If honesty is really the best policy then why is there so much deception? And if we feel disrespected when someone isn’t honest with us, then how can we justify those little white lies and carefully crafted exaggerations?

If we expect other people to have the courage to be honest with us, then wouldn’t anything but honesty from us be promoting a double standard? Maybe it’s time to take a closer look at honesty and see if it really is the best policy.

Being honest about honesty

On the surface, the concept of honesty seems simple enough. All we have to do is tell the truth in every situation, right? Then why is it that otherwise truthful people will justify distorting the truth in certain situations? If being honest makes life simpler then why would anyone purposely complicate things by being even slightly dishonest?

There are numerous situations that will quickly test our resolve to be completely honest. The tendency seems to start when we are children and we want to avoid punishment. Fear gets the better of us and we say something in an effort to avoid the consequences of whatever it was that we did. If it works, then we just saw proof that lying is less painful than honesty.

What a tangled web we weave, when first
we practice to deceive!  ~Sir Walter Scott

Since moving away from pain is the strongest human motivator, we quickly learn to fall back on dishonesty anytime we think it will spare us from painful consequences. For some, this tactic is reserved for only the stickiest of situations. For others, lying becomes their strategy of choice and as long as they don’t get caught they feel no guilt or remorse.

Common justifications for being dishonest

Besides avoiding the consequences of our actions, there are a wide array of seemingly more noble reasons to avoid total honesty, such as…

- Trying to spare someone’s feelings or pride.
– Not wanting others to think badly of us.
– Afraid that someone might steal our recognition.
– Thinking that we are protecting someone.
– Protecting our ego by avoiding embarrassment.
– An effort to help others save face.
– Our image or reputation is on the line.
– We dislike someone but don’t want them to know.

At first glance, we might feel that these are all perfectly legitimate reasons to bend the truth. After all, isn’t it for the greater good? Well, buying into that kind of twisted reasoning is the same as saying that the end always justifies the means. In other words, it is okay to do something wrong as long as it gets you the results you want.

Why do you think it’s called justification?

Anytime we need to justify our actions, we already know we are doing something wrong. Making excuses may sooth our logical mind temporarily, but it doesn’t do anything for the internal conflict that is created. When we deliberately do something that violates our core ethics, it sets in motion a destructive emotional conflict. The end result will be the slow erosion of our core values or the manifestation of some self-sabotaging behavior.  Either way, we lose!

Honesty is the first chapter in the book of wisdom. ~Thomas Jefferson

Justifying dishonesty for any reason is the same as lying to ourselves. When someone lies to us we feel insulted because they didn’t respect us enough to be honest. Do you really want to disrespect yourself by doing the same thing? Of course not because all it does is aggravate the problem. The next question we need to ask is: What does it take to avoid the self-deceiving temptation to distort the truth in these seemingly justifiable situations?

Honesty requires courage and tact

Being honest requires courage because it makes us vulnerable and accountable. To avoid stepping on the feelings of others with our honesty also requires tact. Clearly, being truly honest involves more than just telling the truth in every situation, but for people of integrity it is the only acceptable choice.

Integrity is telling myself the truth. And honesty is
telling the truth to other people.  ~Spencer Johnson

When it comes to being honest in all areas there is probably no one alive who doesn’t have some room for improvement. Here are a few practical strategies to help you fine tune your efforts to be both honest and tactful.

5 ways to become even more honest and tactful

1. Set the record straight. Are there times when you have been less than honest in the past? Having the courage to review your past offenses may cause some discomfort, but recognizing where you have tweaked the truth in the past can help you identify patterns and stop them from continuing.

2. Practice honesty in the little things. There is a tendency to think that it’s okay to add a little harmless flare to the little things where nothing is at stake. The problem is, if we are dishonest in little things it will carry over into more meaningful areas. It is much better to develop honest habits in the areas that require less courage first so we can build up our integrity to face the more difficult challenges.

3. Honestly emphasize the positive. Just because we are being honest doesn’t mean that it’s our job to point out the faults and shortcomings of others. If we focus on the positive then our honest evaluation of people and situations can be both refreshing and encouraging.

4. Don’t confuse preferences with reality. It is easy to color our view of reality based on our personal likes and dislikes. To be honest with others we need to recognize that our personal preferences don’t change reality. They only change how we feel about certain things. Being honest doesn’t mean that we are obligated to express every feeling we have on every subject.

5. It’s okay to say nothing. If someone puts you on the spot and being forthright is not in anyone’s best interest, what can you do? Have the courage to tell them that you would rather not say. This can be difficult when they press you for an opinion. Still, you have the right to speak or remain silent. This is especially useful if someone is trying to pull you into a pointless argument or when someone’s feelings are on the line.

Always choose the high road

Being honest may not always be the easiest or most convenient course, but it is the course of integrity. Regardless of the prevalence of dishonesty, we all have the freedom to choose to live by a higher standard. People of integrity will always recognize and appreciate your honesty and courage.

