How many barriers are there to personal growth? Which ones have the greatest effect on your ability to create positive change in your life? Once you become aware of your personal roadblocks, you’ll be in an excellent position to overcome them. Let’s look at some possible contenders.
1. Loosely defined goals. Setting goals is such a fundamental part of achievement. Sounds basic, I know, but don’t make the mistake of thinking that everyone already knows what they want. I’ve found over and over again that vague, undefined goals are the norm rather than the exception. There are several factors that can keep you from defining exactly what you want. But regardless of the exact reason, if we can’t accurately define our goals, what chance do we have of actually achieving them?
People with goals succeed because they know where they’re going.
~Earl Nightingale
A high degree of focus is required to create a new desired outcome. If all we have is a vague idea of what we want, then what is there to focus on? Lack of focus is a common roadblock to personal development and it leaves a person feeling like their efforts never produce the results they were hoping for. If you are going to set goals, make sure you take the time define them so you have something to focus on.
2. Current status unknown. Once you know where you want to go, it is vital that you accurately and honestly assess exactly where you are right now. If you don’t know where you are in relation to where you want to be, how will you be able to gauge your progress? Without honest self evaluation you will be like a ship without a rudder, adrift in an ocean of busy work or procrastination. You’ll be doing a lot, but accomplishing very little. You can avoid this roadblock to personal development by taking inventory of your current situation to get an accurate picture of where you are.
If you don’t know where you are going, any road will get you there.
~Lewis Carroll
3. Focusing on what you don’t want. In an effort to avoid problems we can easily end up putting our focus on the outcomes we want to avoid. Because the mind is only creative, it will always try to attract or create the object of our focus. This is true even when it is something we are trying to avoid. Can you see why it is so important to focus on what you want, and take your mind off of what you don’t want?
Success is focusing the full power of all you are on what you have a burning desire to achieve. ~Wilfred Peterson
Obviously, we need to be aware of possible pitfalls and steer clear of them, but our primary focus needs to be in the direction we want to go. This sounds easy, but the fear of failing or of making a costly mistake can act like a powerful emotional magnet that captures our attention in subtle ways. Learning to master your focus is the best way to avoid creating what you don’t want.
4. Internal conflict. Of all the roadblocks to personal development, this is the one that can sabotage your effort without you even knowing what happened. If we haven’t taken the time to discover our deepest personal standards and values then we are vulnerable to this kind of inner disharmony. To create internal harmony we must live and act in harmony with our core values, but we can’t do that if we don’t know what those values are. In my coaching practice this is an area that I pay careful attention to, especially if there seems to be some self sabotaging tendencies.
The greatest conflicts are not between two people but between one person and himself. ~Garth Brooks
The best way to avoid this roadblock is to analyze you deepest core values and make sure that everything you do is in harmony with them. In my book TRUE SELF there are several exercises that walk you through the process of creating internal harmony.
5. Limiting or obsolete beliefs. In particular, I am referring to your beliefs about what you think you are or are not capable of, and what you think you do or do not deserve. It is through the window of these beliefs that we form our self image and try to make sense out of the things going on around us. We also use them to form assumptions about likely future results. These beliefs may have been established during childhood and have now outlived their usefulness. Others may be leftover from situations and circumstances that are no longer relevant.
It is important that we evaluate our beliefs regularly to see if they are serving us or holding us back. There are two formidable problems with limiting beliefs. First of all, these beliefs often operate on a subconscious level, screened of from our conscious awareness. Second, even if we are aware of them, changing beliefs can be very challenging because they usually have a strong emotional component making them almost impervious to logic.
You can have anything you want if you will give up the belief that you can’t have it. ~Dr. Robert Anthony
Overcoming this roadblock is one of the main reasons clients come to me for coaching. If you have this challenge and can’t seem to get past it, have a look at this five part series called How Your Beliefs Create Your Reality. If you still can’t get past it you might consider getting some assistance from someone who has the skills to help you.
6. Delegating personal responsibility. The quality of our life is our personal responsibility. This is the foundation of all personal development. We can either accept conditions as they are, or accept the responsibility for changing them. Whatever we choose to do, we must acknowledge that we are the only person responsible for our decisions and actions. Taking personal responsibility is one of the most liberating things you can do because it completely eliminates the temptation to blame anyone or anything and it puts you in the driver’s seat of your life.
Freedom is the will to be responsible to ourselves. ~Friedrich Nietzsche
7. Resistance to change. One of the best ways to beat this resistance is to practice letting go. When we successfully break our emotional attachments to “what is,” we allow room for growth. To do this we need to develop strategies for severing those attachments, because letting go is easier said than done. On an emotional level, there is a sense of security related to “hanging on.” Consequently, learning to let go can be challenging.
Embrace change for it is the essence of life. ~Jonathan Wells
As you embrace small changes in your life, your emotional security anchors will shift. Over time your resistance will fade and you will find comfort and security in a more fluid reality. When this happens, continued personal growth becomes your new security anchor.
What roadblocks have you encountered on the personal growth path?
How have you managed to overcome your personal roadblocks?
The lines are open!
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
great post! Thank you
i agree “surrender and accept your current situation, always”
reminds me of a saying: “accept what you cannot change or change what you cannot accept”
Hi Mehreen, being honest about our current situation is an important part of accurately assessing exactly where you are right now. Once we do that we can start plotting a course from where we are to where we want to be.
Hi Jonathan,
I am new to your blog.
You have put all these obstacles in such an eloquent and fun manner. I enjoyed reading them very much.
