Advanced Life Skills

One Dozen Simple Stress Busters

jWells — Fri, 28 Nov 2008 22:48:08 +0000

Stress is so much a part of life anymore that many people exist in an ongoing state of “fight or flight.” This is an extremely dangerous condition, emotionally and physically. Prolonged hyper adrenal activity will literally burn you out in a big way.
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Because of the prevalence of this problem, I am always on the lookout for practical tips to a less stressful life. Leo Batauta, at zenhabits published a great article called “20 Ways to Eliminate Stress From Your Life.” Along with his opening story, I have included twelve of his practical tips in this post. You can simply follow the link if you want to read the entire list. So, here’s Leo…
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You often see articles on ways to unwind and relax after a stressful day, which I always find useful, but for me the most important advice would be to get to the source of the problem, and cut stress out before it even happens.
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By careful editing of your life, and changing certain habits, you can eliminate most (not all) sources of stress in your life.
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I don’t believe that a stress-free life is possible. Stress is a response to challenges in life, and a life without challenges is too boring to contemplate. However, I do believe that most of the stress in our lives is unnecessary, and that it can be eliminated by taking some simple (and some not-so-simple) steps. It can’t be accomplished overnight — I’ve been eliminating stressors in my life for awhile now, and I’m still not done. But I think it’s a worthwhile goal.
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Let’s first take a look at an example — it’s a little extreme, but it exemplifies the typical stressors in people’s lives. Let’s say Fred gets up in the morning, waking up late, and now has to rush to get ready. He’s so rushed that he spills his coffee on his shirt and has to change, a nicks himself shaving. He heads out the door and then has to go back in the house because he forgot his wallet. He gets in the car and realizes he forgot his keys.
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Now he’s on the way in to work and is in the middle of rush-hour traffic — and his temper starts to flare after someone cuts him off. He’s honking at people, cursing, and arrives to work late and in a bad mood. He snaps at someone and is surly all morning. His desk is covered in piles of paper, and he can’t find that report he needs to work on. His inbox is overflowing and his email notification is going off, and he sees he has 36 messages to respond to. He knows he’s late on two projects and his boss isn’t happy. He’s got to finish 5 tasks before the 11 a.m. meeting, and he’s got meetings all afternoon.
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You get the idea. His day does not go well, and he hits rush-hour traffic on the way home. He gets home late, exhausted, completely stressed, his mind still on his late and as-yet uncompleted projects, his still-full inbox and email inbox, and all the stuff piling up that he has to work on tomorrow. The house is a mess and he snaps at his family. His kids have not put things away exactly where he told them to put them away, so he begins to yell at them. He has a quick, greasy dinner in front of the TV and zones out before falling asleep late.
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Again, this is a bit extreme, but you can see through this illustration some of the things that stress people out. There are many more, of course, and I won’t cover all of them here.
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But these sources of stress can be eliminated with a little thought. Here’s how:
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Identify stressors. This is the most important step of all, as identifying the things that stress you out in your life is the first step towards eliminating them. Take 10 minutes to think about what stresses you out during the day. What weekly occurrences stress you out? What people, activities, things cause stress in your life? Make a Top 10 list, and see which of them can be eliminated, and start to weed them out. For those that can’t find ways to make them less stressful.
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Eliminate unnecessary commitments. I did a post on editing your commitments before … apply those concepts here. We all have many commitments in our life, starting with work but also including commitments related to kids, our spouses, things to do at home, other family, civic, side work, religious, hobbies, online activities and more. Consider each of them, the amount of stress they provide, and the value you get out of them. Edit brutally, and take steps today to remove the ones that stress you out the most.
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Disorganization. We’re all disorganized to some extent. Even if we’ve organized something, and created a great system for keeping it that way, things tend to move towards chaos over time. But disorganization stresses us out, in terms of visual clutter, and in making it difficult to find stuff we need. Take time to get things in your life organized, starting with your desk and the papers in your home, and moving on to other areas.
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Late. Being late always stresses us out. We have to rush to get ready, rush to get there, and stress out the whole time about looking bad and being late. Learn the habit of being early, and this stress disappears. Make a conscious effort to start getting ready earlier, and to leave earlier. This also makes driving less stressful. Time yourself to see how long it actually takes to get ready, and how long it actually takes to get somewhere. You’ve probably been underestimating these times. Once you know these times, you can plan backwards so that you show up 10 minutes early each time. It’s a good feeling.
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Multitasking. Having multiple tasks going on at the same time might seem productive, but in actuality it slows us down from actually focusing on a task and completing it — and it stresses us out in the meantime. Learn to single-task.
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Eliminate energy drains. If you’ve analyzed your life (in Step 1) and found things that stress you out, you might have also noticed things that drain your energy. Certain things in our life just cause us to be more exhausted than others, with less value. Identify them, and cut them out. You’ll have much more energy and much less stress. Happiness ensues.
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Avoid difficult people. You know who they are. If you take a minute to think about it, you can identify all the people in your life — bosses, coworkers, customers, friends, family, etc. — who make your life more difficult. Now, you could confront them and do battle with them, but that will most certainly be difficult. Just cut them out of your life.
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Help others. It may sound contradictory to add more tasks to your life by trying to help other people (you’ve got enough to do), but if you were to add anything to your life, this should be it. Helping others, whether volunteering for a charity organization or just making an effort to be compassionate towards people you meet, not only gives you a very good feeling, it somehow lowers your stress level. Of course, this doesn’t work if you try to control others, or help others in a very rushed and frenetic way — learn to take it easy, enjoy yourself, and let things happen, as you work to make the lives of others better.
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Relax throughout the day. It’s important to take mini-breaks during your work day. Stop what you’re doing, massage your shoulders and neck and head and hands and arms, get up and stretch, walk around, drink some water. Go outside and appreciate the fresh air and the beautiful sky. Talk to someone you like. Life doesn’t have to be all about productivity. You should also avoid using online activity too much as your de-stressing activity — get away from the computer to relax.
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Exercise. This is common advice for stress relief, and that’s because it works … but it’s also a stress prevention method. Exercising helps relieve the stress buildup, it gives you some quiet time to contemplate and relax, and just as importantly, it makes you more fit. A fitter person is better equipped to handle stress. Another important factor: being unhealthy can be a major stressor (especially once you have to go to the hospital), and exercise can help prevent that.
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Eat healthy. This goes hand-in-hand with exercise as a stress prevention method, of course. Become healthier and a major source of stress will disappear. Also, I’ve found that greasy food, for me, puts me in a worse mood and can contribute to stress levels immediately.
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Be grateful. This might not be as obvious as some of the others, but developing an attitude of gratitude (I sound like a preacher with that rhyme!) is a way of thinking positive, eliminating negative thinking from your life, and thereby reducing stress. Learn to be grateful for what you have, for the people in your life, and see it as a gift. With this sort of outlook on life, stress will go down and happiness will go up. That’s a winning formula.
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Implementing even one of these tips into your life can make a significant difference in you stress levels. Why not start with the one that seems easiest for you, and then gradually add the others. This time of year can have it’s own variety of stress, so now is probably a good time to get started.

