How many barriers are there to personal growth? Which ones have the greatest effect on your ability to create positive change in your life? Once you become aware of your personal roadblocks, you’ll be in an excellent position to overcome them. Let’s look at some possible contenders.

1. Loosely defined goals. Setting goals is such a fundamental part of achievement. Sounds basic, I know, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that everyone already knows what they want. I’ve found over and over again that vague, undefined goals are the norm rather than the exception. There are several factors that can keep you from defining exactly what you want. But regardless of the exact reason, if we can’t accurately define our goals, what chance do we have of actually achieving them?

People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.
~Earl Nightingale

A high degree of focus is required to create a new desired outcome. If all we have is a vague idea of what we want, then what is there to focus on? Lack of focus is a common roadblock to personal development and it leaves a person feeling like their efforts never produce the results they were hoping for. If you are going to set goals, make sure you take the time define them so you have something to focus on.

2. Current status unknown. Once you know where you want to go, it is vital that you accurately and honestly assess exactly where you are right now. If you don’t know where you are in relation to where you want to be, how will you be able to gauge your progress? Without honest self evaluation you will be like a ship without a rudder, adrift in an ocean of busy work or procrastination. You’ll be doing a lot, but accomplishing very little. You can avoid this roadblock to personal development by taking inventory of your current situation to get an accurate picture of where you are.

If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
~Lewis Carroll

3. Focusing on what you don’t want. In an effort to avoid problems we can easily end up putting our focus on the outcomes we want to avoid. Because the mind is only creative, it will always try to attract or create the object of our focus. This is true even when it is something we are trying to avoid. Can you see why it is so important to focus on what you want, and take your mind off of what you don’t want?

Success is focusing the full power of all you are on what you have a burning desire to achieve. ~Wilfred Peterson

Obviously, we need to be aware of possible pitfalls and steer clear of them, but our primary focus needs to be in the direction we want to go. This sounds easy, but the fear of failing or of making a costly mistake can act like a powerful emotional magnet that captures our attention in subtle ways. Learning to master your focus is the best way to avoid creating what you don’t want.

4. Internal conflict. Of all the roadblocks to personal development, this is the one that can sabotage your effort without you even knowing what happened. If we haven’t taken the time to discover our deepest personal standards and values then we are vulnerable to this kind of inner disharmony. To create internal harmony we must live and act in harmony with our core values, but we can’t do that if we don’t know what those values are. In my coaching practice this is an area that I pay careful attention to, especially if there seems to be some self sabotaging tendencies.

The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself. ~Garth Brooks

The best way to avoid this roadblock is to analyze you deepest core values and make sure that everything you do is in harmony with them. In my book TRUE SELF there are several exercises that walk you through the process of creating internal harmony.

5. Limiting or obsolete beliefs. In particular, I am referring to your beliefs about what you think you are or are not capable of, and what you think you do or do not deserve. It is through the window of these beliefs that we form our self image and try to make sense out of the things going on around us. We also use them to form assumptions about likely future results. These beliefs may have been established during childhood and have now outlived their usefulness. Others may be leftover from situations and circumstances that are no longer relevant.

It is important that we evaluate our beliefs regularly to see if they are serving us or holding us back. There are two formidable problems with limiting beliefs. First of all, these beliefs often operate on a subconscious level, screened of from our conscious awareness. Second, even if we are aware of them, changing beliefs can be very challenging because they usually have a strong emotional component making them almost impervious to logic.

You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can’t have it. ~Dr. Robert Anthony

Overcoming this roadblock is one of the main reasons clients come to me for coaching. If you have this challenge and can’t seem to get past it, have a look at this five part series called How Your Beliefs Create Your Reality. If you still can’t get past it you might consider getting some assistance from someone who has the skills to help you.

6. Delegating personal responsibility. The quality of our life is our personal responsibility. This is the foundation of all personal development. We can either accept conditions as they are, or accept the responsibility for changing them. Whatever we choose to do, we must acknowledge that we are the only person responsible for our decisions and actions. Taking personal responsibility is one of the most liberating things you can do because it completely eliminates the temptation to blame anyone or anything and it puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.

Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves. ~Friedrich Nietzsche

7. Resistance to change. One of the best ways to beat this resistance is to practice letting go. When we successfully break our emotional attachments to “what is,” we allow room for growth. To do this we need to develop strategies for severing those attachments, because letting go is easier said than done. On an emotional level, there is a sense of security related to “hanging on.” Consequently, learning to let go can be challenging.

Embrace change for it is the essence of life. ~Jonathan Wells

As you embrace small changes in your life, your emotional security anchors will shift. Over time your resistance will fade and you will find comfort and security in a more fluid reality. When this happens, continued personal growth becomes your new security anchor.

What roadblocks have you encountered on the personal growth path?
How have you managed to overcome your personal roadblocks?
The lines are open!

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Personal self-esteem isn’t something that a lot of people feel comfortable talking about. When we do discuss it, we generally use terms like healthy or low to describe the condition of our self-esteem. But what is the foundation of self-esteem? If we want to make some improvements in this area, where do we start?

Our beliefs form the basis for our self-esteem. Specifically, our beliefs about our value as a person and what we feel we are or are not capable of.

The way we view ourselves according to those beliefs is either empowering or limiting. We form these beliefs based on the conclusions we draw about our own experiences, especially our estimation of our ability to produce the results we want. Even though our value as a person has little to do with productivity, on an emotional level the two can seem almost inseparable.

How effort influences self-esteem

When our efforts do not produce the results we want it can cause us to doubt our own abilities. If this happens repeatedly, it will likely affect our overall sense of self-worth.

When our efforts in the past have led to pain and disappointment instead of pleasure, it is easy to conclude that further efforts will unavoidably lead to more pain and disappointment.  This type of mindset creates a negative reinforcement loop that feeds on itself.

With each painful experience, fear increases and self-esteem decreases.  Consequently, fear of failure brings with it a lack of commitment. And of course, lack of commitment will lead to disappointing results that reinforce the limiting belief.

Connecting the dots

Every single experience you have provides information to your nervous system through some or all of your five senses. This information is recorded as a memory. When you experience similar events over and over again, it forms an established neurological pathway. In turn, that pathway becomes an established emotional response pattern.

These patterns are outside of our normal thought process and therefore easily override our logical reasoning. Once we establish a belief about ourselves we no longer question it. Instead we simply accept it as part of our identity.

Self esteem is always susceptible

This can happen at any point in life.  Our self-esteem is often a carryover from experiences in childhood. But don’t conclude that this is always the case. A series of disappointing events, at any point in life, can batter our perception of who we are and what we are capable of. When our efforts repeatedly lead to pain and disappointment it can have a devastating effect on our confidence and self-esteem.

Whenever something happens in your life, your brain will ask two questions:

1) Is this going to bring me pain or pleasure?
2) What must I do now to avoid the pain and or gain the pleasure?

How you interpret the situation will determine your answers. It will also form the foundation for your future expectations.

We always try to avoid pain

When effort seems to equal pain our mind searches for a reason. All too often, the reasons we come up with are, “I’m not worthy, I’m worthless or I guess I don’t deserve anything good.” Remember, this is not about logic. It’s an emotionally charged response fueled by a natural desire to avoid more pain.

To rebuild our self-esteem requires that we dismantle our limiting beliefs about ourselves and find a way to change how we link pain and pleasure to our life experiences.

There are many ways to accomplish this and I will touch on some of them in future articles, but you don’t need to wait. If you want to dismantle your limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones, I highly recommend that you read the reviews of my book, TRUE SELF. This book is designed to walk you through the process. Short of personal coaching, it is the fastest way I know to get your beliefs moving in a positive direction.

Do these connections make sense to you?
Have you ever struggled with the effect of limiting beliefs?
The lines are open!

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Are negative thoughts and beliefs preventing you from moving forward with your goals and dreams?  If so, how about taking some steps to detoxify your mind!

