Most people have areas in their lives where they would like to make some improvements.  Is that true of you?  Would you like to be in better shape physically, emotionally, mentally or financially?

That’s a lot of territory, I know.  Perhaps you would like to make some positive changes in all those areas.  Well, you are certainly not alone.  I think all of us feel we have room for improvement in all those areas of life, I certainly do.

So what’s the problem?

If we see things in our life that we want to change, then what is it that is holding us back from doing it?  Why don’t we just make the desired changes?  Questions like that can sure give birth to a huge list of excuses, can’t they?

If someone says to us, why haven’t you lost the weight, or read those books, or made more money, or learned to control your temper?  We can easily defend ourselves with a long list of reasons that sound perfectly logical.  But why do we feel the need to make excuses for our behavior?

Because we like to justify ourselves!

It’s not something we do just for the benefit of others.  We like to justify ourselves to ourselves, so we can feel comfortable about who we are and why we act the way we do.

Making changes comes with a whole assortment of emotional issues that most of us would rather not deal with.  It means that we would have to disrupt our routine. It also means that some sort of effort will probably be required.  If we already have too much to do, and more than enough to think about, the last thing we want is to have one more demand put on us.

Can you relate to feeling that way?

Feeling overwhelmed means that we want to dial things down and restore some balance. The one thing we don’t want to do is to take on another project. And yet…

We still feel that inner desire to make improvements.  We know that life could be better on so many levels, and that is what we truly want.  So where does that leave us? Well, it leaves us wanting to change, and holding ourselves back at the same time.  This dilemma actually adds to our discomfort because it creates internal conflict and disharmony.

Let’s look at three things that can stop us from making changes in our life, and then we will consider three ways to deal with the situation.

1) Complacency.  The truth is that complacency has many faces and all of them create barriers to progress.  Whether it’s laziness, lack of interest, lack of motivation, inability to stick with it, procrastination, or indecision, they all add up to the same thing.  Nothing changes because in our mind, the changes we desire are not yet important enough to move us to action.

The other possibility is that, we may be waiting for some kind of miracle.  Perhaps thinking that our lives will change when we win the lottery, or when someone comes along and does all the work for us.  If this describes you, please read the following article: Don’t Count On Your Fairy Godmother

2) Fear.  Fear also has many faces.  It could be fear of failure, fear of change, fear of commitment, or even fear of success.  Fear is the most powerful reason there is to move away from something.  When we harbor fear, we will do almost anything to avoid the situation associated with that fear.  It really doesn’t matter what kind of fear it is, if we have linked taking action to fear, and inaction to security and comfort, we will not act.

The power of fear increases with proximity.  For example, with fear of success, the closer we get to actually succeeding the more fear influences our decisions and actions.  All limiting beliefs are based on fear in one form or another.  For a more in depth look at limiting beliefs I encourage you to read this: Self Sabotage

3) Confusion.  In this age of information overload confusion is an ever increasing problem.  Too much information is just as paralyzing as a lack of information.  If you want to lose some weight for example, what do you do?

You will probably start by checking out all the various weight loss programs.  And what will you find?  You will find that there are too many experts, with too many ideas, and they all sound very convincing.  The trouble is they have so many conflicting opinions that you can’t figure out who to listen to or who to trust.  The more you check into it, the worse it gets.  Information overload can put you in a holding pattern even when you are feeling motivated and fearless.

It’s a modern day paradox.  We have almost unlimited access to information on any topic, but sorting through it all can leave us more confused and frustrated than we were before we started.

Now the question is what to do about it?

If we are stuck in the dilemma of wanting to make changes and feeling unable to do so, there are really only three alternatives.  Let’s consider them one at a time.

1) No action. The first way of dealing with this dilemma is to do nothing at all, and just live with the situation and the associated frustration.  This is the choice most people make.  Life seems overwhelming enough, and the thought of adding to it is just not acceptable.  Many who find themselves in this category will simply make themselves a strong drink at the end of the day, turn on the TV, and attempt to take a nightly vacation from life.  Even though many have chosen this approach, I think there are much better options.

