There seems to be a lot of confusion when it comes to the difference between having goals and plain, old, wishful thinking. I often hear people talking about their personal goals and find their enthusiasm to be very encouraging. Everyone should have goals.
When I ask these same people about their strategies for reaching those goals, it’s not uncommon to hear the phrase “I’m going to try.” I know their intentions are good, but the simple truth is that trying is not a strategy. In fact, it’s usually a combination of wishful thinking topped with a token amount of effort.
What does this accomplish?
Most of the time simply trying will result in little or no progress. Even if some initial progress is experienced, the results will likely be very short lived. This creates a negative feedback loop that can actually hinder our willingness to set personal goals. After all, if they never succeed in producing their intended result, then, what’s the point of trying again?
Think about that for a moment. Not only do halfhearted efforts lead to disappointing results, they also stifle a person’s enthusiasm toward future goals. If this pattern continues, it can easily result in limiting beliefs about what that person is or is not capable of. And, just think, it all started with the best of intentions.
Intentions are not enough!
People who are successful at setting and reaching their personal goals understand that there is a process involved, and that this process can be duplicated. They recognize that reaching goals involves several stages and that success comes by carefully following the process from one stage to the next. If we skip one of the necessary steps, the process falls apart.
Wishful thinking, on the other hand, involves a desired outcome but lacks a sound strategy for achieving that outcome. There is a huge difference between wanting something to happen and following a systematic approach for making it happen.
We are not born with life skills, they need to be learned
The process involved in successfully setting and accomplishing goals is one that anyone can learn. If your efforts to reach your personal goals in the past did not produce the results you were hoping for, chances are, you did not fully understand the process. So please, don’t fall into the trap of believing that you simply don’t have what it takes.
Instead of taking it personally, recognize that most of us simply have never been taught effective strategies for reaching our goals. The good news is, once you acquire the necessary information and put it to use, you can expect to experience dramatically improved results.
How do we learn these skills?
There are a number of ways to learn the skills we need for goal setting, or any other area of personal development. Let’s look at a few choices.
1) Imitate success. One of the best ways we can learn to be successful in any area is to find people who are already producing good results and then imitate them. Do you know somebody who is successful at reaching their goals? Why not spend some time with that person? If you learn to think the way they think, and take action in the same way that they do, you should be able to produce similar results.
2) Trial and error. Like it or not, much of life is a process of trial and error. No matter how much we try to piece together the necessary information, success will still require that we make some adjustments. Gathering partial information here and there and then using what we learn to create a personal strategy can be very rewarding. Nevertheless, we will still need to put our ideas to the test before we know whether they will work or not. This is the most common approach to personal development and it has a substantial learning curve.
3) Get a blueprint. If we can find a reliable, step-by-step blueprint that outlines the skills we need without leaving out vital information, we can simply follow the instructions. This is getting to be a very popular learning alternative. The problem is, very few affordable, blueprint type programs are actually complete enough to teach you the whole process. Also, since we are all different, a good personal success blueprint should be fully customizable to your particular needs. That is precisely why I wrote TRUE SELF. For less than the cost of a large pizza you can get a stand alone, step-by-step, totally customizable guide for personal success.
4) Personal coaching. I know it seems like an expensive alternative, but of all the ways to learn effective, customized strategies for achieving your personal goals in life, this is the clear leader. An experienced life or business coach can save you literally years of frustration over trying to cut and paste your way to personal success. There is nothing quite like the personalized attention of someone with both the experience and knowledge you are seeking. In the long run, hiring the right coach may be the least expensive way to quickly learn the right skills for reaching your goals in record time. Remember, cost is relative and your time is valuable.
Set your personal goals and follow through
Regardless of the approach you choose, the important thing is that you do more than just try to reach your goals. Any goal worth setting deserves to be acted on, and your course of action needs to include a systematic plan for producing your intended results.
Always keep in mind that learning to effectively set and achieve your goals is a life skill, and skills are something we acquire over time. Like any other skill, the more experienced you become at following through on your goals, the easier it will be to produce meaningful results.
Do you have a proven strategy for achieving your goals?
Where do you go for help with your life skills?
If you could have 3 free sessions with a life coach,
what subjects would you want to cover?
The entire process of transforming your personal goals into reality is detailed in sections 3 and 4 of my book TRUE SELF. These sections, Intended Outcome and Designing Success, include eight chapters devoted to helping you fully harness your internal vision and path connection.