To be persuasive we must be believable; to be believable we must
be credible; to be credible we must be truthful. ~Edward R. Murrow

There is a strong and healthy trend toward transparency and honesty. People are tired of the cloak of deception that serves the selfish interests of the few while dragging down the many. We can all do our part by setting a good example, and by having the courage to be truly honest with ourselves and with others.

How do you feel about honesty?
Is life without dishonesty possible?
The lines are open!

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I thought this video went nicely with the article – Enjoy!

If you got very focused and extremely motivated, what amazing goal could you accomplish in 100 days? What if you put all your focus on one thing with so much value that achieving it would elevate the way you feel about your whole life. How empowering would that be?

Most of the time there are only two things that prevent us from reaching our most important goals. Can you guess what those two things are? Let me give you a little hint. It’s usually not the lack of ability or knowledge that stands in our way. The truth is, we are all capable of much more than we give ourselves credit for, and the knowledge we need is readily available.

So what is it that gets in our way?

Most of the time, our two biggest obstacles are simply a lack of focus and a lack of motivation. And why is it so hard to gather the focus and motivation necessary to make unprecedented progress toward our most important goals? Distractions, that’s why! Life is full of so many meaningless distractions and busywork that the truly important pursuits get pushed aside and trampled on.

How many of your important goals are in a holding pattern right now? What important areas of your life have suffered because you are either too busy trying to keep up, or you are just too worn out after everything else is done?

What if you were totally motivated?

Let’s look at the other side of the equation for a minute. Is there some amazing goal that you could totally immerse yourself in if you could find a way to push all the distractions and busy work aside for awhile? Something that would really light your fire and get you excited? Think about that for a moment and see what you come up with.

I’m guessing that there is something that you feel that way about. Be honest here, isn’t there some special goal that you would love to accomplish if you only had the circumstances. Do you think it might be possible to actually create those circumstances if you were extremely motivated?

Focus follows motivation and commitment

Let’s work on the motivation aspect first. As of September 22 there will be 100 days left to accomplish something spectacular this year. I have always found that having a deadline can create a lot of motivation and this one has some great advantages.

One of those advantages is the fact that you’ve got two weeks to get ready. That’s just enough time to get your strategy together and clearly define your action plan. Another advantage has to do with a head start perspective. Most people will postpone their efforts until after the end of the year. Then they will make some kind of a resolution (again). You, on the other hand will have already accomplished your amazing goal. That means that you can look back on this year with a real sense of accomplishment instead of attaching it to some future uncertainty.

Some tools to help you go for it

I recently came across a great set of tools that can help you make massive progress on your most important goals before the end of the year. And here’s the kicker, it won’t cost you anything! Yes, all this free stuff is part of a promotion for Gary Blair’s powerful 100 Day Challenge, but who cares? I am not suggesting that you need to buy anything from me or anyone else. I just want to make sure that you have access to this free resource.

It’s called the Goal Setting Toolkit and it includes:

* 10 high quality videos for changing your life quickly.
* Goal Setting Action Guide for producing BIG results.
* Special report that helps you make a quantum leap.
* Exclusive interview that will completely change the
- way you think about goal setting and success.

If you grab this toolkit and go over it during the next two weeks it will help you get prepared to experience massive accomplishment by the end of the year. And in case you are wondering, yes, I downloaded the toolkit because year-end challenges are kind of a tradition for me and I really want to get a jump on it this year.

6 things you’ll need to reach your goal in 100 days

1. Clarity. The first thing needed is to actually have one or more clear and meaningful goals. Take some time between now and Thursday, September 22, to get very clear about exactly what you plan to accomplish.

2. Motivation. To pull this off, motivation is a must. Think about all the reasons why accomplishing your amazing goal is important to you. List the benefits you will experience and how it will make you feel. You’ve already got a starting point and a deadline. Make sure you also have a good reason.

3. Commitment. Don’t just say you are going to try, that leaves too much wiggle room. Decide to make a rock solid commitment to actually accomplish your goal by the end of the 100 days. It will take a solid commitment to keep those distractions at bay.

4. Focus. This is where the real power to accomplish your goals comes from. Maintaining a high degree of focus is the difference between mediocre results and outstanding results. To help you with that little challenge, I highly recommend that you read Using Applied Focus Sessions to Boost Productivity. It’s a little focus strategy so you can make the time to reach your goal and still have a life.

5. Accountability. This one is easy, all you need to do is leave a comment telling us what amazing goal you intend to accomplish between Sept. 22 and Dec. 31. There’s a lot of power in the simple act of putting your goals on display for the entire world to see.

6. Action. As usual, nothing happens without action. We live in an action-reaction reality and all the good intentions in the world won’t amount to much if they aren’t backed up by action. So, spend the next two weeks preparing to take massive action for 100 days.

