There is no two ways about it; we have all experienced disappointment before. We’ve been disappointed in ourselves, others, outcomes, the weather, our job, and just about anything else we can think of.

So, here’s my question: Why?

It’s a simple enough question! Why do we get disappointed? Is it because people and situations let us down? Well, I know that’s the way it feels sometimes, but that is not why we get disappointed.

In reality, disappointment has nothing to do with other people, places, or circumstances. The fact is, disappointment never originates with an external source.

All disappointment comes from the same source

Can you guess what that source is? I’ll give you a hint, it’s internal. That’s right; we are the source of our own disappointment. OK, I know what you’re thinking…

If the weather turns bad while I’m on vacation, what does that have to do with me? And if the new car I just bought is a lemon, how is that from an internal source? I don’t control the weather, and I didn’t build the car, so how can I be responsible for the disappointment involved?

To answer those questions, we must first identify what disappointment really is. Is it the weather? Is it a car? Is disappointment any kind of a person, place, thing, or situation? No, it’s none of those.

Well then, what is it?

You know what it is – it’s a feeling! And where do feelings come from? There internal, right? They are an emotional response that we create. In the case of feeling disappointed, it’s our emotional response to EXPECTATION. That’s right; expectation is the basis for all disappointment.

We get disappointed when things fail to live up to our expectations. We don’t go to Hawaii to bask in the rain, and we don’t spend tens of thousands of dollars on a new car so we can have mechanical problems. We tend to attach expectation to almost everything in life and this means disappointment becomes a distinct possibility.

The role of expectation

Giving up on expectation so we won’t be disappointed is not really a viable option. Much of our excitement and enthusiasm in life comes from eager expectation. We look forward to things when we anticipate a desirable outcome. In fact, often times that excitement makes up a large percentage of the joy we experience.

Expectation can also work the other way. If we are anticipating a painful outcome we don’t call it excitement, do we? No, we call it anxiety. In the case of a negative expectation (anxiety), then we are glad when things don’t turn out the way we expected. It’s a relief instead of a disappointment.

So how do we avoid feeling disappointed?

That’s a really good question. There are a number of adjustments we can make to reduce our feelings of disappointment without sacrificing enthusiasm. Here are three:

1. Accept wider parameters. When our expectations fall within parameters that are too narrow then the likelihood that we will experience disappointment goes way up. For example, if you go to Hawaii during the winter accept the fact that you will probably have some rainy days. Plan some non beach activities around those days and you’ll be covered. On the other hand, if having a good time requires that everyday be between 78-83 degrees with cloudless skies, that’s just asking to be disappointed. So loosening up on your expectations a bit reduces the chance of disappointment.

2. Live in the moment. Viewing your life as an adventure allows you to enjoy the greatest variety of experiences. You still have the expectation of adventure, but you haven’t hemmed it into a preconceived package. Instead, you have made yourself open to just about anything that comes along and your enthusiasm remains high. Life is always a experience, cherish that and you’ll enjoy the ride.

3. Value learning. There are valuable lessons in every experience we have. How do you feel about these life lessons. Truth be told, some of our most profound learning comes from situations that didn’t turn out the way we thought they would. Much of the time we get what we need rather than what we want. If learning and growing is a top priority for us, we will find reasons to appreciate a wide range outcomes and experiences.

It’s all about attitude!

In the long run, it’s mostly up to us to decide what value we place on any experience. If we are looking for disappointment, that’s what we are going to find. Things don’t always turn out the way we might like, that’s a fact we all live with. Being enthusiastic and full of eager anticipation makes life fun and exciting. Learning to love the journey is the best defense against the dark cloud of feeling disappointed.

