Comments on: Who Is Really In Control Around Here? http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/ Strategies for Positive Change Thu, 24 May 2012 01:09:47 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/#comment-42494 Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills Mon, 14 May 2012 03:02:10 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-42494 Your workmate sound like she is very insecure and feels threatened by you. her response to you is a pretty common one for people with massive insecurities. It's not personal even though it is directed at you as we can see by her history with others. Your workmate sound like she is very insecure and feels threatened by you. her response to you is a pretty common one for people with massive insecurities. It’s not personal even though it is directed at you as we can see by her history with others.

]]> By: Name withheld by request http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/#comment-42492 Name withheld by request Sun, 13 May 2012 10:30:36 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-42492 I am working with someone in childcare who is very controlling and obsessive. I work with her alone in a room of 20 children a day and no other supervisors and this is how she plays her games of controlling me and intimidating me. We both are the same Qualifications but the thing that sets us apart is our age difference, i am 24 and she is 50 and she demotes me as a staff member even at times in front of the children. I find it very difficult to work to my full potential because nothing I do is good enough or up to her standards, things as little as objects not put away properly or in correct order (petty things) I get lectured. It makes it very hard to work with her when she is very unsupportive and dismissive of my opinions and makes me explain by intimidating and belittling me. I have gone to my boss about it and the three of us had a meeting but she got away with treating me like she does and it has continued on til this day. My boss knows exactly what she is like because of her previous years of treating the other staff like she does and still is trying to tell other staff how to run their rooms. One staff member had left because of her and she is still working til this day. When I am working with a group of children or doing discussion/group time she stands and watches me and I begin to feel intimidated and begin to lose confidence. I am demoted to my job and love it very much but cannot work to my full potential with her, before work I dread going because I know what the day will bring but I try so hard to work with her but I just get shut out and belittled. When I get home all I want to do is cry because I dread for the next day. Thank you I am working with someone in childcare who is very controlling and obsessive. I work with her alone in a room of 20 children a day and no other supervisors and this is how she plays her games of controlling me and intimidating me. We both are the same Qualifications but the thing that sets us apart is our age difference, i am 24 and she is 50 and she demotes me as a staff member even at times in front of the children. I find it very difficult to work to my full potential because nothing I do is good enough or up to her standards, things as little as objects not put away properly or in correct order (petty things) I get lectured. It makes it very hard to work with her when she is very unsupportive and dismissive of my opinions and makes me explain by intimidating and belittling me. I have gone to my boss about it and the three of us had a meeting but she got away with treating me like she does and it has continued on til this day. My boss knows exactly what she is like because of her previous years of treating the other staff like she does and still is trying to tell other staff how to run their rooms. One staff member had left because of her and she is still working til this day. When I am working with a group of children or doing discussion/group time she stands and watches me and I begin to feel intimidated and begin to lose confidence. I am demoted to my job and love it very much but cannot work to my full potential with her, before work I dread going because I know what the day will bring but I try so hard to work with her but I just get shut out and belittled. When I get home all I want to do is cry because I dread for the next day.
Thank you

]]> By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/#comment-27634 Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills Mon, 17 Oct 2011 15:54:44 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-27634 Hi Lori, these types of situations can be especially challenging because circumstances dictate that we find a way to deal with them rather than eliminate then from our life. Maybe that's a good thing! The best opportunities for personal growth often involve a degree of discomfort. The two things you can have control over in this situation is your perception of and response to what transpires. This might represent a daily struggle for awhile, but could you manage to view it as a growing experience? Shifting your point of reference may be helpful. You mentioned that this person has insecurity issues. Any effort on your part to help her feel better about herself would come from a place of fellow feeling and compassion, which is the polar opposite of being hurt or offended. Even if she doesn't respond you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you chose the high road and the tendency will be to see her as troubled rather than obnoxious. This shift in emotional perception will put you in a stronger and more tolerable state. Hi Lori, these types of situations can be especially challenging because circumstances dictate that we find a way to deal with them rather than eliminate then from our life. Maybe that’s a good thing! The best opportunities for personal growth often involve a degree of discomfort. The two things you can have control over in this situation is your perception of and response to what transpires. This might represent a daily struggle for awhile, but could you manage to view it as a growing experience?

