Comments on: Do You Find it Difficult to Trust Others?

By: Jenn

Jenn — Tue, 28 Feb 2012 05:21:54 +0000

While I realize the importance of trusting people in life, I do believe it is wise to be suspicious of others. Trust earns respect, but suspicion guarantees safety. I don’t know, would you rather be safe or sorry? Believe me, I understand in some situations you just gotta have faith. I also realize the dangers of too much suspicion leading to paranoia, also likely leading to mass hysteria such as with the Salem witch trials. But those who are too gullible and too trustworthy tend to get hurt. Of course we should all learn from our mistakes, but I believe you should work towards trust with one another as opposed to just automatically trust someone. I also believe it’s best to follow your instincts.

By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills — Mon, 02 Jan 2012 02:34:55 +0000

Hi Irene, trust is a valuable yet fragile thing. Trust also doesn’t just happen, it needs to be built into a relationship. This means that first, both partners need to recognize what is required for their mate to trust them. And second, they need to be willing to work at it. I can’t tell you what to do in your relationship, but in my experience, when you feel that you can’t trust someone there is usually a reason. You will trust when someone cares enough to act in a way that allows you to feel reassured and confident that they will never betray that trust. Once wounded by betrayal, it’s hard to let yourself be vulnerable again. A truly loving and compassionate partner will understand and do what it takes to help you.

By: Irene

Irene — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 11:53:19 +0000

Hi Jonathan, (first of all please forgive my english as I am Greek)
Your article is very helpful when it comes to a general approach to trusting and being trusted. But what happens when, for instance, we do trust someone because they we had no reason not to, yet there is a feeling deep inside that we shouldnt? If we trusted someone to a certain level (in a “love” relationship” trust was broken after a year as he had mega issues with his ex. It drove me mad and I read his messenger history to find out he was flirting with a couple of girls including his ex) Is it possible to regain that trust? Is that “uh-oh there’s something shady about him” feeling the voice of instinct or the voice of insecurity? Should a second chance be given after someone has broken your trust? He is a bit secretive about “us” around strangers and in general doesn’t act like a “boyfriend” when in the presence of others. He only says “I love you” when I’m wrecked and ready to leave him. He says that’s who he genuenly is,he has a problem expressing and that he is hiding nothing at all and that I should trust him. He stresses SO much on the word “trust” and has tried-in his way- to prove me wrong about the distrust I have for his true intentions. He has also told me that my problem is not that I don’t trust him but that I don’t even trust myself. I can’t tell him that I’ve been through his personal messaging history, not only am I embarrassed for doing so but I won’t ever find out the truth as I believe he will try to make excuses and manipulate the situation, but also he’ll get so upset and agry he will instantly break up with me and say “I thought you were different. You’re just like HER after all” (he hated his ex and always says she was paranoid,jealous and that ruined a part of his life when he thought they were soulmates) We are together for almost 4 years now and I am seriously struggling, it is the first long term relationship I’m in and I have never felt this way before. I have been betrayed in horrible ways by friends and family so I do have trust issues in general. I would just love to know how the heck do you start trusting again. I do love him so I want this relationship to work but I don’t know what the difference is between “gut feeling” and “insecurity” anymore. Even if I end the relationship, what I really want is to NOT have insecurities and trust issues afterwards with other people. Help a 29year old gal here, how does one start trusting again?

By: jane

jane — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 19:53:46 +0000

Thank you Jonathan, I appreciate your comments, meantime, I continue to work on my own healing journey…

By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 18:01:40 +0000

Hi Alexander, the subject of trust issue is both complex and involved. In fact, it has been the subject of many books and coaching sessions. Obviously, only so much can be accomplished in one article.

By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:52:02 +0000

Hi Leslie, your approach seems very well balanced to me. It is foolish to openly trust everyone we meet and it is limiting to refuse to trust anyone. The only reasonable approach is cautious optimism.

By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:48:22 +0000

Hi Jane, I appreciate the level of compassion and understanding expressed in your comment. It says a lot about you as a person.

By: Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills

Jonathan - Advanced Life Skills — Mon, 07 Nov 2011 17:46:03 +0000

Hello Bellamy, doing all we can to prove ourselves to be trustworthy is a sound strategy when trying to gain someones trust. Still, there is no way to actually make someone trust us. The best we can do it to try and influence their opinion of our trustworthiness (as you have done), but the decision is still theirs. Some people have deep trust issues based on emotions and experiences that prevent them from trusting others. While mutual trust may seem like the fair response from your friend, unless she is willing to open up to you and explain her issues, there really isn’t much that you can do.