Grab your Goal Setting Toolkit and let’s make something wonderful happen!

Are you ready to astound yourself?
What amazing goal are you going to accomplish?
The lines are open!

P.S.  Just to be fair to the creator of the Goal Setting Toolkit here’s a
— —very short, very cool little video about his 100 Day Challenge…

There are 60 days left before this year is just a memory. That’s not much time, or is it? Have you ever wondered, what can I really accomplish in 60 days?

The truth is that 60 days is more than enough time to make significant changes in your life if that’s what you decide to do. So, you have a choice. You can give up on this year and postpone the accomplishment of your goals until next year, or you can…

Make it happen NOW!

This time of year a lot of people start to look ahead to next year as the time to get focused and make some meaningful changes. I’ll do that too, but not until I’m done with 2010. And I am nowhere near done!

In fact, I am determined to get really focused and make these next 60 days super productive, and I want you to consider doing the same for yourself. Imagine how fantastic it will feel when Dec. 31 rolls around and you look back and say, WOW, I did it.

Forget about those obstacles, we’ve got 60 days!

All year long it seems like every time I get started on a project my world fills up with distractions that throw me off track. I am guessing that you’ve had a similar experience? Just about everything that I set out to do took longer than I planned. Well, this is my chance to do something about it.

Do you have goals that have been delayed or pushed aside? If so, let’s join forces and encourage each other to make it happen now. Listen, I am totally into this and I don’t plan to let anything get in the way. The next sixty days will go by quickly, but it’s still plenty of time to make some major changes in our lives. Let’s do it together.

Learn the inside secrets of accomplishing goals

Turning your goals into reality is an advanced life skill that anyone can learn. Like most things, it’s a process that can be broken down and explained. There are also some key elements for successfully achieving your goals that very few people seem to understand.

In my last post we talked about the first section of TRUE SELF. What we didn’t talk about is the other six sections which are specifically designed to walk you through the whole process of turning your goals into reality. This is where you learn how to give yourself a 97% chance of success with any goal. It doesn’t matter what you want to accomplish, TRUE SELF will walk you through it to completion.

Take the Ultimate 60 Day Countdown Challenge

Here’s the challenge – pick one very significant goal and make it happen in the next sixty days. That’s it; don’t deprive yourself of the satisfaction of making it happen right now.

The fastest and easiest way to do this successfully is to order a copy of TRUE SELF from Amazon.com and follow the process. This will put you way ahead of the curve. But even if you don’t buy the book, take the challenge. Do it for you! Give yourself that special gratification that comes with accomplishment.

Add some accountability

Having a deadline for accomplishing your goal is extremely powerful. You’ve got sixty days. Accountability is also very powerful and you can easily create that by declaring your intentions in a comment below this article. Tell us what you WILL accomplish.

Now that my new book TRUE SELF is available, I’ve got one more BIG goal to accomplish before the end of the year. I am going to build a 26 week coaching program on the WishList membership format called TRUE SELF Revealed. It will be ideal for anyone who wants to take the pursuit of TRUE SELF to the next level.

This is a huge challenge for me. I have never built a membership site, but I intend to have it fully operational right after the first of the year. You can hold me accountable!

What goal would do it for you?

Maybe you have been meaning to start exercising to get in shape or lose some weight. Perhaps there is a special project at work or at home that you haven’t been able to get to all year long. Have you been wanting to write a book, organize or redecorate your house, learn some special new skill, or anything else? Why not make it happen now?

Why did I choose to do a Countdown Challenge? Simple really. If you focus on next year, then you’ve already written this year off. What a waste of time that would be. Don’t do that to yourself. Focus on the here and now and make this year really count for something. Accomplishment happens in the present, not the future. Let’s do it together!

What one goal would you like to focus on?
How great would accomplishing that goal feel?
What are you going to do about it?
The lines are open and the clock is ticking!

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TRUE SELF is now available on Amazon.com and the reviews have been wonderful. You can gain a lot of insight by reading what others are saying.

“The strongest oak of the forest is not the one that is protected from the storm and hidden from the sun. It’s the one that stands in the open where it is compelled to struggle for its existence against the winds and rains and the scorching sun.” -Napoleon Hill (1883-1970)

This is a guest post by
Steve Borgman of Personal Success Factors.

As much as we love smooth waters, an Arab proverb states that smooth waters do not make skillful sailors. In this journey called life, the question is not, “Will storms arise?” Rather, the question is, “When will the next storm arise?” And even more important than that question is, “What type of person will I be when the next storm arises?” Advanced life skills are needed to navigate these sometimes treacherous waters.

