As we go through life we all develop internal programs and corresponding behavior patterns. These are not the same as the external patterns or schedules we follow in our daily lives. A schedule is how we organize our time around the things we do; when we get up, when we eat, when we go to work, etc.
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While it is true that our schedule may sometimes feel like a program, most of us have no problem changing it to accommodate different events or circumstances. In fact we often look forward to opportunities to do this, a day off of work, a long weekend or even a two-week vacation.
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A program has more to do with how we choose to process different types of input. Because humans are capable of processing massive amounts of information from all of our different senses, we are not necessarily conscious of this process.
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Similar to a computer
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Our personal computers work the same way and that’s because they have been built to mimic their human creators. We may be aware of what programs are installed on our PCs but we don’t really think about which ones are running at any given time. That’s because it’s an internal thing and unless there’s a problem, we have no reason to pay attention to the process, we only care about the results.
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We also recognize that as technology progresses new programs will be necessary. Humans work in much the same way. For example:
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1 + 1 = program upgrade
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When a person decides to get married and settle down, they need to change the way they think. They need a new program if they want to enjoy all the benefits of a good marriage.
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When you are single it’s easy to be centered on yourself because you live in a simpler, more singular world. The program required to function on that singular level is not very complicated.
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Once you get married your world expands, it gets more complicated and thus requires a program with greater capacity. That means it’s time for an upgrade. To succeed in a marriage, we need to reprogram the way we think about life. If we do it right then life gets better, more meaningful and rewarding.
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Anytime we raise the bar of expectations in any area of our lives, we need to upgrade our internal programming. Those who choose to stubbornly stick to their old way of thinking, their old program, can’t experience personal growth. Doing the same thing over and over again in the same old way while expecting a different result is insanity.
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If we want to accomplish something extraordinary, the place to start is our internal program. The old one got us where we are and that was what it was designed to do. But now we are ready to move on, to grow and expand our world and reach out for more.
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If a computer programmer decides to create a new program he always has a reason, an objective. Programs are designed for very specific purposes. If the programmer doesn’t understand what he is trying to accomplish, how can he design the right program?
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What is your intent?
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Likewise, before you can change your internal program, you need to have a clear understanding of what it is you intend to accomplish and why. Let’s go back to our single person who is thinking about marriage. For the sake of discussion, let’s just say he’s a single guy who has enjoyed living on his own for the last five years. Now he’s met someone really special and as the relationship grows he wants to take it to the next level. Why?
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Because his internal focus has shifted to include another person and his mental reference point has changed from “me” to “we.” Now it is a completely different set of rules because it’s a whole new point of reference.
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Including another person in your life means changing the way you think about everything. It’s your life times two and then some, which means it’s at least twice as complicated. We won’t even talk about what happens when you bring children to the mix.
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So why do it? Why purposely complicate your life? Because you know that it has the potential to be at least twice as rewarding and enjoyable. You know it and you want it.
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How serious is your commitment?
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Here’s a chapter from my own life where I used this information to upgrade my internal program in preparation for marriage.
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I didn’t get married until I was in my 30s, and the reason for that is – I only wanted to do it once and I wanted to make sure that I did it right. My dad had drilled it into my head as a kid, “don’t make promises you can’t keep.” I knew that marriage would be one of the most serious promises I would ever make and I wanted to be sure that I could keep my word.
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So I waited. I waited until I met somebody I felt I could not live without. Obviously I wanted it to work. Realizing that there are certain things that can quietly undermine a marriage, I wanted to make sure that these things were handled before I made a major commitment.
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Leave the baggage behind
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One of the subtleties that will unravel the fabric of a marriage is when someone carries a fantasy about a past flame. I’d seen it happen before and I wasn’t about to let it happen to my marriage. So I did a little self-examination to see if I was harboring any fantasies of this sort. I made sure that each memory of past relationships included complete closure.
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For a single person such fantasies are generally not harmful. But they can spell disaster for a marriage because every time there’s a disagreement you can escape into the fantasy of “what if.” This may seem like a small change and obviously there were other that needed to be made as well. But 25 years later, here I am still married to the same wonderful woman.
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Chanel your emotional power
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So why was I motivated to do this self-examination and to root out any little problems that I found? Because my emotions were fully engaged and I was highly motivated to make whatever changes were necessary. I knew what I wanted and I wasn’t about to let anything stand in my way. I also knew that for things to work I needed to change my internal programming, so that’s what I did.
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Emotions are one of the most powerful resources we have. When our heart desires something we will change whatever we need to, in order to have it. That includes adjusting our behavior patterns and our mindset. We will find ways to overcome any obstacles and jump any hurdles that get in our way because now we are emotionally supercharged.
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A new internal program empowers us to make radical changes in our life and that’s why changing our programming comes before goal setting, commitment and all the other steps that follow.
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To accomplish extraordinary things, we need to find the passion required to change our thinking from “needing to” which is logical, to “wanting to” which is emotional. Logic is a great tool but it lacks the horsepower to change the person you are at the deepest levels.
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