Even the most self-confident among us will experience doubt from time to time. Because we can’t completely avoid it, we need a strategy that allows us to contend with, and conquer self-doubt. So, what is the difference between those who overcome this insidious foe, and those who are controlled by it?

Before we get into that, let’s talk a little about what doubt is, and why it likes to creep into our lives like a party pooper, and throw a wet blanket on our motivation.

Self-doubt is that feeling of uncertainty about your ability to accomplish something. This dark shadow of insecurity can lead to hesitation and indecision. If left unchecked, it can cause us to abandon our course or radically compromise our expectations.

How do we know when we are harboring self-doubt?

There are certain words and thoughts that reveal the presence of doubt and we should train ourselves to spot them early on. Phrases like “I’m not sure, maybe I was wrong, I don’t feel up to the task, or this is too hard” may indicate a weakening of confidence brought on by doubt in our own abilities.

As soon as we say or think anything similar to any of those phrases, we should attempt to identify the source. Granted, such expressions don’t always indicate self-doubt, but we would do well to check it out, so we can be sure.

Do not underestimate its destructive power

Because self-doubt is a temporary expression of insecurity, it can reach right to our core. Like termites chewing away at the foundation of a strong building, doubt can undermine our strongest beliefs. Often times, it is the only thing that stands between where we are, and where we want to be.

On the positive side

As with other kinds of fear, there are positive aspects of doubt for those who manage to overcome it. For example, doubt that is conquered yields stronger resolve. Our determination will always be greater once we successfully meet challenges to our self-confidence.

Once we develop a history meeting doubt head on and conquering it, we become much less susceptible to its influence. It will still surface from time to time, but we will see it coming, and know how to neutralize it.

7 simple steps to conquering self-doubt

1. Recognize and acknowledge your doubt. You cannot overcome something until you first recognize and acknowledge its existence. If we give into the temptation to ignore or deny self-doubt, it will impose limits on our ability to act. Self-doubt can be a stealthy problem. If you suspect that it exists, you need to pull it into the light so it can be dealt with. The better you become at identifying hidden doubts, the easier it will be to overcome them.

2. Analyze your doubt. Spend some time drilling down and figure out what triggered it and why? When you analyze feelings, you make them vulnerable logic and reason. Normally, feelings override logic, but questioning the validity of feelings brings them within the reach of reason.

3. Identify the source. If you can figure out where these feelings originate, then you can hit them where they live. You don’t need to psychoanalyze yourself back to childhood or anything like that. Just try to get a handle on the area of your life that creates your sense of uncertainty so you can work on it.

4. Is there a pattern. Do you have a history of self-doubt in this area? Doubt tends to have favorite places to hang out. This raises the likelihood that we have probably experienced it in a similar situation before. Think back, have you been down this road before? Did you overcome your doubts? If so, what steps did you take? If not, what can you do differently this time around?

5 . Design a plan. Sit down and plan out a strategy for defeating your doubt. Make an educated decision about what to do next. Choose a path that you think will lead to conquering your doubts. Next, put your plan down in writing.

6. Anticipate possible challenges. Now look at your plan and try to identify possible challenges along the way. Is there some area that you need help with? If so, ask someone close to you to give you some encouragement. Sometimes, some foresight and a little support is all it takes.

7. Take action. You have a plan, the next step is to put it to use by taking action. Stick to your plan and ask for help if you need it. In fact, encouragement is good even if you think you can go it alone.

For most people, self-doubt is just a temporary condition. Think of it like a speed bump on the road to success. Take the bump in stride, then put the pedal to the metal, and go for it. When your confidence is challenged, just follow these seven steps and you will get past it. In fact, I have no doubt about your ability to leave self-doubt in the dust.

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What do you think of when you hear the phrase  self-confidence? Is it a desirable quality, or is it some kind of ego driven, inflated assessment of one’s own abilities?

Do you desire greater confidence, or do you harbor negative feelings toward those that seem overly confident, or both?

Seeking balance

As with anything else, a balanced, healthy sense of confidence is what we should strive for. Here is a question worth considering, is it possible to have a realistic view of one’s own abilities, and still have unstoppable self-confidence?