As I was pondering the topic of skillful sailing, I thought about a book I read a while ago. The name of the book is The Resilient Self: How Survivor’s of Troubled Families Rise Above Adversity (Villard, 1993). For too long, an impression that many have had of psychologists is that they tell people to ruminate on their past, blame others, and live as victims, without ever rising above adversity. Unfortunately, the argument of insanity or of an abusive background would be used to condone criminal acts. This is an extreme perception, but the truth is that the study of people who have come through adversity with key strengths has given us insight into some advanced life skills we can harness as we face adversity on a daily basis.

The study of resilience has identified us to some of these advanced life skills that I’m going to introduce to you. Think on these resilience factors so that can be ready to successfully navigate the next storm in your life.

Insight

The skill here is in learning to ask tough questions and to give honest answers. It’s about asking yourself hard questions — about your strengths and weaknesses, for example, or about the role you play in your own problems — and giving yourself honest answers. When going through hard times, the questions you choose to ask yourself are key to how what you will focus on and how you will handle the storm.

Here are some suggested questions to help you develop insight about your difficulties:

• “How did I manage to get up this morning (make it to this appointment, get through yesterday, etc.)?”
• “How I been keeping going day after day when there seems to be no hope?”
• “How is it (“What have I done so) that things are not worse?”
• “How come I have not given up yet? What held me? back from completely giving up?”
• “How did you learn to cope with such an awful situation, when you were still so young? Did you have to do it all by yourself?” (for example, talking about childhood abuse/trauma)

Relationships

What is your view of people and of the world? What is your view of the future? Research into children and adults who flourished despite adversity shows the following. Relationships begin in children with contacting – making fleeting ties with others who are emotionally available. In adolescents, relationships sharpen into recruiting – the deliberate attempt to engage with adults and peers who are helpful and supportive. In adults, relationships mature into attaching – mutually gratifying personal ties that are characterized by a balance of give and take.

Application: Do not be shy about asking for help from reliable people when going through difficult times. Men, in particular, often have a difficult time expressing their emotions and being willing to ask for help. Reach out and get connected, whether that is through a church or other place of worship, a support group, or a professional counselor. Being willing to ask for help in times of adversity and diversity is a sign of health and strength. And don’t forget that cultivating those relationships during good times.

Independence

Research has shown that adults who emerged in healthy ways from distressing childhoods practiced independence as defined in the following way: they distanced themselves emotionally and physically from the sources of trouble their life. Independence begins in children with straying – wandering away when trouble is in the air. In adolescents, independence grows into emotional disengagement – detaching from troublesome situations and standing up for oneself. In adults, independence takes form in separating – taking control over the power of one’s pain.

Here are some ways to practice independence when adversity comes your way:

• Take the time to acknowledge the pain of the adversity, but also take charge of it by distancing yourself from it. This is very different from denial, or repressing pain by pretending that it does not exist. Resilient people allow themselves to experience pain, but they share it with trusted friends, and they also do other things to distance themselves from the pain.
• Set boundaries. Only allow yourself certain times to think about or reflect on the adversity. If you are prone to worry, schedule 15 minutes of worry time. Then, when painful feelings or worry come up, tell yourself, “I’ve got my worry time scheduled–I’ll think about it then.”

Initiative

Initiative is the ability to take charge of problems, instead of being overwhelmed by them. You must learn that if you are ever going to live long and with significance in this world, you are going to have to accept and embrace adversity as a challenge and opportunity, rather than something to be overwhelmed by. The bigger dreams and goals you have, the more adversity you can expect.

It takes a degree of mental toughness and creativity to approach the problems of living in a way that will benefit you the most. I suggest utilizing Tony Robbins’ power questions both to approach the daily hassles of living as well as the bigger crises that come into your life. Here are some of those questions:

Morning Power Questions:

1. What am I happy about in my life now?
   What about that makes me happy? How does that make me feel?
2. What am I excited about in my life now?
   What about that makes me excited? How does that make me feel?
3. What am I proud about in my life now?
   What about that makes me proud? How does that make me feel?
4. What am I grateful about in my life now?
   What about that makes me grateful? How does that make me feel?
5. What am I enjoying in my life right now?
   What about that do I enjoy? How does that make me feel?
6. What am I committed to in my life right now?
   What about that makes me committed? How does that make me feel?
7. Who do I love? Who loves me?
   What about that makes me loving? How does that make me feel?

Evening power questions:

1. What have I given today?
   In what ways have I been a giver today?
2. What did I learn today?
3. How has today added to the quality of my life or how can I use today as an investment in my future?

Problem solving questions:

1. What is great about this problem?
2. What is not perfect yet?
3. What am I willing to do to make it the way I want it?
4. What am I willing no longer to do in order to make it the way I want it?
5. How can I enjoy the process while I do what is necessary to make it the way I want it?

Creativity

Creativity is using the imagination in a way that, once again, helps you mobilize your resources and navigate tough situations in life. Creativity and humor are related resiliencies. One of the most helpful tools to tapping creativity during hard times is a workbook called The Artist’s Way Workbook, by Julia Cameron. It encourages the practice of freehand journaling every morning in order to tap into your inner resources. Other helpful forms of creativity may include drawing, listening to music, painting, walking in nature, and meditation. I have found that I am most creative internally when I am running out in open nature, all alone.

