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67 Ways to Make Him Feel Super Respected

make him feel super respected

Men and women have many of the same needs, but they tend to be weighted differently. In relationships, we all want to feel loved and respected. However the way that is accomplished is somewhat gender specific. It’s the Mars, Venus syndrome.

When a man feels respected by his mate, it actually makes him want to become a better person. When it comes to relationships, feeling respected is a huge issue for most men. So, while some of the items on this list are very similar to the ones found in 65 Ways to Make Her feel Special, you will notice that the list leans more toward feeling respected rather than toward feeling loved. Realize that for a man, feeling respected is basically synonymous with feeling loved.

In relationships, most men are easily encouraged. Your approval is a powerful motivator and applying some of these simple steps will yield great results. If you want to encourage him in a positive direction, helping him to feel respected in the key.

1. Communicate with him in a way that leaves him feeling respected.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Try to understand his reasons, even when you disagree.
4. Ask for his help even if you don’t actually need it.
5. Let go of the small stuff.
6. Tell him you love and respect him, and that you like him.
7. Give him some space for his hobbies.
8. Show him that you respect him and trust him.
9. When you go out together don’t bring up problems.
10. Focus your attention on what he’s doing right.
11. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
12. Be happy and positive when he comes home.
13. Give him half an hour to unwind after work.
14. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully.
15. Defend him to any family member who tries to dishonor him.
16. Compliment his efforts above his performance.
17. Seek his advice when you face challenges.
18. Set and work on goals together.
19. Don’t over commit yourself, leave some time for him.
20. Be forgiving when he unintentionally offends you.
21. Find ways to show him you need him. Guys need to be needed.
22. Don’t fill his every spare moment with chores.
23. Peel away your pride and admit your mistakes.
24. Rub his neck and shoulders when he is stressed.
25. If he wants to talk, listen and ask viewpoint questions.
26. Express appreciation for his hard work.
27. Tell him you are proud of him for the person he is.
28. Give advice in a loving way; do not in a nag him.
29. Reserve some energy for him when he wants you sexually.
30. Don’t expect him to spend all his time on honey do projects.
31. Commend him for being a good man.
32. Brag about him to other people even when he’s not there.
33. Share your feelings with him but keep it abbreviated.
34. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
35. Honor him and show your respect in front of everyone.
36. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to.
37. Be his helper in whatever ways he needs it.
38. Accept that sometimes he just wants to be with you and not talk.
39. When he’s in a bad mood don’t crowd him.
40. Help him accomplish his goals.
41. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
42. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
43. Thank him for things he’s done around the house.
44. Don’t expect him to always notice everything you do.
45. Consult him before making important plans.
46. Let him sleep in when there’s room for it.
47. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical with him.
48. Initiate sex periodically but be responsive more often.
49. Get to the point in your discussions without endless details.
50. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out together.
51. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he misspeaks.
52. Don’t quarrel over words, try to hear what he meant to say.
53. Be kind and courteous with him.
54. Don’t blame him every time things go wrong.
55. When he blows it don’t say, “I told you so.”
56. Never argue over money, he already feels responsible.
57. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him.
58. Praise his good decisions and minimize the bad ones.
59. Don’t expect him to read your mind, we’re not that smart.
60. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff.
61. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
62. When you’re angry don’t give him the silent treatment.
63. Look your best for him and make him proud to be seen with you.
64. Be his best cheer leader, he needs you to believe in him.
65. Acknowledge his successes in areas of everyday life.
66. Patiently teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
67. Thank him for just being himself.

A few important points to keep in mind

This is not a list of rules and the purpose of this list in not to encourage a one-sided relationship. These are only suggestions for those who want to make their man feel respected and find it difficult to understand how a man’s emotional anchors work.

I know this is a long list and it would be absurd to think that all these things are required to help your mate feel respected. If they are, then there is a deeper issue that is not being addressed. So, if you are looking for ways to help him feel more respected, I suggest that you just pick out a few items that resonate with you and give them a try. If you are uncomfortable with some (or all) of these suggestions, or if they make you feel inferior, fake, or stifled, then don’t use them. It is entirely up to you!

Vive la difference!

One of the deepest human needs is the desire for approval. Feeling respected helps fill that desire for both men and women on a core level. Because a rich and rewarding relationship is a two way street, it’s advantageous if both participants have some understanding of what it takes to satisfy the needs of their partner. That’s why I also wrote: Get Him to Treat You with More Love and Respect and 65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special. You see, very often partners don’t have a clue how life looks from the other persons viewpoint. The purpose of these articles is simply to provide a little insight and perspective into the Mars, Venus syndrome, and to build some appreciation for our somewhat mysterious gender specific differences.

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Ladies, want to know how to rewire your man’s brain so he will pay more attention to you and start treating you better? You’ll want to read this article.

141 Comments

  1. Celes May 24, 2009 Reply

    Wow, what an extensive list Jonathan! I’m stumbling this as well. Do they also come from personal experience, by any chance? :D I chuckled at #59 on mind-reading – that’s a common cause of many arguments between males and females!

    • Jonathan May 25, 2009 Reply

      You are so right Celes, If only we could those minds. All the more reason to pay careful attention to the clues.

      • Regina July 22, 2012 Reply

        I think a lot of men say they aren’t ‘mind-readers’ so they can avoid taking responsibility for being insensitive. Sometimes, however, it is a result of the woman’s unrealistic and unspoken expectations that cause conflict and in this scenario, I whole-heartedly agree. It is our responsibility to speak up.
        Interestingly, however, I’m in a situation with a man I love and I feel like he loves me too but he won’t say it. He treats me very well, is physically affectionate, great with my daughter but he will not tell me he loves me. In fact, he never talks about his feelings at all. I’ve told him many times that I have no idea how he feels about me because he never says anything. His response is usually, “I’m sorry you don’t feel like I care about you but I do.” and that’s about as far as we get. I’m really not sure how to respond to that. I refuse to tell him how I feel because I don’t want to pressure him into a response. I want him to take his time and say it when he means it but we’ve been dating about three and a half months and I just kind of wonder, if he doesn’t feel it now, will he? I don’t want to look back on this in year and think I wasted my time with someone who can’t love me.

        • Jonathan July 25, 2012 Reply

          Hi Regina, sadly many men grow up in a situation where they never hear the words “I love you” come out of a man’s mouth. Subconsciously they may have formed the belief that it is unmanly to talk about their feelings. I wouldn’t be surprised if his father and grandfather were the same way. He may even want to say it but just feels too uncomfortable because of this family pattern.

  2. kate smedley May 25, 2009 Reply

    there are some really good points in this, some I’d never have thought of, thank you!

    • Jonathan May 25, 2009 Reply

      Hi Kate, I think most guys felt the same way about “65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special.” We just think differently and that’s where these little reminders can really help.