Why The Law of Attraction Does Not Work

jWells — Wed, 26 Nov 2008 01:28:25 +0000

Everywhere you go people are talking about the Law of Attraction. Especially since the release of the Secret, has this subject become a common, mainstream topic. Now, more than ever, people are beginning to realize that they actually have much more control over their environment than they ever imagined.

As exciting as this ‘new awakening’ is, the information itself has been around for a very long time. What is new however, is the level of curiosity and acceptance for this kind of knowledge. Science and the media have both contributed greatly to the current level of growth in this area.

For on thing, advances in the field of quantum physics over the last fifty years, are beginning to provide scientific validation for these creative concepts. It is no longer possible to blow off the reality of vibrational influences on our physical reality. It is not about weather or not the Law of Attraction is real, now it is about figuring out exactly how to best make use of it.

Science + mass media

Recent scientific findings, combined with the power of the Internet and other forms of mass media, have generated a huge amount of interest in the entire field of conscious manifestation. It truly is a global phenomenon.

The concept of abundance appeals to everyone, and the thought of being able to tap into a limitless source to provide that abundance is irresistible. Because of this irresistibleness, a degree of caution is appropriate.

There are a lot of people jumping on the Law of Attraction bandwagon. Many of them are extremely qualified and quite capable of coaching others to a life of abundance. Unfortunately, such a lucrative and wide-open field is also attracting those who are only interested in their own financial growth. I am not here to point any fingers, or rain on anybody’s parade. I just want to encourage you to use sound judgment when deciding whose advice to listen to, or pay for.

So, here’s the big question:

With so many people applying the Law of attraction, why have so few of them been able to manifest what they really want?

Obviously, there’s been a serious lack of results. Otherwise there would not be any market for follow-up products.

How many secrets are there behind “The Secret” anyway?

The reason the Law of Attraction fails to work for so many people is…
(Drum roll please)

Limiting beliefs!

You see, it is not because the Law of attraction doesn’t work. Rather, it is because most people are carrying around hidden beliefs that prevent it from working for them. You can sit around and visualized, imagine, and feel your desires all day long. But if you do not deal with your limiting beliefs, then you are not going to produce your intended result.

