set routine?Then we would be motivated to move toward change instead of avoiding it. Our whole emotional perspective would shift.
This is exactly how many people finally manage to make significant changes in their lives. They reach a tipping point where their current reality becomes so uncomfortable, or even painful, that they are sufficiently motivated to take action.
“There came a time when the risk to remain tight in the bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom.” -Anais Nin
Why wait?
There is no reason to avoid changing until your current reality reaches a tipping point. We can assign pain or pleasure links to anything we want. The more you can link pleasure to the concept of change, the more motivated you will be to take action.
If you assign enough discomfort to your current reality you will automatically move in another direction. Remember, everything in life is perception. Control your emotional anchors and you will never lack motivation. Become the master of your perception and you become the master of your reality.
How do you feel about change?
What gets you motivated?
The lines are open!
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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
Great post, love the Nin quote…excellent reason to push forward, the next ‘comfort zone’ will be even better!
Angela´s last blog ..Nearing The End?
Hi Angela, thanks for stopping by. I liked that quote becaus it’s about change for the right reason. What a great phrase from you, “the next ‘comfort zone’ will be even better!”
Twitter: mrjWells
Jonathan, it should be called the “familiarity zone” because that’s what it really is. “Comfort zone” is a misnomer. The idea of setting those anchors and making the current situation painful is a fantastic way to get out of the rut and make a change. Thanks!
Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..Set Yourself Free From Manipulative Relationships
Hey Stephen, that really is the perfect discription, the “familiarity zone.” So if new is the same as unfamiliar, then we should welcome the new. As in get a new reality!
Twitter: mrjWells
It seems to me that the comfort zone is actually better than the familiarity zone. Former US Marine talking and I promise you that I had a level of familiarity with running while in the Corps. At least 3 miles every day, at least a 10 mile run once a week and a “walk in the woods” with pack every month (at least).
The last year I did push-ups, sit-ups and pull-ups 10 times a day because I was the person that took people who were too skinny or too fat and got them to a weight of my choice. The Marine Corps believes that if someone is made to exercise the person ‘inflicting’ those exercises does them too.
I was in the Corps for 8 years, so I am pretty sure it is safe to say that the running was a habit, probably the general fitness.
Now, here is the important part. I left the Corps on 13 December 1989 and I stopped running on 12 December 1989. Today, I am not out of shape – I weigh the same as I did when I left the Corps (a little less muscle, a little more fat…) but I never liked running. I was familiar but not comfortable with running. Leaving the Corps made it really easy to stop running.
Comfort zone is better because there are things that we “must do” but don’t really want to do, like exercise.
McLaughlin´s last blog ..Europe Job and Career Resources
Hey McLaughlin, you make a very valid point. That’s an aspect I hadn’t really thought about. The question that comes to mind is, did you replace running with a more agreeable form of exercise? The reason I ask is because I am sure that there were certain health benefits from running that you liked, even if the obtaining those benefits wasn’t you favorite way to spend time. Or did forgoing those benefits seem like a reasonable price to pay for avoiding the discomfort of running?
Twitter: mrjWells
I walk a lot. Just after the military I shared a car, so I would walk to school (sounding like my Dad) and hitchhike. Between the university and my (very low paying part time) job I walked, even on the days that I had the car because walking across the fields or driving the long loop both took 30 minutes.
Then I moved to the Paris area, where I still live, and I walk for pleasure and exercise in the mornings, and I walk and take the metro for my commute.
The funny thing is that even though I stopped running my knees are still shot.
McLaughlin´s last blog ..Virtual-Team Management
Good choice, walking is such a nice way to move. I have noticed the the old injuries have a way of coming back to haunt us as the years go by. When the cartilage or discs are damaged it’s hard to ignore. I’ve been into exercise all my life and sometimes to an extreme, those damaged areas remind me to train smarter. Thanks for replying.
Twitter: mrjWells
Hi Jonathan,
I love this quote.
Many people are afraid of change – they think if it isn’t broken don’t fix it.
Change is forced onto them.
I prefer, to change things from time to time, just to prevent boredom and increase productivity.
As far as exercise, there are so many benefits to having a routine.
It does keep you in shape – helps prevent heart disease and relives stress.
Those reasons are enough for me to exercise.
Great article -
Bunnygotblog´s last blog ..Advertising Towards Dummies: Celebrities, Movies, Role Models, Money
Hi Bunny, you seem to have a favorable emotional link to the concept of change, it will serve you well.
It’s interesting that exercise got so much attention even though I only used it as an analogy. This shows that it’s a topic of personal interest to most people.
I think we all recognize the wide range of benefits that come from getting regular exercise. But head knowledge is not always sufficiently motivating if we don’t really want to do something. That’s where emotional anchors can easily override intellectual decisions.
Twitter: mrjWells
Jonathan, another great article. Another term I use to describe this type of situation is homeostasis – an environment is the way it is because of the internal elements. To change the environment, we need to put effort to change the internal elements around. In the case of comfort zone, we need to unroot the pillars supporting the current situation and construct new pillars for the person to remain in the new zone so he doesn’t fall back.
Since a couple of years ago, I started to attach myself to the concepts of uncertainty to be the axis of growth – it has felt amazing since. No more feeling jittery in the face of fear. Instead, when I feel fear, I leap towards it since it’s a sign of growth opportunity.
