Do you ever feel overwhelmed because you know that you could not get everything done even if your day was 72 hours long? Do you feel ripped off because you seem to spend all your time doing what needs to get done, instead of what you would like to be doing?
Three questions come to mind:
1. Is this healthy?
2. Is it balanced?
3. Can it be changed?
We all recognize the value of living a balanced life. So why is it so incredibly easy to get out of balance, and so difficult to stay in balance? Obviously, there are several contributing factors involved, and some of them are very subtle. For instance, how often do you say or think phrases like; I have to, I need to, I don’t have any choice, or I can’t because _________?
The power of self-talk
These are common phrases, but what kind of message do they send to your subconscious? You might as well say, I am being forced to do things that I don’t want to do and I am helpless to do anything about it.
It sounds harsh, I know, but that is the message that your nervous system is dealing with. You are conditioning yourself to believe that what you want to do doesn’t really matter because you are a slave to forces beyond your control.
With this kind of mentality, your life can only become more out of balance as time goes by. You will progressively lessen the importance of the things that bring you pleasure, while the list of things that must be done continues to grow.
Of course, you will try to convince yourself that as soon as I get this last project under control I will take some time for me.
But how many times have you said that? Has it ever happened?
A balanced life is one that can embrace reality!
Don’t feel like you are the only one, we all struggle with this tendency. I think it comes from convincing ourselves that we are superhuman, that somehow we can do all these things, and still make time for us.
That will probably never happen unless we make it happen! And the only way to do that is to get a more realistic view of the situation, and make some necessary changes. What kind of changes?
Accept the fact that you have a choice
The first thing we should change is the messages we send to our subconscious about the necessary activities in our life. We are not slaves because we always have a choice. Let’s look at some more empowering ways that we can represent those necessary activities to our nervous systems to support a more balanced life.
Instead of I have to or I need to, how about I choose to? As in, I choose to go to work today. Now, the tendency here is to say, No, I really do need to go to work today because I have bills to pay. That sounds logical, but the truth is, you still have a choice. How about this, I choose to go to work today because the money I make allows me to enjoy my current lifestyle.
So what’s different?
The outcome doesn’t change, you are still going to work, but now it’s what you choose to do instead of what you have to do. Instead of being helplessly pushed around by your schedule, you are doing what you choose.
You will be amazed at the difference this kind of self-talk will have on your life. Not only will it affect your stress levels and attitude, but it will also influence the way you view the things that need to be done anyway.
The practical side
Now that we have a more balanced perspective, it’s a good idea to address the way our life is organized. We need to look for ways to actually make life more manageable and less cluttered. Try this: Write down everything you plan to do so you are not trying to remember it all. I know this seems simplistic, but it will make a big difference. In fact, here are four ways writing things down will serve you.
1. Making a list will breathe reality into your schedule. In your mind, you may have a huge list of things to do today. Once you commit that list to paper, you will quickly see the need to trim things down. That’s why daily planners are so helpful; they have the day broken into time slots. This helps you control the urge to schedule more activities than time allows for.
As you get comfortable with scheduling according to reality, you can purposely leave periodic blanks. In this way, you can systematically give yourself some meaningful space throughout the day.
2. Help you focus on one thing at a time. Multitasking is largely a myth, unless you limit it to walking and chewing gum at the same time. Try to block out enough time to make significant progress on a single task without interruption. Pick one thing from your list and devote a predetermined amount of time to it before moving to something else.
3. Provide a way to make allowances for uncompleted tasks. Don’t be obsessed over getting everything done that’s on your list. There are always unexpected delays. If something doesn’t get done simply move it to the next available time slot and let it go emotionally.
4. Help you value activities that make you feel energized. Learn to schedule time to do things that you really enjoy. Write them on your list and assign them some priority. If you include pleasurable activities in your schedule you will be more productive while feeling much less stressed out.
Adopt a more relaxed view of productivity
You are not a machine and there is no reason to try to become one. Do what you can reasonably do and call it good. A balanced life is about quality, not quantity. Life is not measured solely by productivity. Take some time to reestablish your sense of balance. Once you do, it will be much easier to enjoy the whole life experience.
Do you feel like there is too much to do?
Have you been sacrificing quality for productivity?
How do you stay balanced?






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{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
Hi Jon,
Excellent post. Your point #1 on the practical side of it is really the #1 point. I completely agree that there is no point in stuffing to-do lits or calendars with tasks. There should be a reason allowing enough time for completion of tasks, productive breaks, crisis management and so on.
Cheers,
Jane.
Jane | Find All Answers recently posted..Dan Lew The Confident Winner Who Made Keyword Winner
Hi Jane, nice to have you here. I’m not sure why we tend to think we can do thee days worth of stuff in one day and still have some time leftover to call our own, but we do! This kind of thinking creates stress because we are always trying to do the impossible. It’s like trying to build a ten room mansion when you only have the resources for a two bedroom tract house.
The idea of the negative self talk about what I have to do vs. what I choose to do.. Is an amazing shift I hadn’t considered. And the list writing is genius. I usually use it as an indicator that I haven’t done enough instead of using it to unstress me. Great post.
Hi Donna and welcome! There are so many little areas in life where we have a choice to either build ourselves up or beat ourselves up. Usually we are not even aware of how those little choices influence our overall life experience until we stop and think about it. Imagine the paradigm shift that would result from changing 10-20 things just like this. The effort required is small, but the rewards are huge.
Jonathan –
I’m learning how to balance several things in my life right now, and I really needed to hear this. Thank you.