That’s right, you are not going to manifest that new car, new house, perfect partner, or anything else, because your limiting beliefs will not allow that to happen.

To be honest, I am amazed that more people have not addressed this problem. Our beliefs about what is, and what is not possible, exert a huge influence on our lives. Limiting beliefs are the number one reason why people fail to reach their goals, and achieve their dreams.

You simply cannot visualize your way past them

They need to be addressed. This does not mean that you need to go through years of therapy to uncover your deepest, darkest secrets. It’s not like that at all. There are actually simple techniques for discovering and dismantling negative beliefs. But ignoring them, or wishing they would just go away will not help.

This is one of the reasons why the entire first section of 7 Simple Steps is devoted to this process. Until we understand our beliefs, and modify them to harmonize with our goals and values, we can never achieve lasting results.

No matter what we do or where we go in life, our beliefs go with us. Usually they exert their influence on a subconscious level. Limiting beliefs are like in a stealth fighter that does not show up on our radar. This means that they are not generally vulnerable to logic or reason, unless we can find a way to expose them to our conscious mind.

What’s the difference?

So why are some people able to use the Law of attraction to manifest incredible abundance? Everybody’s life experience is different, and this affects their belief systems. While some people’s lives and dispositions have fostered the development of limiting beliefs, others have developed empowering beliefs. Those with empowering beliefs find it much easier to apply the Law of attraction in their own behalf.

If you are like millions of other people who watched the Secret, got all fired up, and have yet to produce any substantial results, this article should resonate with you. The reason for your lack of results probably lies somewhere deep inside of your subconscious. Once you are able to clear your limiting beliefs, you will be in a perfect position to manifest abundance into your life.

How do you feel about this?
Why not share your thoughts by leaving a comment.

Create Success by Creating Value

jWells — Fri, 21 Nov 2008 23:21:24 +0000

When you look at people who are at the top of their field, you will discover that they all have one thing in common. It really doesn’t matter what field they are in, they all do one, specific thing on a consistent basis.
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Can you guess what that is?
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They all create value for others, and in doing so; they also create value for themselves. This doesn’t happen by accident, it is 100% intentional.
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Creating value for others is an extremely powerful success strategy for several reasons. Let’s examine some of those reasons and consider a few examples.
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Increase your own value
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When you create value for others, you become more valuable to them. Think about this in regard to your own life. Every single person who is important to you is, in some way, adding value to your life. The closer your relationship with them, the greater their contribution to your life.
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What kind of contribution? Personal relationships are prioritized according to their emotional value. In some important way, having that person in your life makes you feel better about yourself. In business relationships, the value is generally measured by its effect on your bottom line.
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A quantum shift
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When we focus on adding value to other people’s lives, it completely shifts our perspective. We will naturally start to move away from selfish motives as we increasingly consider the welfare of others. This causes our own happiness and success to become a byproduct of our efforts to contribute to the happiness and success of others.
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The more we focus on adding value to other people’s lives, the more our own happiness becomes bound up with theirs. This kind of community consciousness elevates our existence to a much higher level. Creating value for others expands our world, while selfishness shrinks it.
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As our world expands, we become exposed to greater opportunities. As we act on those opportunities, it raises the value of our own lives. It’s a total win-win situation.
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How can we apply this in our personal lives right now?
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Start with your closest relationships. Look for ways to contribute to the value of those around you. What can you do for your wife, husband, children, or friends to help them feel better about themselves? How can you bring a smile to their face, or a warm feeling to their hearts? As you take steps to contribute to their lives, notice how it makes you feel about yourself. You will soon notice a resulting increase in your personal sense of joy and satisfaction.
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What about in business?
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If you are an employee, find ways to become more valuable to your employer. Increasing your value at work adds to his bottom line, and his appreciation will add to yours. If you are an entrepreneur, look for ways to create greater value for those you do business with.
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Here are three excellent examples:
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1) In the extremely competitive world of online marketing, Jack Humphrey is a top social marketing expert. His entire success is built on the foundation of creating value for others. The more successful he becomes, the greater his dedication to helping others succeed. As a result, his success continues to grow as well.
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If you are a blogger, or looking for ways to grow an online business, I highly recommend that you visit Jack’s site, the Friday traffic report. It’s an excellent source of truly valuable information that can help you succeed.
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2) Next, consider Leo Babauta of Zenhabits. Leo has more RSS subscribers (close to 80,000) than any other personal development blog I know of. Why do so many people follow his blog?
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The reason is simple. Leo’s readers find value when they visit this site. As a result, his readers tell their friends, and they tell their friends, and on it goes. So many people visit Zenhabits that he is able to make a full-time living as a blogger. That’s an amazing accomplishment.
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And what is the foundation of his popularity? He creates massive value and sends it out there for others to assimilate. As they do, his popularity grows.
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3) Another great example is Jonathan Fields of Awake At The Wheel. Jonathan used to be a lawyer, now he is a professional blogger, copywriter, author and more. Interestingly, you will rarely see him mention anything about his businesses on his blog. Why is that?
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Again, Jonathan recognizes that if he creates enough value through the content of his blog, many of his readers will take the time to have a closer look. As they do, some will buy his books, others will become his clients. You see, he’s not worried about it. He is focused on creating value with full awareness that it will eventually come back to him in one way or another.
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What’s in it for…?
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So, you might be wondering, how have I benefited from mentioning these three people in this article? Actually, that is the wrong question to ask. The real question is - how have you benefited?
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Well, that remains to be seen. Perhaps you are building an online business and you are looking for a marketing expert. Maybe you will find some valuable personal advice at Zenhabits that changes your life. It could be that Jonathan Fields will stimulate your thinking to the point of a personal epiphany.
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Hopefully, you will at least be motivated to look for new ways to add value to the world around you. If any of these scenarios are true, directly or indirectly, I will have created value for you, and that’s good enough for me.
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You never know
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The possibilities are almost limitless. Perhaps you enjoyed this post enough to use the ‘share this’ button below to digg it, stumble it, or share it with a friend by e-mail. Maybe you will discover 7 Simple Steps and use it to completely transform the quality of your life. I really have no idea exactly how things will turn out.
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First things first
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The point is, create value first and don’t worry about how it is going to come back to you. Creating value is not bartering; we are not looking to make an even trade. It is more like making a deposit into the community human growth account. We all make deposits and we all extract benefits. We never know exactly how or when that is going to happen.
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One thing we do know, if you make enough deposits you can eventually live on the interest, and that’s a beautiful thing.
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So, I encourage you to go check out some of these other sites and see what you think. I also want to encourage you to leave a comment and let me know whether or not you benefited from this article. Your comments are one way in which you can create value for me and other readers. Right here is a perfect opportunity for you to make a deposit in that community human growth account.