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{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Jonathan,
I was stunned by the statistic in your book that only 3% of people actually take the time to define and write down their goals, and that they are the ones that achieve unparalleled success. I’m also a strong advocate of a systematic approach. I really like the message here that we are not born with life skills, but anyone can learn them. That’s so encouraging and empowering.
Sandra Lee recently posted..How to Meditate- Eight Simple Steps
Hi Sandra, I recognize that each individual has their own set of strengths and abilities. For some, one aspect of life might present a greater challenge than for others, and visa versa. But we can all learn the basic skills that make life better and with practice we can master those skills. For example, writing has never been especially easy for me, but with practice I’ve gotten much better at it. I think life works much the same way.
Maybe people need someone to teach them how to effectively write their goals down and stick to their plan. I also think that educational systems should pay more attention on that as well.
Get Happy Life recently posted..Helping Your Relatives – With Money or Not
I agree on both points. It continues to amaze me how the educational system can fail to touch on the most basic and necessary life skills. Why are subjects like “making wise decisions” and “goal setting 101″ never on the curriculum?
Hi Jonathan,
It’s amazing how few people set goals and develop a plan to achieve them. Sandra’s mention of the 3% statistic in your book is mind-boggling.
I think setting a goal that seems realistic yet pushes you out of your comfort zone gives a person enough confidence to pursue it on the daily basis.
As you note, goal-achieving takes serious action and your 4 step blue-print is a tried and true method. Save personal coaching I’ve followed each step throughout my journey.
Thanks for sharing!
Ryan
Ryan Biddulph recently posted..Why Meditating Can Feel Scary
This post reminds me of that scene in one of the Star Wars movie where Luke “tries” to use the force to lift the spaceship and Yoda says, “Try not. Do.”
I agree that we need a set of techniques and skills to achieve what we set out to achieve. And not to get too woo woo, but I think we DO come into this world with the innate skills we need to get what we want. It’s just that they’ve been “trained” out of us by well meaning parents and teachers.
The truth is that when we set a clear intention and KNOW we can achieve something, if we follow our inner guidance, what some call “inspired action,” we can easily take the action necessary to get to the destination of our choice.
Ande Waggener recently posted..Yes- You Can Be Courageous
Hi Ande, I think learning skills often require that we get in touch with dormant or untrained personal resources. Learning to act in harmony with who we really are on a core level often requires a degree of self-discovery, or even rediscovery.
Jonathan,
This is so true, that many of us have goals but no concrete plan on how to get there. And there are some of us who have plan 1, and back up plans 2-22 are busy making plans and not following any steps. I need to find a middle ground and get working, thanks for motivation.
Zengirl @ Heart and Mind recently posted..How To Be Happy – Quotes By Wise People
Hi Preeti, I know just what you are talking about. Even though I like to have a plan in place for achieving my goals, sometimes it’s best to just start taking action and let the process unfold. If we have a strategy for accomplishing the first part of a goal, then acting on it will often help us discover what we need to do next.
Hi Jonathan, when you wrote about a negative feedback loop, that really struck a chord with me. I’ve been thinking about feedback loops lately and how both positive and negative loops have such a large impact on what we end up doing. I also loved the part about the pizza. When I find a marvelous book, such as yours, and think about how little it costs relative to what we typically spend are money on, I shake my head. People will spend $16 on a pizza but not a book that could change their lives!
Stephen – Rat Race Trap recently posted..Your Personal Information Database in the Cloud–Quick Tip
Greetings Stephen, spending habits make for an interesting study in human behavior. The instant gratification mentality has become a dominant force in today’s culture. Most people choose effortless pleasure now rather than a more meaningful life that requires time and effort. To my mind, if our quality of life isn’t worth investing in, then what is?
Hi Jonathan!
This is probably one of the best arguments I’ve read for the benefits of life coaching. I had a teacher once who always talked about not saying that we would “try” to do something. Trying is basically readying yourself for failure. Either you do something or you don’t…and NOT doing something is not failure, it’s simply making a decision. And a coach can help you make an informed one, based on the clarity you gain about your goals.
Thanks for sharing!
Tisha recently posted..The Happiness Factor – How to Get it Right
Hi Tisha, actually I was thinking about coaching when I wrote this. It’s been quite awhile since I’ve worked one-on-one with individuals and I was thinking about making room for that. I like your blog.
the best goals are those written on the paper, they can never leave…
set the pictures of your goals and dreams on the fridge, so you see them every day
Kate recently posted..czy to łatwe
Indeed Kate, putting our goals down on paper is the first action step we should take. Very few people do this and that is one of the main reasons why they never make anything happen.