2) Roll back. The second way of dealing with the situation is to simply abandon your desire for more, and just settle.  For most people who make this choice the internal dialog might be, “this is my life and there’s nothing I can do about it.”  Some would call this giving up, I call it acceptance.

There is nothing wrong with acceptance. In fact it can put you in a very powerful place.  It eliminates the desire for more, and finds pleasure in the present reality.  If you can let go of wanting to be more than you currently are, and find inner harmony in doing so, then this is the way to go.

In fact, combining acceptance with simplifying your life even further, is an extremely effective course. It can quickly make your life feel much less stressful, and much more rewarding at the same time.  There is a lot of wisdom in the old adage, less is more.

3) Go for it. The third way applies to those who are compelled to become the best they can possibly be in every area of life, and nothing else will do.  For those of us who feel this way, and I include myself in this group, we need a two sided approach to help us avoid getting stuck in a perpetual holding pattern.

We need to simplify our lives and let go of nonessential activities, so that we can create room for personal development pursuits.  Adding to an overcrowded schedule will not work and you probably already know that from experience.  Even the so called overachievers have limits that must be acknowledged.

So the first step is to figure out what to let go of.  Don’t say you can’t let go of anything.  If you want to ramp up the quality of your life you need to clear some room in your schedule, preferably an hour or two per day.

Next, you need to adopt a no-nonsense, step-by-step plan for making the changes you want to make.  Whatever it is that you want to accomplish, pick one approach and stick to it.  I don’t care if there are 10 choices that all sound really good, pick one and only one, and stick to it. Here’s a little inspiration to help you get started: 8 Steps for Acting on Inspiration

Don’t expect overnight miracles.  Whatever the nature of your pursuit, give it 30 days of consistent effort before you deviate from your chosen approach.  If you’ve chosen wisely, your approach will eventually produce results, but you need to give it time.

Now make a choice!

OK, now it’s time for you to figure out what it is that’s holding you back and what you plan to do about it.  Let me know what you think and what course of action you have decided on. The lines are open!

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.

Are you in touch with your fears, or have you hidden them in the dark recesses of your subconscious mind? We all harbor certain fears, and it can be an uncomfortable experience to pull them out into the open.

Does it bother you to talk about your fears? Do you ever feel like you are the only one with those feelings? Would you be willing to coax those fears out of hiding if there was a chance of getting rid of them once and for all?

Everyone is afraid of something

At some point in time we have all allowed our fears to get the best of us. Lately, the economic uncertainty and the related challenges have become an emotional breeding ground for new feelings of fear, anxiety, and insecurity. Can you relate to this?

Most hidden fears are some combination of guilt and panic. Why those two feelings? Well, let’s take the fear created by economic uncertainty as an example. If, because of unavoidable circumstances, you have lost your income and others depend on you, then it is easy to feel guilty for letting them down.  On top of that, it’s easy for feelings of panic to creep in because you can’t figure out a way to remedy the situation. See what I mean about guilt and panic, they are a deadly combination.

Drag those fearful feelings into the light

Here is something you need to remember, fearful energy is like a fungus that grows in darkness. As long as your feelings of  fear reside in the dark recesses of your subconscious mind they will continue to grow. If something isn’t done to correct the situation you may eventually begin to feel paralyzed by those feelings.

The way to combat the malignant growth of fearful energy is to stop avoiding it and pull it into the light where it can be examined and dealt with. Granted, this can feel extremely intimidating, but it’s nothing compared to the adverse effects allowing those fearful feelings to continue expanding unchecked.

Fear runs on an emotional power source

Even though your fears are usually related to some personal challenge, they are not the same. Fear is an emotional response to the challenge, but it has an adverse effect on your ability to deal with the challenge in a resourceful way. That’s why the fearful feelings need to be dealt with first.