Shifting your point of reference may be helpful. You mentioned that this person has insecurity issues. Any effort on your part to help her feel better about herself would come from a place of fellow feeling and compassion, which is the polar opposite of being hurt or offended. Even if she doesn’t respond you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you chose the high road and the tendency will be to see her as troubled rather than obnoxious. This shift in emotional perception will put you in a stronger and more tolerable state.

]]> By: Lori http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/#comment-26844 Lori Wed, 05 Oct 2011 17:45:37 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-26844 I work with someone who is very subtle, but very demeaning. I have a charge position, she is a secretary, she is very intelligent, yet very insecure. She does not like being asked or told anything, she covertly does what she wants, she will not verbally respond most of the time when I tell her or ask her something, she rolls her eyes or shakes her head (I have caught this more than once) and we have an ongoing power struggle over workflow, which I have finally chosen to completely avoid. My new manager is her friend. Intellectually, I understand it is my choice to be bothered or offended or belittled, but it is really difficult on an ongoing basis, and I have just completely withdrawn, I do not engage and find it easier, as I fear losing my temper (I have only done that once so far). I am recognizing in my life I have come across this type of bullying behavior, and in the past, I have fled. In this current market, I do not want to look for another job, nor do I want to risk getting a new job that has a different schedule from my husband, it has taken us 8 yrs to finally have the same schedule and we enjoy our life right now. Any input would be greatly appreciated. I work with someone who is very subtle, but very demeaning. I have a charge position, she is a secretary, she is very intelligent, yet very insecure. She does not like being asked or told anything, she covertly does what she wants, she will not verbally respond most of the time when I tell her or ask her something, she rolls her eyes or shakes her head (I have caught this more than once) and we have an ongoing power struggle over workflow, which I have finally chosen to completely avoid. My new manager is her friend. Intellectually, I understand it is my choice to be bothered or offended or belittled, but it is really difficult on an ongoing basis, and I have just completely withdrawn, I do not engage and find it easier, as I fear losing my temper (I have only done that once so far). I am recognizing in my life I have come across this type of bullying behavior, and in the past, I have fled. In this current market, I do not want to look for another job, nor do I want to risk getting a new job that has a different schedule from my husband, it has taken us 8 yrs to finally have the same schedule and we enjoy our life right now. Any input would be greatly appreciated.

]]> By: 20+ Important Life Lessons You Learn as a Poor Student | ????? http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/#comment-24797 20+ Important Life Lessons You Learn as a Poor Student | ????? Sat, 20 Aug 2011 14:46:48 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-24797 [...] home all week to afford a great time on Saturday night. This is true not just with money, but with life choices. You can talk all day about how you really want to go to grad school, but it’s up to you to study [...] [...] home all week to afford a great time on Saturday night. This is true not just with money, but with life choices. You can talk all day about how you really want to go to grad school, but it’s up to you to study [...]

]]> By: Letting Go of Control Improves Your Life http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/#comment-20184 Letting Go of Control Improves Your Life Fri, 29 Apr 2011 14:30:12 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-20184 [...] you feel you need to control every aspect of your life? When we control excessively, we are attempting to alter life’s moving currents and rhythm. When we do this, we [...] [...] you feel you need to control every aspect of your life? When we control excessively, we are attempting to alter life’s moving currents and rhythm. When we do this, we [...]

]]> By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/#comment-16844 Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills Tue, 22 Feb 2011 18:52:28 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-16844 Hi Zeynel, we can't completely control who enters our world. That's why it is so empowering to develop the ability to control how we respond to those encounters. Hi Zeynel, we can’t completely control who enters our world. That’s why it is so empowering to develop the ability to control how we respond to those encounters.

]]> By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/who-is-really-in-control-around-here/#comment-16563 Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills Fri, 18 Feb 2011 20:19:47 +0000 http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/?p=1904#comment-16563 Hi Celes, so true. It really comes down to our perception and how we choose to view the world around us. Great to see you here. Hi Celes, so true. It really comes down to our perception and how we choose to view the world around us. Great to see you here.

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