Humor

Humor is an offshoot of creativity. Learn not to take yourself or life too seriously! Learn to cultivate your sense of humor, because when you do, it will help you play in the midst of difficulty, shape your reality by offsetting pain, and help you laugh in the face of the absurdity of your pains and troubles. By no means do I mean that you should minimize or pretend that your troubles don’t exist. However, being able to find humor in every situation will help you cope more effectively. Learn to enjoy funny books or movies. Laugh often.

Morality and Values

This means that you have identified your core personal values, and that you are living and acting on the basis of an informed conscience. It means that you have developed a philosophy of living and a moral framework and principles for behaving and decision making. Ultimately, these values and principles will serve as roots that will give you nourishment when the storms of adversity pound against you. In the most responsible and developed stage of morality and values, we have an obligation to use our gifts and talents to serve others, even in the midst of suffering and pain. I cite some examples here: Mother Theresa, Nelson Mandela, Martin Luther King, Jr. These are only a few examples of persons who tapped into morality and spirituality in the midst of adversity.

I hope that you will use these advanced life skills to successfully navigate the ups and downs of life, both the seemingly small, and the very big. Let me know if you have used any of this skills, whether you are using any now, and which ones you would like to develop for the future.

Stephen Borgman grew up in Brazil, South America, to parents whose legacy of service he hopes to continue to emulate. He is a licensed psychotherapist committed to bringing hope, understanding, and solutions to his readers and clients. You can find his writing at Personal Success Factors and Prospering With Aspergers. He also writes a blog for Psychology Today. You can connect with him on Twitter and Facebook.

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How much difference can you create in your life with a subtle little shift in perception? Sometimes the difference between a happy, successful outcome and a dismal failure, is only a slight shift in perception. How we represent things to ourselves determines how we will respond to any given situation. In turn, our response will help determine the outcome.

When life hands you a challenge, how do you feel about it? What is your initial internal response on an emotional level? What is your external response as seen through your body language and verbal expressions? Why does it even matter?

What do our responses reveal about us?

How we respond to any situation reveals a lot about our attitude and perception. So, when we see challenges as opportunities, what does that reveal about our personal vantage point? Likely it means that we have a healthy degree of optimism, self-confidence and openness, along with an adventurous spirit. It would indicate that we enjoy life and look forward to whatever comes next.

On the other hand, what does it say about us when we greet a new challenge with feelings like: “Oh no, I don’t know how much more of this I can take.” Well obviously, this would indicate that we are running low on resources. It might also reveal a pessimistic, closed, and somewhat fearful perception of the world around us. This type of limiting attitude can only attract more of the same. Fear and negativity cannot possibly create a life of joy and prosperity.

The surprising thing is that there is often only a small degree of difference between a positive, optimistic perception, and a negative, pessimistic one. Even though these two attitudes are polar opposites, they both started with the same challenge.

One degree of difference

Our immediate response to any situation sets up a corresponding chain of neurological events. If we can control our immediate response, we can change the outcome of those events. Allow me to illustrate.

When a golfer takes a swing at a ball, one degree of difference can determine whether he comes in under par, or sinks one in the lake. When a jet takes off from LA international, headed toward London, one degree of difference can determine whether he lands in Greenland or Africa. Okay, I admit that I didn’t plot this one on a map, but you get the idea.

Correspondingly, if our first response to any given situation is negative, it makes a positive outcome much more difficult to achieve. That initial negative response will trigger our established response patterns, and we will begin to follow the ingrained pattern established by previous negative experiences. In essence, we will switch over to autopilot in the wrong direction.

Here’s the important point: training ourselves to respond positively, or at least neutrally, will have the opposite effect. An optimistic response to a new challenge will trigger a completely different set of established response patterns. Our subconscious will look for similarities between this situation and our initial response to positive experiences from our past. This will initiate a neurological chain reaction that will help move us in the right direction. Now we will be operating from a much more resourceful state.

So how do we train ourselves to control our initial response to challenges so they feel like opportunities? Let’s look at…

3 Ways to Turn Challenges into Opportunities

1) Liberate yourself – Accept responsibility! The first step is to recognize that we are in control. We need to accept responsibility for our responses, and recognize that they assert a powerful influence on our life. How many times have you heard someone say, “That’s just how I am, I can’t help it.” Until we accept responsibility we won’t have any reason to change.

Accepting responsibility is a wonderfully liberating experience. It puts us in the driver’s seat of our own life. That means that we are in control, and we can change direction anytime we want to. It is one of the most empowering things you can do for yourself.

Some people shy away from responsibility because it brings with it accountability. So let me ask you this, is it more empowering to be accountable for your own actions and attitudes, or to make somebody else responsible?