We usually think of detoxification as the process of removing toxins from our body to achieve a greater level of health and well-being. What most people don’t realize is that our minds can also become incredibly toxic.

How do you know if you have toxic thoughts?  Well, do you find yourself feeling powerless, hopeless, intimidated, frustrated, ineffective and stuck? Granted, everyone experiences some of these feelings occasionally, but if you spend much of your time feeling like this, you’ve definitely got a case of mental toxic overload.

Two simple steps to detoxify your mind

To eliminate toxic thoughts we need to capture them and move them out of our mind. How can we do that? Have you ever heard the phrase: I need to capture my thoughts on paper? How about this one: I need to wrap my mind around what it says here?

We can use the principles in those two common phrases to purge our mind of toxic thoughts, and to replace them with a more positive and empowering thought pattern. This will, in effect, radically alter our perception of our own abilities.

First, purge the toxins

The first step is to find a way to purge the negative thoughts and beliefs that are holding you back.  One of the best ways to do this is to write them down.  Grab a blank sheet of paper and a pen, and start writing how you feel about yourself, your goals, your dreams, and your life in general.

You might end up with statements like these:  “I feel so sick and tired of struggling.  No matter what I do I can’t seem to make changes.  I really think I’m defective somehow because I can’t do the things that other people find so easy.  I’m doomed to live a life of mediocrity and lack.  I’m powerless to change anything in my life.”

Keep writing until you’ve covered everything you can think of.

Next, create the antidote

All of those negative thoughts and beliefs you just wrote down are literally polluting your potential!  Unless you replace them with something more empowering, they’ll continue to influence everything you think, say and do.

Grab another sheet of paper and begin writing a positive statement that directly contradicts each negative one.  However, be sure you write it in a way that is believable to you.  Using the examples from above, your antidote might look like this:  “I am absolutely determined to make better progress on improving my life.  I can make changes simply by taking one step at a time and believing in my own ability.  I am learning new and powerful life skills to help me conquer challenges and move forward.  Other people who appear to have it easy may have been working on this stuff longer than I have.  I will eventually reach the same state of confidence and mastery.  I know I have the power to learn, grow, and make my life into something meaningful and fulfilling.”

Now, make the switch

Once you’ve got your antidote ready, destroy the toxins.  That sheet of paper you wrote all the negative stuff on is now where those toxic thoughts live. When you wrote them down, you took them out of your mind and relocated them to that sheet of paper. Now that you have them where you want them, it’s time to eliminate them from your life.

Take that piece of paper and burn it or rip it into tiny shreds and throw it away.  Feel the relief that comes from knowing that those thoughts are no longer part of your life. To make sure they don’t sneak back in; take the antidote every single day!  Read your new empowering thoughts as often as you can and do your best to internalize them as part of your new identity.

Fortify your mind

In most cases, a tiny bit of toxins usually won’t cause a big problem, but if you allow them to build up over time they can wreak absolute havoc in your life.  That’s true with both physical and mental toxins.  By taking the antidote on a regular basis, you minimize the buildup of mental toxins in your mind and automatically empower yourself to do and be more than you ever believed possible.

Does this seem too simple to be effective?
Are you willing to give it a try and find out?
The lines are open!

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Let’s talk about the simple act of giving without wanting anything in return. Many of us are unconsciously so self-centered that everything we do, even within our closest relationships, is actually bartering rather than unselfish giving. This can be true even when we are dealing with ourselves as I pointed out in an article called What Do You Think You Deserve?

We all realize that giving on any level feels really good, but internally all forms of giving are not equal.  When we give with the expectation of receiving something in return, we are not really letting go of what we are giving. If we do not let go completely, then we are still clinging to whatever we gave.

The scarcity mindset

When you give without expecting something in return you actually open yourself to a completely different experience. You become part of this giant feedback loop in which we are all participants. In reality, there is no scarcity, just unequal distribution. Hoarding and clinging are very limiting and they are two of the primary reasons for the perception of scarcity.