  3. Mark Lewis May 25, 2009 Reply

    If you are him, make sure she sees you reading this ;-)

  4. Stephen May 25, 2009 Reply

    Jonathan, there are so many good things in here. This is great advice. I think one of the biggest problems both men and women have but women especially is not accepting that men and women think very differently. They expect men to think like them and when they don’t it upsets them. Watching a male and female brains do the same kinds of tasks often show very different patterns. I think most people don’t dispute this but fail to internalize it and accept the practical consequences. So I would add the following:

    68: Show him you understand his mind doesn’t work the same way as yours and it’s OK.

    • Jonathan May 25, 2009 Reply

      That’s an excellent point Stephen. Dr. John Gray, bestselling author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, certainly had it right. But as you said, understanding a concept in your head is only the first step. We need to make that awareness live in the day to day.

    • rose cadorna April 7, 2012 Reply

      I like this part.

      59. Don’t expect him to read your mind, we’re not that smart.

      huh! we women usually want men to get what we think, but it really can’t be

    • julliette October 10, 2012 Reply

      That is one thing I would like to say to men I have met. Please do not expect me to read your mind. You have to be open and honest with me for me to understand.

      • julliette October 10, 2012 Reply

        I do agree with the list. I have naturally used the list just with instinct.
        I think people who learn to communicate better with each other and understand the differences in men and women can communicate better and meet each others needs.

  5. Steven Aitchison May 25, 2009 Reply

    I have to say my wife does all or most of this, I will need to go back and read your post on how to treat women. I am one of the lucky ones.

    Great post Jonathan.

    • Jonathan May 25, 2009 Reply

      Congratulations Steve! Now, don’t forget to tell her how much you appreciate her.

  6. Rocket Bunny May 25, 2009 Reply

    Hi Jonathan,
    I think you covered it all. I have gone as far as to learn somethings about his work – graphic design is part of it. This is so when he winds down we can have a comfortable conversation about what he has been working on most of the day and night. This really makes it nice to understand it.
    When it comes to the getting up and going to bed at the same time issue.:) It is a good thing we have the jobs we do or this would be a huge issue.
    Great work- will stumble!
    Thank you

    • Jonathan May 25, 2009 Reply

      Hi Bunny, good job. I know how hard the going to bed and getting up together thing can be. My wife likes a little alone time late at night, and I like mine early in the morning. So we all do the best we can.

  7. Rocket Bunny May 25, 2009 Reply

    He let me sleep in this morning- he is so fantastic!!!

  8. Robin Easton May 25, 2009 Reply

    This is a great list — another I shall print out. Just wonderful and so true.

    RE: “When a man has the respect of his mate, it actually makes him want to become a better person. Feeling respected is a huge issue for most men.”

    I worked this out very early on with my husband and KNOW that it works. I only worked it out because it is exactly how “I” feel. Maybe it’s not so for most women, but I’ve had men love me, tell me or think I was beautiful or sexy or fun, BUT that is not enough for me. Those things are low on my list of priorities. Not that love is a low on the priority list, but without “full-on” respect for who I am as human being, it means little to me. But then maybe that’s not real love if someone doesn’t respect/or show respect to their partner every single day. Lets just say that it’s not love lived actively.

    Anyway, I need to be completely respected for who I am, for the way I treat people, my work, my creativity, etc. I also need to be “liked” not just loved. Where I feel everyday, “Wow, this person REALLY likes me.” Now that is exciting. Then love is the amazing bonus of all of these. My husband not only love each other but we REALLY like each other and have deep respect for each other.

    I wonder if it’s because I grew up with four brothers that I relate strongly to this list of what men need. Although a feminine woman and one who also thinks like a woman, I also tend to think a lot like a man. And even in the areas where I think/act very much like a woman I so understand how my husband thinks, feels, processes differently. Now, something we each do is to teach the other to think and respond like the opposite sex. I have learned from him and he from me. So we have a lot of overlap there. And what happens is — moved beyond social conditioning — we end up finding that there is very little difference between us.

    Also, just a whimsical side: since I work at home and he works at the college, I go to the door every single morning and we hug/kiss and I stand there and wave as he drives out. I don’t do this because he expects it. I do it because it makes MY day feel more whole. We once had a question and answer session with each other, which we do a lot. And I had the first question and I ask him what was the most romantic thing I had ever done for him, and he said that the most romantic thing in his life (ever) was when I came to the door and waved bye each morning. I was stunned and deeply moved that such a simple act could fill another human being’s life. He always waves back as he drive out and we both often pull goofy faces at each and laugh. Sometimes I even do ridiculous 3 second dances in the driveway in my PJs. We’ve been together 12 years and he will still comes home, walks in the door laughing and say, “All day I kept laughing over you standing in the driveway doing a goofy dance. It made my whole day.” Life is short Jonathan so I have to dance NOW.

    Thank you SO much Jonathan. This whole post moved me deeply.

    • Jonathan May 25, 2009 Reply

      Thanks Robin, most people don’t realize how showing respect for others not only encourages the same in return, but it can actually change the dynamic of all our relationships. One of the deepest human needs is the need for approval. Respect fills that need on a very special level and encourages us to act in ways that will live up to that respect. As I said in the article, it actually makes us want to become a better person. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.

    • Carol October 8, 2011 Reply

      I totally agree with Robin. Respect and liking each other is most important. Love naturally grows in this environment.

      Thanks, Robin, I’m going to add the “dance” to my repertoire!

  9. Matt Clark May 26, 2009 Reply

    Great tie into your last post, 65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special. It is these reminders and the actions we take towards or relationships that reap huge rewards in our happiness and the happiness of the people around us. Well worth the read!

    • Jonathan May 26, 2009 Reply

      Hey Matt, you are so right. Reminders really do help us stay pointed in the right direction. And as you said, it’s what we do with the reminders that’s really important.

  10. Kikolani May 26, 2009 Reply

    I think my husband would disagree on #33… one of the things that I love about him is he always wants to know what I’m fully feeling. I try to get away with a simple, short answer, or no details at all, but he always wants to know what is really going on inside my head. I don’t mean on the small stuff, like the 101 ways this shade of pink does not go with that one, but on bigger issues. Every guy is different.

    Respecting your man and bragging about him are definitely two important things. I really can’t help but brag about my hubby, and I think if you are someone who really appreciates the positive things your guy does, that part will come easily.

    Great list!

    ~ Kristi

    • Jonathan May 26, 2009 Reply

      Hi Kristi, In #33 I simply meant to keep the length of the explanation abbreviated, not the depth. When there are deeper issues involved, we should never bury them. For example, when a husband senses that there is something not quite right, he needs to know. He doesn’t (or shouldn’t) want to hear that nothing’s wrong if something is wrong, that’s just frustrating. On the other hand, if he is exhausted, keeping the explanation within reasonable bounds is a real kindness. Good communication is one of the cornerstones of a meaningful relationship.

    • Michelle November 27, 2011 Reply

      @Kikolani, I could not agree with you more. I experience the same thing. A simple answer to “what’s on your mind” is not acceptable. He honestly wants to know details. I am very appreciative of this because he is not just asking to be polite. It shows that he genuinely cares about what I am thinking and how I am feeling. It’s just one more of his behaviors that reinforces that I am a priority and that warms my heart.

  11. Evita May 26, 2009 Reply

    Hello Jonathan!