– Daniel
Daniel Brenton recently posted..Unemployment – and Gratitude in the Emotional Toolbox
Hey Daniel, thanks for stopping by. I’ve noticed that the more productive a person is by nature, the more challenging it is to maintain balance. There is just so much we want to do and experience and learn, hard to do it all without pushing the envelope. So glad this was useful for you!
A practical list Jonathan & certainly worthy of close attention. I remember a Steven Covey quote which went something like this, “don’t prioritise your schedule but schedule your priorities’. This I believe gives a good perspective as to what “balance” is, for me anyway. Also I believe that “balance” can be different for each of us.
‘Quality’, ‘choices’ these are key to destressing our lives. I’m also with you on “multi tasking” – hugely over rated & overstated.
Thanks again for the post & be good to yourself
David
David Stevens recently posted..In response to a “Versatile Blogger”
Hey David, glad you stopped by, it reminded me to go visit your blog and see what’s happening in your chunk of the universe. Just reading your tag cloud verified lots of common interests and your brief post of 7 things previously unknown about you was great. Thanks for your support, it’s very appreciated.
This is great. Yes, self talk is so powerful. I like your practical steps for turning things around. I’m going to put this into practice right now!
Galen Pearl recently posted..Mad-Sad-Glad Game
Hi Galen, I’m really glad you liked it. Conceptual ideas are great, but it always seems so much more real if we can see some practical application.
Jonathan,
I like the way you stated many things in the post – Choice is a BIG one here. We are in more control of our lives when we chose things. Great point about choosing to go to work instead of having to go to work!
I love the magic word “Balance”….
Nancy
Nancy Shields recently posted..BELIEVE IN YOURSELF
Hi Nancy, so many things in life come down to balance. I always tell clients that balance is the hardest thing because it requires a combination of skills like discernment and reasonableness, plus it needs constant attention.
The perfect example is a person on a high wire with on of those long balance poles. When things are going well he just makes frequent but subtle adjustments. But if things get a little crazy he needs to make more drastic corrections to avoid a fall. It’s always a question of balance.
Wonderful article Jonathan, and thanks for sharing this with us. Had a certain ‘zen’ quality to it
I think clutter symbolises the concept of ‘disorder’. Whereas balance is about keeping things in tune with each other, never tipping the scales too much to one side, clutter seeks to swing the scales back and forth, never giving you rest.
Clutter hates calm, it hates peace. Therefore, it must be tamed and controlled. Always remember to simplify

Stuart recently posted..BE
Hey Stuart, you drew on some nice points of contrast here. Very poetic!
Hi Jonathan, first of all I agree totally about the self-talk and the fact of the matter is you are simply choosing. Unfortunately many people are making negative choices – what’s the least worst choice instead of positive choices – what’s the best thing I could be doing.
However, I go way beyond that and think that most people are spending their time doing things they certainly don’t need to be doing and that may even be counter-productive.
One simple example is what I see as the obsession with child raising that many people have nowadays. They spend huge portions of their days organizing (and monitoring) the lives of their children in the often misguided attempt to churn out the perfect child. I understand they are doing it out of love and think they are doing the right thing but in fact they are misguided. They would raise much happier, well-adjusted, and most importantly more self-sufficient children if they would back off. Everyone would be happier (and more relaxed) and the parents would get a lot of their time back.
I have found that amazingly enough if I just quit doing all those things I thought I “had” to do life goes on just fine and I have a lot more time to do what I really want to do. We unnecessarily over complicate our lives and fill them with trivia while those precious life minutes just tick away.
Stephen – Rat Race Trap recently posted..How Letting Go of Control Brings You Freedom and Contentment
Hi Stephen, you made several excellent points here, but I especially liked the way you summed it up when you said: “We unnecessarily over complicate our lives and fill them with trivia while those precious life minutes just tick away.” Those unnecessary things can easily rob us of the things that really matter by eating up our time. Learning to filter our priorities in this world of trivial pursuits is one on the most valuable skills we could ever develop. Sounds like you are getting quite good at it and reaping the benefits. Thanks for you meaningful contribution!
Jonathan,
This is such a terrific question! I’m a chaotic bunny because I’ve always tried to do too much. I love your emphasis on realism here, because the truth is that usually we can’t actually accomplishing everything on our list. Realism and the willingness to let go have become my greatest protectors. I also like your emphasis on “choosing” rather than “need” or “must.” Thanks for clearing this up for us.
Sandra / Always Well Within recently posted..Stop the World and See
Hi Sandra, the “chaotic bunny’ label made me smile. I always think of you as totally calm and centered, easily moving through your day with purpose and flow. Now I’ve got a whole new image hopping around in my head.
Hi Jonathan, I keep my balance, by doing what I can do (on my List) and if the rest doesn’t get done, it will be there tomorrow. By the way this multitasking is way over used in my book. Life is to short to think everything has to be done, so one doesn’t take time to relax and enjoy part of the day.
Hi Debbie, as we get older the way we value our time and energy goes through some notable changes. We should all be aware of how valuable each day is and that productivity is only a part of the formula. I like your thought of including some “relax and enjoy” time as one of our priorities. Balance is always the key!
In the last month or so I have given up on the daily “Things to do” I keep one list on the computer so I don’t have to think about and try to remember everything. Then I just plug away at the list. If something HAS to be done today, it goes to the top of the list. So far it’s working well for me.
i liked the ” power of self-talk” portion. You need to be transparent without being slave to forces beyond your control.