Have you ever wished for a simpler life where you and all your neighbors interacted in a more sharing and caring way? Do you see yourself as someone who gets along well with others and makes a valuable contribution to all those around you? Do you ever feel shortchanged by your lot in life?

Sometimes our view of reality is a bit skewed because we see life from our own unique little vantage point. And isn’t it amazing how all that can change in a big hurry when we get an unexpected reality check? That’s what I want to offer you today, a reality check by means of a perspective shift with regard to your world and the people on it.

Shrinking the world changes our perspective

Perhaps if the whole world were a small village of 100 people it would be a lot easier to see firsthand what’s really going on with the human race. When we think in terms of global population the big numbers tend to distort our ability to comprehend things. The reality and proportions of any given situation are generally easier to comprehend when we shrink things down to a number that we can relate to.

This information is intended only as a reality check that will hopefully give most of us some legitimate reasons to feel very, very grateful. And I think that we can all agree that gratitude is a wonderful thing.

Perhaps reading this will move us all to look for ways to contribute more to the human family. Conscious awareness, compassion, and fellow feeling are an important first step toward solving any problem and this is especially true of big problems.

Here’s the scenario for our reality check

If we could reduce the world’s population to a village of precisely 100 people, with all existing human ratios remaining the same, the demographics would look something like this:

The village would have 60 Asians, 14 Africans, 12 Europeans, 8 Latin Americans, 5 from the USA and Canada, and 1 from the South Pacific.

This is how things would pencil out

* 51 would be male, 49 would be female
* 82 would be non-white; 18 white
* 67 would be non-Christian; 33 would be Christian
* 80 would live in substandard housing
* 67 would be unable to read
* 50 would be malnourished and 1 dying of starvation
* 33 would be without access to a safe water supply
* 39 would lack access to improved sanitation
* 24 would not have any electricity (And of the 76 that do have electricity, 
. .most would only use it for light at night.)
* 7 people would have access to the Internet. You are in that 7% minority!
* 1 would have a college education
* 1 would have HIV
* 2 would be near birth; 1 near death
* 5 would control 32% of the entire world’s wealth; all 5 would be
. .US citizens
* 33 would be receiving and attempting to live on only 3% of the 
. .income of the entire village

How is your reality looking now?

No matter who you are, when you look over this list and consider your situation, you can probably see a plenty of reasons to count your blessings. I know that I sure do!

How’s your situation looking now?
What did this reality check do for you?
The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

We are all aware of the benefits that come from being appreciative and grateful. But sometimes that’s easier said than done. In the face of a sinking economy, do you find it difficult to be appreciative? When it feels like your very way of life is being threatened, can you still find reasons to be grateful?

Yes, sometimes finding the good in a situation can seem like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Yet, the benefits of being in a state of genuine appreciation in spite of what’s going on around us are worth investigating. This is where focus comes into the picture. We can actually train ourselves to search for, discover, and focus on legitimate reasons to feel appreciation.

Seek and you shall find

Regardless of where we are, or what we may be doing, there is always something in our life worth appreciating. The challenge is to train ourselves to automatically search for reasons to manifest appreciation.

This may or may not be your natural tendency, but with practice all of us can certainly develop the appreciation habit.

Have you ever been around someone who never has a bad word to say about anyone or anything? How do you feel while in the company of that person? It’s refreshing, isn’t it?

Conversely, have you ever been around someone who always has something negative to say? How does that make you feel? Nobody likes to be around Mr. Bummer, especially since negative attitudes can be so contagious.

So the first thing we can do is to seek out friends and associates whose tendency is toward the positive side. At the same time, to the degree possible, we want to avoid spending too much time with those who like to dwell on the dark side. Choosing our associates wisely can really help us to cultivate the right attitude.

Now that we’ve surrounded ourselves with a more positive group of people, what should we do next?

Become a treasure hunter

We want to develop the habit of searching for, and discovering, something to appreciate about every person, situation, or experience we encounter.

Admittedly, this can be difficult sometimes. That’s why I likened it to a treasure hunt. Even if the situation you are in seems to be 99% negative, could you locate that one percent that is worthy of your appreciation? Once located, could you focus on it?

