Sometimes people find themselves inadvertently cultivating a desire for things that are out of harmony with their beliefs and values. Wrong desires are the foundation of untold pain and suffering. So much of what is wrong in the world today started out with someone acting on an inappropriate passion.
Such actions never lead to a life of personal excellence. Instead they rob you of your dignity and sense of self-esteem.
The problem with justification
When we desire something in life, there is a tendency to justify our actions and excuse behavior that is out of harmony with our deep down sense of right and wrong. We may not even know we are doing it on a conscious level or we may minimize the situation telling ourselves it’s no big deal.
The problem is, a on a deeper level we have created a conflict, an internal battleground. If we allow ourselves to continue without correcting the problem, sooner or later that internal conflict will undermine our efforts and we will be forced to compensate.
Use your power of choice
But remember you have a choice. The same skills that allow you to assign a positive emotional value to average daily activities also give you the power to devalue unwanted or inappropriate tendencies.
Doing so will make it possible for you to choose to be passionate about things that support your personal values and to discard anything that offends those values.
When you choose to be the one who decides what you will be passionate about, you become the master of your own world and the designer of your own life.
Circumstances verses attitude
The quality of our life is more about what we make of it than what our current circumstances are. Really, it’s all about attitude.
Circumstances have a way of changing. Sometimes they support our dreams and passions while at other times they provide a challenge. The ability to keep your dreams alive in the face of challenging circumstances is one of the greatest attributes of a successful person.
When your passions are in harmony with your values and beliefs obstacles become opportunities and walls become hurdles that you can jump over.
Do you ever desire things that conflict with your values?
How do you respond to such a desire?
The lines are open!
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{ 13 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Jonathan,
You make some great points. Within us all is a personal guiding system that tells us when we are making choices that are in harmony with our core reasons for being alive. Learning to listen to our gut feelings and inner sense about things makes it easier to know what to say “no” or “yes” to. Thanks for another great article!
.-= Annette Colby´s last blog ..Will is Your Ability to Choose =-.
Thanks Annette, I really appreciate your kind words of support.
Hi Jonathan,
Our ‘excuses’ are the killers. Easy to find an excuse to follow a specific ‘passion’ that you might not normally follow. We all have the power of choice however many fail to use it wisely or not at all. Your closing sentence sums it up nicely. Thank you.
be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted..5 Steps to live a Happy Life
Hey David, oh those excuses! It is amazing how creative we can be when it comes to inventing reasons not to do something. Imagine what could be accomplished if all that excuse energy was redirected in the pursuit of goals that actually support our values.
Way to go, Jonathan!
You hit upon the great dilemma in life: our periodic incongruence of behavior to values.
Just like you say, as we desire something that conflicts with our values, and pursue that desire anyway, a moral dissonance knocks at our sense of self-worth and self-esteem.
Somewhere inside, even if the misaligned passion provides some pleasure, we know we are better than that and something inside us is weakened.
The only thing to do is to follow your advice and realign our passions and desires with our values.
Thanks for the awesome post, Jonathan!
Ken Wert recently posted..Quotable Notables from the Blogosphere … Happiness
Hi Ken, I especially liked this sentence: “Somewhere inside, even if the misaligned passion provides some pleasure, we know we are better than that and something inside us is weakened.” That is a keeper for sure!
These are important considerations, Jonathan. While there are no clear cut examples that come to mind, I do see how on a subtle level I let distractions rule me instead of my priorities, which are more in tune with my values. I wish everyone had the understanding you present here. It would help pacify the turmoil in the world.
Sandra / Always Well Within recently posted..An Invitation to Google+
Hi Sandra, sometimes the noise from all those distractions seem so loud that it’s hard to hear the call of our priorities. Finding a way to quiet the static is almost a matter of survival these days. Few people ever suspect that internal conflict can be a major source of friction and static because it happens on such a subtle level. But it is still very disruptive.
I believe my head’s normally on pretty straight when it comes to keeping my desires and values in line – the only time I’ve been aware of faulty thinking is when things are momentarily in the toilet – I climb up on my personal pity pot and stew for awhile with a case of the “if only’s.” I realize though that when I’m stumbling today, it’s because of actions and decisions I made awhile back – so I try to always be looking forward to making things better tomorrow.
marquita herald recently posted..If You’re Not Happy … Maybe You’re Not Dreaming Big Enough
Nicely said Marquita, I think we all run through that scenario from time to time, so don’t feel like you are all alone. The important thing is that you have learned to recognize where it comes from, and to actually get out in front of it most of the time. That is highly commendable! I would also like to take this opportunity to welcome you to Advanced Life Skills and thank you for adding to the discussion.
Great post, Jonathan!
I believe in the power of choice every day more and more. We can choose to be happy, to have a better life, etc, and life according that. To make a choice something for the long-term, making a habit of it, is the most powerful. For me, creating these habits is still my biggest challenge: building a habit in 1 week is easy, for 1 month is achievable and for 3 months requires more focus. To keep good habits for 6/12/24 months, is still a major challenge.
Thanks for sharing!
marc van der Linden recently posted..The four stages of learning anything in life
Hi Marc, if it is any consolation, sticking to those positive habits over the long haul is a challenge for everyone. Things change, our schedule get rearranged, were face new challenges, it’s always something. As long as you keep readjusting yourself accordingly, you’ll keep those habits going.
Stumbling into your life changing articles has really got me thinking. I feel that I do not have a choice but to amend some of the areas I am deficient in. Thank you for your good work.