As long as your fears remain in hiding they are protected by a shield of negative emotional armor. Once you gather the courage to pull them out into the open that shield weakens and becomes vulnerable to your powers of reason and logic. Now you can use questions to whittle those fearful feelings down to size.

1) How does it serve me to allow these feelings into my life?
2) Does holding this fear help me overcome my challenge?
3) Is there any logical reason not to let go of this fear?
4) Can I choose to reframe the fear energy into motivation?
5) Can I do that right now?

What just happened? With just a few logical questions you have stopped a giant energy leak and made those resources available for finding a solution to your challenge. Yes, the challenge is still there, but now you are in a much more resourceful state to deal with it. From here, make a plan to deal with the challenge and start taking action. The more action you take the more resourceful and less fearful you will be.

Be proactive when dealing with your feelings of fear

Fear comes in all shapes and sizes: When left unchecked it can put a stranglehold on our lives and relationships. When we are under the influence of fear it robs us of the very resources that can help us overcome the underlying problem. Clearly, leaving your fears alone does not mean that they will leave you alone. Better to deal with them.

Hidden fear can have a paralyzing effect on your life, and it can surface when you least expect it. A life of true happiness and security is only possible if we have the courage to face our fears and overcome them. I hope this information has been helpful.

Are you currently dealing with any hidden fears?
Did you discover something that needs to be dealt with?
The lines are open!

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Want a blueprint for reframing fearful energy into motivation and excitement? This process is clearly outlined in section five of my book, TRUE SELF. That section covers the Power Connection on the True Self Connection Wheel.

It is a rare person who lives without fearful feelings of one kind or another.  You may be afraid of heights, or spiders, or new situations, or rejection. Whatever your fears may be, there are basically two ways of dealing with them. The first is to let those fears create boundaries beyond which you can’t move or grow. The second is to face your fears head-on and allow them to become opportunities to expand your life.  Which approach do you tend to use?

We should also acknowledge the fact that being afraid is not always a bad thing.  There are obviously some things that we should be afraid of as a matter of survival. In these areas our fears help us to exercise appropriate caution. But if we allow our fears to control us, we can easily cheat ourselves out of much of the richness that life has to offer.

Five simple ways to address your fears

Let’s consider five tactics to help you overcome your fears, whatever they may be, so they don’t get in your way and rob you of the richness of a full life experience.

1. Realize that everyone is afraid of something. No matter what you are afraid of, you are not alone. There are so many commonly held fears out there that they call them phobias. We’ve all heard of the biggies like Arachnophobia which is a fear of spiders. But how about Bibliophobia (fear of books), Dendrophobia (fear of trees), Leukophobia (fear of the color white), Philophobia (fear of love) or Pteridophobia (fear of ferns).

The only thing we have to fear is fear itself. ~ Franklin D. Roosevelt

Why did I mention all these weird phobias? Because, now that you have seen some of the things that others are afraid of, your fears probably seem a little more reasonable. The point is, everyone fears something and understanding this can help you feel less isolated in your fears. Your particular fears do not make you weird and even your deepest, darkest fear is not unique to you alone.

2. You don’t have to overcome your fears all at once. Let’s imagine that you are fearful of public speaking. You probably wouldn’t want to address this by booking a speaking gig in front of a thousand people.  All that would do is reinforce your fearful feelings. How much more reasonable it would be to start small and work up from there.

Fear is an acronym in the English language for
‘False Evidence Appearing Real.’ ~ Neale Donald Walsch

The same principle applies to most fears. If you are afraid to swim in the ocean don’t go to the north shore of Oahu your first time out. Instead, find a quiet little bay somewhere and get comfortable with that situation. Then, as you become familiar with the feel and rhythm of small waves, you can comfortably ease your way into something a little more challenging. One of the best ways to overcome your fears is with baby steps.

3. Approach your fears as opportunities to grow. This involves changing your emotional viewpoint. Obviously, nobody wants to live with fearful feelings. What would your life be like if you overcame your fears? What kind of new opportunities would be available to you if you could just release your fears?

