I am convinced that billions of people feel trapped in a life full of limits and frustrations because they have never been taught the simple skills that have the power to transform almost every aspect of their current situation.

As a result, a life of personal excellence seems like an impossible dream for most.  We can easily understand why so many people feel that way when we consider the scarcity of living examples.  Most people see very little evidence that a life of extraordinary quality is even possible.

Not all life skills are created equal

Why are there so few examples of people living the life of their dreams? One reason has to do with what people have been taught to expect.  The bar of expectation is often set quite low right from the start. Consider the role education plays in this.  For the most part, the public educational system tends to focus on teaching two types of skills.  They teach Basic Life Skills including such necessary fundamentals as reading, writing and math.  They also teach General Career Oriented Skills including science, history and shop.

These skills provide people with the bare minimum for an “average” life experience.  They are designed to make it possible for you to go to work, pay the bills and go grocery shopping. These are all necessary activities but they rarely provide a deep sense of accomplishment and satisfaction.

We only know what we’ve been taught

Consider the following question: Are the majority of people living such a basic existence because that is all they are capable of, or is it because that is all they were taught? If it’s because of what they were never taught, then we need to ask – What do we really need to know in order to live on a higher level physically, emotionally and financially?

We might also ask, what does it take to have truly meaningful relationships with others on a personal, business or casual level? How can you find the deep sense of accomplishment and satisfaction you long for?

What kind of skills are we talking about here?

Based on the limited scope of the so-called basic life skills most of us were given during our growing up experience, the skills needed for a more meaningful and productive life would have to be called Advanced Life Skills.

From my experience, it doesn’t really seem to matter where people are socially, economically or physically.  Most people do not feel truly satisfied with their life.

What good are millions of dollars to a person who longs for a close and meaningful relationship but never finds one? What chance does a highly motivated person have at success if they never develop the ability to set goals and follow through until they get results? How rewarding is a high paying position in a job that you can’t stand?

Why we need Advanced Life Skills

Now ask yourself, how much of what you learned in school helps make your life better on a day-to-day personal level?  Every day we make decisions that affect the quality of our life now and in the future.  Were you ever offered the opportunity to take a class called “how to make wise decisions that lead to a satisfying life?”

Most people want a partner to share their life with.  Was there a course at your school called “how to cultivate a meaningful and satisfying relationship based on love and respect?”

Goals are one of the most powerful tools available for achieving profound results.
Did your school offer a program called “how to use the power of goal setting to produce incredible results in your life?”

Clearly, we need something beyond the basics. We all need to learn and benefit from Advanced Life Skills. Why?  Because each and every one of us deserves to live a life of true happiness and abundance.

How about You?
What kind of life do you want?

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.

I love to sail and once had the pleasure of spending a month on a beautiful 42 ft. sailboat in the Sea of Cortez between the east coast of Baja and the west coast of Mexico. Reflecting on that experience got me thinking about some of the similarities between literal sailing and the experience of sailing on the sea of life.

In the process of living, the winds of circumstance have an unending and ever-changing influence on us. Sometimes our circumstances are like a favorable breeze that make it easier to move in our desired direction. At other times, they require that we make constant adjustment in an effort to stay on course. And much like the wind, circumstances are often beyond our control.

Coping with ever-changing circumstances

A sailor knows that he can’t control the wind. He knows that staying on course as the winds change is only possible if he develops the necessary sailing skills. The higher his skill level, the more comfortable he is when the wind and sea become more challenging. This is especially evident when unexpected storms arise and his very survival is on the line.

We have all been through life storms and we have all experienced the blowing winds of disappointment, despair and heartbreak. Why is it that some people seem to come through these stormy experiences stronger and more empowered, while others suffer varying degrees of damage? How can we better equip ourselves to deal with these challenging situations?

