A question that keeps coming up about self-confidence is this. Why is there a difference in self-confidence depending on what we do? If we are confident in one area, why doesn’t that confidence cross over to other areas?
Have you ever wondered about this? Before we address this question directly, let’s make sure we are clear on some important concepts.
Self-confidence is not the same as self-esteem!
The first thing we need to understand is that self-confidence and self-esteem are not the same thing at all. Now I have read countless articles that claim they are the same, so let’s define the difference and rid ourselves of this misnomer.
Simply put, self-confidence is our personal assessment of our own abilities, and self-esteem is our personal assessment of our worth or value as a person. One may affect the other, but they are clearly not the same.
Consider this major difference
We all have a variety of abilities, some that we are good at and others that need work. This means that we evaluate our proficiency in each of these areas separately. The fact that we may be good at math has no influence on how good we are at spelling. In fact, because the two are unrelated, they each get their own confidence rating.
On the other hand, self-esteem is about the whole person. Even though we are made up of a multitude of different aspects, self-esteem is a blanket approach. It is a personal estimation of the composite person without regard to the individual components. In this case, emotionally speaking, one size (rating) fits all.
How are they related?
The relationship between self-confidence and self-esteem is not as close as you might think. First of all, we should never conclude that a lack of confidence in one, or even several areas, is somehow tied to a lack of self-esteem. Even people with a healthy sense of self-worth have areas in their life where they don’t have a great deal of confidence. The distinction here is in realizing that ability does not equal personal worth.
On the positive side, when we perform a task well it boosts our confidence in that particular area. Feeling confident makes us feel good about ourselves in general, which has a positive influence on our self-esteem. So developing our overall sense of self-confidence is very likely to increase our self-esteem as well.
Back to our opening question
As we learned, there is a difference in our confidence depending on what we do because confidence is task specific. It’s hard to be good at everything and on the surface; confidence seems to depend on performance. Now, let’s look at the crossover effect. When two sets of skills are unrelated, like math and spelling, there is no confidence crossover. However, when two tasks are similar in some way, it’s a different story.
People who are veracious readers are often good at spelling. Why? Because the two are related. There is considerable overlap from one to the other. Reading means seeing how words are spelled over and over again. This exposure has a positive influence on our ability to spell correctly. This is especially true in a language like English, which refuses to abide by its own rules. If you feel confident about your reading skills, there is a 90% likelihood that you will also feel confident about your spelling skills.
Creating the crossover perception
Remember, self-confidence is based on how we feel about our own abilities. We can create confidence transference by identifying a similarity between two different tasks. It doesn’t matter if that similarity is real or imagined, as long as we perceive it to be there.
Let’s say that you are a good dancer but you have never taken an aerobics class. So you reason that they both involve coordinated movements done to music. They both have a series of moves that are repeated, and they both involve exercise. The conclusion, “since I am a good dancer I feel confident that I will also be good at aerobics.”
Teach yourself to recognize similarities
The better you become at seeing how one task is like another, the more you can spread self-confidence from one area to the next. As you practice making these connections it becomes increasingly easier to do. Of course, there are some natural limits to this type of transference. For example saying: “I am already good at driving a car, so I should also be good at brain surgery since they both involve eye-hand coordination,” is probably not going to work.
To make the most of this simple technique, don’t be afraid to be creative within reason. Keep in mind that your perception is what’s important here. Always look for a reason to transfer your feelings of confidence in one area to another through task similarity.
Building self-confidence A-Z
There are many ways to increase our personal level of self-confidence. To build unstoppable self-confidence means adjusting our beliefs, perceptions, habits and language. It also means building on smaller successes to create momentum. Subtle shifts in these areas can produce amazing results.
Did you relate to the definition of self esteem?
How about its relationship with self-confidence?
Do you agree or disagree?
The lines are open!
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Watch this video: To truly understand what is involved in building unstoppable self-confidence, we first must understand the relationship of Cause and Effect. In this short video Dr. Robert Anthony explains why cause is more powerful than effect and how you can use this knowledge to build your self-confidence very quickly. Self-Confidence Creator Video.
{ 25 comments… read them below or add one }
I guess that links into how breaking out of your comfort zone in one area will help expand your confidence in others. You just have to find the common ground between something you already are confident about, and the thing that you are lacking confidence in. Maybe find some way that you can approach the lower confidence task in the same way that you always approach the higher one.
~ Kristi
Hi Kristi, exactly right. Of course this is just one small technique, but a lot of times one little tweak in perception can have a big impact on reality.
Education, understanding of ones life, and also the environment around us plays a great part how we see ourselves. Thus the self-confidence will increase when we know what makes life important. And also what values we wish to hold on too…Thank you!
~ Zuzanna
HI Zuzanna, well said. Having our priorities and values in alignment creates a positive foundation for how we view ourselves and our abilities. Self-confidence is really another aspect of self-trust.
Hi,
I agree preforming an act is like snow boarding on a very challenging route that may be dangerous but provides a natural high.Has nothing to do with self -esteem. Until it is done.This is true in careers and in life.Anytime you face the unknown and decide it is worth a jump take it.
Confidence is knowing the challenges and not being afraid of taking them.Self – esteem is after taking the challenges enjoying that feeling of achievement.
Hi Bunny, nice example. After facing a big challenge that includes an element of fear, it’s easier to feel confident about smaller challenges.
Jonathan, I loved how you clearly described the difference between self-esteem and self-confidence. I have never really thought about it and I don’t think I have ever read it before either. Very well done. Thank you!