Would You Rather Be a Butterfly or a Caterpillar?

jWells — Thu, 20 Nov 2008 07:11:33 +0000

That’s an interesting question; let’s think about the difference for a minute. A caterpillar crawls from leaf to leaf, eating, sleeping, and crawling. He does the same thing, day in and day out, not realizing that anything else is possible.A butterfly, on the other hand, goes where it wants to go, and drinks nectar from the choicest flowers. Some butterflies travel thousands of miles to spend the winter in a warm, sunny climate.

Clearly, the difference between the two is extraordinary. What is even more extraordinary is the fact that the butterfly was once an ordinary caterpillar.

Programmed by instinct

The caterpillar has no idea that, hidden in

his genetic structure is the potential to become a beautiful butterfly. After all, he was born a caterpillar and that’s all he has ever known. Even if a butterfly lands right next to him on a leaf, the caterpillar simply cannot grasp the difference. It’s outside of his frame of reference.

When instinct finally moves him to build a cocoon around himself and begin a transformation that will forever change his life, he still doesn’t know what is going on. That is because everything he does is according to instinct. He does what he is programmed to do. Unlike you and I, the caterpillar does not have a choice.

In the absence of instinct

In our case, instinct is not usually enough to bring about a complete life transformation. Fortunately we have something more than instinct.

Unlike that caterpillar, we have freedom of choice. We also have the ability to comprehend that more is possible. Even if we have never lived the life we truly desire, we still recognize that such a life is possible

Somewhere inside of us, we are all convinced that a life of true fulfillment, and satisfaction is our birthright. So, for us, the question is not so much, “is it possible,” but rather, “how is it possible?”

How do we transform our current existence into the life of our dreams?

What are the odds?

If everybody around us was living a happy and satisfying life, it would seem like a much more realistic goal. But that’s not the case, is it? In fact, most people’s lives more closely resemble that of the caterpillar, rather than the butterfly.

Don’t let the lack of obvious examples lead you to believe that living the life of your dreams is not possible. The choices that other people make have nothing to do with what is possible for you to achieve. If you make different choices, you can achieve different results.So then, odds have absolutely nothing to do with it. In reality, it all comes down to personal choice. Of course, when we make a choice, we need the knowledge to back it up. I could choose to be a molecular biologist, but my choice would never become a reality if I did not acquire the right knowledge.

What kind of knowledge?

When it comes to transforming your life, a highly specialized kind of knowledge is required. We need the knowledge that allows us to develop certain, advanced life skills.

Most of us have been denied this knowledge, and as a result, most are lacking in these skills. That doesn’t mean that these skills are difficult, it just means that we have never had the opportunity to learn.What would you do if you were given the opportunity?