You see, when we give away accountability we create a state of helplessness. So I encourage you, liberate yourself – accept responsibility.

2) Use leverage! Leverage means that you exert the greatest amount of control with the least amount of effort. The time to do this is during the first few moments when you are faced with a new challenge. Once you start down a negative road, it is much more difficult to reverse your course. If you control your first step, you start out in the right direction, and it is much easier to maintain that direction.

This is true in all aspects of our lives. If you are a cookie monster (like me) and you’re trying to exercise control over your cravings, where is the best place to do that? If you said, “at the store,” then you are absolutely right. If you don’t bring the cookies home, you won’t be tempted to eat them. If you don’t take them off the shelf and put them in your cart, you won’t be tempted to buy them. So, the simple act of leaving them on the shelf gives you the greatest leverage for controlling your cravings.

In the same way, weighing a situation before we respond to it gives us the greatest leverage in determining the outcome. In other words, leave the negative response on the shelf.

3) Turn it into a game. When we take life too seriously, it’s easy to overreact to situations. Why not turn it into a game instead? If you tend to react negatively to challenges, try imitating somebody who always reacts positively. Make a game out of it, put yourself in character, play the role until you establish a new response pattern.

Role-playing makes it much easier to break ingrained habits then trying to tackle them head-on. It also makes the whole process more fun. You might feel self-conscious imitating somebody else, but trust me, no one will notice. What they will notice is how you respond positively to challenging situations. In return, they will respond to you in a positive way, and everybody feels better.

Look, you are surrounded by opportunities!

Now you have three powerful ways to control your initial response to challenging situations. Like most of the life skills I write about, these are simple steps that can help you to quickly transform the quality of your life. If you are interested in a step-by-step program for producing unprecedented personal growth, have a look at TRUE SELF.

Do you have a favorite tip for seeing opportunities in your challenges?
Have you ever discovered opportunities  hidden in a challenging situation?
The lines are open!

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. From discovering and dismantling your limiting beliefs, to aligning with and realizing your most cherished goals – and everything in between. TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

I was 21 years old and felt like I was on top of the world. Several months earlier I had packed up my jeep and set out on a quest that would change my life. Having returned successful, I was now preparing for the greatest adventure of my young life. To put it mildly, I was full of eager anticipation and excitement.

But wait, I am getting ahead of the story. So, allow me back up a bit and fill in a few details. I had dropped out of college and was working for a big construction company doing custom interiors on high rise buildings in Los Angeles In September of ’72, with a thousand dollars in my pocket, I loaded up my jeep and went north in search of my own personal promised land.

My quest had a purpose

I left with the intention of locating and securing property in the forests of southern Oregon. I spent a glorious two months camping in remote areas, and trying to let myself be led in the direction of my vision. I knew where I belonged, I just needed to find it. Well, guess what…

I did find it, and everything came together like clockwork. Soon, I was on my way back to southern California to get ready for the big move. After having lived in the woods for two months, I found it almost impossible to venture back to work in the big city. Finally, I was so broke that I had no choice. I finally went back to work and began cleaning up loose ends so I could leave in the spring.

Everything was just perfect

One Friday afternoon I was working, but my mind was elsewhere. I was looking forward to the weekend and running on autopilot, dreaming of the new life that awaited me. On that particular afternoon I was using a tool called a ramset. It uses 22 blanks to shoot steel pins into concrete.

Now, to operate this tool required a special license, which I had. It also required safety glasses, which I had, but wasn’t wearing. Can you see where this is going? Let’s look at the facts. I knew what I was doing, but wasn’t paying attention. I needed eye protection, but wasn’t wearing any. The scene was set for…

Wham, I was hit in the eye by flying concrete

Now I was paying attention, but it was too late. Somehow, I had flown clear across the room and was laying on my back, holding my eye. I had a feeling it was bad. Then a workmate ran over and said: “Let me see your eye.” His next words were no comfort at all. He said: “OMG don’t move, I’ll get the foreman.”

Can you feel the tension of that moment? Even though it probably only took a few minutes for them to return, it seemed like hours. I had a lot of time to ponder the situation. I was thinking how stupid I was to not wear those safety glasses. I was wondering if I would lose the eye. And I was too scared to move my hand off my eye to find out if I could see.

My integrity was about to be tested

When they returned, the foreman responded very quickly. He looked at my eye, ran to the tool box, grabbed the safety goggles, and said: “Which eye is it, I’ll poke a hole in the safety goggles and you will never have to work again. You can sue their butts off and you’ll be rich.”

Ever notice how tests of our integrity usually come to tempt us when the chips are really down? All of a sudden I had a choice to make, and it needed to be made fast. If I went with his plan, I would probably get a big insurance settlement, which would have been justified if the goggles had failed. But there was a problem! The safety goggles weren’t to blame, it was my own negligence.