One of the current road block I am facing is unsupportive people or people who do not know what I am doing. I am trying to convey my dreams to them often but find its quite tough currently. Perhaps looking for like minded people is a better strategy. Your blog is certainly one of them.
Cheers
Jimmy/Life Architect recently posted..25 Elementary Principles for Success in Life – Principle 17
Hi Jimmy, don’t be too concerned if your actions confuse some people. The quest for personal growth certainly doesn’t appeal (or even make sense) to most people. Guess that’s part of the reason it’s called personal. As long as you are clear about your direction it will all work out. My guess is that you’ve probably already started to attract some like minded ones into your life. It’s all good.
I think self sabotage is a big thing for many people….and sometimes the most important one because it can be outside of out consciousness.
While the others may not be easy to change, at least we can see them for what they are (most of the time!), but with self sabotage, there just seems to be ‘something’ blocking us. Digging deeper to find what that something is can make a huge difference. But isn’t necessarily easy to do!
Kate Irwin recently posted..Victims of Our Own Intelligence?
You are so very right Kate, about 90% of my coaching clients have some form of hidden belief that is sabotaging them on some level. It is very rare that they are consciously aware of their hidden saboteur until it surfaces during the coaching process. The good news is, once we identify it, disabling that limiting belief and replacing it with a new empowering belief doesn’t take very long and the results can be astounding.
Great post my friend Jonathan!
I live by these words – SURRENDER, ALLOW, WONDER… For when we let go and surrender to our higher GOOD – MY GOD – then we actually get to experience life unencumbered by rules and regulations that we put on ourselves by living in our “made up” boxes.
I then ALLOW for the flow of life and where it is to take me with me as my own anchor – living in integrity and TRUTH to my GOD….
Finally, the beauty of WONDER – for living in the possibilities of life and truly see life through the eyes of a child….
In love and light,
Nancy
Nancy Shields recently posted..TAKE GOOD CARE OF HER
Hi Nancy, it seems that learning to let go is one of the most difficult challenges in life. It represents the difference between control and flow. Rather that rules I embrace the concept of principles and values. If those two are well established they act like a rudder, gently adjusting our direction in a positive way.
The one that I have found to be most beneficial to me as a person in the mid 40′s is “CHANGE”. Somehow I used to get stuck on trying to keep everything the same. Mainly when I acquired something I thought was “it”. A belief from my childhood where I had very little in material possession. I’d do it to the point of getting something new and not using it because I didn’t want it to not be the same anymore.
The interesting thing is once I learned that I actually did change many times, in career (by choice), in my location (by choice), and my values (my belief on material possessions) I can honestly say that it is key to my happiness. The ability to change.
Your posts are awesome. Always make me think, reflect and want to continue my personal path of growth.
Jt Clough | Big Island Dog recently posted..Eat Local Food Challenge
Congratulations Jt you have made change your friend and the inevitable result is that life becomes more than a journey. When we embrace change life becomes an adventure and fear of the unknown becomes excitement and eager anticipation about what new experience is around the next bend.
Interesting post, but I found it quite a depressing one, and I sometimes wonder if we sometimes just have to face that some things are beyond our capabilities.
My main reason for getting into personal development several years ago was to try to overcome lifelong problems with my interpersonal skills–inability to read social cues or respond correctly to them, finding social situations hugely stressful, inability to make friends and the like. And while I’ve made huge strides on these and have some small social life now, I still can’t quite be natural in social situations, and everything I’ve learned just vanishes the moment I get tired or stressed.
I suspect this is some particularly insidious form of self-sabotage, but I find my desire to make friends and connect with people increasingly frequently at war with a far more urgent one for everyone to just leave me the hell alone.
I apologise for venting on your blog. It’s just that I’ve hit a wall, and am truly sick of battering myself against it.
Hi Cat, first off I am glad that you felt comfortable expressing your personal concerns. As my coaching practice would quickly show, you are not alone. Many have a similar struggle and uncovering the cause can be almost impossible to do alone. We are cause and effect based beings. The trouble is that very often people try to treat the effect instead of the cause. One example would be the current epidemic of depression. They treat it as if it was the cause when in reality, it is the effect of something else. In other words, they should be trying to figure out what is causing the depression.
Social anxiety is an effect that can be caused by any number of things. But there is also another aspect to consider. Some people are just hard wired to need more alone time than others (or alone with just one other person). A social person is uncomfortable when they are alone and they feel refreshed when they are surrounded by people. A more solitary person feels refreshed when they are alone and can easily get uncomfortable when surrounded by people. It would be stressful for someone who leans toward the solitary side to try and become a social butterfly simply because they are not wired for it. They can adapt to a degree, but overexposure will cause internal tension. Sound familiar?
If you ever want help sorting this out I would be happy to provide assistance. There is a link to my coaching site in the menu bar at the top or bottom of this page. Remember, the goal of personal development is to become the best possible version of ourselves. So getting acquainted with, and comfortable with, our true nature should be where our journey starts.
Hi Jonathan,
I’ve been learning to tune into all the ways I go into resistance when going for a goal/personal development. There are so many and they are often so subtle I don’t even notice them! Internal conflict is a big one for me.
Val@Holistic MindBody Healing recently posted..Sep 11, Pain Relief (Groundbreaking F.R.E.E. Event)
Hi Val, at least you are aware of some of these issues and that puts you way ahead of the curve. I have based all of my work on the need to create internal harmony as a first and foundational step for all personal growth. In my book TRUE SELF the whole process of creating internal harmony is covered in detail within the first section. There are several written exercises that help anyone discover their core values and passions and then harmonize those with their choices in life. This is the key to eliminating internal conflict once and for all.