Looking beyond our fears to the prospective benefits of overcoming them changes our focus completely. As long as we are focusing on fear, we feed that fearful feeling. Focusing on the benefits of overcoming our fears removes much of the emotional energy feeding them. Making a list of the pros and cons of dealing with the thing that you are afraid of can help give your focus new direction.

1) What are the potential benefits of overcoming your fear?
2) How might your life be different if you weren’t afraid of it?
3) What would you be free to do if you could let go of that fear?
4) What do you have to lose by giving up those fearful feelings?

If you can objectively appraise the advantages to moving past your fears, you will begin to see your them as an opportunity to grow.  There are many wise quotes based on benefits of facing our fears. For example:

Thinking will not overcome fear but action will. ~ W. Clement Stone

4. Don’t let your imagination magnify your fear. The truth is that most fears only live in our imaginations. We are fearful of what we imagine might happen if we step outside of our comfort zone.  To justify these fears we invent reasons why being afraid is a valid response. We can imagine all sorts of negative things when we contemplate something we’re afraid of, but this doesn’t make those things real.

The fears you don’t face control you. The fears
you face, you move beyond. ~ Dr. Wayne Dyer

Being fearful of the unknown usually has nothing to do with reality and everything to do with insecurity.  If the outcome of facing your fears is unknown then why be afraid? What do you really have to lose if you take the risk?  Making a list of all the possible outcomes can quickly reveal how irrational most fears really are.

5. Failure isn’t necessarily the end of the world. If there is one fear that is common to nearly all of us, it is the fear of failure.  While there are some scenarios in which failure is potentially devastating, or perhaps even life-threatening, most of the time it isn’t.  Yet, apprehension over possible failure often acts as a huge restraint that deprives us of experiences and opportunities that could enrich our lives.

Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that
something else is more important than fear.  ~ Ambrose Redmoon

If you have an idea and don’t try it because you are afraid of failure, you’ve just given someone else the chance to try it instead. Sooner or later someone else will try it and they will eventually succeed. How will you feel then?  Our failures are really just learning experiences that lead us to new discoveries. Learning what doesn’t work is just a normal part of the process.

Beyond fearfulness

Most of the time our fearful feelings are nothing more than a conditioned responses to negative assumptions. By changing our perspective and encouraging our imaginations in a more positive direction we can move beyond those feelings and embrace amazing new opportunities and experiences. Don’t allow fear to rob you of that.

So then, what are you afraid of?
How do you deal with your fears?
The lines are open!

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There are a couple of things that I’d like to clarify regarding our emotional desire to seek pleasure and avoid pain.  It’s not the actual pain or pleasure that drives us, it is really something else. Any idea what that is?

Our desire to avoid pain is really based on fear. What fear? The fear of taking any action that feels like it might lead to pain.

Likewise, it’s not the actual pleasure that motivates us to take action, but our belief that a certain action will lead to a pleasurable experience. So, our movement in either direction is a response to our perception of where that action will lead.

The power of anticipation and anxiety

Have you ever noticed that the anticipation of the pain we think might result from a certain action is generally much worse than the actual experience?  Here’s an example, if you’ve ever done any public speaking it’s usually the 10 or 15 minutes just before you get on stage that creates the greatest anxiety.

You may experience all kinds of symptoms like an increased heart rate, a rise in body temperature and a nauseous feeling in your stomach.  At this point are any of these symptoms the result of actual public speaking? No, they are caused by your estimation of what the experience will be like, not by the actual activity.

Speaking from my own personal experiences and those of other public speakers that I know, everyone agrees that the anxiety that comes before hand generally vanishes as soon as they begin speaking.  Anxiety of course, is a form of fear.

Where does the fear come from?

There are so many different kinds of fear that it is impossible to label them all, but it is possible to identify where they all come from. The reason we can do that is because fear is always related to one or more of these three primary human desires.

1) A desire for approval
2) A desire for control
3) A desire to feel secure

If you examine any fear, whether it’s the fear of rejection, fear of failure, or fear of loss, you will discover that, on an emotional level, it represents a perceived threat to our sense of approval, sense of control, or sense of security.

