Our beliefs form the bases for our self-esteem. Specifically our beliefs about who we are and what we feel we are capable of, or not capable of..
The way we view ourselves according to those beliefs is either empowering or limiting. We form these beliefs based on the conclusions we draw about our own experiences, especially our estimation of our ability to produce the results we want.
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When our efforts do not produce the results we want it can cause us to doubt our own abilities. If this happens repeatedly it will likely affect our sense of self-worth.
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When our efforts in the past have led to pain and disappointment instead of pleasure, it is easy to conclude that further efforts will also lead to more pain. This type of mindset creates a negative reinforcement loop that feeds on itself.
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With each painful experience fear increases and self-esteem decreases. Consequently, fear of failure brings with it a lack of commitment. And of course, lack of commitment will lead to disappointing results that reinforce the limiting belief.
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Every single experience you have provides information to your nervous system through some or all of your five senses. This information is recorded as a memory. When you experience similar events over and over again, it forms an established neurological pathway. In turn, that pathway becomes an established emotional response pattern.
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These patterns are outside of our normal thought process and therefore easily override our logical reasoning. Once we establish a belief about ourselves we no longer question it. Instead we simply accept it as part of our identity.
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This can happen at any point in life. Often our self-esteem is a carryover from experiences in childhood. But don’t conclude that this is always the case. A series of disappointing events, at any point in life, can batter our perception of who we are and what we are capable of. When our efforts repeatedly lead to pain and disappointment it can have a devastating effect on our confidence and self-esteem.
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Whenever something happens in your life, your brain will ask two questions:
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1) Is this going to bring me pain or pleasure?
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2) What must I do now to avoid the pain and or gain the pleasure?
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How you interpret the situation will determine your answers. It will also form the foundation for your future expectations.
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When effort seems to equal pain our mind searches for a reason. All to often, the reasons we come up with are, “I’m not worthy, I’m worthless or I guess I don’t deserve anything good.” Remember, this is not about logic. It’s an emotionally charged response fueled by a natural desire to avoid more pain.
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To rebuild our self-esteem requires that we dismantle our limiting beliefs about ourselves and find a way to change how we link pain and pleasure to our life experiences. There are many ways to accomplish this and I will touch on some of them in my next post. I will also be making a new Self-Esteem ecourse available to all of our Newsletter subscribers very soon. If you’re already subscribed then you will get it automatically, if not you can use the form on the right.
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PS. The ongoing results of our Quick Self-Improvement Survey show that Self-Esteem is a primary concern for many of our readers, second only to Financial concerns. If you haven’t taken the survey yet please take a minute to do so. It’s only 3 questions and no personal information is required. Self-Improvement Survey.
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