3 Keys to smoother sailing on the sea of life

1. Skill and adaptability. When the winds of life change, we need the skill and adaptability to change with them. And we need to be able to do this while maintaining our balance and presence of mind. Like a sailor on a stormy sea, our mastery of advanced life skills will determine how well we fare during times of adversity. The higher our skill level, the more comfortable and confident we will be when circumstances become more challenging.

A slight difference in heading and sail set can make a huge difference when it comes to successfully navigating through stormy conditions. Even a small storm can cause a lot of damage if you have too much sail up. In life, small changes in sail set and direction can either make thing a lot smoother or a lot rougher. Skill and adaptability are what will make the difference.

2. Awareness and foresight. A skilled sailor doesn’t just benefit from his experience and proficiency when conditions change unexpectedly. He also develops a greater sense of awareness that allows him to read conditions and recognize the potential for danger. When he senses that conditions are becoming less favorable, he exercises his foresight to seek the shelter of a safe harbor.

If we are paying attention, our life experiences will allow us to develop a similar sense of awareness and foresight. We will learn to read circumstances and conditions that have the potential to blow us off course or complicate our lives unnecessarily. How much better it is to use our skills to sidestep a problem when possible, rather than having to deal with adversity that that could have been avoided.

3. An adventurer’s spirit. Every sailor I have ever met has a spirit of adventure. They like to feel the force of the wind (within reason) and they like to pit their skills against changing conditions. Sailing is an exciting activity and that is one of the reasons so many people love doing it. It’s exhilarating to harness the power of the wind.

When we view life with a spirit of adventure and look for the excitement that comes with change, it predisposes us to love life with its endless variety of thrills and challenges. Life is fluid like the sea and the skill with which we set our sails will have an enormous influence on the quality of our experience.

Facing the storm

The first day of my month long sailing adventure was one I will never forget. We left mainland Mexico at daybreak so we would have plenty of time for the crossing to Baja. Later in the morning, the skipper went below and I took the wheel. I found out just how fast the weather can change once you are beyond the point where you can see land.

The sky grew dark and funnel clouds began to spring up everywhere. These mini cyclones where actually sucking sea water up into the clouds. The wind was getting gusty and the swells where growing. When I woke the skipper up and asked if he had ever seen anything like it before, he took a moment and then said “yeah, but only in books.”

Needless to say, things got very crazy for several hours, and at times we even had waves covering the entire length of our deck. But he was a skilled and experienced sailor and we had a successful crossing with an extremely high level of excitement. After the storm cleared, the rest of my month long sailing adventure was marked by warm days, calm seas, and gentle breezes.

Storms are a fact of life

We all deal with disappointments and challenges. We all have reversals and times when, in spite of our best plans and efforts, things just seem to fall apart. Challenging circumstances are not reserved for any particular group, nor is anyone immune. The rich and the poor have marital problems. The rich and the poor have the same challenges that can lead to financial ruin and personal despair.

In the final analysis, it is not the changing circumstances that will determine the quality of our lives, but rather how skillfully we meet those challenges. If we develop the life skills needed to navigate through life’s storms, we will be in the best possible place to enjoy all the beauty, joy, and excitement that comes with those warm days, calm seas and gentle breezes that life has to offer.

What kind of seas are you sailing on?
What helps keep you on course?
The lines are open!

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. From discovering and dismantling your limiting beliefs, to aligning with and realizing your most cherished goals – and everything in between. TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

Why would I even ask that question? Well, let’s think about the differences between the two for a minute. A caterpillar crawls from leaf to leaf, eating, sleeping, and crawling. He does the same thing, day in and day out, not realizing that anything else is possible. A butterfly, on the other hand, goes where it wants to go, and drinks nectar from the choicest flowers. Some butterflies travel thousands of miles to spend the winter in a warm, sunny climate.

Clearly, the difference between the two is extraordinary. What is even more extraordinary is the fact that the butterfly was once an ordinary caterpillar.