Sometimes integrity costs!

In this case, being honest would mean taking personal responsibility for my predicament, even if it cost me my eye and a big insurance settlement. Everyone standing around, including my boss, was telling me to take advantage of the moment. What would you do in a situation like this? Think about that for a minute. What would you do?

Some people feel that it’s okay to take advantage of insurance companies. They feel that a different standard applies when it comes to big corporations. Kind of an integrity sliding scale. How do you feel about that? Should we play by different rules when it’s a faceless mega company? These are good questions to ask ourselves ahead of time.

So, what did I do?

I told the foreman not to mess with the goggles. I knew there was a valuable lesson in this experience. I also figured that if I didn’t learn it then, there might be an even higher price to pay down the road. They took me to an eye doctor who told me that the whole eye was filled with blood and looked like a red golf ball. He said that the blood needed to clear before he could assess the damage. That would take about two weeks.

I spent the next two weeks with a patch on my eye, waiting and wondering. You know, I never did lift that patch up to see what the eye looked like, I just waited.

The day of reckoning

As it turns out, when there is an injury, the body responds by rushing nutrients to the affected area. That sounds good, right? Unfortunately, one of those nutrients is calcium, and too much calcium in the eye can be a problem. As a result of the accident, I now had what’s called a trauma cataract. It looked like a white map of the United States on the lens inside my eye. My eye was fine, but the vision had gone from 20/20 to 20/400. I could see blurry shapes and colors, but that was about all.

When you lose the vision in one eye it has a dramatic effect on your depth perception and sense of balance. It took some time to adjust to these changes, but we are incredibly adaptive creatures. I challenged my mind to find new ways to triangulate, and it responded. Eventually, I was even able to fly airplanes, although landing is difficult when you can’t judge distance accurately. But that’s a story for another day. Let’s get back to…

Maintaining integrity

No matter who we are, our integrity will be tested. Look around and you will quickly notice that the integrity of many has been bought and paid for. When they were tested, they sold out. Their integrity was for sale and someone or something met their price. That’s a personal choice, but my advice is DON’T DO IT! Once you lose your integrity it’s a difficult thing to get back.

Yes, keeping my integrity cost me a potential windfall, but that’s a shortsighted viewpoint. What we gain in the long run for standing by our values and ethics is something worth more than money. You can sell your integrity, but you can’t buy it back. Integrity is a personal treasure that seems to be in very short supply these days. Self-respect and integrity go hand in hand. Remember that when circumstances ask – is your integrity for sale?

How important is integrity to you?
Has your integrity ever been tested?
The lines are open!

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My book TRUE SELF is the fastest inexpensive way (coaching is the fastest) to make positive life changes very quickly. Want to discover your core passions, dismantle your hidden limiting beliefs, and realize your most desired goals? TRUE SELF will guide you through the process.

We all encounter a degree of resistance in life, it’s simply unavoidable. But does it seem to you like life has been getting more difficult lately? Do you find that it takes more effort to accomplish things that used to be simple?

Isn’t technology supposed to make life easier, more affordable, and less complicated? Theoretically, life should be getting easier, not more difficult. Has that been your experience, or is the exact opposite true?

The ability to cope…

There seems to be something about technological advancement that makes certain specific tasks easier, while simultaneously making life as a whole more challenging.

A quick glance at the increase in prescriptions for antidepressant and anti-anxiety meds makes one fact crystal clear. People on average are losing their ability to cope with the challenges of life.

How do you cope with challenges?

Everyone develops their own ways of coping with challenges. Some of them are productive, some are neutral, and some are destructive. How we choose to cope with life’s challenges will eventually define the direction of our personal growth and development.

If we use happy hour, drugs, anger, or depression as a coping mechanism, what will be the long-term effect on our personal development? And yet, for a growing number of people, these are common responses to challenging situations.

The positive side of coping

We all have the ability to turn challenges into motivation and opportunity. If we learn to view each and every challenge as an opportunity for personal growth, we will be much more inclined to choose productive ways to meet those challenges.

The more you learn to embrace the idea of personal growth, the more you will appreciate the life lessons that come from successfully meeting new challenges. Oddly enough, many of the most valuable lessons we will ever learn are the byproduct of challenging situations.

You can run, but you cannot hide!

Life will always present us with challenges, it’s up to us to decide whether that is a good thing, or a bummer. Our perception will determine our response, and ultimately our attitude toward life in general.

Do we see our circumstances as positive, or negative? Do we see insurmountable obstacles, or new and exciting opportunities? Do we welcome the chance to grow, or do we just want to avoid anything that requires effort? Your answers to those questions will form the framework of your life.

The springboard approach

The two most powerful forces for change are moving away from pain, and moving toward pleasure. When some situation in life makes us uncomfortable, why not harness that energy and use it as a springboard for positive action.