When you give freely without expectation, it can come back to you in some very unpredictable ways. But remember, if you are giving simply to get something back, then you put limits on the ways that you can receive. You cannot be giving without expectation and be hoarding at the same time.

Some benefits of unselfish giving

Here are some ways that unselfish giving can have a beneficial effect on you.

1. Giving feels satisfying. When you give without wanting anything in return it opens up your heart to an enhanced sense of peace, love and joy.

2. Giving stimulates gratitude.  Giving without expectation will elevate your personal awareness of others. As a result, you will feel increasing levels of compassion and gratitude.

3. Giving attracts giving. What we put into the world has a powerful influence on what we receive. This is part of that giant feedback loop I mentioned.  The energy of giving has a very positive influence on how you experience your world.

4. Giving makes you aware of limiting beliefs. When limiting beliefs like selfishness and greed become exposed to your conscious awareness, then you can work on letting them go. If you are unaware of their existence, they remain active in your subconscious. If they continue unchecked, you may wind up attracting the exact opposite of what you intended.

Embrace unselfish giving

On some level it seems that we are all susceptible to the idea of scarcity. Having a scarcity mindset is like going through life trying to fill up a bag with a hole in the bottom. Hoarding creates scarcity because it is based on the perception that everything is limited and it ignores the amazing benefits of contribution.

One of the best ways to say no to the mentality of scarcity is to actively seek out ways to make meaningful and unselfish contributions of your time, energy, and other resources. I encourage you to embrace a more empowering mindset and be determined to give without expectation.

How does giving without expectation feel to you?
Do you find it difficult to let go of expecting something in return?
The lines are open!

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When the topic of self-sabotage comes up, what’s the first thing that comes to your mind? The first thing I think of is internal disharmony and limiting beliefs. Makes sense, right.

Does that mean that people who don’t suffer from internal disharmony or limiting beliefs don’t have self-sabotaging issues? As it turns out, there are other ways we can sabotage our own results that have nothing to do with beliefs. How do I know?

This is somewhat embarrassing

Ever had one of those painful “Ah Ha” moments? You know the kind where you suddenly realize something about yourself that makes you feel like a complete bonehead. Not because that “something” is such a bad thing, but because you never really saw how it was affecting your life.

Well, I just had one of those. I just saw plainly how my own enthusiasm was actually having a negative impact on the results I am creating. Ouch! So now, I am going to blow the whistle on myself and create some accountability. Why? Because now that I know that there’s a problem, it’s time to do something about it.

Self-sabotaging behavior from what source?

Here are a few things about me that you may or may not know:

1) I’m a person who takes action when something excites me.
2) I am constantly learning and implementing new information.
3) I have zero limiting beliefs about what I am capable of.

Sounds good, right? But here’s the problem, I am a starter! That means that I like to take a new concept, break it down into actionable steps, and then take action on what I’ve learned. When something else comes along that gets my attention, I do the same thing again.

Do you see the problem? I am always starting new projects before I finish whatever I was working on before. I have so many half finished projects that it’s ridiculous. So, in a very real way, those three positive traits I listed above have come back to bite me.

Undisciplined enthusiasm can sabotage your results

Enthusiasm is a wonderful trait, and I’m blessed with massive amounts. In fact, when it comes to enthusiasm for new projects, maybe I have a little too much. Let’s face it, if we fail to see our projects through to completion, we will never realize the reward for our hard work. We end up just spinning our wheels and not getting anywhere.

Now that I am aware of how this tendency has been undermining my results, it’s time to take some decisive action and turn things around. Here are some of the strategies I plan to use to accomplish that.

7 action steps to help me finish what I’ve started.

1) Be more task oriented. This means focusing on the task at hand until it is completed. Every “start” needs to have a corresponding “finish.” Instead of just seeing the phases of a project, it’s important to see the whole project. Starting is a phase, but it’s not the whole project. Instead of applying my enthusiasm to starting something new, I will apply it to the next successive phase of the current project.

2) Define each step ahead of time. Knowing what steps are required defines where we are going. There will always be some unanticipated twists along the way, but we don’t want to be surprised by complete phases because we failed to analyze what’s involved. A plan of action needs to be well thought out ahead of time. This gives us a logical sequence to follow so we can move steadily toward completion.