I was thinking about people that pan for gold. Almost all of what fills their gold pan is just rubble, but where is their focus? Most of the time, they don’t even see the gravel and sand because they are searching for the sparkle. They’re looking for that tiny, little fragment of gold, and they are so focused that their mind filters out everything else.

What happens when they find that little piece of gold? They get excited, their focus increases, and their appreciation grows. Could we apply that approach to our daily life?

Choose your orientation

Popular opinion and the nightly news seem to have combined to paint a very negative picture. How much have these two, powerful forces influenced your personal viewpoint?

It is far too easy to adopt the perspective of the majority when you are surrounded by negativity, but in this case it’s not a very healthy option. To keep your perspective, you need to learn to think for yourself, and avoid letting others do it for you. That means you need to find ways of limiting your exposure to those who influence your thinking in a negative direction. That way you can…

1) Stay informed, but without getting too absorbed.
2) Choose to focus on the positive aspects of every situation.
3) Change the subject when a conversation starts to go negative.

Everything is seeking balance

When the natural state of balance is disrupted, something always happens to correct the situation. Sometimes a correction may seem painful, but that does not mean that it’s a bad thing.

If you push yourself too hard, for too long, while ignoring your health and the need for rest, what will happen? Chances are, you’ll get sick. Nobody likes to be sick, but in reality it’s just your body’s way of seeking balance. You needed to rest and recover, and being sick provides the opportunity to do just that.

If you find yourself in this situation, could you appreciate the fact that you are now getting some much-needed rest? See, there is always something that we can appreciate.

If an economy pushes itself too hard, it gets out of balance. Right now the economy is sick because it needs to rest and recover. Can we appreciate that the end result will be a healthier, more balanced economy?

Use questions to build your sense of appreciation

Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, asking the right questions, or making the right statements, can help you discover reasons to be appreciative.

For example:

1) What is there about this person, situation, or experience that I can
…. appreciate?
2) What valuable lesson has this experience taught me?
3) How can I benefit from this person’s example? (Even if it’s an
…. example of what not to do.)
4) What is this person’s most outstanding, positive characteristic?
5) How can I inject some positive energy into this situation?

If you cultivate the habit of focusing on the positive, your level of appreciation will increase. As you find more and more reasons to appreciate every aspect of your life, you will become a magnet for attracting positive energy. And that positive energy flowing into your life will give you even more cause for appreciation.

Now it’s up to you.
Will you allow appreciation to change your life?

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. From discovering and dismantling your limiting beliefs, to aligning with and realizing your most cherished goals – and everything in between. TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

1. Create a feel good morning. Start the day off spending some time (at least 20 minutes) doing whatever makes you feel good, even if you need to get up a little earlier. Start your day by connecting with yourself.

2. Get enough sleep. Make sure you go to bed early enough to get however much sleep you personally need to wake up feeling rested. You cannot function optimally if you start out tired.

3. Take a wake up shower. I think of it as water therapy. It makes the transition from sleeping to up and going much more enjoyable. Besides, I like to start each days life experience clean and refreshed.

4. Breathe. The very force of life is maintained and fueled by the simple act of breathing. Stop doing it for 5 minutes and nothing else matters. Periodically it is very beneficial to take slow, deep, controlled breaths and fill your lungs with oxygen.

5. Dress to feel confident. Some clothes just make you feel better about yourself. The way we present ourselves sends powerful signals to others, but also to our own nervous system.

6. Preview your day. Take a few minutes to visualize how you want your day to go and what you intend to accomplish. See your day’s life experience unfold in a natural and satisfying way and allow yourself to look forward to it.

7. Don’t over schedule yourself. This helps prevent stress and creates a sense of control. Drop nonessential activities to create a feeling of manageability. Find ways to reduce the feeling of being rushed.

8. Do one thing at a time. Try to lay out your schedule so that you can focus on just on task at a time. Allow sufficient time to make a meaningful dent in each scheduled activity. If you can’t do that then reduce the number of things on your list.

9. Clear your head. During the transition between one activity and the next, take a moment to clear your thoughts. Close one mental file before you open the next. This will help you focus on the task at hand.

10. Get up and move. Find ways to incorporate some walking into your day. Park farther away, use the stairs, or walk to lunch. Do whatever it takes to get some fresh blood flowing through your system.