If you could get your hands on a step-by-step blueprint for transforming the quality of your life, would you take advantage of it? I am convinced that you would. The reason I say this is that everyone who subscribes to this newsletter is actively seeking ways to improve their lives.

Your life transformation guide

If you are ready to transform your life, you will appreciate this opportunity. The knowledge that you need to start making unprecedented progress in your personal growth is now available.

Not only is it available, it is also unconditionally guaranteed to produce results.

I’m extremely pleased to announce a limited release of:

7 Simple Steps - Life Transformation Guide

As most of you know, I have been working on this for over a year, and I am very pleased with the results. Everything you need to know, in order to transform any aspect of your life is included in this program. It’s laid out in an easy-to-follow, step-by-step format, and nothing is left out.If you and I were to get together for personal, coaching sessions, this is the same format we would follow. The difference is, we would work together for several months and it would cost you thousands of dollars.

That is why I am so excited about the release of this program. You now have the opportunity to experience the benefits of personal coaching, in the privacy of your own home, and for a fraction of the cost.

Your choice, caterpillar or butterfly!

It’s my job to provide you with opportunities for personal growth. It’s your job to choose what you want to do with those opportunities.At some point we all have to make a choice.

Do you want to go on searching as life passes you by?

Do you want to continue gathering bits and pieces of useful information, and trying to put them all together for yourself?

Or, are you finally ready to transform your life?

Personally, I think you are ready! What do you think?

Can You Allow Appreciation to Change Your Life?

jWells — Wed, 19 Nov 2008 07:11:18 +0000

We are all aware of the benefits of being appreciative and grateful. But sometimes that’s easier said than done.

In the face of a seemingly sinking economy, do you find it difficult to be appreciative?

When it feels like your very way of life is being threatened, can you still find reasons to be grateful?

Yes, sometimes finding the good in a situation can feel a lot like looking for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Yet, the benefits of being in a state of genuine appreciation in spite of what’s going on around us are worth investigating.

This is where focus comes into the picture. We can actually train ourselves to search for, discover, and focus on legitimate reasons to feel appreciation.

Seek and you shall find

Regardless of where we are, or what we may be doing, there is always something we can appreciate. The challenge is to train ourselves to automatically search for reasons to manifest appreciation.

This may, or may not be your natural tendency, but with practice, all of us can certainly develop the appreciation habit.

Have you ever been around someone who never has a bad word to say about anyone or anything? How do you feel when you are around that person? It’s refreshing, isn’t it?

Conversely, have you ever been around someone who always has something negative to say? How does that make you feel? Nobody likes to be around Mr. Bummer, especially since negative attitudes can be so contagious.

So the first thing we should seek out are friends and associates whose tendency is toward the positive side. At the same time, we want to avoid spending too much time with those who like to dwell on the dark side. Choosing our associates wisely can really help us to cultivate the right attitude.

Now that we’ve surrounded ourselves with a more positive group of people, what should we do next?

Become a treasure hunter

We want to develop the habit of searching for, and discovering, something to appreciate about every person, situation, or experience we encounter.

Admittedly, this can be difficult sometimes. That’s why I likened it to treasure hunting. Even if the situation you are in seems to be 99% negative, could you locate that one percent that is worthy of your appreciation? Once located, could you focus on it?

I was thinking about people who pan for gold. Most of what fills their pan is just rubble, but where is their focus? Most of the time, they don’t even see the gravel and sand because they are searching for the sparkle. They’re looking for that tiny, little fragment of gold, and they are so focused that their mind filters out everything else.

What happens when they find that little piece of gold? They get excited, their focus increases, and their appreciation grows. Could we apply that approach to our daily life?

Choose your orientation

Popular opinion and the nightly news seem to have combined to paint a very negative picture. How much have these two, powerful forces influenced your personal viewpoint?

It is far too easy to adopt the perspective of the majority when you are surrounded by negativity, but in this case it’s not a very healthy option. To keep your perspective, you need to learn to think for yourself, and avoid letting others do it for you. That means you need to find ways of limiting your exposure.

1) Stay informed, but don’t get absorbed.

2) Choose to focus on the positive aspects of every situation.

3) When a conversation goes negative, change the subject.

Everything is seeking balance

When the natural state of balance is disrupted, something always happens to correct the situation. Sometimes a correction may seem painful, but that does not mean that it’s a bad thing.

If you push yourself too hard, for too long, while ignoring your health and the need for rest, what will happen? Chances are, you’ll get sick. Nobody likes to be sick, but in reality it’s just your body’s way of seeking balance. You needed to rest and recover, and being sick provides the opportunity to do just that.