3) Treat each phase like a small project. Once we know what is required, then each step should receive our focused attention. We still need to be mindful of the big picture, but each phase of the project will go much faster if we give it the focus it deserves. If we follow our already established “logical sequence,” it will lead us to completion.

4) Use applied focus sessions. This is the best way I know to keep my eye on the ball while it’s still in play. Applied focus sessions allow anyone to accomplish much more in a shorter amount of time because they eliminate distractions. When we get distracted, even for a moment, it takes several minutes to regain our focus. Distractions, large or small, kill productivity.

5) Ignore the lure of new ideas. For me, if something comes along that sounds irresistible, I will just make a note to check it out later. That means forget about it until after I complete whatever it is I am working. This is where I let myself get sidetracked, so for me personally, there can be no compromise here.

6) Limit my focus. Let’s face it; we all have other things besides new projects that require regular attention. For most people, life is pretty full without adding anything to the mix. That means there is a need to be economical with our time. It may be possible to find more time by eliminating a few time wasters, but that only works to a point. It would be counterproductive to take on new projects at the expense of necessary commitments.

7) Value completion. On some level, I must be attaching more value to starting projects than to finishing them. Otherwise, I wouldn’t be in this situation. It likely stems from the fact that I just like to take things from the conceptual stage to the action stage. Like I said, I’m a starter, but now it’s time to become a finisher. Learning to attach significant value to completion is certainly a good place to begin.

What can you learn from my mistake!

It is entirely possible for any of us to sabotage our own efforts without harboring any limiting beliefs. Sometimes it just comes down to the process. If we are constantly getting derailed between point A and point B, something is out of adjustment. Our habits, or daily rituals, have a powerful influence on the results we create. And they are some of the easiest things to adjust if we are willing.

A small change in the way we manage our focus can have a dramatic and lasting effect on our quality of life. In a very practical way, knowing this gives you an enormous amount of creative control over your personal reality. Putting these 7 action steps down in writing has empowered me to quickly begin creating even better results for my efforts.

How about you? Can you see any area in your life where a simple shift in focus could lead to a significant improvement? If so, why not get the ball rolling be leaving a comment and creating some accountability? It worked for me and it can also work for you.

If our beliefs create our reality, doesn’t that open up a whole world of possibilities? So, the next question we should be asking ourselves is: “What kind of reality have I created?”

Simply by asking that question we are actually accomplishing two important steps. First, we are acknowledging our creative ability, and at the same time, we are accepting responsibility for current reality.

Editors note: This is the forth in a five part series of articles about
How Your Beliefs Create Your Reality .
Here is a list of the subjects we are examining:
Part 1: What We Believe to Be True
Part 2: Your Internal Map of Reality
Part 3: Defending Your Beliefs
Part 4: Upgrading Your Beliefs
Part 5: Beyond the Map

In parts 1-3 of this series we examined several fundamental ways in which our beliefs influence our reality. One thing that should be abundantly clear by now is the fact that the quality of our life is a reflection of the quality of our beliefs about who we are, and what we are capable of.

Knowing that empowering beliefs create a desirable reality, and limiting beliefs do the opposite, is a good place to start. Obviously, the next step needs to be learning how to eliminate the beliefs that don’t serve us, and replace them with beliefs that do. Which brings us to…

Part 4: Upgrading Your Beliefs

There is an essential first step that must be taken before we can even think about upgrading our beliefs. Do you know what that step is? It’s simple really, we need to identify our current beliefs and figure out which ones need an upgrade.

On the surface, this sounds easy enough. But beliefs are shrouded in all kinds of confusing disguises. In fact, have you ever noticed that the word lie is at the center of the word belief? So, how do we get around the deceptive power of our limiting beliefs?

Look at the results!

The easiest way to identify our own limiting beliefs is to look at the results they produce. Any area in our life where we are producing good results is probably anchored to an empowering belief. Likewise, any area in our life that is plagued with unsatisfactory or frustrating results is likely anchored to a limiting belief.