    This is very beautiful indeed! I can imagine it will be a great little resource for many women out there! And I love the fact that there was one for men too.

    It really does come down I think, no matter what we do to always really respect each other. Some people get “comfortable” and think it is okay to do some things to their partner that they would never do to an enemy…but with a conscious mind I believe we can all transform our relationships into blissful love stories!

    • Jonathan May 26, 2009 Reply

      Hi Evita, thanks for joining the conversation. I agree with everything you said. When people let go of respect it’s a choice (a bad choice). When we cherish and respect each other, that too is a choice. One choice brings pain and the other brings blessings. I vote for the blissful love story choice.

  12. Amit May 27, 2009 Reply

    Fantastic List. I like number 17. I like feeling useful and being able to listen and offer advice often empowers me. It works both ways though.

    • Jonathan May 27, 2009 Reply

      Hi Amit, I like that one also. There is something really satisfying about having your mate seek out your advice. I think “feeling useful” is exactly what it is, thanks.

  13. Frank J May 28, 2009 Reply

    I know there’s one missing, and that’s fishing together as fishing buddies. It’s the times you share the same interests that have the most fondest memories. The flip side is, if she catches more than you or catches the bigger fish, there could be some digs here and there.

    All in fun!

    • Jonathan May 28, 2009 Reply

      Point well taken Frank. I’m not a fisherman but my wife and I have many common interests that have led to lots shared experiences over the years. These are indeed some of our fondest memories. At one point we spent our summers hang gliding together. Sometimes I would have a short flight only to look up and see here at 8,000 feet having a great time. That’s like the bigger fish thing.

      • Frank J May 28, 2009 Reply

        So true and some what the same on a different level, no pun intended.

  14. Ching Ya May 29, 2009 Reply

    Wow..can’t believe I’ve read it all, but I found most of the time I’m nodding all the way through. Marriage sure taught me a lot on how different men/women are from each other. I learned #38 only after marriage, and knowing it’s perfectly normal for men just be quiet at times, not talking much. ^^ Men/Women supposed to be different, that’s how 2 souls can become 1, amending to each others need.

    Ching Ya
    social media/blogging

    • Jonathan February 8, 2011 Reply

      Hi Ching Ya, handled correctly and with understanding and compassion, those differences will complement each other. Sadly, we all know what happens when those differences are not viewed with appreciation and respect.

  15. Rose September 8, 2010 Reply

    This was really a great list but I couldn’t help but laugh at Tell him that you love him & like him. well I hope if you love him, you like him. Is there a need to say I like you? lol

    • Jonathan September 9, 2010 Reply

      Hi Rose, you would hope that love and like would always go hand in hand, but sadly they don’t. Many couples claim to love each other but don’t really act very likable toward one another. I think it’s important to keep the “like” alive and that’s why I added the reminder.

  16. Candice S. September 23, 2010 Reply

    It’s important to respect a man and appreciate the good qualities he has and not take him for granted. Women want men to compliment them, but it’s important to make the man feel special or valued too. Give genuine compliments not something fake or made up. Be yourself and express how you truly feel about him. Men are no different than women and they want to feel special too. Respect is so important to a man and if a woman constantly complains and takes a man for granted, it’s like saying you don’t like them for who they are. Although, men may not always have the right words or properly express themselves verbally but they get hurt too if a woman is critical and such.
    I like the list because it tells people to respect the man and reminds some women that men got feelings too.

  17. Veronica M December 14, 2010 Reply

    This is an excellent list. Thanks for sharing.

    • Jonathan February 19, 2011 Reply

      Hello Veronica, I am really glad you liked it.

  18. Mallory April 21, 2011 Reply

    I have been trying all of this for what seems to be a long time, but get nothing in return. My husband is constantly finding every little thing I do wrong, along with my kids. I could count the hours on my two hands that he has spent with our kids and family in the past year. He comes home, and plays video games, listens to music, and asks me not to ask him to do anything on the weekends (which he says no to, even if I do). I am running out of steam, and it’s getting harder and harder to smile and put on respect for a man who acts like he could care less if we were gone.

    • Jonathan April 21, 2011 Reply

      Hi Mallory, I can sense your frustration and I truly feel for you. To say that a one sided relationship is a difficult challenge would be putting it mildly considering all that is involved. There are things that you can do to encourage your marriage toward a solution on your own, but in the long run it takes two to make a marriage work. So let’s look at some options.

      You have probably already expressed your feelings to your husband, but if not, this would be the place to start. Try to find a way to convey your feelings and concerns without assigning blame. The last response you want from him is defensiveness, so acknowledge that it’s a shared responsibility and tell him that you want to work on it together as a couple. Then do everything you can to open the lines of communication in a non-accusatory way.

      Amy Waterman is a relationship crisis specialist whose strategies can help even if you are struggling to communicate with your spouse and you are the only one who wants to work on It. Her program is called Save My Marriage Today and she has helped hundreds of marriages recover from situations similar to yours. The investment is minimal when you consider what’s a stake here. Besides, at this point you really can’t afford to waste another moment on ineffective methods that cause your relationship more harm than good.

      I hope this information proves helpful and encouraging for you. Please keep me posted on your progress.

      One more thing Mallory. I want to commend you for your efforts to show respect for your husband even under these challenging circumstances. That says a lot about the kind of person you are and how much you value your marriage.

      • Mallory April 21, 2011 Reply

        I have gone to counseling with him and we quit going because it caused more problems. I have gone alone and proceeded with caution on more than one occasion to discuss issues. I have even told him if it’s all me, to tell me what I can do differently. He was told by our counselor that he had a lot of hostility (we took this test that was created by some psychiatric association) based on his scores.

        I don’t feel like I am all wrong for wanting a little of his time once a week. I have expressed this nicely, and when I’ve reached my boiling point, I’ve come across not so nicely…in which case I ALWAYS apologize for my disrespect. I try to smile, tell him I believe in him, love him, and value his insight…along with everything on this list! I continue to feel hurt and alone…especially when he tells me that every relationship is this way.

        Our daughters are 3 and 6 and I can’t tell you the last time he said “I love you” or “how was your day?” or showed interest in anything they are or are about. I try to have them be quiet when he’s home, and feel like we’re walking on egg shells. Our 3 year old asked him for a hug (she hasn’t had one in probably a year…NO joke) and he told her no. She started to cry and his face was blank. He acts as if he doesn’t care that he’s crushing us.

        I get envious when I go to our 6 year olds t-ball practice because pretty much all of the dads are there, involved and cheering their kids on, and my husband is at home playing video games.

        We have an 8 month old baby boy, and my husband pays attention to him.

        I feel like a single mom, and I keep our problems in the marriage for the most part. I have a few trusted confidants that I can go to, to vent.

        I have left four times, but he always has an “Aha!” moment where he realizes all that he has done wrong, and fixes it for a couple months. I will get letters, emails, phone calls and hear everything I want to hear, until one day, the light bulb burns out again. I don’t have to tell my family anything, they see how weird our girls act around my husband, and how he’s not involved.

        I’m just rambling. Thank you.

