Comments on: Who Is Really In Control Around Here? http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/ Strategies for Positive Change Fri, 10 Feb 2012 17:29:48 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/comment-page-1/#comment-27634 Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:54:44 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-27634 Hi Lori, these types of situations can be especially challenging because circumstances dictate that we find a way to deal with them rather than eliminate then from our life. Maybe that's a good thing! The best opportunities for personal growth often involve a degree of discomfort. The two things you can have control over in this situation is your perception of and response to what transpires. This might represent a daily struggle for awhile, but could you manage to view it as a growing experience? Shifting your point of reference may be helpful. You mentioned that this person has insecurity issues. Any effort on your part to help her feel better about herself would come from a place of fellow feeling and compassion, which is the polar opposite of being hurt or offended. Even if she doesn't respond you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you chose the high road and the tendency will be to see her as troubled rather than obnoxious. This shift in emotional perception will put you in a stronger and more tolerable state. Hi Lori, these types of situations can be especially challenging because circumstances dictate that we find a way to deal with them rather than eliminate then from our life. Maybe that’s a good thing! The best opportunities for personal growth often involve a degree of discomfort. The two things you can have control over in this situation is your perception of and response to what transpires. This might represent a daily struggle for awhile, but could you manage to view it as a growing experience?

Shifting your point of reference may be helpful. You mentioned that this person has insecurity issues. Any effort on your part to help her feel better about herself would come from a place of fellow feeling and compassion, which is the polar opposite of being hurt or offended. Even if she doesn’t respond you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you chose the high road and the tendency will be to see her as troubled rather than obnoxious. This shift in emotional perception will put you in a stronger and more tolerable state.

]]> By: Lori http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/comment-page-1/#comment-26844 Lori Wed, 05 Oct 2011 17:45:37 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-26844 I work with someone who is very subtle, but very demeaning. I have a charge position, she is a secretary, she is very intelligent, yet very insecure. She does not like being asked or told anything, she covertly does what she wants, she will not verbally respond most of the time when I tell her or ask her something, she rolls her eyes or shakes her head (I have caught this more than once) and we have an ongoing power struggle over workflow, which I have finally chosen to completely avoid. My new manager is her friend. Intellectually, I understand it is my choice to be bothered or offended or belittled, but it is really difficult on an ongoing basis, and I have just completely withdrawn, I do not engage and find it easier, as I fear losing my temper (I have only done that once so far). I am recognizing in my life I have come across this type of bullying behavior, and in the past, I have fled. In this current market, I do not want to look for another job, nor do I want to risk getting a new job that has a different schedule from my husband, it has taken us 8 yrs to finally have the same schedule and we enjoy our life right now. Any input would be greatly appreciated. I work with someone who is very subtle, but very demeaning. I have a charge position, she is a secretary, she is very intelligent, yet very insecure. She does not like being asked or told anything, she covertly does what she wants, she will not verbally respond most of the time when I tell her or ask her something, she rolls her eyes or shakes her head (I have caught this more than once) and we have an ongoing power struggle over workflow, which I have finally chosen to completely avoid. My new manager is her friend. Intellectually, I understand it is my choice to be bothered or offended or belittled, but it is really difficult on an ongoing basis, and I have just completely withdrawn, I do not engage and find it easier, as I fear losing my temper (I have only done that once so far). I am recognizing in my life I have come across this type of bullying behavior, and in the past, I have fled. In this current market, I do not want to look for another job, nor do I want to risk getting a new job that has a different schedule from my husband, it has taken us 8 yrs to finally have the same schedule and we enjoy our life right now. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

]]> By: 20+ Important Life Lessons You Learn as a Poor Student | ????? http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/comment-page-1/#comment-24797 20+ Important Life Lessons You Learn as a Poor Student | ????? Sat, 20 Aug 2011 14:46:48 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-24797 [...] home all week to afford a great time on Saturday night. This is true not just with money, but with life choices. You can talk all day about how you really want to go to grad school, but it’s up to you to study [...] [...] home all week to afford a great time on Saturday night. This is true not just with money, but with life choices. You can talk all day about how you really want to go to grad school, but it’s up to you to study [...]

]]> By: Letting Go of Control Improves Your Life http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/comment-page-1/#comment-20184 Letting Go of Control Improves Your Life Fri, 29 Apr 2011 14:30:12 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-20184 [...] you feel you need to control every aspect of your life? When we control excessively, we are attempting to alter life’s moving currents and rhythm. When we do this, we [...] [...] you feel you need to control every aspect of your life? When we control excessively, we are attempting to alter life’s moving currents and rhythm. When we do this, we [...]

]]> By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/comment-page-1/#comment-16844 Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills Tue, 22 Feb 2011 18:52:28 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-16844 Hi Zeynel, we can't completely control who enters our world. That's why it is so empowering to develop the ability to control how we respond to those encounters. Hi Zeynel, we can’t completely control who enters our world. That’s why it is so empowering to develop the ability to control how we respond to those encounters.

]]> By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/comment-page-1/#comment-16563 Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills Fri, 18 Feb 2011 20:19:47 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-16563 Hi Celes, so true. It really comes down to our perception and how we choose to view the world around us. Great to see you here. Hi Celes, so true. It really comes down to our perception and how we choose to view the world around us. Great to see you here.

]]> By: First Comes the Fear Then the Blessing http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/comment-page-1/#comment-12453 First Comes the Fear Then the Blessing Wed, 08 Dec 2010 00:17:29 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-12453 [...] benefits this new venture will bring into our lives. And just when we are really getting into it, some part of our mind comes up with, “yeah but, if we do that [...] [...] benefits this new venture will bring into our lives. And just when we are really getting into it, some part of our mind comes up with, “yeah but, if we do that [...]

]]> By: Want to Change Your Life? http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/comment-page-1/#comment-7768 Want to Change Your Life? Sun, 18 Apr 2010 22:14:34 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-7768 [...] you want to, you can change your life, but just wanting to change is not enough. You must make a choice to change. Doing nothing and wishing things would change is the course most people choose. Consequently, [...] [...] you want to, you can change your life, but just wanting to change is not enough. You must make a choice to change. Doing nothing and wishing things would change is the course most people choose. Consequently, [...]

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