Fear grows or shrinks with focus

Take the example of our public speaker.  Once he gets on stage and focuses on his topic, he can settle down and enjoy the experience.  But during the 10 to 15 minutes before he gets on stage, he is not thinking about his topic, instead he is focused on himself.  He is wondering if he’ll have the approval of his audience, if he’ll have control of his voice and body language, and the anxiety is making him feel insecure.

The solution is to focus on the outcome, the feeling of satisfaction and approval that will come from a job well done.  By visualizing a pleasurable outcome there is a complete shift the focus.  Excitement replaces anxiety and the expectation of pleasure replaces fear.  Moving toward a pleasurable outcome is a pleasurable experience so it is one we can look forward to.

Choosing less pain and more pleasure

Now we can see that one way to avoid pain and move toward pleasure is simply to change our focus.  In our example, a short-term focus created pain in the form of fear and anxiety, while a long-term focus turned the whole experience into a pleasurable one.

Once we understand the relationship between focus and pain or pleasure, we can easily change our perception of any experience.  By controlling your focus you give yourself the ability to decide whether an experience will be painful or pleasurable. Then you can choose pleasure over pain.

Can you think of time when…
~ The anxiety was worse than the reality?
~ The anticipation was better than the reality?
~ The reality never happened and the fear was for nothing?
The lines are open!

This is part 2 in a 3 part series of articles dealing with pain and pleasure paradigms.  If it seems like I started in the middle of the story, check out…
Part 1: The Power of Pain and Pleasure Paradigms
Part 3: Creating Your own Pain and Pleasure Paradigms

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.

Fear is like a two-sided coin. If we control it, we can use it to our benefit. On the flipside, if fear controls us, it will render us unable to accomplish anything.

Think about a roller coaster ride. Part of what moves people to get on a roller coaster is the fear, except they don’t call it fear, do they?  No, they call it excitement.

What makes it possible to embrace a fearful situation and see it as exciting and exhilarating?  In the case of a roller coaster, you see others doing it and having fun.  No one flew out of their seat, and all the cars stayed on the track.  So your mind becomes convinced that you won’t die.

Logic versus emotion

This is where the negotiation process begins between your mind (logic) and your emotions (fear).  Your mind says, “You can do this and it will be fun.”  How these internal negotiations turn out will have a lot to do with your level of fear and the reasons behind that fear. These are your paradigms.

Suppose that as a child, you saw someone fall to their death from a roller coaster.  Obviously, in that case, your fear is deeply ingrained and your mind will probably never be able to move past it, period.  In fact, your mind will likely support your emotions and your inner dialogue will be short and unchangeable.  “I’m not getting on that thing no matter what.”

There is nothing wrong with that kind of reaction. It is a natural, survival response that serves to protect you from danger.  That is why sane people don’t try to jump off of tall buildings in hopes of flying.  So fear can be a healthy, logical response to a dangerous situation, and that’s a good thing.

Turning fear into excitement

Now, let’s go back to the internal negotiations about the roller coaster ride. For someone with no fearful roller coaster references, what’s the likely outcome? Their mind will be able to reframe the fearful energy into anticipation of an exciting experience.

In this situation, the person whose mind is energized by a manageable amount of fear will be able to create a positive internal response called anticipation, which opens the door to a positive and exciting experience.

Because the human mind is capable of processing billions of bits of information per second, all of this can take place in a moment. So, most of the time, we just respond on autopilot without considering what’s involved.

Nothing happens unless we take action

This is where things get interesting.  Let’s say we made a decision to get on that roller coaster and have some fun.  So far, everything that has happened has been internal.  We haven’t really done anything yet, except make a choice.  The anticipation we feel after making that choice must be turned into action before we can experience any results.

Now we come to the defining moment. The special moment in time when we commit to following through by taking action on the decision we’ve made.