        • Jonathan April 21, 2011 Reply

          Sorry that you are going through such a tough time Mallory. Like I said in my last response, it takes two to make a marriage work. Your husband may be saying that he wants it to work, but his actions and attitude seem to be sending a different message. My guess is that he is unhappy with himself and unwilling to take personal responsibility for those feelings, so he blames others and tries to convince them that everything is their fault. This is a path that leads to a lonely and unhappy life. Accepting personal responsibility is the only way a person in this kind of mindset can breakout of such a destructive cycle.

  19. Mallory April 21, 2011 Reply

    Thank you Jonathan. I feel bad for venting all over your blog. I also realize it wasn’t a respectable thing to do. However, I know that I am a respectful wife most of the time, and that it’s not all my fault. I know that I am willing to work on things, and do whatever it takes. I’m just not so sure about the other party. You’re right, he may be left feeling lonely and bitter at the world if he continues down the path of self-righteousness. Thanks for your insight, and take care.

    • Jonathan April 22, 2011 Reply

      Now worries Mallory, that’s why I am here. It might be time to start building yourself up so you can deal with whatever comes next. It’s possible that some of the tactics being used on you are just an effort to control you by keeping you off balance. That’s a pretty common scenario in cases like this. The stronger and more resourceful you are the harder it will be to manipulate your feelings.

    • Georgia July 1, 2012 Reply

      Sounds suspiciously like my ex partner who i now realize after 15 years it is entirely possible he has narcissistic personality disorder. Look into it with the help of your psychologist. They are so cunning they can manipulate professionals as well. You have to be harsh with him if so like eg. be like a strict parent with rules and strict time limits etc. i know it seems ridiculous but if you are in love with him it will be too hard to leave him. A psychologist who SPECIALIZES in this DISORDER ONLY will be your best chance to help you with this situation (that’s if he actually has this) You need strategies from a highly skilled professional if that is even possible. Good luck and I hope he doesn’t have NPD but I doubt it.

  20. Stephanie May 15, 2011 Reply

    This list seems rather extensive and demanding, and requires a lot of patience on part of the woman. It seems as if following through with these things also interfere with my pride as a woman. To suppress my complaints and be submissive and encouraging seems like a stifling position. Shouldn’t these qualities come naturally? And what doesn’t come naturally, shouldn’t it be left alone? To follow instructions, to me, it seems a bit fake. These are methods of flattery, but perhaps its important to also include that women need to be respected in similar ways as well.

    • Jonathan May 21, 2011 Reply

      Hi Stephanie, First of all, these are only suggestions for those who want to make their man feel respected. Whether you choose to apply them or not is entirely up to you. If they aren’t motivated by love and therefore feel fake or stifling then don’t use them. A rich and rewarding relationship is a two way street and both participants should at least be aware of what it takes to satisfy the needs of their partner. That’s why I also wrote 65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special. You see, very often partners don’t have a clue about how life looks from the other persons viewpoint. These two lists were designed to provide some insight.

  21. missy July 8, 2011 Reply

    I been reading a lot about how to help my relationship with my boyfriend of 5yrs. We have a 1yr old and I feel like he doesn’t care about me and doesn’t feel the need to give me respect. I feel lonely and hurt and I kinda feel jealous at times cause I only see him on weekends and he doesn’t give me much attention and when our daughter finally goes to bed he goes to bed instead of spending time with me. What am I doing wrong he says I have no common sense, I can’t communicate with him. Every time I try to tell him how I feel he gets mad and starts arguing with me and recently he contacted some girl and he said he did it because he was mad at me but yet he won’t tell me what I did. I felt so hurt that he would even think of doing that behind my back and lie to my face and all I ask him is to be truthful to me I don’t go behind his back and lie so why does he feel the need to hurt me so badly and put me down? He says he loves me and wants to get married. It’s been 5yrs now and no engagement ring. He only tells me he wants to marry me when I catch him in a lie. I’m sorry for babbling on about this confusing relationship of mine but I truly love him and need some answers please help thanks

    • Jonathan July 11, 2011 Reply

      Hi Missy, in my opinion, your relationship is not going to get better without some help. Go back to the yellow box at the bottom of the article and click the Learn more link. Amy Waterman is a pro at helping relationships overcome seemingly insurmountable obstacles, even when only on mate wants to make it work. I recommend her because she has helped thousands of couples repair their broken relationships. Don’t procrastinate or it may be too late.

  22. Fran July 11, 2011 Reply

    Thank you so much for such good reminders. We can so easily be unaware of forgetting the little things, especially over time as both in a relationship can become so familiar and used to their company. I will print this off, and as a young christian woman in a relationship, seek to put all this into practice with my very loving boyfriend who is much better at remembering such things than me!

    • Jonathan July 11, 2011 Reply

      Hi Fran, we all forget to do these thing from time to time. The important thing is that when we realize it, usually by way of reminders, we make the adjustment. I’ve been with the same wonderful woman for almost 28 years and we still need reminders.

  23. sozy August 28, 2011 Reply

    my problem is lately or more often than not i find myself being so angry at him that at first it may seem to be for nothing but when i think about it, its the little important things he does not do, after reading the article i realize that yesterday i was upset with him over his words.. i will be traveling this week for two weeks for work and i suggested we spend and sacrifice as much time as we can before that n his response that that would not be likely to happen because he has to work for most of the weekend really upset me because i was expecting a lot more than that, and when there was a chance to see him luckily because i had to go to his house to pick my purse and shoes that i left in his car. For most of the ride back home i could not talk to him and just had this anger against him inside me, i didn’t like the feeling but it was there.. right now I’ve bin awake for an hour since 3 a.m because it is bugging me..haven’t heard from him since dropping me off home.

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Sounds pretty one sided Sozy. Maybe it’s time to reevaluate your relationship.

  24. Simone November 4, 2011 Reply

    Lately I realised that my boyfriend of nearly 7 months is drifting. Thank you for this list, I’ll practise some of these and see how it goes.

  25. Cailin November 5, 2011 Reply

    it’s a nice article to read. and initially gives enlightment and sounds incredibly simple. but then, when you think about it, you can seen that it was written by a man :)

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Hi Cailin, relationships are never simple, but they don’t need to be as difficult as some people make them. Yes, it was written by a man, but who else would understand what it takes to make a man feel respected? To most women it’s a mystery. Just like it’s a mystery to most men what it takes to make a woman feel special. This one was also written by a man, see if you agree with these 65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special.

  26. Anne November 5, 2011 Reply

    Hi,

    I am doing an essay for my Language and Gender course at uni in which I will study sexism on the internet. Just wondered if I could use this article?

    Thanks in advance!

  27. Lisa November 21, 2011 Reply

    Hi Jonathan,

    If I follow this list, will my husband not take me for granted? I noticed that whenever I am extremely nice and behave like the perfect wife, my husband always expects more and seems to find more faults. But when I am a bit mean at times and juggle it with being nice, he seems to appreciate me more and respect me equally. I believe you have to be true with your self and let him know how you feel, I will be nice to my husband and treat him with respect but not become a fool and grow his ego, I noticed women who are always following this list (My mum) always have their relationship broken as they believe that you need them in order to survive. I show my husbands that I am independent but love him, therefore I treat him how I would treat myself.