11. Eat like you care. You wouldn’t put sugar in your gas tank so don’t put garbage in your body. Your energy levels, mental clarity, and your entire life experience require that you eat the right amount of healthy food. Eat as if you care.

12. Limit distractions. Creativity and productivity are focus related. Don’t purposely invite distractions into your productive times. If need be, deal with the distractions first so you can focus on the job at hand.

13. Smile at everyone. When you smile at someone else, most of the time they will smile back. It’s a quick way to communicate friendliness to everyone who makes eye contact with you. You can lift their spirits and feel good doing it.

14. Be polite. When you are courteous, you show honor to others. When people feel honored by you it tends to foster mutual respect. Being polite and friendly will help bring out the best in those around you. It will improve their life experience and yours.

15. Express appreciation. Look for opportunities to legitimately commend others. Say thank you and acknowledge their efforts. The more appreciation you show, the more others will try to do nice things for you.

16. Show empathy. You can do this by validating other people’s feelings instead of telling them they shouldn’t feel a certain way. Everyone is entitled to their feelings and your validation can do wonders for their confidence.

17. Eat slower. Take time to chew and taste your food. This will make the experience more enjoyable and improve your digestion. Eating slower helps you feel satisfied with smaller meals and avoid overeating.

18. Focus on the moment. Wherever you are and whatever you are doing, try to be aware of that moment. Spend as much time as you can fully engaged in your own moment to moment life experience. As the saying goes, be here now.

19. Take pride in everything you do. I truly believe that if something is worth doing, it is worth doing right. Nobody benefits from a halfhearted effort. Doing your best will give you a greater sense of accomplishment and self-respect.

20. See the good in others. Everyone has something to contribute, some gift or talent that makes them special.  When we train ourselves to see the good in others it changes our life experience and our world suddenly fills with possibilities.

21. Cultivate patience. This can be challenging when you are in a hurry but it also brings a more relaxed feel to your life. Lack of patience can foster rude behavior and a negative life experience. Allowing extra time makes it easier to be patient.

22. Always be honest. Speak the truth tactfully. It is better to side step an issue then to needlessly hurt people’s feelings. But lying is never a good idea. Don’t excuse lying by breaking it up into degrees; a little lie is still a lie.

23. Laugh often. Laughter is powerful. It makes you feel good and it is contagious. People have healed their health and their broken lives with laughter. There is too much sadness it the world and laughter is a good antidote.

24. Be grateful. Before you go to bed, review your day and count your blessings. We all have much to be grateful for, we should take some time to feel grateful every single day. The closer you look, the more reasons you will find for gratitude.

25. Greet others. If someone looks at you, say hello. Extend a warm greeting to strangers and watch what happens. Even grumpy faces will often light up with a smile and a simple greeting. Help others enjoy their life experience.

26. Get regular exercise. Set aside time for regular exercise. Workout, play racket ball or tennis, run or speed walk, go dancing, hiking, or whatever you like to do. Just make sure you do it at least three times a week for no less than 30 minutes.

27. Learn new things. Our minds are built for learning and that’s good because there is a lot we don’t know. Learning is a way to keep life interesting and exciting. The ability to learn is a gift that we should always appreciate and use.

28. Share what you have. We all have something to share; time, money, talent, joy, knowledge, friendship, whatever. Sharing sends a message of abundance to our subconscious and adds the joy of giving to our life experience.

29. Enjoy some daily quiet time. There is a lot of noise and activity that fills our days and we need to balance that with some quiet time. It is important to reflect and get centered. I like to do this in the morning so it doesn’t get missed.

30. Continue to grow as a person. Keep working to raise your awareness and further your personal development. This adds increased dimension and depth to our life experience. Life is a process of growth, embrace it.

Have something to add to the list?
Jump on in and share it with us!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

I am a big believer in using the power of gratitude to create positive changes. Being constantly aware of your many blessings, and feeling grateful for them, can have a huge impact on the quality of your life. When you are filled with appreciation, it quite literally changes the dynamic of your reality.

I find it truly amazing how one, simple, positive action can change so much in a person’s life. In fact, recognizing the profound power of gratitude is one of the things that have had a huge effect on my life. It has made me a more positive and caring person. It has also made me a better husband, father, and friend. I can honestly say that in some very tangible ways, gratitude has made my life better.