With reference to our roller coaster ride, it becomes a commitment at the exact moment when we climb aboard, place the safety bar across our lap and the cars start to move.  Now our anticipation grows into excitement.  Now our whole being becomes focused on this “experience” because we have made a commitment and we can’t go back.

How to harness the power of decisiveness

For an Olympic track athlete, the decisive moment comes when he brings to the starting line the sum total of all his training and focus, assumes the starting posture, the gun fires and he rockets into action.

At that moment his energy levels explode, his focus is unshakable and his commitment is absolute. You can use this same concept to propel you into truly focused action.

Making the shift from preparation to action

The decisive moment occurs when planning and preparation are transformed into action driven by a total commitment to success.  The surest way to accomplish incredible things in your life is to bring that same level of commitment and focus to the starting line before you launch into action.

Setting a goal, establishing a plan of action and fixing on a specific time to start, are all vital to success, but they actually make up the training and preparation phase.  These are the steps that prepare you for the action phase.

All systems go!

Yes, each step required you to make choices and then act on those choices.  Each step also moved you closer to your goal.  But everything changes at the decisive moment.  From that point on it is a new and completely different experience.  It’s game time.

This is the moment when you blow the doors off your limitations and you call up resources you didn’t even realize you had.  At this point, any residual fear becomes excitement, doubt vanishes and your commitment gives you the focus needed to blast through anything that tries to get in your way. Now it’s a rush, a living roller coaster ride and you are the one having fun.

Do you see application for this strategy in your life?
Are you seeing your fears in a slightly different way?
The lines are open!

This article is composed of excerpts from my book TRUE SELF. I wanted to give you a little taste of the powerful, life changing strategies contained in this book. If you haven’t read it yet you should check it out here.

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What is it that prevents you from doing all the things you really want to do?  Is fear involved?  Fear is such a powerful emotion that it can literally put a stranglehold on our lives. That’s often true, even when our logical mind says, “you can do it.”

This is because our emotions are more powerful than our logic.  In a battle between our minds and our emotions, guess who is going to win?  You’ve probably experienced this in your own life.  Have you ever been presented with a great opportunity and logically concluded that you should take advantage of it? Was it fear that stopped you?

The fear factor

Fear comes in all shapes and sizes.  For example, fear of failure creates doubt and anxiety, which can paralyze us from taking action.  Even if we are 97% sure that something will work out favorably, that 3% fear factor can stop us in our tracks.

Then there’s fear of ridicule or of displeasing someone whose approval is
important to us.  Emotionally, approval represents pleasure and it’s something we all long for. On the other hand, ridicule and disapproval represent pain and the strongest human tendency is to move away from pain.

So even when our mind is 97% sure that acting on this opportunity will result in pleasure, the 3% possibility of pain can be very persuasive.  This is especially true under challenging circumstances.  For example: the current economic squeeze that is being felt by just about everyone. It’s much easier to muster up the confidence to try something new when our life feels stable and under control.

Economic influences

The current economic situation however, is chipping away at people’s sense of stability and security.  Things that they felt they could count on, such as jobs and investments, are suddenly gone.  This can create a massive sense of fear and insecurity.  When you’re unsure of the things that you thought you could count on, how are you supposed to feel confident about trying something else?

Many times it’s our perception of circumstance that will determine how they affect us emotionally.  Is the glass half full or half empty?  Has the economy just dealt a fatal blow, or has it opened up a new opportunity?  It’s all about perception.

It’s much easier to maintain an optimistic point of view when we’ve got all our bases covered, or at least most of them.  It’s difficult though, to adjust to challenges when they come suddenly and unexpectedly.  When you’ve invested years in a company, a business or a financial plan, the tendency to adopt a negative viewpoint can be very strong when these assets are threatened.

Advanced life skills

Learning to control how we perceive the events and circumstances going on around us can feel very challenging, if not impossible. Logically, you may reason that such control is possible, but how do you feel about it emotionally?

