Without question, there are many factors that have influenced your personal development and helped shape the kind of person you are today. Of all the things that have contributed to your personal growth, which one would you say has had the greatest influence on you personally?

The influence of those we associate with has a major effect on the person we become. Oddly, we may not even recognize how powerful this influence really is because it can be very subtle. Still, we know that even imperceptible promptings applied over an extended period of time can exert tremendous persuasive power.

Don’t underestimate the power of peer pressure

Peer pressure can be one of those extremely powerful forces in our lives. The direction of our personal development is directly impacted by our daily habits and rituals. We tend to pick up the habits of the people we spend time with. For instance, consider these examples.

If you hang around with people who burn through every dime they make partying, chances are very strong that you’ll develop that same pattern. If you spend most of your time around people who choose television over reading, chances are you won’t read much either.

Have you ever been stuck around someone who constantly cusses? If so, did you notice a change in your own choice of words? This can happen even if you have an initial aversion to bad language. If you hear it often enough it begins to seem normal and acceptable.

Peer pressure as a powerful motivator

If we continually associate with people who don’t share the same goals and aspirations as we do, their influence can completely undermine our personal growth. If we really want our lives to move in a certain direction, we need to pay special attention to the company we keep.

By choosing to spend time with like-minded people we reinforce and strengthen our own focus and resolve. If you want to become better at something, spend time in the company of those who are already good at it and you will improve. Peer pressure can be a powerful motivator for positive personal development if we make wise choices about who we allow to influence us.

The personal growth equivalent of “friendly fire”

I realize that the lesson here seems obvious. The reason I mention it is because I frequently work with people who say they can’t make any progress on their goals, and guess what! In many cases it turns out that their personal growth efforts are being undermined by the influence of the people around them.

Here’s one that comes up quite often. “No matter how much I exercise and try to watch my diet I can’t lose any weight.” My first question is, “are your friends overweight?” Next question, “do they share your passion for food?”

After we pursue this line of reasoning for a while it usually comes down to, “but they’re my friends.”

Choose the direction of you want to go

It’s not my place to say who your friends should be, and that’s not the point of this article. The point is this; the people you associate with have a strong influence on the direction of your personal growth. You owe it to yourself to consider what sort of influence they are exerting.

You need to keep checking whether those you associate with are moving you in a positive direction or a negative one. Are they supporting your efforts to reach your goals or preventing you from taking affirmative action? Are they supporting your personal development, or pulling you off course?

Personal growth lesson from a little bird

Perhaps you’ve heard the story of the little bird. He had his wing over his eye and he was crying. Mr. Owl said to the little bird, “I see you are crying.” “Yes,” said the little bird, as he pulled his wing away from his eye. “Oh, I see,” said Mr. Owl. “You’re crying because the big bird pecked out your eye.” And the little bird said, “No, I’m not crying because the big bird pecked out my eye. I’m crying because I let him do it.”

Personal growth and peer pressure, it’s your choice

It’s easy to let outside influences shape our lives, and to let our associates determine our personal growth direction. It can be extremely difficult to break off from the crowd to pursue your own path. It is important to remember that when it comes to peer pressure, there are no innocent bystanders. Once we are out of our parents homes, we get to choose the people who influence us.

Try this, take a look at the people you spend your time with and ask yourself, “Do I want to turn out like them?” If the answer is yes, that’s great, you will benefit from their influence. But if the answer is no, you need to seriously consider making some different choices so you don’t end up like that little bird.

What kind of influence are your friends having on you?
Is the overall tone of your peer pressure inline with your personal goals?
The lines are open!

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One of the most important features of beginning a new friendship is to not be scared. When making friends there is a tendency to make assumptions on what another person may be thinking. A guy may think, “I’d like to dance with that lovely lady, but I am not good looking enough and she is going to say no, I’m sure”.

Meantime she is thinking, “I wish that hunky guy over there would ask me to dance!” Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. If you don’t ask, you don’t get! The absolute worst thing that can possibly happen is a lady says no. Relationship or friendship can be a numbers game, the next lady will say yes!

It’s not about what others think

People who are not secure when it comes to making friends are usually scared of what other people are thinking. Who really cares what other people think? Nobody is perfect and if someone doesn’t seem to like you, then it’s their problem, not yours. Talk to someone else!

Always remember that in the beginning of a friendship everyone is on his or her best behavior. Give everything a little time. There are occasions when an instant friendship occurs but mostly it takes time to develop. When making friends don’t be all over the other person at first; just take it easy as you get to know each other.

Choose honesty

We cannot expect to go through life without having a personality clash with someone. Often people are frightened of upsetting someone else in case they lose the friendship. If the other party cannot accept honesty and communication then they are not much of a friend! Either that or they are manipulating you in some way and you don’t need that!

You cannot have an argument if only one person argues. Think about that, we all have different points of view and good friends agree to disagree and get on with their lives. It is most important when you have a good friend not to play games or try to change them. Unfortunately some people tend to do this. Why change what is working? It is a quick way to end the relationship.

Embrace true friendship

True friendship consists of rejoicing in the other person’s good fortunes, offering cheer in times of distress, sympathy in adversity, advice during trouble, and material help in times of real need. True friendship is broad and inclusive.

Value a friendship, for it is an expression of the flower of true love. If you hold a flower in your hand, how can you crush it?

Excerpt from ‘Solutions with Pearls of Wisdom’ by Michael Cambray

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There is a lot of value in reflection. I like to take time to remember and appreciate the people who have contributed to the exceptional quality of my life.

Today I was thinking about the value of friendship and wanted to share these thoughts. Perhaps after reading them you will find yourself reflecting as well.

”Friendships are different from all other relationships. Unlike acquaintanceship, friendship is based on love. Unlike lovers and married couples, it is free of jealousy. Unlike children and parents, it knows neither criticism nor resentment. Friendship has no status in law. Business partnerships are based on a contract. So is marriage. Parents are bound by the law. But friendships are freely entered into, freely given, freely exercised.” ~Stephen Ambrose

“But Oh! The blessing it is to have a friend to whom one can speak fearless on any subject; with whom one’s deepest as well as one’s most foolish thoughts come out simply and safely. Oh, the comfort – the inexpressible comfort of feeling safe with a person – having neither to weigh thoughts nor measure words, but pouring them all right out, just as they are, chaff and grain together; certain that a faithful hand will take and sift them, keep what is worth keeping, and then with the breath of kindness blow the rest away.” ~Dinah Maria Mulock Craik

“When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand. The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares”. ~Henri Nouwen

Whether your friends number one or one hundred,
having true friends always gives us a good reason to smile!

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