Through no fault of our own, most of us lack a certain degree of awareness about who we really are. I’m not talking about the person we are on the surface. I am talking about who we are once you get beyond the social programming, ego, and defenses.
Being the adaptable creatures that we are, we learn to play peek a boo with our true self from a very young age. We adapt our behavior for various reasons as we are exposed to a variety of circumstances and situations.
This is good because adaptability is an important and vital life skill. In fact, on many different levels our survival depends on it. Businesses that don’t adapt to changing conditions go broke. The same could be said of relationships. The simple act of putting on a coat when the whether turns cold is a form of adaptation. Clearly, being adaptable serves us in many ways.
But here’s the challenge!
As we adapt, it is very easy to lose our connection with who we really are on a core level. It is extremely easy to compromise our deepest values and passions for the sake of fitting in. When this happens, we create internal conflict between our true self and our adapted self.
We may have every intention of preserving our true identity, but the influence of our environment should not be underestimated. I first learned this lesson when I was only 19 years old. I went to work for a large construction company and everybody on the crew cussed (a lot). I was totally repulsed by their language and vowed that I would never sound like them. Profanity violates my personal code of ethics and I was absolutely determined not to go there.
Well, guess what! Within a short time, I started to adapt my language to fit in with this new environment. That’s right, despite my determination, I ended up sounding just like everyone else. It pained me to hear myself talk because of the internal conflict that now existed between my values and my actions. On a deep emotional level, I was at cross purposes with my true self.
I got out of there which resolved my conflict.
Had I remained, however, I would have probably lost touch with the part of me that was uncomfortable in that situation. The continued influence of that environment would have caused me to bury my values in an attempt to end the discomfort.
In reality though, that would not have resolved my internal conflict, just buried it so deep that I would no longer be aware of it. That means that instead of internal peace and harmony, there would be undetected, but extremely damaging disharmony. Emotionally speaking, this is like having a virus quietly corrupting you computer programs without being noticed. Sooner or later, there will be problems.
Internal conflict always finds its way to the surface
Have you ever known someone who continually self-sabotages their own success? It could be in any area of their life, business, relationships, health or anything else. As soon as thing start looking good, wham, they let the air out of their own tires.
Often times this kind of behavior is a response to buried internal conflict. On some level they feel that they don’t deserve success. Their disharmony has negatively effected their self-esteem, and they aren’t even aware of it.
Other ways that internal conflict can find expression is a chronic lack of joy. This might range anywhere from being moody to recurring bouts of depression. Energy levels can also be affected. It takes a lot of energy to fight an emotional battle around deeply rooted internal discord.
We’ve all been there to some degree!
Like I said earlier, we are adaptable creatures which makes it almost impossible to stay true to our authentic self without some kind internal compass. Basic desires such as wanting approval, security and control have a huge influence on our direction in life. And even our core values evolve and change over time.
All of these factors combined make it very difficult to stay in harmony with who we truly are on the deepest levels. So how can we adapt and grow, while simultaneously avoiding the trap of internal conflict?
Self-discovery and awareness is the key.
The first step is to rediscover our true self. We need to get in touch with our deepest values, standards and passions. This is the only way to bring about internal peace and harmony. We need to go beyond the trappings of our lifestyle and environment, so we can figure out who we really are.
Any attempt to structure a meaningful life course must include this knowledge of true self. Without it, we will inadvertently compromise the very values that give us our personal identity.
How do we rediscover our true self?
Over the years I have developed a series of extremely effective questions and exercises designed to put you in touch with your true self. When I created the 7 Simple Steps program, I incorporated these exercises into the very first step. This program makes it possible for anyone to rediscover their true self, and use that knowledge to achieve and maintain internal peace and harmony while pursuing the life of their dreams.
Of course, this is only one aspect of the life transformation process, but it the only way to build a solid foundation for a life of exceptional quality. If you are curious about what the rest of the 7 Simple Steps are, you can view everything that’s covered HERE.
Getting to the heart of disharmony
Resolving internal conflict is the only way to experience inner peace. Life has a way of disconnecting us from who we truly are, and we feel the effects of this in everything we do. We all buy anti-virus software to protect it integrity of our computers and keep them operating efficiently. Doesn’t it make sense to take the necessary steps to restore our inner harmony so that we can truly enjoy this wonderful journey called life?
I wholeheartedly invite your comments!
{ 6 comments… read them below or add one }
Interesting and thoughtful. Inner conflict is not always something that should be avoided or “conquered”. Sometimes inner conflict can act as an engine of evolution. For me, most of the time, this how it was
Dragos Rouas last blog post..The Guardians
Nice article Jonathan. I have been conflicted for a very long time, but I believe I have finally turned the corner on that problem. I have bought your program and will let you know how it goes. I’m very excited to see how it turns out!
Stephen – Rat Race Traps last blog post..Walk a Straight Line to High Achievement
I sure like your be-gentle-with-yourself approach to this subject. I’ve found that makes the self-discovery process go more quickly — we’re not so guarded against our self-criticism, so we’re more willing to see ourselves as we truly are. Thanks for a great article.
You stated “The simple act of putting on a coat when the whether turns cold is a form of adaptation. Clearly, being adaptable serves us in many ways.” Jonathan… the correct spelling for this noun would be weather. Remember Jonathan, I’m a meteorologist.
Just tryin’ to help the professionalism.
ed benson
Jonathan comments: Thanks for the correction Ed. As most of my readers have come to realize, for me, typos seem to go with the territory. I usually spot them after I publish, but for some reason going back into the WP editor to change a word or two can mean spending an hour trying to straighten out the formatting. I usually just live with it. I really do appreciate all feedback, so don’t hesitate to offer correction or counter point if you think it is called for.
Excellent piece of writing. I can identify with much of what you have written having experienced it myself. Thanks.