Once again we see that fear can create doubt, which in turn prevents us from taking action.  So any program that attempts to teach you how to exercise control over your perception would also need to show you how to change the way you channel negative, fearful energy.  I use the term channel because energy is energy, it can be used for good or bad.  It can serve us, or limit us.

Having someone tell you that you need to view some event as an opportunity instead of a catastrophe doesn’t really help much, does it?  Being told that you are in control of your own emotions, including fear, is a lot different than being shown how to exercise that control.

Learning Advanced life skills

All too often, those who are looking for real help only receive bits and pieces.  It’s a challenging prospect to transform the quality of your life.  But for those willing to put forth the effort, I honestly feel that you deserve more than the partial information and abstract concepts so common these days.

My goal in writing TRUE SELF was to give you a practical, down to earth, step-by-step guide that was easy to follow, and that would successfully walk you through the complete transformation process. As if that wasn’t challenging enough, I also wanted to refine it down to a manageable size so it would not be overwhelming. I am very pleased with the results, and I think you will be also. Why not have a look at the reviews and see how much this book has helped others to make empowering changes in their lives?

Has fear been getting in your way lately?
Do you feel like there are fewer opportunities available to you?
The lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.

Personal self-esteem isn’t something that a lot of people feel comfortable talking about. When we do discuss it, we generally use terms like healthy or low to describe the condition of our self-esteem. But what is the foundation of self-esteem? If we want to make some improvements in this area, where do we start?

Our beliefs form the basis for our self-esteem. Specifically, our beliefs about our value as a person and what we feel we are or are not capable of.

The way we view ourselves according to those beliefs is either empowering or limiting. We form these beliefs based on the conclusions we draw about our own experiences, especially our estimation of our ability to produce the results we want. Even though our value as a person has little to do with productivity, on an emotional level the two can seem almost inseparable.

How effort influences self-esteem

When our efforts do not produce the results we want it can cause us to doubt our own abilities. If this happens repeatedly, it will likely affect our overall sense of self-worth.

When our efforts in the past have led to pain and disappointment instead of pleasure, it is easy to conclude that further efforts will unavoidably lead to more pain and disappointment.  This type of mindset creates a negative reinforcement loop that feeds on itself.

With each painful experience, fear increases and self-esteem decreases.  Consequently, fear of failure brings with it a lack of commitment. And of course, lack of commitment will lead to disappointing results that reinforce the limiting belief.

Connecting the dots

Every single experience you have provides information to your nervous system through some or all of your five senses. This information is recorded as a memory. When you experience similar events over and over again, it forms an established neurological pathway. In turn, that pathway becomes an established emotional response pattern.

These patterns are outside of our normal thought process and therefore easily override our logical reasoning. Once we establish a belief about ourselves we no longer question it. Instead we simply accept it as part of our identity.

Self esteem is always susceptible

This can happen at any point in life.  Our self-esteem is often a carryover from experiences in childhood. But don’t conclude that this is always the case. A series of disappointing events, at any point in life, can batter our perception of who we are and what we are capable of. When our efforts repeatedly lead to pain and disappointment it can have a devastating effect on our confidence and self-esteem.

Whenever something happens in your life, your brain will ask two questions:

1) Is this going to bring me pain or pleasure?
2) What must I do now to avoid the pain and or gain the pleasure?

How you interpret the situation will determine your answers. It will also form the foundation for your future expectations.

We always try to avoid pain

When effort seems to equal pain our mind searches for a reason. All too often, the reasons we come up with are, “I’m not worthy, I’m worthless or I guess I don’t deserve anything good.” Remember, this is not about logic. It’s an emotionally charged response fueled by a natural desire to avoid more pain.

To rebuild our self-esteem requires that we dismantle our limiting beliefs about ourselves and find a way to change how we link pain and pleasure to our life experiences.

There are many ways to accomplish this and I will touch on some of them in future articles, but you don’t need to wait. If you want to dismantle your limiting beliefs and replace them with empowering ones, I highly recommend that you read the reviews of my book, TRUE SELF. This book is designed to walk you through the process. Short of personal coaching, it is the fastest way I know to get your beliefs moving in a positive direction.