Harness the power of gratitude

Now you might not get the same exact benefits as I have, but I can pretty much guarantee that practicing gratitude and appreciation can change your life as well.  There’s no doubt in my mind that the simple act of being grateful on a regular basis will change your perception in very positive ways. How many other simple strategies do you know that can make such a claim?

Let’s take a look at some practical ways that you can start incorporating gratitude into your life so you can start enjoying the benefits immediately. Of course, these are just some examples based on my personal experience and the experiences of others I’ve talked with. Obviously, not all of them will apply to you, so just choose the ones that you feel comfortable with.

7 ways to improve your life with gratitude

1. Have a morning gratitude review. Make it a daily ritual to take one minute in the morning to think of all the people and things in your life that you are grateful for. You won’t get to everything in one minute’s time, but it’s enough to get you thinking in the right direction. A simple gratitude review will instantly set the tone for the rest of the day and help you focus your attention on other things to appreciate about your life. Can you think of a better use of one minute?

2. When you are having a hard day, make a gratitude list. We all have those challenging days from time to time. During those difficult days it can be hard to maintain a positive outlook. One of the things that can make a bad day much better is to take a break and make a list of all the things you are thankful for. No matter what you are going through, there are always things to be thankful for. Making a list of those things will shift your focus and make you feel much more resourceful.

3. Instead of getting mad at someone, show gratitude. I know this isn’t always the easiest thing because it requires a complete reversal in attitude. But I can promise you that it’s a great thing to do for your own peace of mind. If you get mad, try to bite your tongue and resist the temptation to react in anger. Instead, take some deep breaths, calm down, and try to think of reasons you’re grateful for that person. Find something, anything, even if it’s something very small. Then focus only on that reason to feel grateful. Slowly your mood will begin to shift away from anger toward a more empowering state.

4. Instead of criticizing, show gratitude. This is similar to the strategy above, but much less challenging. This simple tactic can literally transform an important relationship like a marriage. If you constantly criticize your spouse, your marriage will slowly deteriorate. Yes, it’s important to be able to talk out problems, but no one likes to be criticized all the time. So, when you find yourself feeling the urge to criticize, stop and get a grip on yourself. Now take a moment to think about all the reasons you are truly grateful for your spouse. Then share that gratitude, as soon as possible and watch as your relationship becomes stronger.

5. When you face a major challenge, be grateful for it. Many people will see difficulties as a reason to complain and feel sorry for themselves. Trust me, that attitude won’t get you anywhere. Instead, try to see the positive aspects associated with those difficult experiences. Could you appreciate them as an opportunity to learn and grow? This simple change in perception can transform a challenge into something positive with possible long term benefits. But for that to happen we need to cultivate an attitude of gratitude.

6. Express gratitude to others at every opportunity. Say thank you whenever someone shows you the least bit of consideration. Doing this will make you feel better and it will encourage others to be more considerate. There are plenty of rude and inconsiderate people in the world, but you can be a force for good simply by spreading some gratitude around. Be on the lookout for even small acts of kindness. When you notice them be quick to express appreciation and watch what happens. You can use the power of your gratitude to help others feel good about themselves.

7. Focus on what you have not what you don’t have. Have you ever looked around you and felt shortchanged because the place you live isn’t your dream house or the car you drive isn’t as nice as you would like? It’s easy to forget that there are billions of people who are much worse off than you are. Those people would be so grateful to have what you have.  When you compare your life to these people’s lives, you can’t help but feel grateful for the life you have.  You may not have everything, but you must admit that you have been blessed in many ways.

Make the shift and enjoy the benefits

The more you focus on gratitude the more you will appreciate your life and the happier you will be. An appreciative attitude will also make you more aware of your blessings and prevent you from taking them for granted. Remember, the happiest people are not the ones who have the best of everything, they are the ones who are grateful for everything they have.

What are you grateful for?

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.

Let’s talk about the simple act of giving without wanting anything in return. Many of us are unconsciously so self-centered that everything we do, even within our closest relationships, is actually bartering rather than unselfish giving. This can be true even when we are dealing with ourselves as I pointed out in an article called What Do You Think You Deserve?

We all realize that giving on any level feels really good, but internally all forms of giving are not equal.  When we give with the expectation of receiving something in return, we are not really letting go of what we are giving. If we do not let go completely, then we are still clinging to whatever we gave.