Programmed by instinct

The caterpillar has no idea that, hidden in his genetic structure is the potential to become a beautiful butterfly. After all, he was born a caterpillar and that’s all he has ever known. Even if a butterfly lands right next to him on a leaf, the caterpillar simply cannot grasp the difference. It’s outside of his frame of reference.

When instinct finally moves him to build a cocoon around himself and begin a transformation that will forever change his life, he still doesn’t know what is going on. That is because everything he does is according to instinct. He does what he is programmed to do.  Unlike you and me, the caterpillar does not have a choice.

In the absence of instinct

In our case, instinct is not usually enough to bring about a complete life transformation. Fortunately we have something more than instinct. Unlike that caterpillar, we have freedom of choice. We also have the ability to comprehend that more is possible. Even if we have never lived the life we truly desire, we still recognize that such a life is possible.

Somewhere inside of us, we are all convinced that a life of true fulfillment and satisfaction is our birthright. So, for us, the question is not so much, “is it possible,” but rather, “how is it possible?” How do we go about transforming our current existence into the life of our dreams?

Never mind the odds, they’re irrelevant

If everybody around us was living a happy and satisfying life, it would seem like a much more realistic goal. But that’s not the case, is it? In fact, most people’s lives more closely resemble that of the caterpillar, rather than the butterfly.

Don’t let the lack of obvious examples lead you to believe that living the life of your dreams is not possible. The choices that other people make have nothing to do with what is possible for you to achieve. If you make different choices, you can achieve different results. So then, odds have absolutely nothing to do with it. In reality, it all comes down to personal choice. Of course, when we make a choice, we need the knowledge to back it up. I could choose to be a molecular biologist, but my choice would never become a reality if I did not acquire the right knowledge.

What kind of knowledge?

When it comes to transforming your life, certain uncommon skills are required. So, we usually need to acquire the right kind of knowledge and then apply what we learn to develop these uncommon skills. As you know, I call them advanced life skills.

Most of us have been denied this knowledge, and as a result, most are lacking in these skills. That doesn’t mean that these skills are difficult, it just means that through the normal course of our life we have never had the opportunity to learn them.

What would you do if you were given the opportunity?

The funny thing about opportunity is that it only has value if we take advantage of it. How many missed opportunities can you look back on? I think we’ve all missed our share for one reason or another.

If you were given the opportunity to break through your current obstacles and radically alter the quality of your life, would you take advantage of it? I am convinced that you would because everyone who reads this blog and subscribes to my newsletter is actively seeking ways to improve their lives.

Your choice, caterpillar or butterfly!

It’s my job to provide you with opportunities to gain the knowledge and develop those uncommon life skills for accelerated personal growth. It’s your job to choose what you want to do with those opportunities. At some point we all have to make a choice.

Do you want to go on searching or hoping as life passes you by? Do you want to continue gathering bits and pieces of useful information, and trying to put them all together for yourself? Or, are you finally ready to make a personal breakthrough?

Personally, I think you are ready!
What do you think?
The lines are open!

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Because life is such a multifaceted experience, achieving balance can be an extremely difficult challenge. Let’s face it, there is a lot to do and only so much time and energy to go around.

I’ve often thought that it would be nice to have an extra day in the week. Not just a normal day, but one that wasn’t counted and didn’t show on the calendar. Imagine, a totally free day to use however you wanted. What would you do with your extra day? Here’s something else to think about…

Why does the “free day” concept sound so good?

Isn’t it because there never seems to be enough time for everything? And why is that? It’s because we let work expand to fill the time available. This is why we convince ourselves that more time would solve the apparent shortage and allow us to get everything done. But is that really what would happen?

I don’t think so!

You see, if we only had six days in a week, then we would say the same thing about the possibility of having seven. Oh, if I only had an extra day so I could get everything done. It wouldn’t matter if we had 8, 9, or even 10 days in the week, we would still let work expand to fill the time available. That’s because…

Productive people always have a backlog of things they want to get done. That’s a good thing, unless we try to squeeze them into our schedule too tightly. When we do that it changes the dynamic of everything. You can only pack so many “to do things ” into your day before something has to give.