Discomfort is a signal that some area of life needs our attention. If we complain about it, or try to hide from it, the discomfort increases. If we analyze the situation, and then take decisive action, the discomfort motivates us to move away from pain, and toward pleasure. Discomfort is a source of energy that we can use in a positive way.

How I use discomfort to create motivation

When I become aware that something in my life is causing discomfort, here’s how I create a springboard. First I agitate the discomfort by looking at the negative ways I am experiencing it. Then I acknowledge the direction I need to go in order to move toward a solution. Finally, I challenge myself, make a commitment, and use the discomfort as rocket fuel to accomplish my new goal.

I especially like to do this with fitness goals. While many people are content to allow their level of fitness to decline after the pass a certain age, the very thought creates adequate discomfort to keep me motivated. As a result, my continued progress has added to my motivation and determination. You see, with the right coping skills, discomfort really does become a source of energy that we can harness and use in a positive way.

Choose positive coping skills

To some degree we can work to simplify our lives and reduce the number of challenges we are exposed to. This can make a significant difference in our quality of life, but we will still face challenges! In the long run, adopting positive and productive methods for meeting those challenges is one of the best gifts you can give yourself.

Are you finding life to be increasingly more challenging?
What are your favorite ways of coping with challenges?
The lines are open!

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This is day 45 of my “Make It Happen Now – 2009 Countdown Challenge.” Hard to believe isn’t it? Yes, we are already at the half way point. I thought this would be a good time to revisit the challenge and see how things are going.

You may recall that it was (and still is) my intention to accomplish more in the last 90 days of 2009 than in the previous 9 months combined. I made myself accountable by laying out my end of the year goals for all to see. I also invited our readers to do the same, which many of you did.

The halfway mark, it’s time to regroup

Before you know it the year will be over. Remember, this is a 2009 Countdown Challenge, not 2010. If you focus on next year, then you’ve already written this year off. Don’t do that to yourself. Focus on the here and now and make this year really count for something. Accomplishment happens in the present, not the future.

Taking the time to evaluate our progress while working toward a goal is one of the keys to success. With that in mind, and in the spirit of accountability, I am going to review my progress on all four of my goals, and I invite you to do the same. The adjustments we make now are vital for staying on track.

My goals, restated and evaluated

1) Physically – I’ll be in my best shape in a decade after 90 days. To reach this goal, I started the P90X extreme fitness program. I’ve heard considerable negative feedback about this program, and that’s fine. Everyone is entitled to their own opinion, including me. So, here’s mine…

I love it. Yes, it’s extreme, but so are the results. Personally, I needed a giant pattern interrupt to overcome some “fitness apathy.” Well, this program doesn’t just ask for your focus, it demands it. No aspect of fitness training is left out including strength, balance, agility, speed, flexibility, and coordination.

Admittedly, P90X is not for everyone, and it’s not designed for continued use over long periods of time. The best description I can think of is “fitness boot-camp.” I didn’t fully appreciate the genius of this program until I had been doing it for several weeks. Now I know I will reach my fitness goal.

2) Business – I will launch a new 26 week coaching program. This has been the most challenging of my four goals. I have had to deal with an onslaught of unavoidable distractions over the last 45 days, putting me behind schedule in this area. I am about to double my focus in this area to insure success.

Here’s what I’ve got so far: The coaching program is called Mastering Your Midlife. I have the curriculum outlined, the product designed, and the free CD offer, blog, and related pages are now about 80% done. I still have several videos/CD’s to create, plus I need to arrange for the production of the free CD.

This is a huge project, but I feel confident that, with increased focus, it will come together nicely. I’ll keep you posted.

3) Mental and Emotional – I will achieve massive personal growth. I continue to use the breakthrough personal growth technology called Holosync by Centerpointe on a daily basis, with good results. At some point in the near future I will write more about Holosync. For now, let me just say that this one delivers and I plan to stay with it for many years.

4) On the home front. The kitchen remodel is almost done, and it looks great. We get more than our share of gray, rainy days during the winter, and a lighter, brighter kitchen will be a welcome change. Even more importantly, it makes my wife happy and that is always a good thing.

I should finish the kitchen project this week, which will make more time available for my new business venture.

How about you ???

With focus and motivation, you can accomplish a lot in 45 days. Do you have a plan? If so, I encourage you to pull out the stops and get after it. While the vast majority are making new year’s resolutions, I plan to be celebrating my accomplishments for 2009. How about you?

This is a good time to review the last subheading in the original article called: What it takes to reach a meaningful goal in 90 days, along with the follow up article called What It Takes To Accomplish Your Dreams.

If you are one of the many who set one or more goals for the countdown challenge, please update us on your progress. If not, this would be a perfect time to jump in and make something happen. Why not go for it while there’s still time and you’ve got all this encouragement? Go ahead, Make It Happen Now!

OK, let’s talk about it -
The lines are open!

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