We would all like to think that we make up our own minds as to what is pleasurable and what is painful. In reality we are constantly being conditioned by our environment to link certain things with pain or pleasure.
Can you think of any environmental influences that are conditioning your feelings about what is pleasurable and what is painful? Learning to recognize these influences is an important step toward seizing control of your personal pleasure and pain paradigms.
5 sources of external pain and pleasure programming
1. Advertisers. The entire advertising industry is based on the idea that they can influence our internal references to pain and pleasure. As a whole this industry spends billions of dollars each year to study human behavior. They do this because their goal is to link their products to our emotions. Their advertising campaigns are specifically designed to create subconscious emotional associations (anchors) in us without our being aware of it.
2. Friends and associates. The attitude of our close friends and associates also has a powerful influence on our personal pleasure and pain paradigms. Their opinions can actually precondition us to view things the way that they do. We may value someone else’s opinion so much that we subconsciously adopt their viewpoint without any personal experience.
3. Experts. So called experts carry incredible weight when it comes to overriding our opinions about a wide variety of things. By positioning themselves as the voice of authority, it psychologically downgrades the validity of our own thoughts and feelings. This positioning is designed so that we will adopt the attitude of “they’re the expert, so who am I to question them.” Is it any wonder that advertisers like pharmaceutical companies love this approach?
4. Groups. Trying to gain the approval of, or fit in with, a group can also shape and reshape our preferences. In such cases acceptance often hinges on our ability to conform to the group opinion. It’s the old majority rules mentality that has been ingrained in us since childhood. It is hard to avoid slipping into the thought pattern of “If all these people agree then they must be right, so I better get onboard or I’ll look like a fool.” Conformity can cause otherwise rational people to abandon their standards and go with the crowd. Pushed to the extreme it becomes mob mentality.
5. Stereotypes. Forming stereotypes is one of the tools our mind uses so we don’t need to continually reconsider the same thing over and over again. Our minds tend to group similar experiences into general categories. If we encounter a new experience that seems to fit into one of these categories it saves us the time and energy involved in evaluation. So, if something fits into a category that has always resulted in pain, we will naturally assume that this similar something will cause pain as well.
For example, if every time you try to go on vacation you wind up having car trouble, in the future you will probably expect more of the same. The very thought of vacation may conjure up an image of being stuck on the side of the road, waiting for a tow truck. As a result, an activity designed to bring you pleasure now represents pain.
Take control of this process
The important point to remember here is that we need to develop the ability to decide for ourselves what we will view as pleasurable and what we will view as painful. If we don’t take control of this process, then the world around us will take over our internal programming.
If we allow that to happen, then instead of controlling our environment, we will end up being controlled by it. Because the pain and pleasure dynamic has such a powerful influence on our lives, we owe it to ourselves to take personal responsibility for how we choose to view things.
Your answers create your paradigms
Whenever something happens in your life, your brain will ask two questions. First, “Is this going to bring me pain or pleasure?” Second, “What must I do now to avoid the pain and/or gain the pleasure?”
How you choose to interpret the situation will determine your answers. But more than that, it will also form the foundation for your future expectations. If you want less pain and more pleasure in your life, this is a good place to start.
How strong are these external influences in your life?
Can you see the value of choosing you own paradigms?
The lines are open!
This is part 3 in a 3 part series of articles dealing with pain and pleasure paradigms. For the rest of the story, check out…
Part 1: The Power of Pain and Pleasure Paradigms
Part 2: More Pleasure – Less Pain
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{ 15 comments… read them below or add one }
Jon,
thank you for sharing your wisdom. Have a great day.
Igor, thanks for the kind words!
You have really given me something to think about.Fantastic article!
Hi Bunny, If I’ve done that then I am delighted, thanks!
Thanks Jonathan,
Our internal programming is a vital key. We must determine what is good for us or bad. We learn this in different ways & the timeframe for this learning varies from person to person. I posed a few questions in my blog yesterday which has a similar theme to yours.
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted..What is it that Shapes Us?
Hi David, however and whenever we do it, you hit the nail on the head when you said “We must determine what is good for us or bad.” If we don’t then we are without standards and that is no place to be.
Hi Jonathan, you really nailed those “six external sources”. They are unfortunately, in my opinion anyway, the source of a lot more pain than pleasure. If you are selective, well maybe friends and associates is an exception to that.
Stephen – Rat Race Trap recently posted..Has Leo Babauta Lost His Freaking Mind?
Hi Stephen, some of those things we can limit our exposure to, others we need to control the level of influence. In the end, once we gain the awareness external influence only works if we allow it
Yep, those six are powerful influences. I think age is a great counterweight to these external influences. At least for me, as I get older, I’m much more clear about what brings me pleasure and pain, and I’m not shy about making choices accordingly. For example, a friend from New Orleans suggested that I come to NO next Mardi Gras and invited me to one of the balls. I know many people would love to have such a highly coveted invitation, and I appreciated the gesture, but for me, this would not be fun. I’ll pass, thanks.
Galen Pearl recently posted..Kuan Yin Calling
Hi Galen, I agree totally, “age is a great counterweight to these external influences.” At least it is if we are paying attention. By the way, I would feel the same way if invited to Mardi Gras, definitely not my idea of a good time.
The title of this post caught my attention since I often find myself digging into what my clients consider pleasurable and painful. I believe that it is incredibly important for people to feel the pleasure of achieving their goals and dreams as well as the pain of not doing so. I remind them of this when they give me objections. I combine this with challenging them and holding them to a higher standard. It is good to ask them “How are you going to feel if you do not do this?” The key is not to tell them but to allow them to “feel it again” –both the pleasure and the pain!
Rachel Lavern recently posted..The Expanding Possibilities Technique
Hi Rachel, the two really do work together. Pleasure pulls us toward our goal and the desire to avoid pain pushes us from behind. If one weakens the other takes over.
We all have ways to interpret this life. My thing is, As long as you are happy. I mean really happy with your life, who you are, and what you are accomplishing. Then, HEY, continue to live your life. Without pain we can never experience pleasure. What’s tears with out a smile? I think pain and pleasure is the paradox of life, we need both. Just make sure your smiling and laughing more than your crying and sobbing.
I think you’ve got it worked out Jonathan.
David Stevens recently posted..Imagine…. if only you knew what you had within… An exercise in Self Discovery
Hi Jonathan, I know we are going to have both, but I don’t think we should need pain to appreciate pleasure. On the other hand, those painful moments do kinda act like a system of checks and balances so we don’t take our blessings for granted. Gratitude can do the same thing without the pain if we maintain the attitude of gratitude.