Compression always creates a rise in pressure

Doing more, more, more is not the answer. In fact, neither is continually operating at maximum capacity. There’s a name for that approach. Maybe you’ve heard it, it’s called STRESSED OUT! And it is often followed by a close cousin named BURNED OUT.

Have you been down that road? If so, then you probably realize that stressed out is not a very productive state, and burned out is actually counterproductive. Oh, you can probably function under increasing stress for a while, but sooner or later it will bite you. What happens when you try to do 15 hours worth of work into an 8 hour work day? Unavoidably, the pressure (stress) goes up, it’s the law of compression. Adding an extra day won’t change things because…

It’s not about time, it’s about balance!

Balance means that we portion our time and energy in a way that benefits our whole life. We get out of balance when one aspect of our life is stealing time and energy from the others.

To be balanced, we need to give sufficient attention to all of life’s important areas, including our physical, emotional and spiritual well being. We need to be creative, as well as productive. We need to care about what is going on in the lives of those around us instead of just focusing on the task at hand. Balance means that work is just a part of the picture, not the whole panorama.

You need to make a choice

Let’s face it, you can do quantity or you can do quality. If you want to do both, then you need to hire some good people. Otherwise, it’s one or the other, that’s just the way it is. To raise the quality of your life in all of the important areas requires you to set certain limits.

If you have a family, a business, and a few other obligations, then you have more than enough to do. Not only do you need to balance your time and energy in those areas, but you also need to avoid adding to the mix. Life is about choices, and sometimes that means being able to say no.

A universal truth

Quality always takes longer, it can’t be rushed. To have a quality family life you have to be willing to invest your time and energy. The same applies to your business. Do you want to maintain optimal health? That takes time as well. Everything done well takes time and time is something you only have so much of. So here’s what I suggest…

Do less, but do it better

This is the only reasonable approach to a life that is both high quality and balanced. Limit the number of commitments, so you can feel good about being deeply involved in the areas of your life that really matter. You will experience fewer distractions and feel less hurried. This will automatically bring a greater sense of joy and meaning to everything you do.

Learning to filter out the activities that don’t really matter is a great way to create more time and energy for the things that are truly important.

Here are a few simple guidelines for incorporating balance into your life.

1) Set priorities. Make a list of everything that you do with your time and energy, and then figure out your top priorities. Be realistic as you assign a value to each activity. Ask yourself, “Does this really contribute to the quality of my life?” If there is any doubt, toss it out.

2) The highest priorities get the majority of your time. Don’t allow incidental activities to consume large amounts of time. If it is a low priority, that means it gets a very limited ration of time and energy. If you don’t put limits in place, you will waste valuable time on things that don‘t really matter.

3) Make a plan and stick to it. If you have scheduled family time, don’t let the predictable “something unexpected came up at work” change your plan. In your heart you already know how valuable your family is to you. Make sure that your life reflects those feelings!

4) Use your time efficiently. Always look for ways to accomplish more in less time and with less effort. Don’t think in terms of “hours of work.” Get away from the concept of making so much per hour. If your occupation allows for it, think in terms of making so much per project. Then look for ways to accomplish your projects in less time. If you do work by the hour, figure out how to make yourself significantly more valuable to your employer so he can justify paying you a much higher salary.

5) Take time to focus on others. This might sound strange, but spending some part of your day focused on other people will expose you to new, creative ways of thinking. Answers and solutions often appear when our attention is elsewhere. You can create opportunities for this to happen by purposely shifting your focus. Paying attention to others also builds the quality of your relationships on several levels. Remember, we’re all in it together.