Yes it is, and that’s where balance comes in. Confidence is an inner feeling of certainty about what we have to offer, and what we are capable of accomplishing. It is closely related to self-esteem, which is our personal estimation of our own value and worth as a person.

Without a reasonable degree of self-esteem, it is impossible to manifest extraordinary confidence. So, self-esteem levels are an important factor, and they need to be maintained within certain reasonable limits. Just as an unreasonable level of self-esteem creates an egomaniac, too much self-confidence can also prove to be unrealistic and counterproductive. If it’s unrealistic, then it is also potentially harmful on some level, physically, emotionally, or financially. How can being too confident be harmful?

Everything has its limits

While a strong sense of self-confidence will create new opportunities, it cannot change reality. For example, on a physical plane, having complete confidence that you can fly off the top of a 50-story building will not negate the force of gravity. Gravity is a force of nature, and it is not susceptible to your will. That my friend is just reality.

Here’s an example from the financial world. Dumping your life savings into a falling stock market because you have complete confidence that things are about to turn around, will not change the direction of the markets. You will either be very lucky, or very broke.

How about emotionally? Having blind faith (unrealistic confidence), as in these two examples will probably have a negative impact on your self-esteem. As a result, doubt will erode your level of confidence and you will experience an emotional set back.

Extremes aside, what benefits come from confidence?

Confidence makes life much easier and much more fun. It creates opportunities that would not exist otherwise. Having confidence gives us the energy to pursue our dreams, and the power to overcome obstacles. It gives us a sense of certainty in our ability to bring about a favorable outcome, even when others have doubt.

Many people are afraid to go for the life they truly desire. Lacking self-confidence they fear failure, worse yet, they actually anticipate it. Their lack of confidence stifles their willingness to reach out for their dreams.

On the other hand, being confident opens the doors to your dreams. When you carry yourself with confidence, people will naturally be attracted to that quality. When you have confidence in yourself, others tend to feel that way also. When you speak and act with conviction, it changes the way the world responds to you.

Developing and displaying self-confidence will change your life on almost every level. Confidence is like a powerful magnet that will attract into your life whatever opportunities, resources, or people are needed to facilitate your ability to create the life you desire.

Where does self-confidence come from?

Confidence grows, or shrinks, in response to your personal beliefs about who you are, and what you are capable of. These beliefs are influenced by your self-esteem, and reinforced by the results you have produced in previous experiences.

If your self-esteem is low, your level of commitment will also be low. Lack of confidence will cause you to hold back in expectation of failure. With only a half-hearted commitment and negative expectations, results will probably be disappointing. Being unable to produce your desired result will further erode your self-esteem. It’s a negative reinforcement loop.

On the other hand, if you already have a healthy level of self-esteem, you will likely have a correspondingly high level of self-confidence. When you take on a new challenge, you will anticipate a successful outcome and so your level of commitment will also be greater. These factors will combine to create another successful outcome, which will continue to fuel your level of confidence. This is a positive reinforcement loop.

How do we build more self-confidence?

We build our self-confidence by creating a positive reinforcement loop. This will allow us to bolster our self-esteem, increase our level of commitment, and produce our intended outcome. As a result, our self-confidence will grow. Each time the loop is completed successfully, we will become more and more confident in our own ability to succeed.

The key is to start small

Starting small allows us to control the outcome and generate some momentum. Here are five simple steps that will help you get started.

1) Choose an area in your life where you know you can take control. No matter who we are, there is always some area in our life where we feel a level of competence. Start by setting a reachable goal in that direction and then take action.

2) When you experience success, set another reachable goal in that same direction and follow through with more action.

3) Continue this pattern until you become comfortable with your ability to produce your intended outcome. Now you have created a positive reinforcement loop.

4) Next, choose a different area in your life where you have a degree of competence and repeat the process.

5) As your feelings of confidence grow, allow yourself to identify with your success. Learn to view yourself as a successful person and attach feelings of approval to your positive experiences.