If you find yourself in this situation, could you appreciate the fact that you are now getting some much-needed rest? See, there is always something that we can appreciate.

If an economy pushes itself too hard, it gets out of balance. Right now the economy is sick because it needs to rest and recover. Can we appreciate that the end result will be a healthier, more balanced economy?

Use questions to build your sense of appreciation

Regardless of the situation you find yourself in, asking the right questions, or making the right statements, can help you discover reasons to be appreciative.

For example:

1) What is there about this person, situation, or experience that I can appreciate?

2) What valuable lesson has this experience taught me?

3) How can I benefit from this person’s example? (Even if it’s an example of what not to do.)

4) What is this person’s most outstanding, positive characteristic?

5) How can I inject some positive energy into this situation?

If you cultivate the habit of focusing on the positive, your level of appreciation will increase. As you find more and more reasons to appreciate every aspect of your life, you will become a magnet for attracting positive energy.
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Now it’s up to you.
Will you allow appreciation to change your life?

How Do Appreciation and Gratitude Affect Your Life?

jWells — Tue, 18 Nov 2008 00:43:08 +0000

As many of you know, I am a big believer in the power of gratitude to change your life. Being constantly aware of your blessings, and feeling grateful for then puts you in a position to continue to be blessed.

Simply put, being grateful opens to door to abundance, which gives you more reasons to be grateful. When you are filled with appreciation, it quite literally changes the dynamic of your reality.

I really enjoyed Leo’s latest post on this subject at zenhabits and thought that you would probably enjoy it also. Let’s find out…

8 Tremendously Important Ways That Gratitude Can Change Your Life

It’s amazing how one simple, easy, positive action can change so much in a person’s life.

One of the things that have had the biggest effect on my life is the realization of the power of gratitude. Simply giving thanks.

It has affected everything. It has made me a more positive person. A more productive person. A better achiever. A better husband and father and son and brother (at least, I like to think so). A happier person. I’m not perfect, but gratitude has made me better.

Can it change your life as well? I can guarantee it. You might not get the exact same benefits as I have, but there’s no doubt in my mind that the simple act of gratitude on a regular basis will change anyone’s life, positively and immediately. How many other changes can claim to be that quick, that easy, and that profound?

Let’s take a look at some of the ways you can incorporate gratitude into your life, and how it will change your life. These are just some examples, based on my experience and the experiences of others I’ve talked with, and not all will apply to your life. But pick and choose the ones you think will work for you.

1. Have a morning gratitude session. Take one minute in the morning (make it a daily ritual) to think of the people who have done something nice for you, to think of all the things in your life you’re grateful for. You won’t get to everything in one minute, but it’s enough. And it will instantly make your day better, and help you start your day off right. Can you think of a better use of one minute?

2. When you’re having a hard day … make a gratitude list. We all have those bad days sometimes. We are stressed out from work. We get yelled at by someone. We lose a loved one. We hurt a loved one. We lose a contract or do poorly on a project. One of the things that can make a bad day much better is making a list of all the things you’re thankful for. There are always things to be thankful for — loved ones, health, having a job, having a roof over your head and clothes on your back, life itself.

3. Instead of getting mad at someone, show gratitude. That’s a major switching of attitudes — actually a complete flip. And so this isn’t always easy to do. But I can promise you that it’s a great thing to do. If you get mad at your co-worker, for example, because of something he or she did … bite your tongue and don’t react in anger. Instead, take some deep breaths, calm down, and try to think of reasons you’re grateful for that person. Has that person done anything nice for you? Has that person ever done a good job? Find something, anything, even if it’s difficult. Focus on those things that make you grateful. It will slowly change your mood. And if you get in a good enough mood, show your gratitude to that person. It will improve your mood, your relationship, and help make things better. After showing gratitude, you can ask for a favor — can he please refrain from shredding your important documents in the future? And in the context of your gratitude, such a favor isn’t such a hard thing for the co-worker to grant.

4. Instead of criticizing your significant other, show gratitude. This is basically the same as the above tactic, but I wanted to point out how gratitude can transform a marriage or relationship. If you constantly criticize your spouse, your marriage will slowly deteriorate — I promise you. It’s important to be able to talk out problems, but no one likes to be criticized all the time. Instead, when you find yourself feeling the urge to criticize, stop and take a deep breath. Calm down, and think about all the reasons you’re grateful for your spouse. Then share that gratitude, as soon as possible. Your relationship will become stronger. Your spouse will learn from your example — especially if you do this all the time. Your love will grow, and all will be right in the world.