The scarcity mindset

When you give without expecting something in return you actually open yourself to a completely different experience. You become part of this giant feedback loop in which we are all participants. In reality, there is no scarcity, just unequal distribution. Hoarding and clinging are very limiting and they are two of the primary reasons for the perception of scarcity.

When you give freely without expectation, it can come back to you in some very unpredictable ways. But remember, if you are giving simply to get something back, then you put limits on the ways that you can receive. You cannot be giving without expectation and be hoarding at the same time.

Some benefits of unselfish giving

Here are some ways that unselfish giving can have a beneficial effect on you.

1. Giving feels satisfying. When you give without wanting anything in return it opens up your heart to an enhanced sense of peace, love and joy.

2. Giving stimulates gratitude.  Giving without expectation will elevate your personal awareness of others. As a result, you will feel increasing levels of compassion and gratitude.

3. Giving attracts giving. What we put into the world has a powerful influence on what we receive. This is part of that giant feedback loop I mentioned.  The energy of giving has a very positive influence on how you experience your world.

4. Giving makes you aware of limiting beliefs. When limiting beliefs like selfishness and greed become exposed to your conscious awareness, then you can work on letting them go. If you are unaware of their existence, they remain active in your subconscious. If they continue unchecked, you may wind up attracting the exact opposite of what you intended.

Embrace unselfish giving

On some level it seems that we are all susceptible to the idea of scarcity. Having a scarcity mindset is like going through life trying to fill up a bag with a hole in the bottom. Hoarding creates scarcity because it is based on the perception that everything is limited and it ignores the amazing benefits of contribution.

One of the best ways to say no to the mentality of scarcity is to actively seek out ways to make meaningful and unselfish contributions of your time, energy, and other resources. I encourage you to embrace a more empowering mindset and be determined to give without expectation.

How does giving without expectation feel to you?
Do you find it difficult to let go of expecting something in return?
The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

We all know that being grateful and appreciative is very beneficial, but have you ever noticed that it’s often easier said than done?

In the face of a sinking economy and mounting demands on your time, do you find it difficult to remain grateful and appreciative? When you feel stressed out and overwhelmed, can you still find reasons to be grateful?

Sometimes finding the good in a trying situation can by pretty challenging. Yet, the benefits of maintaining genuine gratitude and appreciation in spite of what’s going on around us, are certainly worth looking into.

This is where focus comes to the rescue. We can actually train ourselves to search for, discover, and focus on legitimate reasons to feel grateful and appreciative.

Learning to count your blessings

We all have blessings in our life! No matter where we are, and regardless of what we might be going through, there are always things we can be grateful for. The challenge is to train ourselves to focus on gratitude, and to intuitively search for reasons to manifest appreciation.

This may, or may not be your natural tendency, but with practice, all of us can certainly develop a predominate attitude of gratitude backed up with true expressions of appreciation.

Do you know people like this?

Do you know someone who never has a bad word to say about anyone or anything? Someone who just naturally sees the silver lining, even around the darkest cloud? How do you feel when you are in the company of that person? Don’t you feel refreshed and positive?

What about on the other end of the spectrum? Do you know someone who always needs to point out the negative aspect of every situation? How does that make you feel? Nobody feels empowered around someone like that, especially since negative attitudes can infect those who are exposed to them regularly.

Pick your friends and associates wisely

When trying to cultivate a greater sense of gratitude, we should seek out those whose dominant tendency is positive and upbuilding. It’s also a good idea to avoid spending too much time with those who like to dwell on the negative. Choosing our associates wisely can really help us to cultivate greater gratitude and appreciation.

Once we’ve taken steps to surround ourselves with a more positive group of people, what should we do next?

Train yourself to notice the good

Now, It’s time to develop a new habit. The habit of finding something to appreciate about every person, situation, or experience we encounter.

Admittedly, this can be difficult sometimes. You might try turning it into a game of sorts. Even if the situation you are in seems to be 99% negative, could you challenge yourself to locate that 1% that is worthy of your appreciation? Once found, could you focus on it?

I know several people who just love to pan for gold. Funny thing is, most of the time their gold pans are filled with rubble. This doesn’t seem to bother them, do you know why? It’s because that’s not where their focus is. They are so intent on finding something that sparkles that they don’t even notice the piles of worthless sand and gravel. There focus is on searching for that tiny, little, fragment of gold and their mind filters out everything else.