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Hi Lisa, the situation you described is not uncommon (unfortunately). Guys who take the love and kindness of their mate for granted suffer from a lack of genuine appreciation. These are the type that “never knew what they had until they lost it.” If you can find a balance that keeps you from being taken for granted then he hasn’t left you much choice. In my opinion, he’s got a lot of growing up to do and he is lucky to have you.

  28. jessica November 30, 2011 Reply

    how about when he is a marine and in service….

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Jessica, he is still a guy and respect still means a lot to him.

  29. Nina November 30, 2011 Reply

    Hi Jonathan,
    Just came across your website in search of answers to why my man got tired of my man praises. He has a very stressful and risky job and sometimes he fusses a lot so I try to say nice things to make his day better. I tell him that he’s the best at whatever he does. I tell him that he’s my baby and that I can’t wait to give him a hug. I don’t compliment him everyday but, I do enough. At times I think he enjoys my compliments and then there are other times that I think he doesn’t care for them. I’m trying to be his cheerleader but it’s like he doesn’t understand that I trying to give him encouragement and support.

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Hi Nina, rather than complement him, try telling him how much you respect him and tell him why. If you over compliment him he ma feel like you are patronizing him, or he may feel embarrassed.

  30. Sarah December 9, 2011 Reply

    One more thing– laugh at all his jokes in front of his boss, friends, family… Even if you have heard them before.

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Hi Sarah, for some, that might be a lot to ask. :)

  31. sza-sza December 12, 2011 Reply

    Hmmmmmmmmm? Is there a list that tell men how to care for a woman? Do you ever tell a man to converse with his wife even if he doesn’t feel like it? If there is a list, men are not goggling it, guaranteed!

  32. Dolores December 20, 2011 Reply

    I’ve read the aritcle on how toy make your woman feel special and i read this one and it has been a big eye opener to me, because my boyfriend is lacking in about 90% of the things listed that i need and im lacking in less than 5% of the things it says men need but he doesnt seem to be a man that wants any of the things i do for him (from the list and more), i just dont get it :(

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Hi Dolores, There are two facts about relationships that we all need to accept and sometimes that can be difficult.
      1) It takes two to make a relationship work.
      2) It only takes one to ruin a relationship.

      You can’t do it all, that is not a relationship. You might consider having your man read 65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special. That way he will see exactly what you would like from him. If knowing your feelings doesn’t wake him up then you need to honest about what that indicates. If it does wake him up then his actions should make that obvious.

  33. ryan December 21, 2011 Reply

    This is exactly spot on. If my girlfriend did all of this I would be so happy. The only thing i would add is that guys love the girls to make them feel like they can look after them and this is done with me by my girlfriend curling up with me and snuggling into me. Guys also like to feel that they are more special than any other guy or the girls friends. This is done by making more of an effort to spend time with him and if there’s the option to spend time with her friends going out for dinner or going out for dinner the guy, he would love you to choose him over your friends. This is something my girlfriend sometimes fails to do :)

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Thanks Ryan for sharing your thoughts with us.

  34. Barbie December 25, 2011 Reply

    Hey some one give me advice, My husband wants me to wink at him but i’m too shy and we don’t meet we talk online on video call and he wants me wink at him through video could someone give me advice!

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Wink at him Barbie, it will make him feel special and if you are really that shy, it will probably do you some good also. :)

  35. Barbie January 1, 2012 Reply

    But I just cant get that confident to wink at him. any tips for such kind of confidence?

    • Jonathan January 1, 2012 Reply

      Practice in the mirror and make a game out of it. He is your husband and he has asked this simple thing of you. It’s not like there is a chance that you will be rejected or look foolish. I think you are making it a bigger thing than it really is in your mind. Try turning it into a game and have fun with it. If that doesn’t work then just feel the fear and do it anyway. Really, what’s the worst thing that can happen?

  36. Barbie January 1, 2012 Reply

    im just too much shy and i dont like! thanks! also another thing , what is the major thing that a husband looks in a wife that can make a wife ‘the besst wife’??

    • Jonathan January 3, 2012 Reply

      Each husband is different Barbie. The best way to answer that question is to ask your husband. :)

  37. kate January 3, 2012 Reply

    why are the lists different? it would be great if there was just one list, a combination of both of these, titled “67 ways to make your partner feel loved and respected”

    • Jonathan January 3, 2012 Reply

      Hi Kate, the lists are different because men and women have different emotional rules for feeling loved. Failing to recognize this fact is the main reason why women can’t understand how to make their man feel respected (the way he interprets love) and the reason men are confused about what it takes to make a women feel loved and appreciated.

  38. Elaina January 3, 2012 Reply

    thanks for your thoughts on this, I felt a bit struck by this article. Thanks again!

    • Jonathan January 3, 2012 Reply

      Hi Elaina, it’s important to realize that no one needs to do all of these. To feel unstuck, just pick out a few that resonate with you and give them a try.

  39. k January 4, 2012 Reply

    36. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to.
    46. Let him sleep in when he can.

    >> I don’t understand. This looks like a one-way street: obviously he’s not letting her sleep in, and he’s not getting up with her. I don’t get it?

    Maybe if I saw the complementary list from the woman’s pov this would make more sense. Right now it sounds like, “mold yourself to his every convenience and desire.”

    I don’t mean to belittle the list. “Communicate respectfully” is a basic rule of conduct that applies to every human being. Sadly, a lot of people don’t follow that rule … and since most people wind up in relationships, I guess it’s a good idea to put it on lists like this.

    I just worry that you could make a matching list for a man and wind up with two people who are pandering to each other and constantly trying to anticipate the other person’s desires … and no one in the relationship is actually being herself (or himself).

    It seems to me you only need two rules in a relationship:

    (1) express yourself clearly and respectfully.
    (2) listen.

    Love should take care of everything else.

    Peace.

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Hi K, please keep in mind that this is not a list of rules and the purpose of this list in not to encourage a one-sided relationship. These are only suggestions for those who want to make their man feel respected and find it difficult to understand how a man’s emotional anchors work. So, if you are looking for ways to boost your mate’s feelings of respect, I suggest that you just pick out a few items that resonate with you and give them a try. If you are uncomfortable with some (or all) of these suggestions, or if make you feel fake or stifled, then don’t use them. It is entirely up to you!

  40. Daisy January 11, 2012 Reply

    These seem a bit too one sided

    If he wants to talk, listen and ask viewpoint questions.
    BUT
    Share your feelings with him but KEEP IT ABBREVIATED.
    GET TO THE POINT in your discussions without endless details.