6) Eat healthy foods and get regular exercise. Feeling good makes life better. Without your health, nothing else really matters. Don’t ride when you can walk. Choose nutritious food instead of fast food. Value your body and show your appreciation by treating it with respect. Not only will you feel better, but the quality of your whole life will improve.

7) Schedule some time to decompress. Don’t be a slave to productivity. A balanced life includes time to relax and enjoy a change of pace. When you take time out for yourself, you establish a more balanced perspective of everything else. Balance makes life seem easier and more rewarding, because that is exactly what it is.

What helps you stay balanced when things get crazy?
Have something you would like to add to the list?
The lines are open!

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What is it that prevents you from doing all the things you really want to do?  Is fear involved?  Fear is such a powerful emotion that it can literally put a stranglehold on our lives. That’s often true, even when our logical mind says, “you can do it.”

This is because our emotions are more powerful than our logic.  In a battle between our minds and our emotions, guess who is going to win?  You’ve probably experienced this in your own life.  Have you ever been presented with a great opportunity and logically concluded that you should take advantage of it? Was it fear that stopped you?

The fear factor

Fear comes in all shapes and sizes.  For example, fear of failure creates doubt and anxiety, which can paralyze us from taking action.  Even if we are 97% sure that something will work out favorably, that 3% fear factor can stop us in our tracks.

Then there’s fear of ridicule or of displeasing someone whose approval is
important to us.  Emotionally, approval represents pleasure and it’s something we all long for. On the other hand, ridicule and disapproval represent pain and the strongest human tendency is to move away from pain.

So even when our mind is 97% sure that acting on this opportunity will result in pleasure, the 3% possibility of pain can be very persuasive.  This is especially true under challenging circumstances.  For example: the current economic squeeze that is being felt by just about everyone. It’s much easier to muster up the confidence to try something new when our life feels stable and under control.

Economic influences

The current economic situation however, is chipping away at people’s sense of stability and security.  Things that they felt they could count on, such as jobs and investments, are suddenly gone.  This can create a massive sense of fear and insecurity.  When you’re unsure of the things that you thought you could count on, how are you supposed to feel confident about trying something else?

Many times it’s our perception of circumstance that will determine how they affect us emotionally.  Is the glass half full or half empty?  Has the economy just dealt a fatal blow, or has it opened up a new opportunity?  It’s all about perception.

It’s much easier to maintain an optimistic point of view when we’ve got all our bases covered, or at least most of them.  It’s difficult though, to adjust to challenges when they come suddenly and unexpectedly.  When you’ve invested years in a company, a business or a financial plan, the tendency to adopt a negative viewpoint can be very strong when these assets are threatened.

Advanced life skills

Learning to control how we perceive the events and circumstances going on around us can feel very challenging, if not impossible. Logically, you may reason that such control is possible, but how do you feel about it emotionally?

Once again we see that fear can create doubt, which in turn prevents us from taking action.  So any program that attempts to teach you how to exercise control over your perception would also need to show you how to change the way you channel negative, fearful energy.  I use the term channel because energy is energy, it can be used for good or bad.  It can serve us, or limit us.

Having someone tell you that you need to view some event as an opportunity instead of a catastrophe doesn’t really help much, does it?  Being told that you are in control of your own emotions, including fear, is a lot different than being shown how to exercise that control.

Learning Advanced life skills

All too often, those who are looking for real help only receive bits and pieces.  It’s a challenging prospect to transform the quality of your life.  But for those willing to put forth the effort, I honestly feel that you deserve more than the partial information and abstract concepts so common these days.

My goal in writing TRUE SELF was to give you a practical, down to earth, step-by-step guide that was easy to follow, and that would successfully walk you through the complete transformation process. As if that wasn’t challenging enough, I also wanted to refine it down to a manageable size so it would not be overwhelming. I am very pleased with the results, and I think you will be also. Why not have a look at the reviews and see how much this book has helped others to make empowering changes in their lives?

Has fear been getting in your way lately?
Do you feel like there are fewer opportunities available to you?
The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.