You can also explain your challenge to a friend and ask them to provide you with some positive feedback every time you succeed in producing an intended result. Now you will have both an external, and an internal source of positive validation.

These steps can be followed to increase your level of self-confidence regardless of your current level. Just scale the first step according to where you are now, and build your self-confidence from there. The phrase start small is relative to where you currently are.

Start where you are and make progress

Often, it was circumstances beyond our control that had a decisive influence on our self-esteem and self-confidence. But that was then and this is now. Taking the time to build, or even rebuild, these important personal assets is definitely worth the effort.

So, in addressing our opening question, “What’s Wrong With Unstoppable Self-Confidence?” the obvious answer can only be –
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL!

Have you ever struggled with self-confidence issues?
Do you think self-confidence can be built up over time?
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Watch this video: To truly understand what is involved in building unstoppable self-confidence, we first must understand the relationship of Cause and Effect. In this short video Dr. Robert Anthony explains why cause is more powerful than effect and how you can use this knowledge to build your self-confidence very quickly.  Self-Confidence Creator Video.

There is an important relationship between confidence and courage? Have you ever felt that a lack of confidence was holding you back from living up to your true potential? When you think of reaching out for your greatest goals and dreams, do you fear that you won’t have what it takes? Courage is one way to overcome feelings of low confidence, but what kind of courage are we talking about? We’ll get to that in a moment.

First, I just want to say that if you find yourself struggling with confidence, don’t be too quick to assume that your feelings are based on any kind of personal inadequacy. There are many reasons why confidence is such an issue in people’s lives, and a lot of them have to do with conditioning. In many ways our society teaches us to doubt ourselves. It’s all part of the conditioning process that is designed to make us dependent rather than independent.

Don’t be afraid of your own greatness

I personally know quite a few people who have had the courage to push forward toward their dreams even when they didn’t feel especially confident. You know what happened? Not only did they make amazing progress, but they were also able to build their confidence along the way.

There is something we can learn from this. Taking action is one of the most effective ways to conquer self-doubt. There is power in doing. Taking action is how we prove to ourselves that our lack of confidence was based on perception, not reality. Your personal greatness lies beyond the wall of low self-confidence. Do you have the courage to start climbing that wall?

Where did the wall of low confidence come from?

Our social structure is actually designed to produce people who undervalue their own abilities. Our children are taught to look to external sources for validation that they are worthwhile human beings. They grow up believing that their personal value depends on the approval of other people along with things like grades, looks, and being friends with the right people.

Why is going to school about learning to regurgitate useless information to get a good grade on tests that are meaningless? Wouldn’t it be better to learn creative thinking and problem solving? What do you think happens to an extremely creative child who gets a D grade on his report card while those who are much less creative are getting A’s and B’s? Lack of confidence and a low sense of self-worth, that’s what happens. They are punished emotionally for their creativity. They are rewarded for conformity.

What do you think happens to the employee who comes up with a brilliant way to reorganize his employers business and then gets fired for making his boss look bad? Meanwhile, his less motivated coworker is promoted because he panders to his boss. Again, confidence is squashed and creativity is stifled.

Why are we sending mixed signals?

It’s interesting to note that the same society that seems to discourage creativity outside the box also honors those who display this quality. From Henry Ford to Bill Gates, those with the confidence and courage to follow through on their dreams have been honored. Do you think famous people like these ever suffered from self-doubt or a lack of confidence? Maybe, but even if they did, they never let it stand in their way and neither should you. They had the courage to take action and the rest is history.

Did you know that Thomas Edison, Walt Disney, and Albert Einstein didn’t do well in school? These are famous, highly honored individuals who had the courage to follow their creative dreams regardless of popular opinion, even in the face of ridicule. They mustered up the courage to take action and overcome self-doubt.

What can we learn from this?

It’s perfectly normal to harbor feelings of self-doubt considering how most of us were raised. These feelings can be overcome, and taking action toward your dreams is a big step in the right direction. You need to believe, really believe, that there is something wonderfully unique and valuable about you and your creative abilities. You also need to recognize that it will take some courage to prove that to yourself. If you have the courage to take action, confidence will follow.

