When you see people who appear to be confident and sure of their every move, what goes through your mind?
Do you know someone like that who seems to succeed at everything they do? Are you convinced that it’s because they are smarter, luckier or in some way better than you are?
It’s very likely that none of those things are true. But confident people do have one very special thing going for them though. Would you like to know what that is?
What self-confident people realize
They understand the impact of believing in themselves and relying on their abilities.
This confidence ultimately creates opportunities for success and with each new success another boost to their confidence. Success builds on success, creating a self-confident mindset that is reinforced with each new accomplishment.
Confidence is self-perpetuating!
The perception of a self confident person changes how they view their world. When people perceive themselves as able to achieve anything they set their mind to, this perception shapes their reality.
Yes, perception shapes reality, and with the right mindset you too can become the confident, self-assured person you want to be.
7 ways to boost your confidence.
1) Acknowledge and list existing areas of confidence. Any area in your life where you are producing good results is an area where you have confidence in your own abilities. Take some time to examine and list those areas along with the beliefs and feelings that support them.
2) Start where you know you can succeed. One effective way to build your self-confidence is to choose an area in your life where you know you can take control. No matter who we are, there is always some area in our life where we feel a level of competence. Start by setting one reachable goal in that direction and then take action.
3) Repeat the process. When you experience success, set another reachable goal in that same direction and follow through with more action. Continue this pattern until you become comfortable with your ability to produce your intended outcome.
4) Expand your efforts. Next, choose another area in your life where you have a degree of competence and repeat the process. As your feelings of confidence grow, allow yourself to identify with your success. Learn to view yourself as a successful person and attach feelings of approval to your positive experiences.
5) Enlist some external feedback. Explain your challenge to a friend and ask them to provide you with some positive feedback every time you succeed in producing an intended result. Now you will have a source of both external and internal positive validation.
6) Walk the walk and talk the talk. Adopt the external characteristics of someone with a great deal of confidence. If you walk, talk, dress and conduct yourself like a person who is very confident, you will send signals to your own nervous system that say, “I can do anything I set my mind to.” You will also send those same messages to everyone you come in contact with.
7) Make confidence part of your identity. Embracing a positive view of yourself that empowers you to confidently take action in the direction of your goals is a huge step in your personal development. If you experience any disappointing results, resist the urge to link them to your personal identity. They are just part of the process. Make adjustments and move on.
Continue building on your new pattern
Once you have established a pattern of success you will fully develop the emotional viewpoint of a successful person. This mindset will give you the confidence to continue the successful pattern. Because your actions have produced positive results in the past, you will have every reason to believe that they will produce successful results in the future. This is the kind of mindset that will fill you with optimism and give the courage to take on new challenges with confidence.
Create an environment that nurtures confidence
Make it a habit to read positive, encouraging, “how to” self-improvement articles regularly and put the suggestions to work in your life. Embrace the personal growth mindset and surround yourself with people whose energy empowers you to take action.
To make it easy for you to do this we’ve brought together a fantastic team of motivating, self-improvement writers. Working together, we have created a free resource to help you improve virtually every aspect of your life. This resource is a monthly “magazine style” newsletter called Sharing Life Skills. If you are looking for greater self-confidence and proven strategies to improve your life, then this newsletter is perfect for you.
Anyone can boost their self-confidence! It’s a simple matter of adopting a more empowering mindset and building a more positive perception of your abilities. Remember, confidence is self-perpetuating; you just need to get the ball rolling and create some momentum.
In what areas of life do you feel confident of your abilities?
Are there areas where you would like a greater degree of confidence?
The lines are open!
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{ 29 comments… read them below or add one }
7) Make confidence part of your identity. My favorite. I was hopping you would mention this one Jonathan.
I believe the best road to take is develop your inner confidence at an identity level and grow from there, as you achieve competence and success in certain areas. But the identity level confidence is what creates a solid foundation to start from
Hi Eduard, yes, getting any attitude locked in at the “identity” level is necessary for real change. If we can do that first, the rest will naturally follow (or be much easier). For most people it comes after they have generated sufficient neural feedback to break down the mental resistance.
Jonathan, I really like the core idea of this article – that confidence is self-perpetuating. I never thought about it that way before. The 7 methods seems to build on each other, which is the basic idea. I really appreciate the importance of starting where you can succeed otherwise the whole effort may be sabotaged. All the best to you.