Photography is an amazing way to learn about focus. This is because the very act of viewing life through the lens of a camera can help to us to develop a truly empowering skill. We call that skill focus, and learning to use it properly can transform our perception of the world around us.

3 things photography can teach us about focus

1. The higher the magnification, the narrower the field of vision. This principle is what allows you to use a telephoto lens to pick out a single face in a very large crowd. As you focus in on that one subject, the rest of the crowd disappears from view. Why does that happen? Because your field of vision narrows until the entire frame is filled with that one face.

When you take the picture, the crowd is excluded. It doesn’t mean that there is no crowd. It simply means that you don’t see them in the picture because that is not what you were focused on.

Application: Your perception is determined by what you focus on. This means that we can use our ability to focus our attention in a way that causes an empowering shift in our perception. It doesn’t matter whether we are looking at a person, situation, or an experience. We can control what our picture looks like by controlling what we choose to focus on.

If you focus intently on the positive aspects of any person, place, or thing, the negative aspects will fade into the background. They will still exist, but they will be outside of your field of concentration, and will have little or no influence on the picture you see.

2. Lighting has a huge influence on how you see things, and your ability to focus. If you set your camera on a tripod and focus it on a single object, the lighting will determine how you see that object.

Imagine that you have decided to photograph a magnificent tree that is standing alone on the top of a hill. If your camera remained stationary, and you took one picture every hour from sunup till sundown, what would you have? You would have twelve (or so) completely different photographs. Why? Even though the subject remained the same, the variation in lighting changed its appearance.

Application: The degree of value we choose to assign to anything we focus on can be compared to lighting. If it is something of great importance, we put a spotlight on it so we can see every detail. If it is relatively insignificant, we dial down the light so it doesn’t distract from the things that really matter.

If we assign too much value to (shine a spotlight on) things of little importance, they will overshadow the more valuable aspects of our life.

By assigning increased value to thing like gratitude, relationships, health, and honesty, we bring those things front and center in our life. This means that they move higher on our list of priorities and capture more of our attention. As a result, less empowering aspects of life will be relegated to a lower priority and receive less attention.

3. Shutter speed affects the quality and clarity of any photograph. Under glaring conditions, exposure time needs to be reduced to avoid overexposing the picture. When the lighting is poor, a slower shutter speed allows enough time for the available light to properly expose the image.

If you use a fast shutter speed in a low light situation, the image will not register. Your picture will be underexposed and worthless as a result. Using a slower shutter speed when trying to capture an action shot will give you a blurry picture devoid of details, also worthless.

Exposure time needs to change to fit the requirements of each situation. If it doesn’t, then quality and clarity are compromised.

Application: In life, we need to make choices about what we are willing to expose ourselves to, and for how long. We only have so many hours in a day. Learning to manage the time available is really a process of deciding how much time we spend on each activity.

If you stay too long at unimportant activities (overexpose yourself), you will end up underexposing yourself to the really important ones. Once again, exposure time needs to change to fit the requirements of each situation. We also need to acknowledge that some things are not worth exposing ourselves to at all.

Making positive changes in the quality of our life requires that we assign meaningful amounts of time to meaningful pursuits. If we don’t control our time, mundane activities will expand to fill the time available. By managing your time and adjusting your exposure, you will be able to give greater focus to activities that make a solid contribution to the quality of your life.

Auto focus, is it good or bad?

For most of us, photography is a point and shoot process. Automatic cameras require very little skill to produce fairly nice pictures. Truly exceptional photographs however, still require a skilled photographer to manually control the focus and shutter speed, and to recognize or create the perfect lighting.

High quality photos are still produced by those with enough skill to make the best use of the tools available. They want above average results, and they consider it worth their time and effort to develop the necessary skills.

What Kind of results do you want?