How do they react when they finally discover a little fleck of gold? They usually don’t say, “I had to work way too hard to find that little piece of gold.” Instead they get really excited, their focus intensifies, and their gratitude and appreciation skyrocket. Could we apply that same approach to our day-to-day life?

Choose the direction of your focus

Seems that an overly sensationalized news media has managed to influence popular opinion toward fear and negativity. How much has your perception been influenced by this constant bombardment of negative news?

It can be very difficult to resist adopting the perspective of constant negativity when you are surrounded by it. To maintain a perspective of gratitude and appreciation, we need to break from the mentality of the masses, and learn to think for ourselves. We need to make a conscious effort to filter the information we are exposed to. That means we need to find ways of limiting our exposure to negative input. We also need to be willing to take action to actively move away from sources that influence us in a negative way.

7 Ways to protect and cultivate your feelings of gratitude

1) Don’t get pulled in to negative talk. When a conversation you’re in starts to go negative, don’t be afraid to be the one who changes the subject. If that doesn’t work be willing to excuse yourself.

2) Help others turn away from negativity. If someone you know persists in talking about negative things all the time, find a tactful way to tell them that you really don’t appreciate it. They may not even realize that they’re doing it, and you could be doing them a huge favor.

3) Show gratitude. Willingly express gratitude and appreciation for those around you. Tell them specifically what you appreciate and why. Then you can feel grateful that you were able to shine a little sunshine into their life.

4) See the big picture. When you find yourself in a difficult situation, look for the beneficial aspects created by that situation. Ask yourself: “What have I learned here that will benefit me in the future? When I look back on this experience a year from now, what will I be grateful for?”

5) Control your response. If someone criticizes you don’t get defensive. Respond by saying something like: “Thank you for bringing that to my attention, I’ll give it some careful consideration.” You can be grateful that you didn’t allow them to push your buttons, and who knows, maybe their point was valid and your life will be better for considering it.

6) Look for reasons to say thank you. When other people sense that you appreciate them it changes the dynamic of your relationship. Everyone loves to be appreciated. They’ll be more inclined to do nice things for you because you appreciate their efforts. In turn, you’ll have even more reasons to feel gratitude.

7) Have a gratitude review. Do this as soon as you wake up in the morning and before you go to sleep at night. Remember to count your blessings daily. Think of all the things you have to be grateful for. If you start and end each day with gratitude your whole life will shift in a more positive direction. It only takes a minute or two to allow gratitude fill your heart and mind.

Why am I overflowing with gratitude?

Because of you, that’s why! You graciously use some of your valuable time to visit this blog and show your support. You leave wonderful comments that raise the level of conversation and provide deep insight. You unselfishly share your positive energy, experiences, encouragement, and feedback.

I want to use this opportunity to say THANK YOU for making Advanced Life Skills the success that it is today. Please believe me when I say that your being here is never taken for granted. I am truly grateful for each and every one of you!

What are you grateful for?

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

The ability to adapt to change is a great asset in this ever changing world. In fact, those who are able to quickly adapt to changing circumstances and stay ahead of the curve are often thought of as cutting edge. In some cases, this ability can even mean our very survival.

You probably also know those who are resistant to making any kind of new adjustment, unless they are forced to do so. We might describe them as stuck in their ways. This mindset often results in being way behind the curve, instead of ahead of it. So being able to recognize the need for a change, and quickly adapt to it, can certainly serve us well.

The other side of adaptability

It’s amazing how fast something new can become routine. We start a new job, make a new friend, or learn a new skill, and two weeks later it’s just part of our life.  Have you ever marveled at how fast newness seems to wear off?

When you buy a new car, how often do you wash it and then stand back just to admire its design? How about six months later, does it still get the same amount of attention? You see what I mean? We get used to things really fast. This is how adaptability works. You see a need for change, you adapt, and you move on. The challenge becomes the norm, and everything new eventually becomes common place.

Is there a downside to being so adaptable?

The problem with adaptability is that once the newness wears off, it’s real easy to start taking things (and people) for granted. That shiny new car that we thought so much of becomes last year’s model. That exciting new job becomes the grind. And if we aren’t careful, that amazing new relationship in our life gets way less appreciation.