    Let him sleep in when he can.
    BUT
    Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to

    I’d give this list to my boyfriend before I gave him the woman’s list.
    Because the list leans more toward respect than toward love.
    If only men would
    “Realize that for a (wo)man, the two are basically synonymous

    • Jonathan January 17, 2012 Reply

      Hi Daisy, without a doubt both men and women need and deserve respect. And while some women will resonate with some things mentioned on this list, and possibly even be offended by others, the important thing to remember that its purpose is to provide insight into things that make most men feel respected. It is not a “should do” list. There is no “one list fits all” because we are all different and we all respond to the things that others do in our own way. My suggestion is that anyone concerned with making their man feel respected (if that seems to be lacking), simply try a few of the suggestions that feel right to you and see how it goes. If you want your boyfriend to treat you like this then by all means, show him this list instead of the one that most women resonate with. Whatever works in your situation is what you should do and the results will speak for themselves.

  41. Susan January 11, 2012 Reply

    Hi Jonathan,
    This list is really informative and will be a practical way for me to work on getting better…..I’m a happily married women of 10 years and I’m still wanting to impress and inspire my husband. He is a very good person who loves me and our three children. I like this list because it helps me to stay on top and not to get too comfortable! I would like to add one more thing to this already lengthy list and one that I feel is the most paramount….# 68. Pray together….thanking God for bringing you together. As for any challenges, goals, illness etc…prayer can only change the relationship dynamics for the better.

    • Jonathan January 17, 2012 Reply

      Thank you Susan, I am glad you recognize a wife’s potential to inspire her husband. A good wife makes her husband want to become a better person (and hopefully, a good husband has the same effect on his wife). I know that my wife has always been a source of great inspiration for me, and I have a feeling that your husband probably feels the same way.

  42. Maria January 13, 2012 Reply

    # – Never take your relationship with your partner for granted. Don’t allow yourself to get so comfortable that you begin to neglect working at the relationship and allow things to deteriorate.
    # – Build and maintain an emotional bond with him by helping him to associate positive feelings with you, such as fun and adventure. Don’t let your relationship become boring and stale. Keep things fresh by trying something new weekly (i.e., a new restaurant, a new recipe, a new adventure such as glow-in-the-dark putt putt).
    # – Be youthful, at least in attitude (*this doesn’t mean immature — it means be “alive”; “interesting”; “energetic” at least intellectually).
    # – (*Expounds on your #61) – Don’t let yourself go. Try to keep yourself in shape — NOT just for him, but for your health (and finances, since medical help isn’t cheap). Don’t let the person he fell in love with (physically, psychologically, intellectually, emotionally, etc.) disappear. Don’t let him wake up one day wondering who (WHERE) you are — now, the stranger he married.
    # – Daily remind yourself of why you love him (and why you fell in love with him) so that the stresses of life don’t tear you apart.

    • Jonathan January 17, 2012 Reply

      Hi Maria, I can see you have given this subject some careful consideration. From your contributions I would guess that you have a very rewarding relationship and that you work at it. Well done and thanks very much for your input.

  43. Daria January 17, 2012 Reply

    I think the list is a small summary of what brought women and men is such situation today! A perfect phallocratic list! The woman is “obliged” to show understanding and boost her man’s spirit! There is no balance in this list. The things mentioned above should be applied by both men and women.

    • Jonathan January 17, 2012 Reply

      Hi Daria, the purpose of this list is not to tell women what they should do. It is to provide insight into what makes a man feel respected, a topic that confuses most women. I would never presume to tell anyone what they should do. There is also another list to help men gain some insight into what makes a woman feel special, did you bother reading that list? Does it make me a feminist?

      For those who don’t recognize the word Daria used in her comment, PHALLOCRATIC means relating to, resulting from, or advocating masculine power and dominance.

      Lists like this are not the problem. The problem comes from assuming that men and women think the same and respond to attempts to make them feel loved in the same way. Nothing could be further from the truth. Clearly, confusion coupled with wrong assumptions and conclusions are at the heart of the problem.

  44. mickie January 22, 2012 Reply

    I’m impressed, I must say. Rarely do I encounter a blog that’s both educational and entertaining, and let me inform you, you’ve hit the nail on the head. Your thought process is outstanding; this difficulty is something that not enough people are talking intelligently about. I am very thankful that I stumbled across this in my search for information on this subject.

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Thank you so much Mickie, I am truly grateful for your encouragement. :)

  45. Jessica January 22, 2012 Reply

    I think this list has some great pointers, however I feel like it’s a list to show him that you worship the ground he walks on and will do whatever he wants when he wants it. Some of these things would make me feel inferior. I think men should go out of their way to try and respect their mates as well…

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Hi Jessica, I also feel that men should go out of their way to try and respect their mates and that is why I also wrote 65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special. Clearly, both partners deserve the respect of on another, the point is that men and women have a somewhat different way of feeling respected. These are only suggestions for those who want to make their man feel respected and find it difficult to understand how a man’s emotional anchors work. If you are uncomfortable with some (or all) of these suggestions, or if they make you feel inferior, fake or stifled, then don’t use them. It is entirely up to you!

  46. Gatha January 27, 2012 Reply

    Ok i must say almost everything mentioned is true especially with our African men, they are like lions, you never know whats in their head but tread carefully around them. Great advice.

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Interesting bit of cultural insight Gatha, thanks for sharing.

  47. Thalia January 27, 2012 Reply

    This is an impressive list. It’s all true & I’ve bookmarked it for future use. I have found a man who deserves to feel respected, needed, and appreciated & I want him to know it!

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Thank you Thalia, I hope he is just as anxious to meed your needs as you are to meet his. If so, it will be great.

  48. April January 30, 2012 Reply

    I started finding ways to show my husband the respect that he deserves a couple of years ago and it has changed our marriage. I was a control freak and wanted to be involved in every decision and really wanted everything my way because I was right and there was no other possibility. I have changed and let go of all of those things and now I have an incredible peace. My husband has been changed as well and loves me in ways he never could before. This is a great list and will thrill your husband if you can try implementing a good number of these in your relationship.

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Congratulations April, when we make positive changes in ourselves it enhances the way we interact with others and they will generally respond in a positive way. Thank you for sharing your positive results with us.

  49. Cathy February 5, 2012 Reply

    As a female, I think your list is admirable and spot on and something I would like to emulate in a relationship with a male. Unfortunately real life does not always make this easy and in my case I was in a 22 year marriage to a man who was unemployed for most of this time and whilst we were raising 3 children. I (stupidly?) put up with a lot for the good of the family. After 22 years I felt very taken for granted in our relationship – my husband refused to make plans for anything. I felt like I was living in a dark cupboard with nothing to look forward to or grow with. When the marriage broke up I promised myself I would not put up with someone like that again. In my second relationship, this strategy seemed to work against me as my so-called list of “non-negotiables” were non achievable with my new partner and I lost respect for him very quickly. The trouble is I still love him terribly and I don’t know if I will ever learn to be the “right” person for him or any other man. I know I have to learn to give ground to earn a man’s trust – but it’s very hard to commit when you’re so scared of feeling ignored and taken for granted again.

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Hi Cathy, even though this list focuses on ways to fill a man’s need to feel respected, a rich and rewarding relationship is a two way street. Both participants should at least be aware of what it takes to satisfy the needs of their partner and do their best to meet those needs. If your husband isn’t willing to do that then that is a shortcoming on his part, not yours. We all make some compromises for the good of the relationship, but the willingness to so needs to be mutual and balanced.