The results we produce always reveal the underlying beliefs. Now it’s time to examine and list those areas, along with the beliefs and feelings that support them. These areas are currently emotional liabilities. They are the beliefs that limit you, and need to be changed.

Identifying your limiting beliefs

Apply the following 7 questions to every area of your life that leaves you feeling limited, incompetent, unqualified or afraid. Make a list that includes the unfulfilling activity, and the limiting belief associated with the negative feelings behind it.

1) What do you feel you are not very good at,
. . and why do you think that is so?
2) What areas of your life leave you feeling
. . incompetent or unqualified and why?
3) What new activity are you afraid to try,
. . but would like to? Why do you feel afraid?
4) What is your least favorite activity, and
. . why do you dislike it so much?
5) In what area do you want to improve,
. . and what do you feel is holding you back?
6) What do you avoid helping others with,
. . and why do you feel unable to help them?
7) When you want to make a good impression,
. . what do you try to hide, and why?

Dismantling these limiting beliefs

To begin dismantling your limiting beliefs, you need to link them to a painful, negative, emotional anchor. The more painful the anchor, the more effective it will be. Start by asking yourself some pointed questions about each belief such as:

1) What price have I paid because of believing this?
2) How is what I believe affecting me financially, physically and
. . emotionally?
3) Why did I get anchored in this limiting belief to begin with?

Continuing to question the validity and consequences of any limiting belief will expose a wide array of negative emotional anchors for those beliefs. Once they come to represent pain, it becomes much easier to move away from them and move toward more empowering beliefs.

Look for empowering replacements

Next, ask yourself a few simple questions.

1) What would I have to believe in order to succeed in this area of my life?
2) What would I have to do differently in order to produce the results I want?
3) Which of my existing, empowering beliefs can I apply to these areas of
. . my life?

As you answer these 3 questions, allow yourself to develop a sense of certainty that, by changing your beliefs, you will be able to produce positive results. Make a list of these new beliefs so you have them as a reference. Review this list often, especially if you find yourself slipping into a negative mindset.

Look for improved results

Adopting these new empowering beliefs will change the results you produce. In turn, being alert to those changes will help reinforce and validate your new beliefs. Soon, your new beliefs will be totally accepted into your subconscious and be reflected in your new internal map of reality.

I hope you are enjoying this series so far. In part 5, Beyond the Map, we are going to look at the amazing possibilities that exist at the next level of creating your reality.

Did you discover any hidden Limiting beliefs?
Do you agree that your beliefs create your reality?
The lines are open!

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. From discovering and dismantling your limiting beliefs, to aligning with and realizing your most cherished goals – and everything in between. TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

On a subconscious level, each of us is convinced that our beliefs are both true and accurate. After all, they must be correct, otherwise why would we choose to believe them, right?

Here’s how the dictionary defines – Belief: “Acceptance by the mind that something is true or real, often underpinned by an emotional or spiritual sense of certainty.”

Editors note: This is the third in a five part series of articles about
How Your Beliefs Create Your Reality.
Here is a list of the subjects we will examine:
Part 1: What We Believe to Be True
Part 2: Your Internal Map of Reality
Part 3: Defending Your Beliefs
Part 4: Upgrading Your Beliefs
Part 5: Beyond the Map

In part one of this series we talked about how our beliefs provide a structured process through which we evaluate everything in our lives. In part two we saw how our beliefs become the foundation for our internal map of reality.

Now it’s time to take a closer look at how we subconsciously alter the meaning of our experiences and relationships to make sure they fit our map. We will also discuss how we attract people and situations into our life in an effort to verify the accuracy of our version of reality.

Part 3: Defending Your Beliefs

Do you know what the granddaddy of all human emotions is? Every person on the planet has an inherent and insatiable desire to feel safe and secure. Efforts to fill this desire shape the actions of individuals and the course of world events.

This is why we are subconsciously programmed to make reality fit our core beliefs about who we are and what we deserve. When our perception of the world validates our beliefs, we feel secure in the fact that our view is the correct one.