For a lot of people, life is just an average experience, it’s a point and shoot affair. Generally, this is not because they don’t want an exceptional life. It may be because they haven’t taken the time to develop the life skills required to produce exceptional results. Or perhaps, they never had an opportunity to learn those life skills in the first place. Whatever the reason, the skills are available for anyone desiring to live a truly exceptional life.

How about you, is average good enough, or do you want exceptional? When you look at your life, what kind of picture do you want to see?

Do you find it difficult to control your focus?
How much influence do you think focus has on perception?
The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.

The only constant in life is change. Sounds like an oxymoron but it really is true. Here’s how it works: A trend starts, picks up momentum and blows right past the point of balance. What happens next?

It turns around and does the same thing in the opposite direction. Like a pendulum swinging from side to side, life is always in a state of motion and changes direction frequently.

Can we achieve stability in motion?

True stability is not the absence of change!  Rather, stability is the ability to maintain balance in a changing world. As individuals, our challenge is to develop a strong, inner sense of balance that is not easily disrupted by changing external influences.

When we feel balanced in our own life, our sense of identity is not threatened just because circumstances have changed. This means that we are both adaptable and stable at the same time.

Developing your inner gyroscope

Inner stability requires a degree of internal fortitude. We can begin to develop this fortitude by recognizing and appreciating our own unique set of resources, strengths, values, and abilities. We need to spend some time figuring out who we are as a person and learn to connect with that person.

Sadly, most of us have lost touch with our creative self. We have allowed the roles we play to define who we are as a person when it should be the other way around. From this perspective the winds of change can easily throw us off balance.

4 Powerful outside influences

1) Jobs and friends. If we get our identity from what we do, then the loss of a job can trigger a full-blown identity crisis. If your identity is based on who you know, the loss of a friend might cause you to question who you really are.

2) Advertisers. We would all like to think that we make up our own minds about most things.  In reality we are constantly being conditioned by our environment to link certain things with pain or pleasure.  Advertisers study human behavior in an effort to link their products to our emotions.  Their advertising campaigns are designed to create subconscious, emotional associations designed to influence the choices we make.

3) Associates. The attitude of our close associates also has a powerful influence on our personal paradigms.  Their opinions can actually precondition us to view things the way that they do.  We may value someone else’s opinion so much, that we subconsciously adopt their viewpoint without any personal experience.

4) Crowds. Groups can also shape our preferences.  In such cases, acceptance often hinges on our ability to conform to group opinion.

Internal verses external

Your life and its many pursuits should be an expression of your most cherished dreams and values.  Not the ones dictated to you by advertisers, friends, or group opinions.

Most people choose a life course that is based on external criteria.  They end up following a path that leads away from the expression of their true self. Consequently, with each step they actually distance themselves from the life they truly long for.

Know yourself

Circumstances and friends have a way of changing.  Sometimes they support our dreams and passions while at other times they provide a challenge.  The ability to keep your dreams alive in the face of challenging circumstances is one of the greatest attributes of a successful person.

To accomplish this requires that you actually know who you really are and what you really want. Once you are in touch with your true self, the changes around you become much less influential. Instead of your identity being anchored to external forces, it remains safe and secure no matter which way the winds of change decide to blow.

How’s your inner sense of balance holding up?
Do you have a stability strategy you want to share?
The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. From discovering and dismantling your limiting beliefs, to aligning with and realizing your most cherished goals – and everything in between. TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

There seems to be a lot of confusion when it comes to the difference between having goals and plain, old, wishful thinking.  I often hear people talking about their personal goals and find their enthusiasm to be very encouraging.  Everyone should have goals.

When I ask these same people about their strategies for reaching those goals, it’s not uncommon to hear the phrase “I’m going to try.”   I know their intentions are good, but the simple truth is that trying is not a strategy.  In fact, it’s usually a combination of wishful thinking topped with a token amount of effort.

What does this accomplish?

