I love to sail and once had the pleasure of spending a month on a beautiful 42 ft. sailboat in the Sea of Cortez between the east coast of Baja and the west coast of Mexico. Reflecting on that experience got me thinking about some of the similarities between literal sailing and the experience of sailing on the sea of life.

In the process of living, the winds of circumstance have an unending and ever-changing influence on us. Sometimes our circumstances are like a favorable breeze that make it easier to move in our desired direction. At other times, they require that we make constant adjustment in an effort to stay on course. And much like the wind, circumstances are often beyond our control.

Coping with ever-changing circumstances

A sailor knows that he can’t control the wind. He knows that staying on course as the winds change is only possible if he develops the necessary sailing skills. The higher his skill level, the more comfortable he is when the wind and sea become more challenging. This is especially evident when unexpected storms arise and his very survival is on the line.

We have all been through life storms and we have all experienced the blowing winds of disappointment, despair and heartbreak. Why is it that some people seem to come through these stormy experiences stronger and more empowered, while others suffer varying degrees of damage? How can we better equip ourselves to deal with these challenging situations?

3 Keys to smoother sailing on the sea of life

1. Skill and adaptability. When the winds of life change, we need the skill and adaptability to change with them. And we need to be able to do this while maintaining our balance and presence of mind. Like a sailor on a stormy sea, our mastery of advanced life skills will determine how well we fare during times of adversity. The higher our skill level, the more comfortable and confident we will be when circumstances become more challenging.

A slight difference in heading and sail set can make a huge difference when it comes to successfully navigating through stormy conditions. Even a small storm can cause a lot of damage if you have too much sail up. In life, small changes in sail set and direction can either make thing a lot smoother or a lot rougher. Skill and adaptability are what will make the difference.

2. Awareness and foresight. A skilled sailor doesn’t just benefit from his experience and proficiency when conditions change unexpectedly. He also develops a greater sense of awareness that allows him to read conditions and recognize the potential for danger. When he senses that conditions are becoming less favorable, he exercises his foresight to seek the shelter of a safe harbor.

If we are paying attention, our life experiences will allow us to develop a similar sense of awareness and foresight. We will learn to read circumstances and conditions that have the potential to blow us off course or complicate our lives unnecessarily. How much better it is to use our skills to sidestep a problem when possible, rather than having to deal with adversity that that could have been avoided.

3. An adventurer’s spirit. Every sailor I have ever met has a spirit of adventure. They like to feel the force of the wind (within reason) and they like to pit their skills against changing conditions. Sailing is an exciting activity and that is one of the reasons so many people love doing it. It’s exhilarating to harness the power of the wind.

When we view life with a spirit of adventure and look for the excitement that comes with change, it predisposes us to love life with its endless variety of thrills and challenges. Life is fluid like the sea and the skill with which we set our sails will have an enormous influence on the quality of our experience.

Facing the storm

The first day of my month long sailing adventure was one I will never forget. We left mainland Mexico at daybreak so we would have plenty of time for the crossing to Baja. Later in the morning, the skipper went below and I took the wheel. I found out just how fast the weather can change once you are beyond the point where you can see land.

The sky grew dark and funnel clouds began to spring up everywhere. These mini cyclones where actually sucking sea water up into the clouds. The wind was getting gusty and the swells where growing. When I woke the skipper up and asked if he had ever seen anything like it before, he took a moment and then said “yeah, but only in books.”

Needless to say, things got very crazy for several hours, and at times we even had waves covering the entire length of our deck. But he was a skilled and experienced sailor and we had a successful crossing with an extremely high level of excitement. After the storm cleared, the rest of my month long sailing adventure was marked by warm days, calm seas, and gentle breezes.

Storms are a fact of life

We all deal with disappointments and challenges. We all have reversals and times when, in spite of our best plans and efforts, things just seem to fall apart. Challenging circumstances are not reserved for any particular group, nor is anyone immune. The rich and the poor have marital problems. The rich and the poor have the same challenges that can lead to financial ruin and personal despair.

In the final analysis, it is not the changing circumstances that will determine the quality of our lives, but rather how skillfully we meet those challenges. If we develop the life skills needed to navigate through life’s storms, we will be in the best possible place to enjoy all the beauty, joy, and excitement that comes with those warm days, calm seas and gentle breezes that life has to offer.

What kind of seas are you sailing on?
What helps keep you on course?
The lines are open!

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. From discovering and dismantling your limiting beliefs, to aligning with and realizing your most cherished goals – and everything in between. TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

There is no two ways about it; we have all experienced disappointment before. We’ve been disappointed in ourselves, others, outcomes, the weather, our job, and just about anything else we can think of.

So, here’s my question: Why?

It’s a simple enough question! Why do we get disappointed? Is it because people and situations let us down? Well, I know that’s the way it feels sometimes, but that is not why we get disappointed.

In reality, disappointment has nothing to do with other people, places, or circumstances. The fact is, disappointment never originates with an external source.

All disappointment comes from the same source

Can you guess what that source is? I’ll give you a hint, it’s internal. That’s right; we are the source of our own disappointment. OK, I know what you’re thinking…

If the weather turns bad while I’m on vacation, what does that have to do with me? And if the new car I just bought is a lemon, how is that from an internal source? I don’t control the weather, and I didn’t build the car, so how can I be responsible for the disappointment involved?