Sandra Lee´s last amazing blog post ..Kid-safe chemicals
Hi Sandra, it’s a momentum thing. First we crawl, then we walk, and finally we run with confidence. Unfortunately, if people get knocked down too many times they start to feel very unsteady and unsure about their ability to run.
So, we just go back to what we know we can do, even if that’s just crawling. That way we can get some fresh momentum and confidence going while we work our way up to running again.
I need more confidence in my tango, Jonathan!
I really, really do – and I can see the difference when I either am confident or I fake it – and public speaking is the one place people lose their confidence – so faking it is always a sweet solution. Try it! Just smile, shoulders back, head up, make eye contact and PRETEND to be CONFIDENT. Who is to know the difference? 
!
Hi Farnoosh, I’m thinking that you probably tango really well but might have trouble letting go of certain inhibitions. True or false? If you had just watched a movie with a really passionate tango scene and your husband put on the same music, pulled you to your feet, and started dancing with you, what would happen?
I think you would let go of the inhibitions and BE the tango. The trick is to be able to do that when others are around. Try this: Do everything described above (I’m sure your husband will oblige you). After that, whenever you want to tango, start by putting yourself in that same state first. Vividly remember how you felt when it was just the two of you. Get really into feeling that experience. Block out everyone but your husband and BE the dance.
With public speaking, make it fun. Make it a game. Feed on the energy from your audience. That’s what I do and it’s a great high.
Hi Jonathan,
!
Thank you – I feel like you know more about the dance than me! I am going to try this today during our practice at home. Thank you so much for the encouragement with the visuals! As always, you are right! It is all about being in the zone and letting go of my inhibitions…..! I have been told I can put on a great tango show
Consider making a video of the two of you dancing. I feel certain that when you watch yourselves you will say: “WOW, we’re pretty good at this!”
Jonathan,
I really like the way that you broke this down. People often set such lofty goals and their present day actions are so far from accomplishing the goal that they never feel any sense of success. But through a celebration of a series of small victories we can really keep making our success a self fulfilling prophecy.
That’s it exactly Srinivas. Confidence is something we build. If it gets torn down we can rebuild it by going back to what is simple and making progress from there.
By the way, it’s great to see you here my friend. Thanks for taking the time!
Very nice Jonathan! I think practice is one of the best ways to improve one’s confidence. The more we practice and work on our fears, the more we build confidence. Thanks for sharing
Dia´s last amazing blog post ..Improve your confidence
Hi Dia, fears can seem insurmountable if we think about trying to conquer them all at once. In line with your comment (practice) I thought of the saying: “How do you eat an elephant? One bite at a time.”
Hi Jonathan,
These are great tips and I also think that the more we accept ourselves and push ourselves to do scary things, the more confidence we build. Each time we overcome something that scared us, we realize that we are able to handle whatever life throws at us. There’s nothing wrong with starting small to build your courage muscles. Once you have courage to face your fears in life, then you will build your confidence. I remember being really scared to write my first article and now that I’ve written so many, it doesn’t seem so scary. My confidence in myself and my writing abilities have increased so much, just by not allowing my fears to stand in the way.
Great advice here,
Karen
Hi Karen, “build your courage muscles” is a perfect analogy. Also, as in the case of your writing, having tangible evidence (lots of articles) provides indisputable evidence that you really can do it. You know that you’ve done it before and you can do it again. We call that confidence!
Hey Jonathan, I love this post! Confidence is self perpetuating! One thing so many people don’t realise is that everyone has an area they are already confident in but they just don’t perceive it that way. Once they do things begin to change. Whether it’s someone who is a great mum or a kid who is awesome at video games. We all have the confidence in some form or another!
Amit Sodha – The Power Of Choice´s last amazing blog post ..Are You Following The Breadcrumbs Being Laid Out For You
Hi Amit, that’s really how we get some momentum going. We pick an area, any area (like you said, we all have at least one) where we feel confident. Then we expand from there. That way we always have a solid footing.
I can say that experience at least to me is the best teacher. If I have done something consistantly, time and time again, I build so much confidence in that area that I know without a doubt if I do it I will succeed. The greatest challenge I sometimes face is taking the chance to experience something that is out of my comfort zone. But I guess if life was all about being comfortable I wouldn’t have to go to work.
