Find Your True Self, Inner Peace

by Jonathan

inner peace and harmony

Through no fault of our own, most of us lack a certain degree of awareness about who we really are. I’m not talking about the person we are on the surface. Rather, I am referring to who we are on a core level once you strip away the social programming, ego, and learned defenses.

Being the adaptable creatures that we are, we learn to play peekaboo with our true self from a very young age. Over time, this adaptation make it difficult to connect with that sense of  inner peace we all long for. And the process continues because we keep adjusting our behavior for various reasons as we are exposed to a variety of circumstances and situations.

This is good because adaptability is an important and vital life skill. In fact, on many different levels our survival depends on it. Businesses that don’t adapt to changing conditions go broke. The same could be said of relationships. Even the simple act of putting on a coat when the weather turns cold is a form of adaptation. Clearly, being adaptable serves us in many ways.

But here’s the challenge!

As we adapt, we risk losing our connection with who we really are on a core level. It becomes extremely easy to compromise our deepest values and passions for the sake of fitting in. When this happens, we create internal conflict between our true self and our new, adapted self.

We may have every intention of preserving our true identity, but the influence of our environment should not be underestimated. I first learned this lesson when I was only 19 years old. I went to work for a large construction company and everybody on the crew cussed (a lot). I was totally repulsed by their language and vowed that I would never allow myself to sound like them. Profanity violates my personal code of ethics and I was absolutely determined not to go there.

Well, guess what! Within a short time, I started to adapt my language to fit in with this new environment. That’s right, despite my determination to the contrary, I ended up sounding just like everyone else. It pained me to hear myself talk because of the internal conflict that now existed between my values and my actions. On a deep emotional level, I was at cross purposes with my true self.

I got out of there which resolved my conflict

Had I remained, however, I would have probably lost touch with the part of me that was uncomfortable in that situation. The continued influence of that environment would have caused me to bury my values in an attempt to end the discomfort.

In reality though, that would not have resolved my internal conflict. It would have just buried it so deep that I would no longer be aware of it. That means that instead of internal peace and harmony, there would be undetected, but extremely damaging disharmony. Emotionally speaking, this is like having a virus quietly corrupting you computer programs without being noticed. Sooner or later, there will be problems.

Internal conflict always finds its way to the surface

Have you ever known someone who continually self-sabotages their own success? It could be in any area of their life, business, relationships, health or anything else. As soon as things start looking good, wham, they let the air out of their own tires.

Often times this kind of behavior is a response to buried internal conflict. On some level they feel that they don’t deserve success. Their disharmony has negatively affected their self-esteem, and they aren’t even aware of it.

Another way that internal conflict can find expression is a chronic lack of joy. This might range anywhere from being moody to recurring bouts of depression. Energy levels can also be affected. It takes a lot of energy to fight an emotional battle around deeply rooted internal discord.

We’ve all been there to some degree!

Like I said earlier, we are adaptable creatures and that makes it almost impossible to stay true to our authentic self without some kind internal compass. Basic desires such as wanting approval, security and control have a huge influence on our direction in life. And even our core values evolve and change over time.

All of these factors combined make it very difficult to stay in harmony with who we truly are on the deepest levels or to find any degree of inner peace. So how can we adapt and grow, while simultaneously avoiding the trap of internal conflict?

Self-discovery and awareness are the key

The first step is to rediscover our true self. We need to get in touch with our deepest values, standards and passions. This is the only way to bring about internal peace and harmony. We need to go beyond the trappings of our lifestyle and environment, so we can figure out who we really are.

Any attempt to structure a meaningful life course must include this knowledge of true self. Without it, we will inadvertently compromise the very values that give us our personal identity.

How do we rediscover our true self?

Over the years I have developed a series of extremely effective questions and exercises designed to put you in touch with your true self. I incorporated these exercises into my home study course “Find Your TRUE SELF.” Following this program makes it possible for anyone to discover their true self, and to achieve and maintain internal peace and harmony while pursuing the life of their dreams.

Of course, this is only one aspect of the life transformation process, but it is the only way to build a solid foundation for a life of exceptional quality. If you are curious about what Find Your TRUE SELF can do for you, I encourage you to have a closer look.

Getting to the heart of disharmony

Resolving internal conflict is the only way to experience inner peace. Life has a way of disconnecting us from who we truly are, and we feel the effects of this in everything we do. We all buy anti-virus software to protect it integrity of our computers and keep them operating efficiently. Doesn’t it make sense to take the necessary steps to restore our inner harmony so that we can truly enjoy this wonderful journey called life?

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{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }

Dragos Roua

Interesting and thoughtful. Inner conflict is not always something that should be avoided or “conquered”. Sometimes inner conflict can act as an engine of evolution. For me, most of the time, this how it was :-)

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Hi Dragos, I think we need to distinguish between two different kinds of inner conflict. The productive kind would be when a conflict exists between where we are and where we would like to be. This difference can be very motivating.

The kind I was addressing is when we are acting out of harmony with what we feel is right and ethical. This is neither productive or motivating. In fact, if it continues it can be the fast track to self sabotaging behavior.