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Personal Philosophy is Like the Set of the Sail

Guest post by Jim Rohn
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In the process of living, the winds of circumstances blow on us all in an unending flow that touches each of our lives.
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We have all experienced the blowing winds of disappointment, despair and heartbreak. Why, then, would each of us, in our own individual ship of life, all beginning at the same point, with the same intended destination in mind, arrive at such different places at the end of the journey? Have we not all been blown by the winds of circumstances and buffeted by the turbulent storms of discontent?
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What guides us to different destinations in life is determined by the way we have chosen to set our sail. The way that each of us thinks makes the major difference in where each of us arrive. The major difference is the set of the sail.
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The same circumstances happen to us all. We have disappointments and challenges. We all have reversals and those moments when, in spite of our best plans and efforts, things just seem to fall apart. Challenging circumstances are not events reserved for the poor, the uneducated or the destitute. The rich and the poor have marital problems. The rich and the poor have the same challenges that can lead to financial ruin and personal despair. In the final analysis, it is not what happens that determines the quality of our lives, it is what we choose to do when we have struggled to set the sail and then discover, after all of our efforts, that the wind has changed directions.
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When the winds change, we must change. We must struggle to our feet once more and reset the sail in the manner that will steer us toward the destination of our own deliberate choosing. The set of the sail, how we think and how we respond, has a far greater capacity to destroy our lives than any challenges we face. How quickly and responsibly we react to adversity is far more important than the adversity itself. Once we discipline ourselves to understand this, we will finally and willingly conclude that the great challenge of life is to control the process of our thinking.
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Learning to reset the sail with the changing winds rather than permitting ourselves to be blown in a direction we did not purposely choose requires the development of a whole new discipline. It involves going to work on establishing a powerful, personal philosophy that will help to influence in a positive way all that we do and that we think and decide. If we can succeed in this worthy endeavor, the result will be a change in the course of our income, lifestyle and relationships, and in how we feel about the things of value as well as the times of challenge. If we can alter the way we perceive, judge and decide upon the main issues of life, then we can dramatically change our lives.
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Jonathan comments:
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Let’s admit it, we all make mistakes and sometimes it can leave us feeling pretty disappointed in ourselves. Today I wanted to share a story that I think you will find encouraging and who knows, maybe next time you make a mistake thinking back on this story may be just what is needed.

HANDLING MISTAKES by Steve Goodier

Are you afraid to make a mistake? Some people feel as if no one is ever paying attention until they make a mistake! If you goofed in a big way recently, maybe you need to hear about Roy Riegels. The story is told about Roy and the 1929 Rose Bowl championship football game between Georgia Tech and the University of California. Shortly before halftime, a man named Roy Riegels made a huge mistake. He got the ball for California and somehow became confused and started running in the wrong direction! One of his teammates outdistanced him and tackled him after he had run 65 yards, just before he would have scored for the opposing team. Of course, Georgia Tech gained a distinct advantage through the error.

The men filed off the field and went into the dressing room. All but Riegels sat down on the benches and on the floor. He wrapped his blanket around his shoulders, sat in a corner, put his face in his hands and wept.

Coach Nibbs Price struggled with what to do with Roy. He finally looked at the team and said simply, “Men, the same team that played the first half will start the second.”

All the players except Roy trotted out to the field. He didn’t budge. Though the coach looked back and called to him again, he remained huddled in the corner. Coach Price went to him and said, “Roy, didn’t you hear me?” “Coach,” he said, “I can’t do it. I’ve ruined you; I’ve ruined the school; I’ve ruined myself. I couldn’t face that crowd in the stadium to save my life.”

But Coach Price put his hand on Riegels’ shoulder and said, “Roy, get up and go on back; the game is only half over.” Roy Riegels went back and those Tech men will tell you that they have never seen a man play football as well as Roy Riegels played that second half.

The next time you make a mistake, it might be good to remember the ABC method of handling mistakes.

A – Acknowledge your error and accept responsibility for it. Don’t try to fix the blame on other people or circumstances. When you fix the blame, you never fix the problem.

B – Be gentle with yourself. The game is only half over. This is not the first mistake you ever made, nor will it be the last. You are still a good and caring person. Besides, later you may laugh at the blunder, so try to lighten up a bit now.

C – Correct it and move on. Correcting mistakes may also mean to make amends, if necessary. “Those who are wise don’t consider it a blessing to make no mistakes,” says Wang Yang-Ming. “They believe instead that the great virtue is the ability to correct mistakes and to continually reinvent oneself.”

Now, go make your mistakes. And though some may be no less than spectacular, if you practice the ABC method, you’ll live to laugh about many of them.

Steve Goodier’s books & Newsletter at Your Life Support System

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