Most of the time simply trying will result in little or no progress.  Even if some initial progress is experienced, the results will likely be very short lived. This creates a negative feedback loop that can actually hinder our willingness to set personal goals. After all, if they never succeed in producing their intended result, then, what’s the point of trying again?

Think about that for a moment. Not only do halfhearted efforts lead to disappointing results, they also stifle a person’s enthusiasm toward future goals. If this pattern continues, it can easily result in limiting beliefs about what that person is or is not capable of.  And, just think, it all started with the best of intentions.

Intentions are not enough!

People who are successful at setting and reaching their personal goals understand that there is a process involved, and that this process can be duplicated.  They recognize that reaching goals involves several stages and that success comes by carefully following the process from one stage to the next. If we skip one of the necessary steps, the process falls apart.

Wishful thinking, on the other hand, involves a desired outcome but lacks a sound strategy for achieving that outcome.  There is a huge difference between wanting something to happen and following a systematic approach for making it happen.

We are not born with life skills, they need to be learned

The process involved in successfully setting and accomplishing goals is one that anyone can learn.  If your efforts to reach your personal goals in the past did not produce the results you were hoping for, chances are, you did not fully understand the process.  So please, don’t fall into the trap of believing that you simply don’t have what it takes.

Instead of taking it personally, recognize that most of us simply have never been taught effective strategies for reaching our goals.  The good news is, once you acquire the necessary information and put it to use, you can expect to experience dramatically improved results.

How do we learn these skills?

There are a number of ways to learn the skills we need for goal setting, or any other area of personal development. Let’s look at a few choices.

1) Imitate success. One of the best ways we can learn to be successful in any area is to find people who are already producing good results and then imitate them.  Do you know somebody who is successful at reaching their goals? Why not spend some time with that person?  If you learn to think the way they think, and take action in the same way that they do, you should be able to produce similar results.

2) Trial and error. Like it or not, much of life is a process of trial and error. No matter how much we try to piece together the necessary information, success will still require that we make some adjustments. Gathering partial information here and there and then using what we learn to create a personal strategy can be very rewarding.  Nevertheless, we will still need to put our ideas to the test before we know whether they will work or not. This is the most common approach to personal development and it has a substantial learning curve.

3) Get a blueprint. If we can find a reliable, step-by-step blueprint that outlines the skills we need without leaving out vital information, we can simply follow the instructions. This is getting to be a very popular learning alternative. The problem is, very few affordable, blueprint type programs are actually complete enough to teach you the whole process. Also, since we are all different, a good personal success blueprint should be fully customizable to your particular needs. That is precisely why I wrote TRUE SELF. For less than the cost of a large pizza you can get a stand alone, step-by-step, totally customizable guide for personal success.

4) Personal coaching. I know it seems like an expensive alternative, but of all the ways to learn effective, customized strategies for achieving your personal goals in life, this is the clear leader. An experienced life or business coach can save you literally years of frustration over trying to cut and paste your way to personal success. There is nothing quite like the personalized attention of someone with both the experience and knowledge you are seeking. In the long run, hiring the right coach may be the least expensive way to quickly learn the right skills for reaching your goals in record time. Remember, cost is relative and your time is valuable.

Set your personal goals and follow through

Regardless of the approach you choose, the important thing is that you do more than just try to reach your goals. Any goal worth setting deserves to be acted on, and your course of action needs to include a systematic plan for producing your intended results.

Always keep in mind that learning to effectively set and achieve your goals is a life skill, and skills are something we acquire over time. Like any other skill, the more experienced you become at following through on your goals, the easier it will be to produce meaningful results.

Do you have a proven strategy for achieving your goals?
Where do you go for help with your life skills?
If you could have 3 free sessions with a life coach,
what subjects would you want to cover?

The entire process of transforming your personal goals into reality is detailed in sections 3 and 4 of my book TRUE SELF. These sections, Intended Outcome  and Designing Success, include eight chapters devoted to helping you fully harness your internal vision and path connection.

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