Do these connections make sense to you?
Have you ever struggled with the effect of limiting beliefs?
The lines are open!

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What is preventing you from the relentless pursuit of your most cherished dreams? Is it circumstances? Are you keeping your dreams on hold thinking that as soon as your situation changes you will seize the opportunity and go for it?

If that is what you’ve been telling yourself then you might want to examine your situation a little further.  Is it possible that there is something else holding you back? Could it perhaps be some underlying fear that you haven’t quite come to grips with?

Don’t let fear rob you of your dreams

There is an incredible array of fears that can influence us in many subtle and deceptive ways. So much so that we often don’t even recognize their existence. Besides, even if we do recognize their presence, it does not necessarily mean that we will have the courage to break through those fears and take action.

Sometimes, we knowingly allow fear to stand between us and our dreams. Sadly, if we do that long enough, chances are, we will eventually abandon our dreams and rationalize our choice with logical sounding excuses.

This does not need to happen to you. You don’t have to allow fear to hinder your actions and destroy your dreams! With a simple shift in perspective, you can learn to transform that fear energy into excitement and use that positive energy to your advantage. 

Which side do you focus on?

Learning to shift our focus away from what we stand to lose, and toward what we stand to gain, will completely change our perception of the situation. This simple shift can quickly leave us feeling more courageous and eager to take action!

Many people are in the habit of seeing the negative side of any challenging situation. If we focus more on how big the challenge seems, instead of the potential benefits, we will resist taking action because all we can see is the potential, negative risks involved. The more we focus on the possibility of loss the more fear we create.

With this kind of mindset, wanting to move forward toward our dreams probably won’t provide enough incentive to overcome these fears. As a result, we will continuously hold ourselves back and end up accomplishing far less than we are capable of.

What are the positive and negative possibilities?

You may find it helpful to make a list of any specific fears you have and get them out in the open. In each situation that leaves you feeling hesitant or fearful, try to evaluate exactly what is holding you back. What is it that you are afraid will happen and why? Are those things really likely to occur, or is there only a slight chance?

Then use a separate sheet of paper and create a list of the benefits you stand to gain by moving forward. Be as specific and optimistic as you can. Remember that dread and fear will amplify your perception of the negative possibilities, which can make the positive benefits seem significantly smaller or less important. So, you may need to work a little harder at emphasizing the positive.

Use this information to make a balanced decision

Looking over these two lists should give you a more balanced view of your options. It will also provide the clarity you need to decide whether to move forward or not. You may decide that you have valid reasons to hang back a bit longer, and it’s perfectly fine as long as you aren’t allowing unrealistic fears to decide for you.

If you see that the possible negative consequences are more than you are willing to accept at this time, you can either come up with some less risky options, or simply hold off and reevaluate at a later time. Deciding to back off can require just as much courage as deciding to move forward, but in this case, your decision is based on sound reasoning rather than emotional paranoia.

Don’t let fear get in your way

If you do decide that the time to take action is now, you may still need to work at building up your courage a bit before you act. Creating a well thought out plan of action will go a long way in this area. Remember, the only person with the power to hold you back, or move you forward, is YOU. At its core, courage is largely the determination to conquer any fear, hesitation or excuse that attempts to separate you from your dreams.

Whatever you do, don’t try to convince yourself into believing that you have to be completely fearless before moving toward your goals! The most successful people in the world would openly confess that they eventually had to be resolved to move forward despite their fears and feelings of uncertainty!

Courage is absolutely a choice, and fear does not have the power to rob you of your dreams, motivation, and strength unless you decide to let it.

How are you doing in the pursuit of your dreams?
Have you ever wondered what’s been holding you back?
The lines are open!

The entire process of transforming fear energy into eager anticipation and motivation is covered in detail in section 5 my book TRUE SELF. This section, Harness the Power, includes six chapters devoted to helping you fully harness your internal power connection.

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