I totally agree with personal coaching being a great avenue when you can afford it. When I was started my training as a life coach I was surprised at just how many distinctions they can make.
The most useful part is in their ability to ask you the questions that move how you feel about something. Opening up a new avenue of thought. Best friends can be good to chat through things but a coach is something else.
A plan for a goal gives you an outlet for your motivation.
Jarrod – Cultivating Heroes recently posted..How To Stop Eating Chocolate Really Fast
Hi Jarrod, in many ways questions are the cornerstone of growth. When faced with a well constructed question (one that includes a positive assumption), our mind will immediately go to work to provide an answer. This is one of the primary ways that a skilled coach can assist in the self-discovery process.
HI, Jonathan, I agree that most of us really lack motivation to reach our goals. We usually have goals and yet we don’t take the first step to achieve it. We sometimes get discouraged thinking of all the things that we have to go through and in the end we give up without even trying or taking that first step. This is again another wake-up call for all of us who need to do (not try) what we have to do. Thank you so much for this article, it really gives me encouragement to go for my goals and never be afraid of anything. I would also like to thank you for sending some updates through my email. I really appreciate it. Thanks again. You’re the best!!!
Hi Lizzie, the whole process of goal setting is one that confuses a lot of people. On the surface it seem like such a simple, straight forward thing. And it is, once you understand the process. But most people don’t so they try to make up for it with self-discipline which doesn’t work very well and requires too much effort. I would never try to bake a cake unless I had a recipe and someone showing me how to do it. Why? Because I am not a cook. But for those who know how to cook, baking a cake is fun. Goal setting is much the same. That’s why I put the recipe, along with easy to follow instructions in my book, TRUE SELF.
Good morning Jonathan. Learning from others, following proven methods, and finding mentors are all hugely valuable when it comes to achieving goals. Folks just starting out in life would be well advised to heed your advice on this matter. But it took me 50 years to learn something curious about this topic. Namely….achieving goals is a lot easier than having them. Here’s what I mean. I’d venture to say at least 90% of people pick goals off the shelf, designed to make them feel important. Having big houses, fast cars, serious career positions and exotic vacations to name a few. I did exactly that myself and achieved all those fabulous goals. The trouble is, “True Goals” come from that “True Self” you’ve written about. (Note to readers: Buy Jonathan’s book of the same name…I did and it’s great). True goals flow from our heart-of-hearts, and are in sync with who we really are. From personal experience I can say this about off-the-shelf goals too. Achieving them ain’t worth a crock of chicken spit, because they’ll leave you empty as Uncle Jim’s dry rain barrel at the end of it all. And here’s something else for your readers to think about. No man or woman will ever…..I repeat….EVER know their True Goals unless they learn what’s keeping them from flowing into their life….and remove it. And what might that be you ask? It’s a terrible, primal, horrifying fear of being judged….so wide and deep and omnipresent in our lives….it’s hard to even see it’s there. Now for some more cheery sounding news. With True Goals in-hand, anyone can find all kinds of great help out there to make them real. Ciao Jonathan. John Duffield
John Duffield recently posted..Happiness Is Crying Wolf
Greetings John, first of all let me say that I am honored that you liked my book. I find your work to be extraordinary and an endorsement from you caries a lot of weight with me personally. Also, after reading dozens of your articles and comments, I believe this is the first time I have heard you express what you consider to be that primary obstacle to connecting with our true self. I was trilled to see how similar our conclusions in this area really are. You made my day John, thanks.
Hi Jonathan. I believe my view of things is “catalytic” to yours. I will illustrate what I mean with a little story. Here it is. A very old man, burdened by years and discouraged by his life, stumbled one day into a Zen Master. “Master” said the man in desperation… “please tell me how to find my True Self, for I have failed miserably time and time again”. “Ah”… replied the Master in great sympathy…”that is because the True Self cannot be found”. “You must learn how to let it find you.
Ciao Jonathan. John Duffield
John Duffield recently posted..Happiness Is Crying Wolf
If I had 3 coaching sessions, I would want to cover:
1) Energy Transmutation
How to re-channel my sexual energy and convert it to motivation to accomplishing my goals.
2) Social Intelligence
How to read others and how to interact with people, and influencing them
3) Defeating Negativity
How to get rid of negative thoughts that end up discouraging me.