I want to encourage you to push beyond the limits of self-doubt. I want to encourage you to expand your beliefs about what you are capable of, so that you can discover the personal greatness you were born for. I am asking you to give yourself permission to become the best possible version of you, and then to take action in the direction of your dreams.

If you do that, you will soon discover that there’s no more room in your life for self-doubt. You will feel confident in your ability to be yourself, and that is the most rewarding thing any of us can ever be.

What has helped you to climb the wall of self-doubt?
How do you muster up the courage to take action?
The lines are open and your thoughts really matter!

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Watch this video: To truly understand what is involved in building unstoppable self-confidence, we first must understand the relationship of Cause and Effect. In this short video Dr. Robert Anthony explains why cause is more powerful than effect and how you can use this knowledge to build your self-confidence very quickly. Self-Confidence Creator Video.

We live in challenging times, how’s your self confidence holding up? Let’s face it, maintaining your personal confidence when life is relatively normal can be challenging enough. But when we are confronted by unexpected challenges, it can be very difficult to avoid giving in to self-doubt and uncertainty.

When we feel confident, it makes us more resourceful. Challenges seem less threatening and have much less impact on our sense of security. Take away our self confidence and we become unsteady in our ability to make decisions and take action. Do you have enough confidence in your own abilities to meet challenges head on without giving way to doubt and fear?

How much confidence is realistic?

In all areas of life, balance is always the key, the same is true with confident we feel. With that in mind, let me ask you a question. Do you think that it’s possible to have a realistic, balanced view of one’s own abilities and still have enough self confidence to see you through unexpected challenges? Is it okay to think about building exceptional self confidence in your abilities?

Many people wrestle with the line between reality and fantasy when it comes to feeling confident. This works two ways. A person who feels that they have no real abilities is not being realistic, but neither is a person who believes that they can fly. While I know for a fact that most people are capable of amazing things, I also know that gravity cannot by overpowered by confidence. That’s just not realistic.

Self-confidence is personal

Short of flying, I know from personal experience that we are all capable of doing many things that are thought to be impossible by most people. The point is, popular opinion is not an accurate way to measure the upward limits of human potential or your own abilities. So please, do not allow the limiting beliefs of others to influence you.

Remember, self-confidence is an inner feeling of certainty about what we have to offer, and what we are capable of accomplishing. It has absolutely nothing to do with what anybody else thinks. No matter what our abilities, some will believe in us and some will not. Your personal confidence is about what you believe; it is your personal perception that’s important.

Self confidence is empowering

Self confidence is a form of personal empowerment. It gives us a sense of certainty in our ability to bring about a favorable outcome. As a result, we have the energy to pursue our dreams and the personal power to overcome obstacles. But it also changes how others view us.

When you carry yourself with confidence, people are naturally attracted to that quality. When they sense your confidence in yourself, others tend to be confident in you as well. When you speak and act with conviction, it changes the way the way the world responds to you. This response creates opportunities that would not have existed otherwise.

Self confidence is the opposite of doubt

When people doubt their abilities it creates a very limiting dynamic. Many people are afraid to go for the life they truly desire. Lacking self-confidence they fear failure, worse yet, they actually anticipate it. Their lack of confidence stifles their willingness to reach out for their dreams.

These feelings of doubt and inability will also change the way others see them. It is easy to sense when somebody doubts their self. Even if their words don’t give them away, we can feel it on a subconscious level. It’s very hard to put confidence in someone who doubts their own ability. This means that they will not be exposed to the same opportunities as someone who radiates confidence.

What influences how confident you feel?

Self-confidence is influenced by several factors. Identifying these factors will allow us to use a variety of approaches to build exceptional confidence from every angle. Here are seven things that exert a strong influence on your sense of self-confidence:

1) Self-esteem. In a general way, self-confidence is influenced by self-esteem. Feelings of worthlessness (low self-esteem) will have a limiting effect on overall self-confidence. However, you can still experience high levels of self-confidence in specific areas in which you excel. On the other hand, a healthy self esteem makes it much easier to feel confident about your abilities in all areas of life.