To answer those questions, we must first identify what disappointment really is. Is it the weather? Is it a car? Is disappointment any kind of a person, place, thing, or situation? No, it’s none of those.

Well then, what is it?

You know what it is – it’s a feeling! And where do feelings come from? There internal, right? They are an emotional response that we create. In the case of feeling disappointed, it’s our emotional response to EXPECTATION. That’s right; expectation is the basis for all disappointment.

We get disappointed when things fail to live up to our expectations. We don’t go to Hawaii to bask in the rain, and we don’t spend tens of thousands of dollars on a new car so we can have mechanical problems. We tend to attach expectation to almost everything in life and this means disappointment becomes a distinct possibility.

The role of expectation

Giving up on expectation so we won’t be disappointed is not really a viable option. Much of our excitement and enthusiasm in life comes from eager expectation. We look forward to things when we anticipate a desirable outcome. In fact, often times that excitement makes up a large percentage of the joy we experience.

Expectation can also work the other way. If we are anticipating a painful outcome we don’t call it excitement, do we? No, we call it anxiety. In the case of a negative expectation (anxiety), then we are glad when things don’t turn out the way we expected. It’s a relief instead of a disappointment.

So how do we avoid feeling disappointed?

That’s a really good question. There are a number of adjustments we can make to reduce our feelings of disappointment without sacrificing enthusiasm. Here are three:

1. Accept wider parameters. When our expectations fall within parameters that are too narrow then the likelihood that we will experience disappointment goes way up. For example, if you go to Hawaii during the winter accept the fact that you will probably have some rainy days. Plan some non beach activities around those days and you’ll be covered. On the other hand, if having a good time requires that everyday be between 78-83 degrees with cloudless skies, that’s just asking to be disappointed. So loosening up on your expectations a bit reduces the chance of disappointment.

2. Live in the moment. Viewing your life as an adventure allows you to enjoy the greatest variety of experiences. You still have the expectation of adventure, but you haven’t hemmed it into a preconceived package. Instead, you have made yourself open to just about anything that comes along and your enthusiasm remains high. Life is always a experience, cherish that and you’ll enjoy the ride.

3. Value learning. There are valuable lessons in every experience we have. How do you feel about these life lessons. Truth be told, some of our most profound learning comes from situations that didn’t turn out the way we thought they would. Much of the time we get what we need rather than what we want. If learning and growing is a top priority for us, we will find reasons to appreciate a wide range outcomes and experiences.

It’s all about attitude!

In the long run, it’s mostly up to us to decide what value we place on any experience. If we are looking for disappointment, that’s what we are going to find. Things don’t always turn out the way we might like, that’s a fact we all live with. Being enthusiastic and full of eager anticipation makes life fun and exciting. Learning to love the journey is the best defense against the dark cloud of feeling disappointed.

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Do you want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden, limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you smoothly through the process.

Let’s admit it, we all make mistakes and sometimes it can leave us feeling pretty disappointed in ourselves. Today I wanted to share a story that I think you will find encouraging and who knows, maybe next time you make a mistake thinking back on this story may be just what is needed.

HANDLING MISTAKES by Steve Goodier

Are you afraid to make a mistake? Some people feel as if no one is ever paying attention until they make a mistake! If you goofed in a big way recently, maybe you need to hear about Roy Riegels. The story is told about Roy and the 1929 Rose Bowl championship football game between Georgia Tech and the University of California. Shortly before halftime, a man named Roy Riegels made a huge mistake. He got the ball for California and somehow became confused and started running in the wrong direction! One of his teammates outdistanced him and tackled him after he had run 65 yards, just before he would have scored for the opposing team. Of course, Georgia Tech gained a distinct advantage through the error.

The men filed off the field and went into the dressing room. All but Riegels sat down on the benches and on the floor. He wrapped his blanket around his shoulders, sat in a corner, put his face in his hands and wept.

Coach Nibbs Price struggled with what to do with Roy. He finally looked at the team and said simply, “Men, the same team that played the first half will start the second.”

All the players except Roy trotted out to the field. He didn’t budge. Though the coach looked back and called to him again, he remained huddled in the corner. Coach Price went to him and said, “Roy, didn’t you hear me?” “Coach,” he said, “I can’t do it. I’ve ruined you; I’ve ruined the school; I’ve ruined myself. I couldn’t face that crowd in the stadium to save my life.”

But Coach Price put his hand on Riegels’ shoulder and said, “Roy, get up and go on back; the game is only half over.” Roy Riegels went back and those Tech men will tell you that they have never seen a man play football as well as Roy Riegels played that second half.

The next time you make a mistake, it might be good to remember the ABC method of handling mistakes.

A – Acknowledge your error and accept responsibility for it. Don’t try to fix the blame on other people or circumstances. When you fix the blame, you never fix the problem.

B – Be gentle with yourself. The game is only half over. This is not the first mistake you ever made, nor will it be the last. You are still a good and caring person. Besides, later you may laugh at the blunder, so try to lighten up a bit now.

C – Correct it and move on. Correcting mistakes may also mean to make amends, if necessary. “Those who are wise don’t consider it a blessing to make no mistakes,” says Wang Yang-Ming. “They believe instead that the great virtue is the ability to correct mistakes and to continually reinvent oneself.”

Now, go make your mistakes. And though some may be no less than spectacular, if you practice the ABC method, you’ll live to laugh about many of them.

Steve Goodier’s books & Newsletter at Your Life Support System

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