Through no fault of our own, most of us lack a certain degree of awareness about who we really are. I’m not talking about the person we are on the surface. I am talking about who we are once you get beyond the social programming, ego, and defenses.
Being the adaptable creatures that we are, we learn to play peek a boo with our true self from a very young age. We adapt our behavior for various reasons as we are exposed to a variety of circumstances and situations.
This is good because adaptability is an important and vital life skill. In fact, on many different levels our survival depends on it. Businesses that don’t adapt to changing conditions go broke. The same could be said of relationships. The simple act of putting on a coat when the weather turns cold is a form of adaptation. Clearly, being adaptable serves us in many ways.
But here’s the challenge!
As we adapt, it is very easy to lose our connection with who we really are on a core level. It is extremely easy to compromise our deepest values and passions for the sake of fitting in. When this happens, we create internal conflict between our true self and our adapted self.
We may have every intention of preserving our true identity, but the influence of our environment should not be underestimated. I first learned this lesson when I was only 19 years old. I went to work for a large construction company and everybody on the crew cussed (a lot). I was totally repulsed by their language and vowed that I would never sound like them. Profanity violates my personal code of ethics and I was absolutely determined not to go there.
Well, guess what! Within a short time, I started to adapt my language to fit in with this new environment. That’s right, despite my determination I ended up sounding just like everyone else. It pained me to hear myself talk because of the internal conflict that now existed between my values and my actions. On a deep emotional level, I was at cross purposes with my true self.
I got out of there which resolved my conflict
Had I remained, however, I would have probably lost touch with the part of me that was uncomfortable in that situation. The continued influence of that environment would have caused me to bury my values in an attempt to end the discomfort.
In reality though, that would not have resolved my internal conflict. It would have just buried it so deep that I would no longer be aware of it. That means that instead of internal peace and harmony, there would be undetected, but extremely damaging disharmony. Emotionally speaking, this is like having a virus quietly corrupting you computer programs without being noticed. Sooner or later, there will be problems.
Internal conflict always finds its way to the surface
Have you ever known someone who continually self-sabotages their own success? It could be in any area of their life, business, relationships, health or anything else. As soon as thing start looking good, wham, they let the air out of their own tires.
Often times this kind of behavior is a response to buried internal conflict. On some level they feel that they don’t deserve success. Their disharmony has negatively affected their self-esteem, and they aren’t even aware of it.
Other ways that internal conflict can find expression is a chronic lack of joy. This might range anywhere from being moody to recurring bouts of depression. Energy levels can also be affected. It takes a lot of energy to fight an emotional battle around deeply rooted internal discord.
We’ve all been there to some degree!
Like I said earlier, we are adaptable creatures and that makes it almost impossible to stay true to our authentic self without some kind internal compass. Basic desires such as wanting approval, security and control have a huge influence on our direction in life. And even our core values evolve and change over time.
All of these factors combined make it very difficult to stay in harmony with who we truly are on the deepest levels. So how can we adapt and grow, while simultaneously avoiding the trap of internal conflict?
Self-discovery and awareness are the key
The first step is to rediscover our true self. We need to get in touch with our deepest values, standards and passions. This is the only way to bring about internal peace and harmony. We need to go beyond the trappings of our lifestyle and environment, so we can figure out who we really are.
Any attempt to structure a meaningful life course must include this knowledge of true self. Without it, we will inadvertently compromise the very values that give us our personal identity.
How do we rediscover our true self?
Over the years I have developed a series of extremely effective questions and exercises designed to put you in touch with your true self. I incorporated these exercises into the very first section of my book TRUE SELF. Following the program outlined in this book makes it possible for anyone to discover their true self, and to achieve and maintain internal peace and harmony while pursuing the life of their dreams.
Of course, this is only one aspect of the life transformation process, but it is the only way to build a solid foundation for a life of exceptional quality. If you are curious about what True Self can do for you, I encourage you to read the reviews on Amazon to see what others are saying are saying about this life changing book.
Getting to the heart of disharmony
Resolving internal conflict is the only way to experience inner peace. Life has a way of disconnecting us from who we truly are, and we feel the effects of this in everything we do. We all buy anti-virus software to protect it integrity of our computers and keep them operating efficiently. Doesn’t it make sense to take the necessary steps to restore our inner harmony so that we can truly enjoy this wonderful journey called life?







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{ 12 comments… read them below or add one }
Interesting and thoughtful. Inner conflict is not always something that should be avoided or “conquered”. Sometimes inner conflict can act as an engine of evolution. For me, most of the time, this how it was
Dragos Rouas last blog post..The Guardians
Hi Dragos, I think we need to distinguish between two different kinds of inner conflict. The productive kind would be when a conflict exists between where we are and where we would like to be. This difference can be very motivating.
The kind I was addressing is when we are acting out of harmony with what we feel is right and ethical. This is neither productive or motivating. In fact, if it continues it can be the fast track to self sabotaging behavior.
Nice article Jonathan. I have been conflicted for a very long time, but I believe I have finally turned the corner on that problem. I have bought your program and will let you know how it goes. I’m very excited to see how it turns out!
Stephen – Rat Race Traps last blog post..Walk a Straight Line to High Achievement
Way to take action Stephen, I look forward to your feedback.
I sure like your be-gentle-with-yourself approach to this subject. I’ve found that makes the self-discovery process go more quickly — we’re not so guarded against our self-criticism, so we’re more willing to see ourselves as we truly are. Thanks for a great article.
Hi Janet, there is never any point in being too hard on ourselves, even when we make a mistake. We can’t go back and change it, so we might as well learn the lesson and move forward.
Excellent piece of writing. I can identify with much of what you have written having experienced it myself. Thanks.
Thanks Dennis, I appreciate that you took the time to join the conversation.
Expertly said, Jonathan. I love the idea of a game of peek-a-boo. It takes daily diligence to to keep our awareness on our Authentic-Self… the ego is always waiting to peek out and take us down a notch. Deeply understanding the inner conflict issue empowers us to objectively observe when it pops its head out so we can say aha “I see you!”
rob white recently posted..The Finest Wish You Can Ever Make
Hey Rob, yes, being aware of the inner struggle for dominance puts up in a great position for exercising some choice. Sure it take “daily diligence” but I’ll take that over daily ignorance any time. Thanks for stopping by Rob, appreciated!
The book sounds great, but I need as an e-book. I hope you can get your publisher to format for e-book sales.