Henway recently posted..Camera Tips
Hi Henway, thank you for answering my question about coaching. So far, you are the first one to respond and I thought your 3 points were very interesting. In my book I walk you through the process of transforming one kind of emotionally charged energy into another, and how to get rid of those negative thoughts and the limiting beliefs behind them. I also talk about interacting with others from a position of confidence, which sends silent signals that influences the way they perceive you. I think you would find it helpful and again, I appreciate your honest response.
Great post, I agree the process is the same and once you get the self discipline in using it you can accomplish anything. I find for myself I have a list of dailys, things that I do each and ever day to take me closer to the goal I have set for myself.
Matt Clark recently posted..15 Ways to Motivate Yourself
Matt, sounds like you have reached the point where the process of setting and achieving goals has become an integral part of your lifestyle. That is the way it should be. Good job.
Ay, excellent post Jonathan. It’s a shame that a lot of people, nearly everyone in fact, wish for everything good in their lives, yet a very small minority actually take the time and effort to reach these desires.
I must ask you, how far in advance do you think people should set their goals? Some say 10 years, some say next week, it’s something that I think needs to be brought to light
Stuart recently posted..3 Ways To Find Your Destiny
Hi Stuart, that’s an excellent question. This is actually an important part of the goal setting process. Obviously, some goals are big and require more time to complete while others can be accomplished in short order. The key here is to use time in a way that motivates us. Having a realistic deadline for completion can greatly increase our focus and our level of commitment.
If we allow too much time it makes room for procrastination. If we don’t allow enough time it creates too much pressure and we can get frustrated and give up. So, for large goals it’s best to have an overall time frame, but we also need to break it down into series of short term goals with their own separate deadlines.
In TRUE SELF I explain this process along with the creation of a “decisive moment” when planning stops and we launch into purposeful action.
hello everybody,
After reading all comments I’ve change may goals and set them on 300 % higher level, thank you all for such inspiriting answers
I’m self taught in English and I’m not sure if I will understand Jonathan’s book mentioned in the comments above, but I do understand more than 80% this blog and others English written articles, so maybe I could catch sense of book,
what do you think about?
Hi Kate, the book is not highly technical or difficult to understand. I don’t think you will have any trouble with it. The Kindle version will be out soon and they may offer it in more than one language, but your English seems more than adequate to me.
Hi Jonathan!
As Yoda said “Do, or do not. There is no try.”
A goal backed up by a good strategy running on a daily amount of motivation works much better than any wishful thinking, yet people have the tendency to stop at a level of WT. It’s just easier since it won’t make up anyway, right?
And if I had three sessions… I would give them to my sister. She could use an extra opinion right now.
Andrzej recently posted..Get up 5 minutes earlier
Hi Andrzej, the fact that some think of wishful thinking as easier is certainly one of the things that divides those who make things happen from those who wish something would happen. I am glad that I work with people who are willing to put out some effort to improve their lives. I think it’s nice that you are concerned for your sisters welfare.
Jonathan,
Thank you for a honest and upfront approach to understanding goals. I think another challenge that many people face is appropriately selecting goals. A goal to me is not just a random item that I put on a check list. It is something that has purpose and a deeper value that will keep motiviated in times of despair.
I have become so adamant that if I don’t strategically plan to reach my goal I won’t put it on my list. I don’t like to waste time.
My strategy is fairly simple. It all begins with purpose. I ask myself a series of questions.
1. Why is this important?
2. What are the benefits?
3. Who will it benefit?
4. Is it worth the effort and time I will put into it?
5. What are the negative consequences if I fail to reach this goal?
As for improving my life skills I rely on spiritual guidance and a lot reading. I also spend a lot of time on personal development blogs looking for anything I can do to improve my life. I enjoyed your insight and thoughts within this post. Great work!
Frank recently posted..You Finished Dinner- “Now What”
Hi Frank, I can see that you have an excellent grasp of what real goal setting is all about. The 5 points you listed show that you clearly understand the importance of knowing your motives and making sure that your goals truly align with your true self. Congratulations Frank, only a very small percentage of people ever see the importance of these details.
When it comes to setting goal and reaching them, I have found that you have that main goal, but learn to take baby steps to get where you want to be. This is less frustrating when you have those set backs and have to reroute your many goal. Every goal always need those adjustment at times.
Great article.
Thanks
Debbie
Hi Jonathan. It’s like the old saying, “A dream without a plan is a wish.” Defining the goal itself is a great step, but the goal remains a goal if you don’t set forth a plan to achieve it. Great post Jonathan.
Nea | Self Improvement Saga recently posted..Inspirational Words- Living Life