5. Instead of complaining about your kids, be grateful for them. Many parents (myself included) get frustrated with their children. They are too slow to do things, they have a bad attitude, they can’t clean up after themselves, and they pick their nose too much. Unfortunately, sometimes parents will communicate that frustration to their children too often, and the kids will begin to feel bad about themselves. Many parents have done this, and while it’s not perfect, it’s a part of parenthood. But there’s a better way: follow the method above of calming down when you’re frustrated, and thinking of reasons you’re grateful to your child. Share these reasons with your child. And then take the opportunity to teach them, instead of criticizing them.

6. When you face a major challenge, be grateful for it. Many people will see something difficult as a bad thing. If something goes wrong, it’s a reason to complain, it’s a time of self-pity. That won’t get you anywhere. Instead, learn to be grateful for the challenge — it’s an opportunity to grow, to learn, to get better at something. This will transform you from a complainer into a positive person who only continues to improve. People will like you better and you’ll improve your career. Not too shabby.

7. When you suffer a tragedy, be grateful for the life you still have. I’ve recently lost an aunt, and my children recently lost a grandmother. These tragedies can be crippling if you let them overcome you. And while I’m not saying you shouldn’t grieve — of course you should — you can also take away something even greater from these tragedies: gratitude for the life you still have. Appreciation for the fleeting beauty of life itself. Love for the people who are still in your life. Take this opportunity to show appreciation to these people, and to enjoy life while you can.

8. Instead of looking at what you don’t have, look at what you do have. Have you ever looked around you and bemoaned how little you have? How the place you live isn’t your dream house, or the car you drive isn’t as nice as you’d like, or your peers have cooler gadgets or better jobs? If so, that’s an opportunity to be grateful for what you already have. It’s easy to forget that there are billions of people worse off than you — who don’t have much in the way of shelter or clothes, who don’t own a car and never will, who don’t own a gadget or even know what one is, who don’t have a job at all or only have very menial, miserable jobs in sweatshop conditions. Compare your life to these people’s lives, and be grateful for the life you have. And realize that it’s already more than enough, and that happiness is not a destination — it’s already here.

I especially like this last point. When we focus on what we don’t have we are reinforcing continued “lack.” Yes, wanting is the same as lacking, and whatever we focus on expands. When we live in a state of constant appreciation and gratitude, the infinite resources around us will respond accordingly.

Have you ever looked around you and bemoaned how little you have? How the place you live isn’t your dream house, or the car you drive isn’t as nice as you’d like, or your peers have cooler gadgets or better jobs? If so, that’s an opportunity to be grateful for what you already have. It’s easy to forget that there are billions of people worse off than you — who don’t have much in the way of shelter or clothes, who don’t own a car and never will, who don’t own a gadget or even know what one is, who don’t have a job at all or only have very menial, miserable jobs in sweatshop conditions. Compare your life to these people’s lives, and be grateful for the life you have. And realize that it’s already more than enough, and that happiness is not a destination — it’s already here.

Can You Live a Balanced Life With a Cluttered Mind?

jWells — Sat, 15 Nov 2008 07:11:20 +0000

Do you ever feel overwhelmed because you could not get everything done even if your day was 72 hours long? Do you feel ripped off because you seem to spend all your time doing what “needs to get done,” instead of what you would like to do?Three questions come to mind:
1) Is this healthy?
2) Is it balanced?
3) Can it be changed?

We all know how important it is to keep our life in balance. So why is it so incredibly easy to get out of balance, and so difficult to stay balance?

Obviously, there are several contributing factors involved, and some of them are very subtle. For instance, how often do you say or think phrases like; I have to, I need to, I don’t have any choice, or I can’t because…?

Self talk

These are common phrases, but what kind of message do they send to your subconscious? You might as well say, “I am being forced to do things that I don’t want to do and I am helpless to do anything about it.”

It sounds harsh, I know, but that is the message that your nervous system is dealing with. You are conditioning yourself to believe that what you want to do doesn’t really matter, because you are a slave to forces beyond your control.

With this kind of mentality, your life can only become more out of balance as time goes by. You will progressively lessen the importance of the things that bring you pleasure, while the list of “need to dos” continues to grow.

Of course, you will try to convince yourself that “as soon as I get this list under control I will take some time for me.”

How many times have you said that? Does it ever happen?

Embrace reality

Don’t feel like you are the only one, we all struggle with this tendency. I think it comes from convincing ourselves that we are supper human. That somehow we can do all these things, and still make time for us.

That will probably never happen unless we make it happen! And the only way to do that is to get a more realistic view of the situation, and make some necessary changes.

What Kind of changes? I am glad you asked.

Choose to have a choice

The first thing we should change is the messages we sent to our subconscious about the necessary activities in our life. We are not slaves because we always have a choice. Let’s look at some more empowering ways that we can represent those necessary activities to our nervous systems.