Of course, we like to think “that’s not going to happen,” especially when it comes to that special  relationship. But it does happen, and we’ve all seen it happen. Maybe it’s even happened to you! That’s where the old saying comes from: “I never realized what I had until I lost it.” The truth is, they realized it at some point, but then the newness wore off and they forgot.

Keeping things new!

What is it that allows us to continue appreciating something, or someone, even after the newness wears off? Really, it boils down to two important things – GRATITUDE and FOCUS. And the secret here is that one feeds the other. If you focus on the wonderful qualities of someone, then you can’t help but feel grateful for having them in your life. And if you are grateful, then you will take the time to focus on their wonderful qualities. See how that works?

Just so you know, this also works the other way around, so be careful. The more you focus on someone’s imperfections, the more fault you will find and the less gratitude you will feel. So if you want to keep your relationship alive with feelings of appreciation and gratitude, focus on the good and avoid fault finding. In reality, we all have plenty of faults and we appreciate it when others don’t shine a spotlight on ours.

Take a look at your own appreciation levels

Are there important aspects of your life that aren’t receiving the level of appreciation they deserve? We could ask this question with regard to people or material possessions. Even though the concept applies equally to both, I will focus on people for the moment. For some reason, familiarity can easily obscure our estimation of the people closest to us.

Here are 5 strategies we can use to avoid the tendency of taking these people for granted, and keep our appreciation alive.

1. Remember. The people who are closest to us are in that position for one or more reasons. Do you remember what qualities attracted you to them in the first place? How often do you take the time to appreciate those special qualities? Remembering why that person came to be part of your life can help keep your appreciation for them alive and healthy.

2. Recount. As long as you are thinking about how special they are, why not mention it? Not only will they appreciate your expressions, but verbalizing your positive feelings will also serve to reinforce them in your heart. Our nervous system takes many of its cues from the words that come out of our own mouths.

3. Notice. Do you still notice the many ways that those special qualities manifest themselves? It’s entirely possible to remember what attracted you to that person, and still fail to notice their current expressions of those same qualities. Living in the moment helps us to really see how valuable others are to us. Appreciation is a real time activity.

4. Respond. We respond with appreciation through personal interaction. When someone you care about is doing something that you appreciate, can they sense your approval? Does your response send a clear message of approval and appreciation? Whether it’s a smile, an appreciative comment, or a helping hand, giving positive feedback is a form of approval.

5. Attitude. Do you have the attitude of gratitude for those special people in your life? Do you count them among your blessings? If so, then the four steps above will come easily and naturally for you. However, if it’s a struggle for you, try spending some time each day thinking about how grateful you are to have these special people in your life, and why. Never underestimate the power of gratitude.

Newness is all about perception

Familiarity does not need to diminish our level of wonder and appreciation. My wife and I have been together for almost 26 years, and I am still in awe over how amazing she is. In my heart that sense of newness is still alive because I can never quite get used to the fact that such a wonderful person is in my life.

We can all cultivate this kind of appreciation. Applying the 5 strategies above will help you keep things new while avoiding the tendency to take anything, or anyone, for granted.

Does your appreciation lessen as adaptability kicks in?
Who do you really appreciate in your life?
The lines are open!

Free updates via RSS feed or email ?

Many relationships are under tremendous stress these days. If that is true for you, or if you are simply looking for some answers to your relationship challenges, I’ve got some real relationship help that might interest you.

Our attitude has a profound effect on the quality of our life. Optimism and pessimism create two completely different realities. By taking a few simple steps to adopt a more positive attitude, you can enjoy both immediate and long term benefits.

“Our attitude toward life determines life’s attitude towards us.” ~Earl Nightingale

Increased happiness is one of the immediate positive effects of a more optimistic attitude. The fact is, optimistic people tend to experience much greater personal joy on a day-to-day basis than their pessimistic counterparts.

The prospect of a longer healthier life is also a scientifically proven benefit of living with a positive attitude. In contrast, a negative, pessimistic mindset has been shown to contribute to scores of health challenges including immune disorders, cancer, and heart problems. All other factors being equal, a happier life means a healthier life.

