It seems that many of us will either do too little or do too much in response to a conflict. We will either try to avoid people who are upset with us, which will only cause tensions to strengthen with time. Or we may become too confrontational and end up in a personal battle that doesn’t lead anywhere beneficial.
Wouldn’t it be better to find ways to resolve conflicts and restore peace?
I think we can all agree that life is challenging enough without getting involved in strives that don’t have to happen in the first place. When you sense that a conflict is about to occur, it’s best to stop it in it’s tracks before it creates an unnecessary wedge between you and someone else. This article will tell you how to get to the root of the problem while striving to maintain or restore the peace.
Find out why they are upset
Before you can resolve conflicts and restore peace, you have to find out why the other person is upset with you. Only after finding why they are upset with you will you be able to get to the root cause of the issue.
And when you ask them why they’re upset, you have to decide whether you’re going to ask them directly or indirectly. If the person is someone who likes to hear things as they are and they don’t get offended easily, you should go ahead and ask them directly. But if they’re like most people, they would probably feel uncomfortable with such a confrontation and will view your inquiry as being negative in tone. That is why when restoring peace is your desired outcome, it’s usually a good idea to ask indirectly.
Here are some indirect ways of stating it:
* “You look like you have something on your mind. Is everything okay?”
* “Has something been bothering you lately?”
* “Are you okay today? You seem a little stressed.”
* “Is there something you want to talk about?”
The important thing to remember is to make your approach seem like it’s part of a regular conversation, that way they won’t feel like they have to go on the defensive and they’ll be more likely to open up to you. Being too direct can easily be viewed as confrontational and will likely cause them to build more resistance toward you. To move toward peace you need to avoid unnecessary resistance.
Moving toward peace and away from conflict
After you find out the reason they are upset, it’s a good idea to try and sympathize with what they are going through. This creates some common ground, builds trust, and decreases resistance.
If they feel like you did something wrong, find a way to apologize for your contribution to the problem. If they are off base, you don’t need to take responsibility for the whole problem, but you can apologize for anything you may have done to cause them to feel the way they do.
Take the initiative as a peace maker
This demonstrates your desire to resolve the conflict and restore peace and tells them that you respect their feelings. If they’re upset over something that you think is insignificant, they will at least feel better about themselves when they know that you understand why they feel the way they do. Remember, your goal is to restore the peace, not assign blame or win an argument.
To illustrate this process, if they’re mad because you said something to them that came out the wrong way, you can tell them what you really meant and apologize for the misunderstanding. Then you could show them that you understand why they feel the way they do and how you would probably feel the same way if you were in their position. Usually, that will be enough to sooth their frustrations considerably and repair your relationship with them.
Everyone benefits from wisdom and insight
The whole point is to resolve conflicts and restore peace by being empathetic with people. Don’t let your emotions cause you to do or say something that will make the situation worse. Stay composed, think outside of yourself and get a feel for what other people are going through. When you are willing to put aside your ego and take the initiative to restore peace, your life will involve far fewer personal conflicts.
How do you move from conflict to peace?
Is it difficult for you to take the first step toward peace?
The lines are open!
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This short video (6 min.) explains why many people feel disappointed and let down by life, and what it really takes to experience greater satisfaction.