How Do Others View You?

Have you ever wondered how other people really feel about you? If one of your friends, business acquaintances, or family members were to be completely honest about the way they view you, what do you think they would say?

The reason I bring this up is because people are inclined to see themselves very differently than others see them. It is a natural tendency to just assume that others view things the same way we do. But in reality this is seldom the case.

It can be very enlightening to step back and try to analyze ourselves from a “third person” perspective. Here are seven important areas of your life that are worth looking at from the viewpoint of a friend or acquaintance. Let’s walk through them one at a time.

1. Emotionally: The quality of all your relationships, including friends, family, and business associates, are directly affected by the emotional impression you make on those around you. You may consider yourself to be kind and considerate, but do others feel that way about you?

Ask yourself these 3 questions:

a) Are the people I interact with emotionally empowered after being around me, or are they left with a different feeling?
b) Do others look forward to spending time in my company, or do they try to politely avoid it whenever possible?
c) Do I enjoy being around people who treat me the same way I treat others?

If you feel comfortable with your own answers to these 3 questions, here is a way to take it to the next level. You can find someone that you know will be honest and tactful with you, and ask them to answer those questions about you. This takes courage, but if you are ready for it, the answers can be extremely revealing.

2. Values: Do your actions, habits, conduct and language all support whatever values are most important to you? Can other people look at your life and say that your values and beliefs are evident by your conduct, and that you are a good example to others who share those values? When we truly believe something, it should be visible in our life. Our life is how we back up our claim of being an ethical person. Taking some time to make a comparison between what we claim to be, and what we appear to be, can also be very revealing (and humbling) experience.

3. Physically: First, let me acknowledge that staying in shape is challenging for everyone, and the older we get the greater the challenge. That said, ask yourself this: “What kind of message does my current physical condition send to others about the value I place on my physical self?” Notice I didn’t get into an issue over a few extra pounds, or any other specifics. The question is about the message your general condition sends regarding your respect for your own health. Is your regard for your body an example for others to follow in this area?

4. Materially: If asked, what would others say about your attitude toward money and material things? Are your views and priorities balanced? Is money more or less important than the people in your life? How much money would be enough? Again, this is not about your financial goals, or what kind of house you want to live in. The question is about what impression others have with regard to your level of materialism.

5. Reasonableness: When you have a conversation with someone, are they left with the feeling that you are a reasonable person? If you don’t get your way, is your reaction balanced? Even if others are not on your side of an issue, do they admit that your reasoning was sound and convincing? There are more than enough unreasonable people in the world; we should all want to be viewed as the voice of reason to the greatest degree possible.

6. Intellectually: This is not about IQ or credentials, but rather an appreciation for continued learning. Do others see you as someone who appreciates learning new things and making personal improvements? Do you demonstrate a respect for greater knowledge in a variety of fields? Learning gives meaning to our lives and equips us to help others along the way. Do you love to learn?

7. Practicality: Do others view you as someone who has been able to see the practical value in the six points listed above? To function in this life we need to learn to make practical application of all our skills, abilities, and resources. Being practical and down to earth is a quality that makes everything real. Practicality is the glue that will hold your life together through all its many ups and downs. Practical wisdom is real wisdom.

Why should we care what others think?

I challenge you to think seriously about how others view you in each of these areas. If you are not happy with some of the conclusions you come to, then you know what to work on. Don’t be discouraged if that’s the case. If we are willing to be honest with ourselves then we quickly realize that we all have things to work on. That is how we continue to make progress.

Now, here is a question you may be asking yourself: “Why should I care so much about how I appear to those around me?” To be honest with you, that’s really not the point of this exercise at all. This whole exercise is just a way to help us get outside of ourselves so we can gain a different perspective. If we want others to view us as likable, friendly, approachable, respectable, and so on, then it’s helpful to try and see ourselves through their eyes. But in the final analysis, don’t do it for them, do it for you!

Did you learn anything about yourself from this?
How did it feel to look at you from the 3rd person perspective?
The lines are open!

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