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Stephen - Rat Race Trap

Nice article Jonathan. I have been conflicted for a very long time, but I believe I have finally turned the corner on that problem. I have bought your program and will let you know how it goes. I’m very excited to see how it turns out!

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Way to take action Stephen, I look forward to your feedback.

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Janet Hilts

I sure like your be-gentle-with-yourself approach to this subject. I’ve found that makes the self-discovery process go more quickly — we’re not so guarded against our self-criticism, so we’re more willing to see ourselves as we truly are. Thanks for a great article.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Hi Janet, there is never any point in being too hard on ourselves, even when we make a mistake. We can’t go back and change it, so we might as well learn the lesson and move forward.

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Dennis Dalton

Excellent piece of writing. I can identify with much of what you have written having experienced it myself. Thanks.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Thanks Dennis, I appreciate that you took the time to join the conversation.

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rob white

Expertly said, Jonathan. I love the idea of a game of peek-a-boo. It takes daily diligence to to keep our awareness on our Authentic-Self… the ego is always waiting to peek out and take us down a notch. Deeply understanding the inner conflict issue empowers us to objectively observe when it pops its head out so we can say aha “I see you!”

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Hey Rob, yes, being aware of the inner struggle for dominance puts up in a great position for exercising some choice. Sure it take “daily diligence” but I’ll take that over daily ignorance any time. Thanks for stopping by Rob, appreciated!

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Frank Jovine

My problem is always getting started. If it’s getting back to shape, stop smoking, or saving for tomorrow, it seems the start is the toughest. Once I do get started I become addictive to the process.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Well Frank, you are a pretty busy guy. Maybe you need to make the time to get started before you can actually get started.

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Sandra / Always Well Within

Jonathan,

It’s surprise to see just how much buried internal conflict steers our life. And the sad thing is that we might not even being aware. That’s why doing a program like yours can be so invaluable for unleashing our true inner being.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Thanks for the vote of confidence Sandra. Internal conflict can be very stealthy, and usually flies well below our awareness radar. I have worked with so many coaching clients that I almost feel like I’ve developed a 6th sense when it comes to exposing those hidden sources of conflict so they can be resolved.

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Nea

You touched on something really important here. So many people find themselves stuck because they want something so bad that they subconsciously believe they don’t deserve. That’s a huge internal conflict that destroys lives and relationships everyday. It’s a brutal, uphill battle between two parts of the same self. Thank you for posting this piece.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Nea, you said that so well. The fact that you recognize these things is probably one of the big reasons why your coaching clients appreciate you and your abilities so much.

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Galen Pearl

I could relate to your story. I went to a job once and knew right away I could not be myself there. I started looking for another job the first day and ended up only working there for one month. Leaving is not always the right answer, of course, or even a practical answer. But it was for me at that time. I found a job I loved and which fit with my own self very well.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Hi Galen, you are right, there is a time to stay and exert a positive influence, and there is a time to find an environment that doesn’t require being constantly on guard to maintain your inner harmony. It’s nice when we have options!

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Anne @ confidence building

When I have inner conflict I find it useful to make a list of how I’m going to resolve the things that bother me. I don’t make a general list. I make one that involves (most importantly) the first step. Once I get past that I find it so much easier to move on and complete the task. This works for me.

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Great approach Anne, thanks for sharing it with us.

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Lisa H.

I like what you said about internal conflict finding its way to the surface. It always shows up for me as a feeling of unhappiness. That is when I know that I need to slow down, stop and correct what is imbalanced in my life. If I don’t address the internal conflict, it just gets worse and worse until the unhappiness becomes undeniable. Life is meant to be managed. The key is to recognize when your life is becoming unmanageable and address it.

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Andrew

I want to find inner peace but what if I was lost from day one and grew up not knowin who I was? What should I do to find out who I want to be ? Just do what feels right and gives me a sense of happiness and internal peace? Because I really don’t know who I am at all I change around everyone

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Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Hi Andrew, based on what you have said my advice would be for you to go through the “Find Your TRUE SELF” program. It is designed specifically to help you figure out who you are and to live accordingly.

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Aida Santana

Jonathan I love this piece! What rang true for me was the comment of Have you ever known someone who continually self-sabotages their own success? I am struggle with a person who does it with their relationships. Thank you!

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lynne

Hi , a very informative post. Resolving internal conflict is the only way to experience inner peace, this is so true, having an inner harmony helps us focus and move forward to have a more enjoyable life. Thanks for sharing.

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Ugi

Thanks, Jonathan, for this great post!

I’ve also found that doing inner work – facing our inner conflicts and fears – is the crucial part in changing our reality. First we have to be courageous to have a look inside, into our feelings and the uncomfortable places. They are there for a reason and ignoring them and distracting ourselves won’t make them go a way. Which means, they will keep bothering us until the end of days if we don’t face them and finally listen to their message, embrace it and finally have the clearance to move on.

Personally, nothing had such an impact on my life than doing this. But a main factor has been the support of other people to do it and support you in times of doubt and desperation. There are great communities for that like the Balls Project which helped me a lot.

In the end, its a choice: Running from our conflicts and fears our facing them and turn them around. The first is distraction and is as far away from peace as it gets, the second one is the direct way to inner peace and harmony.

Thanks Jonathan!

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