Great Job once again Jonathan. Thanks for these tips.
Frank´s last amazing blog post ..I Will Kill You…
Thanks Frank, comfort zones are more fluid than most people think. The less we grow and learn and experience, the smaller our comfort zone gets. But when we challenge the discomfort zone we expand the boundaries of comfort. In much the same way that experience builds confidence, it can also enlarge our personal comfort zone.
Hi Jonathan
I read a quote recently “confidence comes in cans”.
I can do that.
The problem with confidence – if it is something you are low on – is the initial step is the hardest. Once you have taken the first tentative step and tried something you are on your way and you find that you too “can do”.
I think the biggest secret of the confident person is not only that they do indeed believe in themselves but also they are much kinder to themselves too. They have much more supportive self talk and the ability to laugh at themselves.
Wow Marion, you made some really excellent observations here. I agree with every point and thank you so much for adding your insight.
I’ve always been intrigued by people who exude confidence naturally. As a teenager I remember envying them and thinking that confidence was something I’d have to do with out–kind of like either you have it or you don’t. Luckily, that’s something else that I was wrong about in my youth.
Confidence may not come naturally to everyone, but it can become a part of who you are as you learn to grow and trust yourself. Great post!!
Nea | Self Improvement Saga´s last amazing blog post ..How to Feel Great and Keep a Smile on Your Face
Hi Nea, you are a good example of the point you made. I never would have thought that you ever lacked confidence. You seem like a natural. Having self-confidence changes our perception of the world around us. We see possibility and opportunity where less confident people see none. As you implied Nea, confidence is a life skill that anyone can learn.
Jonathan, I like this list. What I like about self confidence is that it becomes a driving force, but you can still retain what makes you unique. Being shy or nervous has nothing to do with self confidence. Quiet people achieve in a non invasive way. All things can co-exist in harmony. Sometimes it’s important to say and do less, and that takes self confidence. People are more confident than they believe. Being powerful in public is not the same as being powerful.
Talk soon, Simon
Hi Simon, thank you for making those insightful distinctions. You are absolutely right and I especially like the thought that: “Sometimes it’s important to say and do less, and that takes self confidence.” Also the one about a show of confidence or power is not the same as actually being confident or powerful. Excellent.
Jonathan: Great advice and self confidence is definitely something that we should work on if we feel we are lacking it. I really appreciated your recommendation to expand your efforts. I think that is a great approach and allows you to build confidence step by step in a real way. Great list and great post.
Hi Sibyl, confidence is one of those things that is cumulative. If we want to build or rebuild our confidence, jumping headlong into a sink or swim situation can easily backfire and leave us less confident than ever. Momentum is a powerful tool for personal change and step by step is really the name of the game.
I like your statement that confidence in self-perpetuating. Gathering references of any new quality we are trying to impress on ourselves is very effective. When we assign the mind the job of finding references that validate self-confidence, it will work fiercely to prove the opinion is true.
Hey Rob, I also appreciate how good the mind responds when we give it some direction. Feed it a positive assumption and it will go to work finding evidence that that assumption is true. Not that many people understand this beautiful and powerful aspect of our mind. It loves to validate!
You are one smart guy Rob. No wonder you are part of the team of highly qualified authors writing the Sharing Life Skills Newsletter! How’s that for a plug?
I am a physical therapist and frequently work with patients that are truly unaware of their immediate abilities and also their future potential.
I have apparently been using several of your principles intuitively to assist my patients in realizing their desire for less pain, more movement, or just plain empowered mobility.
What I have found in the physically injured is that, as humans, we rarely work on what’s immediate and right in front of us. We measure our future by our past. This discourages us because hind sight is always 20-20 and we focus on the negative. While at the same time, we look into the future and imagine the ideal.
Looking at those negatives will never get us to the ideal because each is fairly subjective.
I use step 2 a lot. Focus on the here and now starting with something that you do have control over. Namely, for me as a physical therapist, the muscles of your body. My patients learn to control movements so that pain is minimized and that motion is maximized.
The same can be done in all aspects of life.
Bryan – Workouts Without Weights´s last amazing blog post ..Martial Arts Fitness Training – BodyWeight Workout Outside The Dojo
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