Celes | CelestineChua.com´s last blog ..Away On Meditation Retreat
Hi Celes, we have a lot of parallel thinking. In my book I use the term emotional homeostasis and illustrate it using physical homeostasis and it’s relationship to weight loss. Like you, I also have an attraction based relationship to uncertainty because in my perception, that’s where opportunity lives. So both of us have reframed uncertainty and linked it to empowering emotional anchors. Celes, thank you so much for sharing that.
Twitter: mrjWells
I LOVE this article. It is SO fantastic. Because the thing that has brought more growth, dreams, visions, insights, compassion, love and more into my life is continually pushing the envelope on my comfort zone. In essence moving toward what I fear. After the first few times of doing this (by making some very drastic tough choices) and seeing how alive, aware and free I felt. I grew to equate staying in my comfort zone with death, with loss of spirit, soul, inspiration, creativity, vitality, joy and so forth. I ask myself every single day, “What do I need to be doing to make sure I am living outside my comfort zone?”
I know this may sound weird, but (for me) if I am NOT doing this my life is slipping by unlived. I thrive on pushing the envelope. Better stated, let there be no envelope at all. I don’t want one.
We often look for answers in books, in following gurus, and a whole host of things we feel will help us become more aware and alive people, that will give us clearer dreams, more insight, great visions, abundant joy, happy relationships, etc. But we also often want to have these things WITHOUT making any tough decision, without facing any fears, without going through any discomfort. LOL!!! We are funny creatures. We can even spend our whole lives living “the search” as opposed to proactively living our very real lives. The answers and greatness we seek are right under our noses.
Thank you for such brilliance Jonathan. I just thrive in it.
Robin Easton´s last blog ..What’s the Latest Score?
Hi Robin, I just love your enthusiasm. Let’s just go for zone free living. Take away the boundaries and live it all.
Twitter: mrjWells
I often use this approach as a tool when I am judging whether its time to resume something I have taken a break from. The pain of not continuing is higher than taking a break.
Hey Bakari, very nice practical application. Thanks for sharing it.
Twitter: mrjWells
YES! The comfort zone is the zone which creates discomfort, and the discomfort zone is the one who creates comfort (as in well being and ease).
One of my friends who become a runner once told me that the most difficult part of his running sessions (more than 10km per session), the most draining and wearing is not the physical effort, but the mental effort to actually start it. Once there, nothing can stop him.
That was inspiring, especially that Anais Nin quote
Dragos Roua´s last blog ..July Mariner Promo Code
Hi Dragos, I like the example of your runner friend. Isn’t it amazing how our mind can empower us to accomplish things the seem way beyond or abilities, or build walls that prevent us from doing things we could easily do? What a powerful resource we have at our disposal and all we need to do is learn to use it correctly.
Twitter: mrjWells
Hi Jonathan, this is truly insightful reading.
Some people get misinterpretation about comfort zone and discomfort zone, including me.
I like when you said “it’s the idea of change that we find unsettling, not the change itself.”
Thanks for sharing, Jonathan.
Arswino´s last blog ..The Pickle Jar
Hi Arswino, thanks for joining in. Like a computer that keeps reverting to an obsolete program, our mind doesn’t always work for our best interests. Learning and honest self-examination help us to adjust our perception so our “interpretation” of reality continues to serve us well.
Twitter: mrjWells
Indeed, it’s always easy to live with what’s predictable, even if it is painful. That’s why we need to reframe how we think about change, give ourselves some might big reasons for that change, get some accountability, and feel the exhiliration as we move forward, instead of sideways
Steve´s last blog ..Do You Need to Stop Moving Sideways?
Twitter: steveborgman
Very nicely said Steve, thanks.
Twitter: mrjWells
Hi Jonathan,
This was a great read. I have several things that I would like to work on. I consider myself a daring person.. I look forward to change in my life. It is like a new chance to make things different. I was reading another post today at jonathanfields.com (Awake at the Wheel) and he talked about facing fears. Two Jonathans. Two great posts about moving past fears!
Amy Jewell / Cirklagirl´s last blog ..Let the Fan Fare Begin!
Hi Amy, thanks for joining the conversation. I read Jonathan’s post about facing fears also, he’s one of my favorite bloggers.
Twitter: mrjWells
Dear Jonathan,
This is an excellent point. Why did we ever start calling it your comfort zone? Really its your “I’m not willing to heal zone” when we are calling it our comfort zone we are actually digging our heels and settling for a mediocre life. Yes, most of us are very uncomfortable in our comfort zone and as the level of discomfort increases we become more and more willing to look at what changes need to happen in order to truly be comfortable. I couldn’t agree more that “there is no reason to avoid changing until your current reality reaches a tipping point.”
Here’s to all of us seeing and creating Changes That Last…
Dr. Jennifer Howard
Dr. Jennifer Howard´s last blog ..On Michael Jackson’s Memorial
Hi Jennifer, It’s always a pleasure to get your input. It’s strange how misleading labels like “comfort zone” can be. We do ourselves a real service when we examine (and relabel if necessary) these type of psychological misnomers.
Twitter: mrjWells