It seems that many of us will either do too little or do too much in response to a conflict. We will either try to avoid people who are upset with us which will only cause tensions to strengthen with time or we may become too confrontational and end up in a personal battle that doesn’t lead anywhere beneficial.
Wouldn’t it be better to find ways to resolve conflicts and restore peace?
I think we can all agree that life is challenging enough without getting involved in strives that don’t have to happen in the first place. When you sense that a conflict is about to occur, it’s best to stop it in it’s tracks before it creates an unnecessary wedge between you and other people. This article will tell you how.
Find out why they are upset
Before you can resolve conflicts and restore peace, you have to find out why the other person is upset with you. Only after finding why they are upset with you will you be able to get to the root cause of the issue.
And when you ask them why they’re upset, you have to decide whether you’re going to ask them directly or indirectly. If the person is someone who likes to hear things as they are and they don’t get offended easily, you should go ahead and ask them directly. But if they’re like most people, they would probably feel uncomfortable with such a confrontation and will view your inquiry as being negative in tone. That is why it’s usually a good idea to ask indirectly.
Here are some indirect ways of stating it:
* “You look like you have something on your mind. Is everything okay?”
* “Has something been bothering you lately?”
* “Are you okay today? You seem a little stressed.”
* “Is there something you want to talk about?”
The important thing to remember is to make your approach seem like it’s part of a regular conversation—that way they won’t feel like they have to go on the defensive so much and they’ll be more likely to open up to you. Being too direct and confrontational will likely cause them to build more resistance toward you.
After you find out the reason they are upset, it will be a good idea to show them that you understand why they feel the way they do and how you sympathize with what they are going through. If you did something wrong, it’s advisable that you apologize to them to show them that you intend to treat them respectfully. If they’re upset over something that you think is insignificant, they will at least feel better about themselves when they know that you understand why they feel the way they do. Remember, your goal is to restore the peace.
To illustrate this process, if they’re mad because you said something to them that came out the wrong way, you can tell them what you really meant and lightly apologize for the misunderstanding. Then you could show them that you understand why they feel the way they do and how you would probably feel the same way if you were in their position. Usually, that will be enough to sooth their frustrations considerably and your relationship with them might actually improve instead of worsening.
Everyone benefits from wisdom and insight
The whole point is to resolve conflicts and restore peace by being empathetic with people. Don’t let your emotions cause you to do or say something that will make the situation worse. Stay composed, think outside of yourself and get a feel for what other people are going through. With this wisdom and insight, your life will be much easier for you as a result.
How do you move from conflict to peace?
Is it difficult for you to take the first step?
The lines are open!
This short video (6 min.) explains why many people feel disappointed and
let down by life, and what it really takes to experience greater satisfaction.