2) Past results. If we have a record of producing our intended result in any area, we will be inclined to feel confident in our ability to duplicate that success. However, if we have tried and failed repeatedly, it will be difficult to feel confident in our ability to succeed. So, confidence tends to grow or shrink based on the results we produce.

3) External feedback. When the people around you, especially those you respect, express confidence in your abilities it really boosts your self-confidence. The same thing can happen when you see a peer, or even someone less qualified, accomplish something you want to do. This can create an attitude of: “If they can do it, I can do it.” It may not seem like much of an influence, but this kind of attitude has given people the confidence to accomplish things they never would have attempted otherwise.

4) Body Language. You may be thinking that your body language only affects the way other people perceive you, but there is actually more to it. Your body language, including your posture, gestures, facial expressions, gait, and attentiveness, all send powerful signals to your own nervous system. Every attitude and mood has corresponding body language, including feelings of confidence. If your body is sending signals to your nervous system that correspond to personal confidence, your attitude will adjust to harmonize with those signals.

5) Speech. Besides body language, what usually alerts you to the confidence level of another person? It’s what they say, and how they say it. There is a huge difference in the speech of those with exceptional confidence when compared to those plagued with self-doubt. Like body language, your speech also sends powerful signals to your nervous system. Your speech has a direct influence on your level of self confidence.

6) Self talk. This is the communication that no one else sees or hears. Self talk is what composes those silent conversations we have with ourselves. Little internal phrases like: “All right, way to go” tell our nervous system that we approve. Other phrases like: “You idiot, what’s your problem” send a completely different message. We can use self talk to build up our self confidence or to tear it apart.

7) Expectation. Whether or not we feel confident about our own abilities is directly influenced by the expectations we put on ourselves. If we expect to excel at some extremely difficult task the first time we try it, we could be setting ourselves up for failure. Do this too often and your confidence will take a beating. If we have more reasonable expectations and experience success, our confidence will grow. This is an area where balance is vital.

The benefits of self confidence

Learning to develop and display exceptional self-confidence will change your life on every level. Personal confidence is like a powerful magnet. When you have confidence in yourself and your abilities, you attract new opportunities, resources, and people into your life. You will find ways to open whatever doors are needed to create the life you truly desire.

We have taken a close look at what confidence is, some of the things that influence it, and how it can change our lives. In future articles we will look at each of those influential areas and consider some practical ways to minimize self-doubt and build exceptional self confidence.

How’s your confidence holding up these days?
What challenges have tested your confidence recently?
The Lines are open!

If you enjoyed this article, consider email or RSS updates!

Watch this video: To truly understand what is involved in building unstoppable self-confidence, we first must understand the relationship of Cause and Effect. In this short video Dr. Robert Anthony explains why cause is more powerful than effect and how you can use this knowledge to build your self-confidence very quickly. Self-Confidence Creator Video.

This is a guest post from Dr. Annette Colby.

If you are like most people, you have a goal or a dream that is meaningful and that you want to achieve. That goal may be related to personal growth issues such as weight loss, gaining self-esteem, finding inner peace, increasing your energy levels, or overcoming depression.

Or, your goal may include going back to school, entering a new career, or bringing your creative talents into a greater public light. Having a goal is the easy part. Attempting to move through your own inner obstacles can literally leave you terrified, completely paralyzed by your own fear.

If you have tried to reach your goal and stopped because you encountered a seemingly insurmountable obstacle, don’t give up. That is the nature of goals. They take you into new territory and bring you face-to-face with your own fears and doubts. The issue is not about how to avoid fear, but how to make positive decisions that boost your confidence while fear is present.

Every day, many people give up on their dreams due to self-doubt and fear. But it doesn’t have to be that way! Here are six steps to overcoming doubt and fear and bringing your own goals to life.

1. Make a Decision. Once you define your dream or goal, decide that you want to live this kind of happy and satisfied life. This may seem basic but many people never decide and commit fully to their dream. They simply keep “thinking” about it. Or, when the first obstacle appears and they give up. Make a commitment to yourself. Right now is not the time to worry about how to make it happen, or how you are going to move through your challenges. Instead, plant the seed of your dream inside of you and you commit to loving this seed until the day you can harvest the fruits of your efforts.