Limiting or empowering, it doesn’t matter!

As odd as it might seem, we work just as hard to validate our limiting beliefs as our empowering ones. Why would we do this? Remember, the process takes place on a subconscious level. Our subconscious does not analyze a belief to see if it’s appropriate or not, it just bends reality to make it fit.

Do you see the possible consequences here to our sense of self-worth? If our limiting beliefs seem to be supported by every experience, how likely are we to overcome those beliefs? All the logic in the world is no match for real world validation provided by our version of reality.

3 Ways we bend reality

Let’s consider the three primary ways that our subconscious adjusts how we experience life so that those experiences conform to our map of reality.

1) Attraction. We will attract, and be attracted to, people who confirm our beliefs. This is why some people experience one bad relationship after another. They continue to be attracted to people who affirm their limiting beliefs about themselves.

Something deep inside them believes that they don’t deserve to have a happy, meaningful relationship. This same ‘something’ is irresistibly attracted to, and attracts, the very person who will validate their perceived worthlessness.

2) Interpretation. We already talked about how our internal map of reality is based on how we interpret the events and situations in our life. If our map says that life is wonderful, then our interpretations, and our map, are empowering.

What if our map says everyone is out to take advantage of us? Then we will misinterpret the events in our life to fit our map. Perhaps we will take neutral experiences and put a negative spin on them. We may read negative messages into harmless conversation, or unkind motives into a meaningless glance.

If we are convinced (believe) on a subconscious level that people are out to get us, then we will find ample evidence in the world around us to confirm that belief.

3) Denial. What if we believe that nobody likes us, and then someone starts being kind, and treating us like a friend? Wouldn’t that convince us that our belief is wrong? Yes, on a logical level it would, but beliefs are usually immune to logic.

So, how might we respond to this ‘friendly’ input that doesn’t fit with our ‘nobody likes me’ map? In a word, denial. We would simply respond in a way that corresponds to our negative beliefs about our self. See where this is headed?

If we ignore their attempts at friendship, and treat them as someone who’s out to get us, what will they finally do? Eventually, they will begin to act in a way that confirms our limiting beliefs, providing validation for our map.

How do we change a limiting map?

As you can see, if our internal map of reality is built on limiting beliefs, life becomes a great big negative reinforcement loop. So, the question remains, how do we create a new map that serves us?

The bottom line is this: when you change your beliefs, you change your map. Building your internal empowering beliefs will transform the way you experience your life. This will be the subject of part 4: Upgrading Your Beliefs.

What kind of beliefs is your map based on?
The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. From discovering and dismantling your limiting beliefs, to aligning with and realizing your most cherished goals – and everything in between. TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

Someone left a rather moving comment on one of my articles and I thought I would share it along with my reply. For most of us life has its ups and downs, and that is perfectly normal. For some however, the downside seems to dominate. A history of disappointment and failure can severely damage a person’s perspective and perception of life in general.

The comment was from a man named John on an article called “Is There Power in Failure?” John’s experience might seem extraordinary, but I can assure you it is not all that uncommon. His life experience has lead him to adopt some deeply rooted limiting beliefs and left him feeling like a total failure.

In an effort to help John, and anyone harboring limiting beliefs (which means pretty much everyone), I wanted to address this situation. Below, John tells his story and my reply follows.

John’s comment: “I really am a failure. I don’t want to be but, it’s true. I was born dead; in retrospect it seems life was trying to get me out of the way from the start. I was physically and mentally abused as a child, severely. I tried to forget about it but now it seems my dad knew what I was all those years ago. I tried many jobs but nothing fit, I tried to go to college but couldn’t get the money, even though I graduated #1 in high school. I tried the military; only the marines would take me. At the time, the air force wanted officers and I hadn’t been to college.

The army had a two year waiting list and I was living on the streets. I was too big for the Navy; I’m not fat at all, my shoulders are really wide. I’m built weird. In the Marines I fell from 15 feet and landed on something that fractured my back. Back to the streets for me. That was 25 years ago. Many jobs later I am now disabled from disease. I could never do anything right in life. You can’t say that I gave up; I just never had a success.”

