On a subconscious level, each of us is convinced that our beliefs are both true and accurate. After all, they must be correct, otherwise why would we choose to believe them, right?
Here’s how the dictionary defines – Belief: “Acceptance by the mind that something is true or real, often underpinned by an emotional or spiritual sense of certainty.”
Editors note: This is the third in a five part series of articles about
How Your Beliefs Create Your Reality.
Here is a list of the subjects we will examine:
Part 1: What We Believe to Be True
Part 2: Your Internal Map of Reality
Part 3: Defending Your Beliefs
Part 4: Upgrading Your Beliefs
Part 5: Beyond the Map
In part one of this series we talked about how our beliefs provide a structured process through which we evaluate everything in our lives. In part two we saw how our beliefs become the foundation for our internal map of reality.
Now it’s time to take a closer look at how we subconsciously alter the meaning of our experiences and relationships to make sure they fit our map. We will also discuss how we attract people and situations into our life in an effort to verify the accuracy of our version of reality.
Part 3: Defending Your Beliefs
Do you know what the granddaddy of all human emotions is? Every person on the planet has an inherent and insatiable desire to feel safe and secure. Efforts to fill this desire shape the actions of individuals and the course of world events.
This is why we are subconsciously programmed to make reality fit our core beliefs about who we are and what we deserve. When our perception of the world validates our beliefs, we feel secure in the fact that our view is the correct one.
Limiting or empowering, it doesn’t matter!
As odd as it might seem, we work just as hard to validate our limiting beliefs as our empowering ones. Why would we do this? Remember, the process takes place on a subconscious level. Our subconscious does not analyze a belief to see if it’s appropriate or not, it just bends reality to make it fit.
Do you see the possible consequences here to our sense of self-worth? If our limiting beliefs seem to be supported by every experience, how likely are we to overcome those beliefs? All the logic in the world is no match for real world validation provided by our version of reality.
3 Ways we bend reality
Let’s consider the three primary ways that our subconscious adjusts how we experience life so that those experiences conform to our map of reality.
1) Attraction. We will attract, and be attracted to, people who confirm our beliefs. This is why some people experience one bad relationship after another. They continue to be attracted to people who affirm their limiting beliefs about themselves.
Something deep inside them believes that they don’t deserve to have a happy, meaningful relationship. This same ‘something’ is irresistibly attracted to, and attracts, the very person who will validate their perceived worthlessness.
2) Interpretation. We already talked about how our internal map of reality is based on how we interpret the events and situations in our life. If our map says that life is wonderful, then our interpretations, and our map, are empowering.
What if our map says everyone is out to take advantage of us? Then we will misinterpret the events in our life to fit our map. Perhaps we will take neutral experiences and put a negative spin on them. We may read negative messages into harmless conversation, or unkind motives into a meaningless glance.
If we are convinced (believe) on a subconscious level that people are out to get us, then we will find ample evidence in the world around us to confirm that belief.
3) Denial. What if we believe that nobody likes us, and then someone starts being kind, and treating us like a friend? Wouldn’t that convince us that our belief is wrong? Yes, on a logical level it would, but beliefs are usually immune to logic.
So, how might we respond to this ‘friendly’ input that doesn’t fit with our ‘nobody likes me’ map? In a word, denial. We would simply respond in a way that corresponds to our negative beliefs about our self. See where this is headed?
If we ignore their attempts at friendship, and treat them as someone who’s out to get us, what will they finally do? Eventually, they will begin to act in a way that confirms our limiting beliefs, providing validation for our map.
How do we change a limiting map?
As you can see, if our internal map of reality is built on limiting beliefs, life becomes a great big negative reinforcement loop. So, the question remains, how do we create a new map that serves us?
The bottom line is this: when you change your beliefs, you change your map. Building your internal empowering beliefs will transform the way you experience your life. This will be the subject of part 4: Upgrading Your Beliefs.
What kind of beliefs is your map based on?
The lines are open!
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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
Jonathan,
This is a great series and you really put things in perspective. I know that I can relate to a few of the article topics.
Thanks man for keeping me honest!
.-= Frank Jovine´s last blog ..Black Friday Tech Deals Now! =-.
Hey Frank, thanks for the confidence, but truth be told, you are the only one keeping you honest. Seems like you’re pretty good at it!
I always enjoy your posts, Jonathan.
I too have noticed that if we fear that something is going to happen and we focus our minds on it, we can actually make it come to light because of our actions—even in situations where it wouldn’t have happened otherwise. That goes to show that our idea of reality is really what we concentrate our minds on the most or what we are predominately exposed to.
I also noticed that our beliefs influence how we interpret situations. We tend to take from a situation what we expected to see in the first place. Like you said, we ignore everything else because our minds are fixated on one small area out of a huge field of information.
That also goes to show that what we think is true may not necessarily be the case—we might be overlooking a mountain of evidence in favor of a molehill.
.-= Tim´s last blog ..How I Lost 80 Pounds: The Most Practical Way To Lose Weight =-.