Hi Stephen, thanks. I can’t count the times I have seen self-confidence and self-esteem blended together as if they were the same thing. Having a clear definition of what we are talking about is what puts us all on the same page.
I agree that there is a difference between self-esteem and self confidence. Self-esteem is your opinion of yourself and self confidence is your belief, faith in yourself.
Hey Don, I like how you phrased that. When we here the same thought expressed in different words it adds depth to our understanding.
Interesting definition of self confidence and self esteem, another interesting article, thank you. Self confidence is such an important matter.
Hi Kate, thank you for your support and for joining the conversation. I really look forward to everyone’s comments, your expressions are valuable and appreciated.
self-confidence and self-esteem starts with self. Before we can improve ourselves we have to understand “self”. You have to start at the begining read about how to understand who you are cet a copy of The Power Of Self Separation. Start now and you will be stronger.
Thanks for sharing this. Your approach is very much resembling – at least for me – to NLP. In NLP, you try to transfer yourself into one of your moments of excellence and you’re using so called “anchors” for that. Although I can’t consider myself a graduated NLP practitioner, from my limited experience with it, it actually works.
Doing this type of transfer from one of your excellence areas to another, is one of the simplest and most cost-effective ways to improve yourself. You’re using your own patterns and material.
I liked it
Hey Dragos, very insightful observation my friend. This is a variation of an NLP technique. I like to use these kind of approaches because they capitalize on strengths that you already have by linking them to new areas. In the end, it’s a process of expansion where an established strength increases it’s sphere of positive influence to overshadow it’s closest neighbors.
Hi Jonathan, like Stephen I enjoyed how you differentiated self confidence and self esteem upfront. I’ve seen these two terms get used interchangeably before when they are not the same. I thought the idea of identifying similarities between two different tasks is also very creative. I’ll definitely apply that in my life. Thank you!
Hi Jonathan,
Having good self esteem involves healing the ego of the old historical wounds from child that keep us from feeling good about the essence of who we are. If I have good self esteem I will be able to more accurately evaluate myself and not feel that my ego is on the line if I’m not good at something. I agree that feeling self confident can help us feel better about ourselves but doing the work that creates self esteem helps us relax enough to not be so concerned if we aren’t good at something. I might be good as a cook but not be good with numbers if I have good self esteem that’s ok with me, I’ll do the best I can with what comes up and work towards learning what I’m not good at. We all have our gifts and talents and honoring myself as a human being allows me to move toward things and know that it is ok to not be good at everything.
Cheers to self esteem and uncovering our essence,
Dr. Jennifer Howard
I’ve definitely noticed an increase in self-confidence for myself as I get older. Also, the esteem/confidence point is well-taken – I know people who I sense harbor low self-esteem and try to make up for it with a kind of blustery over-confidence.
That is great and I really see the point of self-esteem/self-confidence gives me some more to think and grow through. Thanks for sharing!
Make it great,
Matt
Greetings Celes, Angela, and Matt, the fact that all of you appreciated the difference in definition between self-confidence and self-esteem really emphasizes the need for clarity in this area. We have all been exposed to information that lumps these terms together. All that does is confuse people. Thanks for joining the conversation.
I too, enjoyed the definitions of self-confidence and self-esteem.
While reading the article I couldn’t help but think that this can be undermined by someone’s perception of themselves and self-awareness. I’m interested to know your thoughts on this matter.
Thanks!
Hi Mark, you are absolutely correct. Having low self-esteem (low perception of self-worth) generally has some kind of a negative effect on a persons self-confidence. But it can manifest in unexpected ways.
For example, a person may be competent and confident at their job with no evidence that they a lacking self-esteem. They may even be admired for their skills or abilities. Then, unexpectedly they will do something to sabotage their own success. Why? Because somewhere inside they don’t think they deserve to be successful. So despite their abilities, their low evaluation of their own worthiness won’t allow them to benefit from those abilities. Or, if they do allow success, they may feel guilty about it.
Hi Jonathan,
Great article! Somewhere near the very bottom of your post you write,
“To build unstoppable self-confidence means… building on smaller successes to create momentum.” This is an excellent reminder that each step forward counts.
If you want to overcome your difficulties, achieve your goals, and live a better life, then recognizing effort and success is the most powerful strategy you can implement.
Yet, often we do not own our successes. We minimize our effort, attribute a success to luck, or fail to take credit for our persistence and hard work. By deciding to diminish or dismiss your role in creating small steps of positive change, you add to a sense of helplessness, hopelessness, or overwhelm concerning your life. You begin to believe that cannot have what you most want. Failing to recognize your efforts and successes leads to decreased motivation, lowered confidence or self-esteem, and a diminishing sense of hope about a triumphant outcome.
Each small success is another step toward making a dream reality. Celebrate successes and positive qualities. By recognizing each effort and each success, we increase motivation to take the next step into the better life we desire and deserve.
I’m glad you drew the distinction between self-esteem and self-confidence. Though the two terms have a great deal of practical interrelationship with the respect to new skill development, etc., they are two different concepts and things get far too muddy when people try to treat them synonymously!
Jonathan, this is a very clearly written article on an essential topic. Thank you for informing and educating so brilliantly.
The transference of confidence from one area to another is really useful. I have used it recently without realising, to help me study (by comparing it to another time I successfully studied something else).
I have also just caught myself using it to lower my confidence in an area that was similar to an area in which I know that I am weak (a certain type of dance and hip (in)flexibility).
Do you have any guidance or suggestions to prevent us using the transference for negative purposes? I didn’t mean to write off myself but I thought, “I have been unable to move it correctly for years, why succeed now?” This is clearly misuse of a valuable technique. Please advise!