  50. Jaymee February 23, 2012 Reply

    This is a very long list! Does it really take all that for a MAN? And in a world of imperfection can we really SUPER RESPECT some one??? I notice all these rule for women but shouldn’t respect be earn and reciprocated? Number 43 and 44 are a bit contradictory. How can I respect someone who I thank for everything they do around the house (#43) and in return expect that they don’t take notice of the things I do (#44). The sad thing about this list is, for far to many years women have been doing these things and sacrificing themselves. Within your own list there isn’t any equality in the relationship structure. It shouldn’t take so much to show respect. LOVE, COMMUNICATION, INTEGRITY, HONESTY = RESPECT. A MAN doesn’t need to be commended or rewarded at all times. A REAL MAN knows his worth!

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Hi Jaymee, this is not a list of rules and the purpose of this list in not to encourage a one-sided relationship. These are only suggestions for those who want to make their man feel respected and find it difficult to understand how a man’s emotional anchors work.

      I know this is a long list and it would be absurd to think that all these things are required to help your mate feel respected. If they are, then there is a deeper issue that is not being addressed. So, if you are looking for ways to boost your mate’s feelings of respect, I suggest that you just pick out a few items that resonate with you and give them a try. If you are uncomfortable with some (or all) of these suggestions, or if make you feel fake or stifled, then don’t use them. It is entirely up to you!
      For the flipside see 65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special.

  51. Thalia February 24, 2012 Reply

    Men don’t receive the same amount of validation & compliments that women do. Women tend to boost the egos of their female friends. If you don’t want to praise your guy, if your guy doesn’t make you feel special enough to warrant your verbal praise, well…maybe you’ve got the wrong one.

    • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

      Interesting observation Thalia, thanks for sharing your thoughts with us.

      • Thalia February 24, 2012 Reply

        My guy has stated outright that he has never received as many compliments from a woman like he has experienced from me & that he really likes it. He has also stated that he wants to be appreciated when he does something special. I found this list after he told me those things. I am in his corner & he knows it. I am his greatest fan & I want him to know I’m super proud of him. HE wants to know it! I don’t think his male friends are going to tell him how wonderful he is, but I will! I think your list is great!

        • Jonathan February 24, 2012 Reply

          He sounds like a very lucky guy to have you. When a man has the respect of his mate, it actually makes him want to become a better person. Your loving efforts will encourage him become the best possible version of himself.

  52. asiya March 3, 2012 Reply

    as a wife i have to say only one word “thanks”

  53. Barbie March 3, 2012 Reply

    hi I wanted to say something, me and my husband had a love marriage and we still are far apart from each other due to some problems he lives in another country and I live in a another country but we talk on skype all the time. recently he said to me when we are together after around 2-3 years i think we r going to have sex once a week. i didnt like it but can u tell me what he meant and why?

  54. Sarah March 11, 2012 Reply

    This list is really good, I like that it’s really practical. I am a working woman, married, with children, and I try to make a conscious effort to show my hubby that I respect and love him. One thing he’s told me that he really likes is when I come to the door to greet him when he comes home (if I am home first). I didn’t do it so often before but then he said he likes it, so I do it.
    I also try really hard to not demean him or make him feel like a little boy. I am not his mom, and I try not to nag. Never refer to him as “baby” or anything sugary-sweet sounding.
    I also try to respect what he likes in terms of clothing. Not like he chooses my outfits or anything, but I know there are certain items of clothing he really hates, so I don’t buy those. It’s not that big of a sacrifice- and I don’t think I would enjoy wearing something that I knew he really disliked.
    On the other hand, he rarely even notices if I cut my hair, so I with with that as I please. :)

  55. mary March 20, 2012 Reply

    Do guys NOT like the girl to be the initiator for sex? You say on the list to initiate once in awhile but respond more often… does that mean she should not initiate more often than he does? Just wondering. Does that put a guy off?

  56. mary March 21, 2012 Reply

    My husband and I are working on our marriage and he has been making wonderful efforts, I am doing research to learn things like you have here on this suggestion list etc. but I am still getting these crippling pains when I wake up in the morning, or when he isn’t here and i don’t know how to deal with it. He is being very loving, and obviously regrets having hurt me, but I am so struggling with the pain, and the WHY’s.

    I always thought I was a positive, happy, loving wife and tried not to be mean or criticize, but obviously I failed in that, and he says that when he would try to do something I wanted, I just wanted something more and it was never good enough. I am horrified that I made him feel that way, and determined to change my ways….let me tell you what set this all off…

    Last year or so my husband made a new friend and went to do some reno work on his house. Well, without realizing it, I had been making him feel unadmired and not good enough and this guys wife was WONDERFUL with admiring words and glances and my husband developed a HUGE crush on this woman. Instead of thinking, “uh oh, danger” he WENT with it big time, talking about her constantly, enjoying her attention, talking to her at length whenever he worked there, she would make him lunch and he would sit and eat with her, if he saw her at the school they would stop and talk for 30-60 minutes at least once a week even when he wasn’t working at her house. He would tell me her opinions on all kinds of stuff from her kids teachers to the kind of cranberry sauce she liked on her turkey. I was jealous and upset and first and told him I didn’t like it but he laughed and said I was ridiculous. Over the months I was gradually driven almost mad with fear for my marriage and how much more my husband wanted and liked this woman’s company than mine, and I didn’t know what to do. Finally I found an article written by a man who gave me some words to say, to tell him how unsafe I felt in our marriage and how much pain it was causing, and that I needed him to STOP for my very sanity… and thank God, he stopped. It was SO MUCH better for months, although of course I had a little fear in the back of my mind that it was just TALKING about it he had stopped, but I think he really was shocked by how it had hurt me and he stopped it.

    BUT 5 months later his friend (who he had kept in contact and golf with) asked him to do the floors in their kids room. Off he went back over there, assuring me it was just for the job, and not to worry. I didn’t sleep for 3 nights, so scared it would start back up again. It didn’t, and things seemed ok, until 3 months later, when he went back over there to do another reno job. Another 3 sleepless nights while I tried to pretend I trusted him and I was fine (cause he said we really needed the money). Finally I tried to calmly tell him that I needed him to find other side jobs because I am sorry but I cannot HANDLE him going over there and being alone with just her and her babies anymore, I tried, but I can’t. Well, it opened Pandora’s box. A HUGE fight that lasted weeks, with him telling me I am crazy, and don’t trust him, and finally with him explaining why he found her so compelling. I finally got the gist that it was her admiring words, her flattering attention, of course the fact that she is attractive, but what really gets me and is haunting me now, is that he told me that her husband doesn’t do stuff for her at home, “so when she needed something, she called me.” That hurts SO bad because I am not allowed to ask him to do anything. He started a job on our house and then stopped without finishing it… and when I asked him to do just one electrical outlet in the living room once in awhile he said, “why, does it bother you that none of the electrical outlets work?” I said yes and he said, GOOD. So I stopped asking him for anything and just tried to be patient and live with him not doing anything around here. And instead of being glad that I am not nagging him or asking him for more work when he works all week already, he went and found HER to NEED him for stuff so he could fill HER NEEDS, and enjoy her admiration etc. when he does it.