11 Practical steps to a more optimistic attitude

Learning to maintain a positive attitude during stressful times can be challenging. It may take some time before your natural response to almost any situation is optimistic. However, when you consider both the short term and long range benefits, your efforts are bound to pay big dividends. Let’s consider 10 simple steps you can start using immediately to move you in a positive direction.

1. Think Gratitude. A grateful mindset exerts a powerful influence on your outlook. Not only does it make you feel good in the moment, it also shifts your focus in a positive direction. Turn your attention toward your blessings and keep it there. As you focus more on what you are grateful for in your life (even the really small blessings!), you will worry less about anything that may be lacking. As a result, you will experience a more pervasive sense of happiness!

“Gratitude is not only the greatest of virtues, but the parent of all the others.” ~Cicero

2. Choose Happiness. Being happy is not about circumstances or any other outside force. Happiness is a decision we make. Why not make up your mind to embrace happiness, starting now? Go ahead and make a decision. Let your personal identity get all wrapped up in the concept of happiness. Fold it around yourself like a big comfortable blanket.

“The greatest part of our happiness depends on our dispositions, not our circumstances.” ~Martha Washington

3. Substitute Challenges for Problems. Subconsciously, the word problem says, “Life is not as it should be.” This causes our energy to be funneled toward repairing something that’s gone wrong. On the other hand, the word challenge sends no such message. Instead of trying to repair a malfunction, our resources are recruited to search for a new opportunity. Seeing an experience as a challenge will focus our attention on a positive outcome.

“The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty.”~Winston Churchill

4. View Life as a Journey. A journey is an adventure of discovery. When we are on a journey we don’t fear change, we welcome it. We look forward to new and unfamiliar experiences. On a journey we are full of optimism because we are filled with the expectation of a wonderful adventure. This is the perfect attitude to carry with you every day.

5. Stop and Smell the Roses. When you constantly feel rushed and scattered, it can be difficult to maintain an optimistic outlook. Buying out regular opportunities to focus on simple pleasures can help restore a sense of balance to your life. By pausing briefly to really taste your food or enjoy a beautiful piece of music, you remind yourself of the joy of simplicity.

“It is always wise to stop wishing for things long enough to enjoy the fragrance of those now flowering.” ~Patrice Gifford

6. Begin Your Day On a Positive Note. Find a few minutes each morning to clear your mind and then think positive thoughts about the upcoming day. Focus on the people and events that bring you joy or a sense of satisfaction. What’s your favorite part of the day going to be? Take some time to look forward to everything that you will enjoy. Now carry that feeling with you all day long, even during the less enjoyable activities. Let your optimism flow into your entire day.

7. Be Positively Aware. Make it a habit to actively search for the positive side of everything. Turn it into a private game. With practice, you will be surprised how easy it becomes to see the not so obvious benefits and pleasures all around you. Being alert to the reasons for optimism also helps move our attention away from the negative side of life.

“When you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.” ~Max Planck

8. Act Out Happy. You can use words and body language to program your nervous system. When you make a conscious effort to walk the walk and talk the talk, your feelings will soon follow. Our personal perspective takes a lot of clues from how we act. If you act like a happy optimistic person, your mind accepts that as your reality. Try it and see for yourself.

9. Hang Out With Positive People. Use the power of peer influence to feed your sense of optimism. The attitude of the people around us can be a powerful force for good or bad. Seek out the company of those with a sunny disposition and let yourself be influenced by their optimism. Use the group dynamic to your benefit.

10. Do A Gratitude Review Nightly. This is a great way to end your day. Before you go to bed think of at least ten things that you are truly grateful for. Let yourself feel the joy that those things bring to your life. Fall asleep reflecting on your blessings.

“Reflect each day on all you have to be grateful for and you will receive more to be grateful for.” ~Chuck Danes

11. Minimize Exposure to Negative Influences. Stop watching, reading, or listening to the news. If you can free yourself from this negative influence it will change your life. Without that pervasive daily dose of despair, you will find it so much easier to focus on positive things in life.

30 Days to a more positive you!

Print out this list and read it daily, it will help you stay on track. If you catch yourself sliding into a pessimistic head space, stop and review your list. All you need to do is stay the course for 30 days and these thing will become part of your nature.

How important do you feel attitude is?
What ways have you found to stay positive?
The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!?

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.