Hi Tim, really appreciate your comment. Seems that most people will acknowledge that we play some role in creating our reality, but the extent of our creative influence is generally underestimated.
Great article Jon. For me personally, I will only believe on things that provide evidences, or when I have no other choice but to believe. Great job. I can’t wait for part 4.
.-= Karlil´s last blog ..20 Commandments That Makes A Man =-.
Hey Nik, We all feel just as confident about the validity of our beliefs as you do. That’s exactly the point my friend.
Jon, this is super. The self-fulfilling prophecy we set into effect with our often unexamined limiting beliefs is all to real.
I like how you said that often beliefs are immune to logic. That’s often true!
I’m really looking forward to “Upgrading Your Beliefs” to see what you have to say there. This series has been very enjoyable so far!
Cheers,
Miche
.-= Miche – Serenity Hacker´s last blog ..3 Keys to Emotional Serenity =-.
Hi Miche, thanks for joining the conversation. I am thrilled that you are enjoying these articles. The next two get into the good stuff. Now that we understand the process, it’s time to learn to make the best of it.
Interpretation used to be a huge problem for me. I still often notice myself interpreting the situation in a way that doesn’t make any logical sense and then I realize that I am doing it because of the limiting beliefs I have. Good thing I am more aware of my limiting beliefs now and can stop them from influencing my thoughts, feelings and actions as soon as they appear. I think awareness is the first step to let them go…But I guees you’ll talk about it in the next post.:)Great series Jonathan, thank you!
.-= Lana – DreamFollowers Blog´s last blog ..How To Stop Making Decisions Based On Fear =-.
Hi Lana, to some degree we will always use interpretation, it’s part of the way we are hardwired, and it allows us to make logical (and needed) assumptions about our word. For example, without this ability we would not automatically know what a door was unless it looked exactly like every other door. Instead, we would have to reevaluate even familiar situations repeatedly. But when interpretation feeds limiting beliefs we need to make some changes.
I remember years ago, the first time I met someone who felt I’d wronged them. I immediately set about making things “right”. Since I saw it as a very trivial thing it was easy done. I was genuinely loving and kind and apologized to them for any thing I might have done, (even though a couple of people who knew this person better than I, told me I’d done nothing wrong at all. Regardless, I liked this person so I reached out in a loving caring way.
I remember how stunned I was by the coldness of the rebuff, especially since the incident was VERY small in nature. So I thought maybe I didn’t apologize in the right way the first time or maybe it wasn’t enough. So I reached out again and the rebuff and was even colder and MUCH harsher the second time. I found that odd over such a small thing. Then one day I was talking with an older man and woman who also knew this person and they said to me: “You being so loving in the face of his coldness isn’t confirming his internal dialog of ‘I’m not worthy of love, kindness and forgiveness’ so every time you’re loving it means he has to rewrite the script to ‘I am worthy of love and kindness’ Most of just ignore him when he is like this. You are the first to reach out to him with kindness.”
I NEVER forgot that. The more I thought about this I realized it went even deeper. If someone is feeling they are NOT worthy of love and then they ARE loved and they let that love in and even rewrite their map to, “I am worthy of love.” Then the questions often arise — whether conscious or not — “Well, if I am worthy of love NOW, why wasn’t I loved as a kid? Or why wasn’t I ever loved before? Or why didn’t anyone ever love me?”
That is a BIG pill/pain to swallow. To see for the first time as an adult that you are worthy of love can for some people raise a lot of tragic memories or even horror and so forth. When a child or baby is not loved that is a reality waaaay too big to accept. There isn’t yet the infrastructure in the child to encompass such a HUGE reality, so what we often do is this. Instead of saying “My parents don’t love me, (or can’t, don’t know how to love me)” we instead say “There must be something wrong with me. I must not be lovable, I’m ugly, I’m too this, not enough that” and so forth.
As awful as that sounds it is a much easier reality for a baby or child to embrace than to face that their parents don’t, (can’t, don’t know how) to love them. That is an endless no hope reality for a child’s psyche. One that can literally kill a baby. Our survival skills are highly sophisticated and designed to keep the human animal alive at all cost, with the intent that hopefully, later on, we can reverse our mapping and let go that which is no longer needed.
One last thought then I’ll leave you in peace: LOL!!
) This year I consciously recognized something about me that I think has been in existence since I lived in the rainforest….but is really conscious this year. I realize that I have few beliefs. There is little that I cling to as a “belief”. What I seem to REALLY have is experiences and explorations; that’s it. I seem to thrive even around people who have totally different experiences/beliefs to my own, or even different ways of behaving and responding. I seem to hunger for it all, as it helps me not only better understand myself and who “I” am (even through contrast), but it broadens my experience of humanity and life, which I find rewarding. Thank you dear Jonathan.
.-= Robin Easton´s last blog ..When We Don’t Speak of Death =-.
Your story really brings home the point Robin. Experiences like that can eat a person up if they don’t realize that it’s someone else’s problem.
