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Meet His 5 Needs and Transform Your Relationship

transform your relationship

Are you ever mystified by the way men behave? In your own relationship experience, does your man’s behavior ever leave you feeling completely puzzled and perhaps more than a little frustrated?

If there have been times when you’ve concluded that he is just plain weird or irrational, well, you were probably right. Would you like to know what is actually behind his puzzling behavior?

It’s not a lack of love!

While men like to think that they are ruled by logic, there are definitely times when logic goes out the window and powerful unseen forces take over. And just because we are not aware of these underlying forces, or we choose to ignore them, that doesn’t change reality. The truth is, some of our behaviors, drives, responses, and desires are biologically driven and have nothing to do with logic.

These biological influences are one of the main reasons why a man can go from being considerate and thoughtful one moment, to acting callous and cold a few seconds later. It actually has a lot to do with the way he is programmed to react when certain emotional buttons get pushed.

What’s the solution?

Of course, just knowing that his behavior is biologically driven doesn’t help much when you get caught off-guard by his unexpected harsh words or cold attitude. And it doesn’t provide much comfort when you are left feeling like he has just “pulled the rug out from under you.”

Well, don’t worry because I am not going to suggest that his wiring is a legitimate excuse for unacceptable behavior or that you should just accept it. In fact, I want to show you how this troublesome programming actually creates a unique opportunity for you to start getting more of what you want from your relationship.

Get your relationship moving in a positive direction

The first step toward a more satisfying relationship is to understand some of the basic biological differences between men and women.  Recognizing how these differences influence our most basic desires is vital if we are going to meet each other’s needs in our relationship.

For instance, women deeply value connection and family and that’s because, to a large degree, they tend to define themselves by their relationships. In general, women are programmed with a much greater capacity for nurturing and taking care of others.

On the other hand, men tend to define themselves more by what they do and by their abilities as a provider. While it is true that most men have a conscious desire to take care of their families, it is just as true that most of them are unaware of their own subconscious drive to succeed in their role as provider.

5 basic needs that all men have

While men and women have a variety of these subconscious drives, there are at least five basic needs that all men have deep within themselves. If any of these needs are not being met, it will cause problems in the relationship. Let’s take a look at those 5 needs.

1. Words of reassurance, affirmation, and praise
2. A strong sense that they are respected
3. The feeling that they are being listened to and heard
4. Affectionate physical touch both sexual and nonsexual
5. Intimacy and bonding (believe it or not!)

As a woman, all you have to do is consistently meet these 5 basic needs to completely transform your relationship right before your eyes.

How this transformation works

By meeting his most basic needs, you have now become a powerful source of increased positive feelings of personal value and self-worth. Suddenly, his whole life and your relationship feels much more satisfying and he doesn’t even know why.

The coolest thing about all this is the fact all these changes take place on a subconscious level. Without realizing what has happened, he will be driven to want to please you in any way he possibly can.

This means that the same unseen forces that once caused him to react in confusing and hurtful ways will now move him to make positive changes in his behavior. Profound changes like being more considerate and thoughtful, and more willing to do things for you, will happen automatically because all the right emotional buttons are now being pushed.

Everyone wins!

The best part about this approach is that it is completely ethical and empowering to everyone involved. On the deepest level, you are satisfying, not just his wants, but his most basic psychological needs. To him it feels like you are nourishing his very soul.

And what do you get for all your efforts? A man who adores you, shows true affection towards you, and puts you ahead of everything else in his life. In this scenario, everyone wins!

Using the power of emotional triggers

Even though a man’s behavior can be difficult to understand, as you can see, knowing how to use specific emotional triggers can completely transform your relationship. In fact, there are certain words and phrases that can be used as triggers to literally set off new patterns in his brain.

My colleague, Randall E. Bennett, a licensed relationship expert, has just created an amazing little video that shows you exactly how to use the power of these triggers to transform your relationship.

In his free video you will learn the specific triggers that will cause your man to automatically see you, hear you, understand you, and listen to you without criticizing or trying to “fix” you. And the best part is that he’s figured out how to do this without resorting to any kind of manipulation, begging, or drama.

So, whether you would like to completely transform your relationship, or it just needs a few minor improvements, I encourage you to go watch the video while it is still available.

Does your man’s behavior ever leave you feeling puzzled?
Do you sometimes feel like he doesn’t hear you?
What did you think of the video?

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17 Comments

  1. Jackie Ruka November 13, 2012 Reply

    I thought this was a great article with helpful tips into the subconscious layer of a man’s mind. My question is , how long does it take, some men can be tough to soften and have thick, high walls up from lack of trust related to women?
    The voice on the video was too hard to listen to, btw
    Thanks for the article!

    • Hi Jackie, how long it takes will vary with each individual, but keep in mind that your actions and words are communicating with him on a very deep emotional level. So, it’s not the same as trying to reason with him or to convince his conscious mind that he needs to change. His change is an adaptation response to new signals from you that are triggering a different response.

      That means that it will take whatever length of time his nervous system requires to make the transition, which will likely happen in stages. This is why consistency is so important. If the signals are hit and miss the response will be delayed. Usually, some degree of change is noticeable within a very short period of time.

      And just out of curiosity, from your perspective what was it about Randy’s voice that made him hard to listen to?

  2. Jackie Ruka November 14, 2012 Reply

    Thanks Jonathan for your response, I mentor females about men and find your viewpoint refreshing. Unfortunately, men seem very slow on the uptake! lol And women go too far out of their way as we are emotional beings and like to please, at times we burn ourselves out from it.
    As for Randy’s voice, sounded more like a computer then a person, at least on my end.

  3. Karen November 14, 2012 Reply

    Great article. I don’t know why I didn’t think of this myself. Its a great reminder that you have to give in order to recieve

  4. Jonathan,

    I had to run right over and read this article! Yes, to answer your question succinctly. I think your solutions are right on. I’m curious about this biological basis though. Are you speaking about the way a man’s brain is wired or other aspects of biology? How was it decided that these are the 5 basic needs all men have?

  5. Chris Akins December 3, 2012 Reply

    Great article! As a man, I agree with everything you say.

    I would also add that it is important for couples to realize and accept that everybody has bad days. It is these bad days that offer both danger, and incredible opportunity, to the relationship. Recognizing your partner’s need for support during the tough times is a key part of making a relationship work. Sometimes even men just need a hug, not an argument.

    Chris

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