Honor your commitment to self. No one can let you down more than you can. Make a commitment about what you want and stand strong in your commitment. No matter how challenging, how fearful, or overwhelming it may seem, decide you are going for it! Why? For no other reason than because you want it. There are no should’s, have to’s, or weak choices. This is something you want for yourself and a choice you have made.

2. You Are Not Your Fear. As you move forward on your dream, doubt and fear are going to show up sooner than you might have expected. To move beyond fear, it is helpful to learn to separate yourself from your fear. For example, instead of thinking an all encompassing statement such as, “I am fearful,” learn instead to say, “There is a part of me that is fearful and doesn’t want to move forward. But somewhere inside of me there is also a desire to continue moving forward.”

Fear is not all of who you are, rather it is an emotion that you are experiencing. The key is to recognize your fear, avoid becoming identified with your fear, and keep breathing. Breathing keeps energy moving and prevents you from being consumed in fear’s heavy embrace.

No matter how scary it seems, decide to sit with your emotion of fear for the purpose of accepting its presence, but not necessarily agreeing with it’s point of view. Acceptance helps because avoiding it doesn’t make it go away, looking the other way doesn’t make it disappear, and ignoring it does not make it any less painful. So, breathe. Then tell yourself that even though you are feeling intense fear, you can still take action. Look fear in the eye and let it know, “You are not the boss of me!” Then take the necessary steps to gain new tools and strategies to move forward on your dream once again.

3. Change your attitude about failure. Long ago, a quote arrived in my email that read, “You try things, some work, some don’t, and you do more of what works.” These simple words suggest that the formula for success is that if you want to grow and succeed, you also have to be willing to fail. Certainly, no one actually wants to experience failure.

However, if you want to succeed at something new, you will most likely experience setbacks, obstacles, and failures along the way. To be successful, redefine failure in a manner allowing yourself to see failure as “information.”Failure is really just feedback telling you to evaluate your experience, utilize the information gained to adjust your plan, and then try a new approach. When you experience a failure – get up, dust yourself off, access the information gained, revise your course, and begin again.

4. Build Your Confidence Muscle. Although achieving your dream will bring up stress, fear, doubt, this experience is precisely what is necessary for a confidence breakthrough to occur. It is not enough to make self-supporting choices when your journey is easy, you have to do it when it’s hardest to do so. That’s because to break through what is holding you back, you have to go through the doubt. You can’t dance around it, wish it away, or analyze how to avoid the experience. Making self-empowering decisions under stress is what leads you authentic personal growth and solidifies inner change.

It’s the challenges of your journey that offer hundreds of opportunities to develop your confidence muscle and gain mastery over your experiences. Every obstacle, setback, or failure offers you a new chance to believe in yourself instead of falling into doubt and fear.

5. Decide You Don’t Have To Do Anything. Here is an experiment. For the next 48 hours, eliminate the words “I have to” from your vocabulary and substitute the words “I choose to.” Instead of saying, “I have to move forward on my goal” say, “I choose to take this specific action step today.” Or, you could just as effectively say, “I choose not to take any action step today.” Either choice allows you to understand that you are the person in control of your choices. You set the priorities. You are responsible. You have control. Feel how empowering this simple change of words can be.

6. Ask Yourself Empowering Questions. Certain types of questions can lead you to gain new insights and new motivation. Ask yourself the following questions, allow yourself to answer them from your heart, and see where your truths take you: Are your dreams important enough to change your daily lifestyle?

• Do you want to be responsible for your own life decisions?
• Do you have the courage to go after what you want with tenacity and see it through to the end?
• Can you accept that fear is part of the journey and move forward anyway?
• Can you recognize that fear is only your leader if you allow it to be?

Being able to overcome your doubt and fears so you can bring into reality the life of your dreams is one of the best experiences in the world! Take control of your life by practicing these five simple steps and learn how to tame your fear and create a happier, more successful life.

What do you think? Agree or Disagree?
Did I miss an important point?
Let’s talk about it.

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