My reply: Sounds like a real struggle my friend and I feel for you, but it is not a helpless situation, I promise you. Whether you realize it or not, our personal beliefs play a huge role in how we view our own life. Your estimation of your successes and failures will depend entirely on the framework of your personal belief system. If our efforts in the past have not produced the results we intended then several failed attempts can combine to form a limiting belief system.

Is there a way to change an unwanted belief system? Yes and here’s why; while personal experiences contribute to our beliefs, we need to keep in mind that there is always more than one way to interpret any situation. We have the ability to decide what value we will assign to any experience in our life. Each of us has the capacity to view even a negative experience as something valuable.

People often develop limiting beliefs because in the past they have been unable to achieve the results they wanted. When past efforts have led to pain instead of pleasure, it is easy to conclude that further efforts will just lead to more pain. This type of mindset creates a negative reinforcement loop. With each painful experience, fear increases, commitment decreases, and self-esteem is further eroded. Consequently, a lack of commitment produces disappointing results that reinforce the limiting belief.

When this occurs in more than one area of our life, there is a danger that we may start viewing ourselves as destined to fail. Such a belief pattern is based on an exaggerated emotional reaction to the pain of disappointment.

Chapter 6 of my book TRUE SELF is all about changing these limiting belief systems and replacing them with empowering ones. If you truly want to break this cycle of failure I urge you to get the book and work your way through all of the exercises in the first 6 chapters.

Just in case you are wondering, the rest of the book is designed to move you progressively toward the achievement of success in every area of your life. Once you understand what it takes to succeed you will be able to apply these strategies and radically increase your results. With repetition, your successes will form a sound foundation for a new and empowering set of personal beliefs.

Things may appear hopeless right now, and it’s easy to understand why you might feel that way. But please believe me when I say that you are not a failure and I can prove it, if you will allow me. With the right knowledge and a little effort you can turn this lifelong cycle around and completely transform your life.

What kind of beliefs do you have?

What follows are excerpts from chapter 6 of 7 of TRUE SELF:

Your beliefs form the very core of who you are as a person. They determine your level of self-esteem and your quality of life in general. The way you see the world and the way you see yourself in that world has everything to do with what you believe.

Simply put, beliefs can be your greatest asset or worst liability.

A belief system is a structured process by which we evaluate everything in our lives.  We develop our own personal belief system based on how we interpret the world around us according to our observations and experiences.

There are two major components that contribute to your personal beliefs, an emotional component and a logical component.  In some cases, a belief may start out much like a theory where assumptions are made based on logical observations and deductions.  In other cases it may grow out of an emotional viewpoint that seems to be supported by logic.

The blending of these two major components forms the foundation of our personal belief system. We employ these beliefs as we try to make sense out of the things going on around us. We also use them to form assumptions about probable future results.  Once established, beliefs exert a powerful influence on our ability to achieve success in life.

Belief systems can be empowering or disabling.  They can be built on optimism or pessimism.  Our beliefs determine what we think we are capable of, or not capable of.

We create our own belief systems based on the conclusions we draw from the experiences we have and the results we produce.

This is the primary reason why successful people can continue to be successful even in the face of overwhelming odds.  When your efforts produce a desired result, you record it emotionally as a successful experience.  When you combine several of these positive experiences you establish a pattern, a pattern of success.

Once you have established a pattern of success, you develop the emotional viewpoint of a successful person. This becomes your belief system.  Because your actions have produced positive results in the past, you have every reason to believe that they will produce successful results in the future.  This is an empowering belief system that will fill you with optimism and the courage to take on new challenges with confidence.

The bottom line is this: Your world will reflect your beliefs in the experiences you have. Our beliefs act like a powerful magnet to attract supporting experiences into our lives. Once you alter your beliefs, your experiences will change correspondingly. By controlling your beliefs you control your reality.

What are your thoughts about this?
The lines are open!

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