    If he needs someone to need him, why did he train me not to need him? Why did he train me to just let him come home and sit in his chair, and bring him dinner and drinks and everything until he goes to bed at night, and make sure I knew I wasn’t to ask for anything, and then go find another woman and enjoy the hell out of her “needing him”? It HURTS SO BAD, and even though he is trying to make up for it,and he agreed not to work for her anymore, and our marriage now feels more loving and like we are making progress, these thoughts of how happy he was in her company keep coming back to me and haunting me and I just don’t understand!

  57. Georgia July 1, 2012 Reply

    I love this list and I will only practice on someone worthy lol!

  58. Lisa July 3, 2012 Reply

    Thank you so much Jonathan! This list helped me a lot, he’s been telling me a lot lately how I need to learn how to respect him, then I found your list, guess I was doing it all wrong :P

    I printed this out and keep it in a place where I can go back and read it often, especially when I’m not sure how to react.

    Thanks again! :)

  59. Bridlington UK July 22, 2012 Reply

    This idea that men are strong and in control, need lots of respect and can handle rejection makes it really hard for sensitve men with low self esteem to get through life.

    • Jonathan July 25, 2012 Reply

      Hi Tim, in reality much of the “strong man” persona is just a protective facade designed to cover up vulnerabilities.

  60. Laura August 15, 2012 Reply

    Hi Jonathan
    I was just going through some RSS feeds to tweet tomorrow and I “bumped” into this wonderful post through another post of yours, “Get Him to Treat You with More Love and Respect”. This is such a refreshingly honest list that can help me stay on track in working diligently on our marriage. We were just talking tonight about that very subject, and here pops this information from The Universal well spring! I must admit that as much as I cherish and adore my wonderful mate, I am not as focused as I could be on making him feel 100% honored, respected and a #1 priority in my life. Over the past few days I’ve been pondering this, and I believe strongly I came to your blog specifically because I was meant to read and study what YOU have to say. Thank you Jonathan. We will be reading more!

  61. Caroline August 23, 2012 Reply

    “Never argue over money, he already feels responsible.” I don’t know if I can get on board with all of these. My ex-husband gambled away several thousands of dollars – probably even tens-of-thousands. He was a heavy drinker and a gambler. I should have tolerated much LESS of this in my marriage, rather than smiling and looking the other way.

    • Jonathan August 24, 2012 Reply

      Hi Caroline, I was referring to husbands who are trying to provide but are having some kind of financial challenge. With men like your ex, there’s probably no reason to argue either because it will just add to the frustration. If his behavior was unacceptable and he wouldn’t change then he really didn’t leave you many options. Non of these points apply to worthless bozos. They don’t deserve the effort.

  62. PJ September 26, 2012 Reply

    GREAT LIST! It can apply to both men and women. My husband does all of these things for me and I also do them for him. I need to feel Super Respected too. Men aren’t the only people that need “respect”, and women aren’t the only people that need “love”.

  63. Mary September 26, 2012 Reply

    #68. It’s not about what he’s going to do for you! It’s about serving your spouse.

  64. sweet heart October 4, 2012 Reply

    Great list! This is exactly what I was looking for. Looking back on a failed marriage I knew I had to do something differently the next time. My grandmother always told me you can catch more flies with honey than you can vinegar. I thought, “but do you know how he treats me?” The truth is, I never got anywhere by complaining, nagging, fighting or demanding a change. I have been given a wonderful chance to prove to myself that you can love (respect) a good man into greatness. It works! Thanks for some fresh ideas to try.

  65. susan March 21, 2013 Reply

    Thank you. I have learned a lot just by reading this, now let me get into action and see the outcome.

  66. TL July 25, 2013 Reply

    You mentioned that if you are in a relationship where everything on this list is required in order for him to feel respected, there are deeper issues that haven’t been addressed. Could you say more about that? Or refer me to any articles? I know what happened in our marriage – it was over 3 years ago. He has always seen many things as disrespectful, I just went blissfully along not knowing it. Now, after the event, he tells me. I know, good step, right. It doesn’t feel that way. I feel like if I don’t ask him his opinion about taking 1 step forward or picking up a piece of trash, he will feel disrespected because I made a “unilateral” decision. I feel like I can’t do anything without hurting him. I just want to make him happy, and he says he isn’t meant to be happy. I think he may be bipolar, but even the mention of anything like that is the ultimate way I can disrespect him. His expectations seem impossible!

    By the way, we have been to a lot of counseling about the event. All I can think is to start up again, but I just don’t have any hope that it will help.

    • Jonathan July 27, 2013 Reply

      Hi TL, for one thing, respect is a two way street. He can’t put unrealistic expectations on you and act as if nothing is required from him. That’s a dictatorship, not a relationship.

      When deeper issues are involved things get more complicated and individualized. For example, if he has emotional feelings of being disrespected anchored to experiences from his childhood, it would be vastly different then his being bipolar. To get to the bottom of those deeper issues would require personalized help.

      Just a word of caution, a bipolar person who isn’t being treated is close to impossible to reason with. And even if you succeed, it will only apply momentarily. This is not your fault nor is it a reflection on your ability to show respect, but that will never be acknowledged if bipolar disorder is part of the picture.

      You also can’t help someone who is convinced that they weren’t meant to be happy. Only they can allow happiness into their world. What will likely happen in the meantime is that they will work to rob everyone close to them of their happiness. There is a lot of truth in the old saying “misery loves company.”

      I didn’t mean to be discouraging, but an honest evaluation of the situation is the only path to a workable solution. I wish you emotional strength.

  67. annette January 25, 2014 Reply

    This list is very realistic and is the secret to the great compatibility between me and my boyfriend, he appreciates every act of respect from me and such actions make him love me more. He knows that i also expect him to respect me in the same way but through different ways ofcourse, like letting me speak out and share my thoughts and opinions. Then we are both happy. We have dated for 10 months now and am already looking forward to mark our first year together.

  68. erin June 16, 2014 Reply

    Thank you so much for making this list….my husband is the type of man who wants to be honored and respected by his wife (me) and feels he is the man of the relationship and the bread winner…..He takes care of everything so I don’t have to stress about things….he works full time and is also in school full time to earn his degree in a trade to better our family…All decisions he makes are for the best interest of our family…Some days I honestly feel useless but after reading this i completely understand his mind and his wants from me and the past 8 months I have not been able to understand til I found this…..I thought he was just trying to be controlling and feel like he had the power of everything but this has helped me to understand the honor and respect aspect he is looking for from me…..wow wish I would have found this a long time ago but thank you again…

  69. loki0308 June 28, 2014 Reply

    this list is pretty close to spot on, I’ve read both lists, and have been through a few relationships, and have found, most of the stuff on both of the lists already happens when both parties of a relationship are open communicators, from day 1 me and my girl were open with each other, and have never had a problem.

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