There are few things more maddening than running into obstacles and blockades while you’re working toward an important goal. You know how it works. You’ll be moving along nicely, feeling great about your progress, when all of a sudden – boom; you’re stuck. You’ve just encountered an obstacle that you have no idea how to get around.
What you do next might determine whether you go on to achieve your goal or give up out of frustration. I don’t know about you, but my first impulse is usually to try and find a way to work through the obstacle, sidestep around it, or even force it to move out of my way. Is that your first instinct also?
What if that doesn’t work?
Does that mean your goals are now toast? No, not necessarily. There’s another effective option that is often overlooked when it comes to dealing with obstacles. It’s called surrender. I know that the thought of surrendering to an obstacle can feel like you are giving up on your goal, but is that really the case? Keep in mind that surrender is not the same as defeat.
When you surrender to an obstacle as part of your success strategy, it just means that you are refusing to waste your energy fighting against it. It means that instead of resisting and struggling, you are using time to get a different perspective on the situation so you can see the obstacle in a new light.
Here’s how to do it
1. Step back and gain some emotional distance. When most of us encounter obstacles, we tend to take them personally and draw conclusions about what they mean. We throw our hands up and declare that our goals are finished, we’re finished, and we’ve failed. Nothing could be further from the truth.
Instead of drawing conclusions about whatever obstacle you’re facing, step back and observe it. Then ask yourself a few questions like: Why has it appeared in your life? What lessons can you learn from it? Is it possibly an opportunity to stretch yourself more than you’ve been willing to in the past?
2. Stay open to your creative inspiration. Just asking questions like the ones in the last paragraph can get your creative juices flowing like crazy. When you detach from any need to push through an obstacle, you may realize that there are many other options available to you. During this time, be sure to write down any insights that pop into your head. They will probably prove useful very soon.
3. Give it time. Even if you see some great possibilities for working around the obstacle, don’t take action immediately. Give it a few days. Keep your distance, and you’ll probably notice that your fear and frustration will begin to dissipate. Before long you’ll feel stronger and more capable about moving forward again. That’s the time to take action on some of those new ideas you came up with.
Leave room for change to occur naturally
When you enter into this process of surrender, don’t be surprised if the obstacle dissolves spontaneously on its own. It happens frequently, simply because you’ve stopped trying to force things to happen and instead, you are willing to just go with the flow – which creates space for movement and progress to occur naturally.
Have you every stopped resisting in a situation like this?
When you did, what was your experience?
The lines are open!
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{ 17 comments… read them below or add one }
Totally agree with everything you wrote here and I am taking my time before making a huge life changing decision.
Reading your blog has helped me a lot.
Thank you
Hi Bunny, well then I guess we are even because reading your comments has helped me also. You’ve been very encouraging!
Seriously Jonathan,
I take your words of wisdom to heart and to my brain.
You have helped me over some very difficult obstacles that turned in to possibilities from reading your blog.
Your work is amazing and so are you.
You have my up most respect.
I feel honored, thank you!
Hi Jonathan,
Again, a very interesting article. “Surrendering” to an obstacle is a new term to me. I see the value in not wasting energy on something seemingly unmovable, especially if outside our control. However if this ‘obstacle’ resurfaces (e.g beliefs) a different strategy is required. Do you agree?
Be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted..3 Rules of Engagement – with Yourself
Absolutely David, in fact I don’t feel that any limiting belief should represent an unmovable obstacle. I know that they can seem that way to the person who lacks the skills to dismantle them, but we both know better. The concept of surrender from my perspective is more about knowing when to back off a bit and see what transpires. Sometimes a little distance lets us see how the obstacle energy can be redirected. Something we might have missed if we were locked into struggle mode.
Fair enough, thanks
David Stevens recently posted..3 Rules of Engagement – with Yourself
> refusing to waste your energy fighting against it
Beautiful point.
Sometimes resistance is good, and it’s growth, like when you’re working out.
Sometimes, resistance is like pushing the weight sideways, and it goes nowhere fast.
For me, I try to check whether I’m unnecessarily pushing rocks uphill or if there’s a better path, or a way around.
J.D. Meier recently posted..Steve Jobs- Good Enough is Never Good Enough
Hey J.D., Thanks for pointing out the two sides of resistance. As you pointed out, the trick is being able to understand which type you are dealing with and to respond appropriately.
Beautifully writen.” …don’t be surprised if the obstacle dissolves spontaneously on its own, ” expresses my thoughts.
To often we just want to force things to happen, when in reality that process can be so extremely futile, not to mention a complete waste of energy that is best spent on the joyful things in life. Thanks.
Greetings Annie and welcome to Advanced Life Skills. Often times there are valuable clues hidden in those obstacles. If we step back and gain a new perspective those clues may be easier to see and we eliminate the frustration factor.
Great words of wisdom as usual Jonathan,
I have these 3 words on my bathroom mirror –
SURRENDER
ALLOW
WONDER
You see by surrendering you allow the wonder of life to happen naturally and like you said without forcing anything…life flows like a river then…
In gratitude,
Nancy
Nancy Shields recently posted..YOU CAN’T SOLVE A PROBLEM WITH THE SAME MIND THAT CREATED IT…
Hi Nancy, as valuable as surrender is, when it comes to progress the skill seems to be in knowing when lead the charge and when to get out of the way. A little nudge here and there will usually help us decide, although, in general, I think that most of us could reduce the struggle factor and make much more room for just allowing!
My word of the year for 2011 is Yield. You have described exactly why I chose it. I tend to push and try to force a solution sometimes when the better course of action is to yield. My word reminds me to follow your suggestions. One chapter in the Tao Te Ching begins with “Yield and overcome.” Thanks for articulating the reasons why I chose this word as my guide word for this year.
Galen Pearl´s last amazing blog post ..What a Feeling!
Hi Galen, often it takes more strength to yield than to do something. Then again, there are those times when yielding may be the path of least resistance, but not necessarily the path of personal growth. We need the discernment to look at each situation and make the best choice.
Great post Jonathan!
From an energy perspective, when we feel stuck with a problem, it’s because we keep giving energy to it. We would give energy to the solution, but we don’t know what it is. So, we keep aligning with the problem over and over again. By surrendering, we let go of that energy, and open ourselves up to connecting with the frequency of the solution – even though we don’t know what it is. It takes a bit of faith and that’s the hard part. Many of us aren’t willing to take that leap until we’ve created so much suffering that we can’t help but surrender. But the suffering isn’t necessary; we can just choose to give up and allow the answers to come.
So glad I found your blog!
Melody Fletcher´s last amazing blog post ..How To Stop Being Offended
Hugs,
Melody
Hi Melody and welcome to Advanced Life Skills. We talk a lot about focus and I wonder how many realize that what we are actually discussing is energy. What we focus on we give our energy to. If it’s a problem that we don’t have a solution for, we may be feeding it with our energy. That energy in turn, can actually block the very thing we are seeking, a solution. Surrender may remove that block by cutting off it source of energy and allow balance to be restored.