Instead of “I have to” or “I need to,” how about ‘I choose to”? As in, I choose to go to work today.” Now, the tendency here is to say, “No, I really do need to go to work because I have bills to pay.” That sounds logical, but the truth is, you still have a choice. How about this, “I choose to go to work today, because the money I make allows my to enjoy my current lifestyle.”

So what’s different?

The outcome doesn’t change, you are still going to work, but now it’s what you choose to do instead of what you have to do. Instead of being helplessly pushed around by your schedule, you are doing what you choose.

You will be amazed at the difference this kind of self-talk will have on your life. Not only will it affect your stress levels and attitude, but it will also influence the way you view the importance of things that you really want to do. You know, the personal and family activities that contribute to your quality of life and sense of wellbeing.

The practical side

Now that we have a more balanced perspective, it’s a good idea to address the way our life is organized. We need to look for ways to actually make life more manageable. Try this:

Write everything down so you are not trying to remember it all. This will serve you in several ways.

1) Making a list will breath a healthy dose of reality into your schedule. In your mind, you may have a huge list of things to do today. Once you commit that list to paper, you will quickly see the need to trim things down. That’s why daily planners are so helpful; they have the day broken into time slots. This helps you control the urge to schedule more activities than time allows for.

As you get comfortable with scheduling according to reality, you can purposely leave periodic blanks. In this way, you can systematically give yourself some meaningful space throughout the day.

2) Focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking is largely a myth, unless you limit it to walking and chewing gum at the same time. Try to block out enough time to make significant progress on a single task without interruption.

3) Make allowances for uncompleted tasks. Don’t get obsessed over getting everything done. Move it to the next available time slot and let it go emotionally.

4) Learn to value of, and prioritize the activities that build you up and help you feel energized. Schedule time to do things that you really enjoy, a life without fun is just a rut. You will be more productive if you take time to enjoy yourself.

5) Seek to adopt a more relaxed view of productivity. You are not a machine and there is no reason to try to become one. Do what you can reasonably do and all it good. Make it about quality, not quantity.

Life is not measured solely by productivity; so don’t allow it to dominate yours. Take some time to reestablish your sense of balance and your perspective. Once you do, it will be much easier to enjoy the whole experience.

PS. Once you understand the 7 Simple Steps needed to transform any aspect of your life, the rest will come naturally. Check out Life Transformation.

How to Turn Hindsight Into Insight

jWells — Thu, 13 Nov 2008 07:11:35 +0000

We have all heard the expression, “hindsight is 20-20,” but is that really the case? Well, it certainly can be, but only if we are paying attention.

Yes, experience can be one of our best teachers. Unfortunately, many people go through life just repeating the same mistakes over and over again.

We all make mistakes, but do we learn from our mistakes?

And, do we adjust our life accordingly?

Reflect and grow wise!

Wisdom comes to those who learn from their experiences, adjust their course, and continue in the direction of their goals. Experience can teach us so many valuable things.

That’s why it is so important that we continuously measure the results of our actions. If we don’t take the time to analyze our past performance, how can we expect to produce better results?

Our performance is like a compass that keeps us moving in the direction we want to go. When we get a little off course, things don’t work out so well. If we are paying attention, we will analyze what we just did, and how we might have done it differently. Then we try something a little different, and compare the results.

Contribute

Apply this to every area of your life. Yes it works in business, but it also works in relationships of all kinds. If we accidentally do something that offends someone we care about, we need to take note, and try to avoid doing it again.

What this means is that we need to be fully involved in our own life. We need to pay attention, careful attention, to how our actions affect the quality of our life. We also need to pay attention to how our actions affect the lives of those around us.

When we contribute to the quality of other people’s lives, we reap personal benefits. The quality of our life is in direct proportion to the quality of our contribution. If we are not giving, then were not living, we’re just existing.

The only way that hindsight can be 20-20 then, is if we take the time to notice what we did, how it turned out, and whether or not we need to make changes.

Learn and adjust

There is another famous saying, “those who don’t learn from the past are destined to repeat it.” While this saying is often applied on a large scale, it certainly has application for us as individuals.

It’s always amazing to meet somebody that has no clue why their life is the way it is. They go through life doing the same things over and over again, and thinking that one of these days they are bound to produce a better result. That’s insanity!

If you’re not happy with your life, take some time to analyze the actions that got you where you are. What adjustments could you make? Looking back, can you identify things that could have been done differently?

Could you benefit from this hindsight? Of course you can, just use what you have learned to help you make a few simple adjustments. You probably don’t need to turn your life upside down. Start out by making small adjustments, and pay careful attention to what happens.

Did things get better, or did they get worse? Either way, use that information to make further adjustments. Before you know it, you will turn hindsight into insight.