Robin, I think the reason you aren’t overloaded with beliefs is because you live mostly beyond the map. We all have a map, but once we start living beyond it, we let go of the need to be right. Instead, we are happy to just be. That doesn’t require a very detailed map.
This is such a great series Jonathan.
My wife works with women who are in abusive relationships and the one question she is asked by others most often is “why do these women seem to attract all the bad guys”. There’s two answers and they are related to what you say in point 1) Attraction – they attract the bad guys because that’s what they believe they deserve and the second answer is that the bad guys seek these type of women out and they are good at spotting them and manipulating them.
.-= Steven Aitchison´s last blog ..5 Steps To Increasing Your Coincidence Factor =-.
So right Steve, this is the dark side of the law of attraction. The sad part is, the story replaies until the beliefs change. The good news is, we can ALWAYS change our beliefs. We just need to understand the process.
Hi Jonathan, I really enjoyed reading this article (this is my first time on your blog
)
) If you are not sure of what you know and whether you know enough – everybody will doubt your qualifications. That’s a simplified example but it is so true. After all our life is made of simplified examples and beliefs 
Our beliefs form our lives and what and who we attract in life. People around you sense what you believe in and that is how they base their opinion about you. If you believe that you are a self-sufficient person and you know everything there is to know in certain field then people around you will believe the same about you (if it is not true
.-= Anastasiya´s last blog ..Life Priorities, Choices and Balanced Living Simply Said =-.
Hi Anastasiya, and welcome to Advanced Life Skills. You are so right about people “sensing” your beliefs and conviction. How we project ourselves is what others respond to. We also respond to those same signals. When we project confidence, we feel more confident. There is tremendous power in our beliefs, the trick is to make it work for us, instead of against us.
Absolutely amazing, Jonathan!
This is one of the best series I’ve read on your blog so far. I used to have limiting beliefs exactly in the area of relationships. I used to believe that I do deserve an imbalanced relationship, in which I will be the eternal provider with little, if any, help form the other part. I had a lot of relationships that turned really bad because of this. Lately, I started to be a little more self-assertive.
The change is astonishing. The more assertive and clear I get in my message, the more a certain type of women are attracted by me (and I’m attracted by them).
A fantastic read for a Monday morning
.-= Dragos Roua´s last blog ..The Tyler Durden Guide of Writing Tyler Durden Enhanced Blog Posts To Attract Traffic =-.
Hi Dragos, thanks for that personal experience. I can see that you know first hand about the power of beliefs, and I really appreciate you sharing that example.
Hey Jonathan,
I am among the above blown over by this series.
When it comes to believes, as we grow older, they change. We realize certain things are not as important as they once were or the opposite applies.
Changing your believes can stem from experiences good and bad.
.-= BunnygotBlog.com´s last blog ..Child Of The Cold War =-.
Hi Bunny, change really is the name of the game. Experience is the best teacher, provided we make those adjustments. As you stated, if we are paying attention we will learn from all experiences, good or otherwise.
Hi Jonathan, this is great stuff. When I was reading the part about how we subconsciously alter the meaning of reality to fit our existing beliefs, I remembered something I read once. It was an experiment that showed when people who believed in one side of an issue, were given evidence that favored the other side, they actually hardened their position in the face of contrary experience. This whole subject is fascinating to me and scary at the same time.
.-= Stephen – Rat Race Trap´s last blog ..How To Be Rich and Happy =-.
Hi Stephen, thank you so much for sharing that info. It really shows the lengths people will go to in defending their beliefs. Some of this may be scary to contemplate but it sure helps explain some irrational behaviors.
Just discovered your blog and I think the “How Your Beliefs Create Your Reality” series is really great so far! I bookmarked here so I can follow your latest updates. Looking forward to it!
.-= Steven Handel´s last blog ..Six Aspects Of A Well-Balanced Person (Part 1) =-.
Hi Steven, I am so glad you found your way here. Thanks for joining the conversation, and the positive feedback.
Such a wonderful article! I love how you explained the subconscious element of it all. You made it very clear that many strongly held beliefs, which are often seen as our truth, are the cause of limitation in our lives. This was a wonderful addition to your series and I can’t wait to read the rest.
.-= Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last blog ..Positive News Stories – A Welcome Change =-.
Hi Nea, thanks for the positive feedback and support. This is a favorite subject of mine and the core of much of my work. I’m glad it’s being so well received.
Jonathan,
Loving this series. I have linked your blog through mine as I have posted a topic on beliefs. My website is more about my journey and people witnessing what I am learning and how it changes me. Thanks for the insights.
Hi Alma, beliefs have such a powerful influence on our version of reality. Thanks for helping spread the knowledge.
Hi Jonathan,
I found your post when I decided to search for the definition of a Person who bends reality to fit his believes.
I really like your post, I think the same way as you do and I wonder if there is a professional definition to this kind of acting, like a medical or mental condition.
I know most people act this way but some really go to the extreme to twist reality to fit their believes.
Do you happen to know such word that define this kind of behavior?