Men and women have many of the same needs, but they tend to be weighted differently. In a general sense, we all want to feel loved and respected. However the way that is accomplished is somewhat gender specific. It’s the Mars, Venus syndrome.
When a man has the respect of his mate, it actually makes him want to become a better person. Feeling respected is a huge issue for most men. So, while some of the items on this list are very similar to the ones found in 65 Ways to Make Her feel Special, you will notice that the list leans more toward respect than toward love. Realize that for a man, the two are basically synonymous.
In reality, most men are easily encouraged. Your approval is a powerful motivator and applying some of these simple steps will yield great results.
1. Communicate with him respectfully.
2. Let him know he’s important to you.
3. Try to understand his reasons, even when you disagree.
4. Ask for his help.
5. Let go of the small stuff.
6. Tell him you love him and that you like him.
7. Give him some space for his hobbies
8. Show him that you respect him.
9. When you go out together don’t bring up problems.
10. Focus your attention on what he’s doing right.
11. Show interest in what he feels is important in life.
12. Be happy and positive when he comes home.
13. Give him half an hour to unwind after work.
14. Don’t allow any family member to treat him disrespectfully.
15. Defend him to any family member who tries to dishonor him.
16. Compliment his efforts above his performance.
17. Seek his advice when you face challenges.
18. Set and work on goals together.
19. Don’t over commit yourself, leave some time for him.
20. Be forgiving when he unintentionally offends you.
21. Find ways to show him you need him. Guys need to be needed.
22. Don’t fill his every spare moment with chores.
23. Peel away your pride and admit your mistakes.
24. Rub his neck and shoulders when he is stressed.
25. If he wants to talk, listen and ask viewpoint questions.
26. Express appreciation for his hard work.
27. Tell him you are proud of him for the person he is.
28. Give advice in a loving way, do not in a nag him.
29. Reserve some energy for him when he wants you sexually.
30. Don’t expect him to spend all his time on honey do projects.
31. Commend him for being a good man.
32. Brag about him to other people even when he’s not there.
33. Share your feelings with him but keep it abbreviated.
34. Tell him 3 things you specifically appreciate about him.
35. Honor him in front of everyone.
36. Get up with him, even when he gets up earlier than you want to.
37. Be his helper in whatever ways he needs it.
38. Accept that sometimes he just wants to be with you and not talk.
39. When he’s in a bad mood don’t crowd him.
40. Help him accomplish his goals.
41. Work to get rid of habits that annoy him.
42. Don’t compare his relatives with yours in a negative way.
43. Thank him for things he’s done around the house.
44. Don’t expect him to always notice everything you do.
45. Consult him before making important plans.
46. Let him sleep in when he can.
47. Don’t belittle his intelligence or be cynical with him.
48. Initiate sex periodically but be responsive more often.
49. Get to the point in your discussions without endless details.
50. Wink at him from across the room when you’re out together.
51. Give him the benefit of the doubt when he mis-speaks.
52. Don’t quarrel over words.
53. Be kind and courteous with him.
54. Don’t blame him every time things go wrong.
55. When he blows it don’t say, “I told you so.”
56. Never argue over money, he already feels responsible.
57. Hold his hand and snuggle up close to him.
58. Praise his good decisions and minimize the bad ones.
59. Don’t expect him to read your mind, we’re not that smart.
60. Check with him before you throw away his papers and stuff.
61. Work to keep yourself in shape in every way.
62. When you’re angry don’t give him the silent treatment.
63. Look your best for him and make him proud to be seen with you.
64. Be his best cheer leader.
65. Acknowledge his successes in areas of everyday life.
66. Patiently teach him how to demonstrate his love for you.
67. Thank him for just being himself.
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Wow, what an extensive list Jonathan! I’m stumbling this as well. Do they also come from personal experience, by any chance?
I chuckled at #59 on mind-reading – that’s a common cause of many arguments between males and females!
Celes | EmbraceLiving.Nets last blog post..EmbraceLiving.Net in Media!
You are so right Celes, If only we could those minds. All the more reason to pay careful attention to the clues.
Twitter: mrjWells
there are some really good points in this, some I’d never have thought of, thank you!
Hi Kate, I think most guys felt the same way about “65 Ways to Make Her Feel Special.” We just think differently and that’s where these little reminders can really help.
Twitter: mrjWells
If you are him, make sure she sees you reading this
Mark Lewiss last blog post..Getting the Unexpected
LOL Mark
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Jonathan, there are so many good things in here. This is great advice. I think one of the biggest problems both men and women have but women especially is not accepting that men and women think very differently. They expect men to think like them and when they don’t it upsets them. Watching a male and female brains do the same kinds of tasks often show very different patterns. I think most people don’t dispute this but fail to internalize it and accept the practical consequences. So I would add the following:
68: Show him you understand his mind doesn’t work the same way as yours and it’s OK.
Stephen – Rat Race Traps last blog post..Blow the Lid Off Yourself by Thinking Big
That’s an excellent point Stephen. Dr. John Gray, bestselling author of Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, certainly had it right. But as you said, understanding a concept in your head is only the first step. We need to make that awareness live in the day to day.
Twitter: mrjWells
I have to say my wife does all or most of this, I will need to go back and read your post on how to treat women. I am one of the lucky ones.
Great post Jonathan.
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Congratulations Steve! Now, don’t forget to tell he how much you appreciate her.
Twitter: mrjWells
Hi Jonathan,
I think you covered it all. I have gone as far as to learn somethings about his work – graphic design is part of it. This is so when he winds down we can have a comfortable conversation about what he has been working on most of the day and night. This really makes it nice to understand it.
When it comes to the getting up and going to bed at the same time issue.:) It is a good thing we have the jobs we do or this would be a huge issue.
Great work- will stumble!
Thank you
Bunnygotblogs last blog post..It’s A Bug’s Life
Hi Bunny, good job. I know how hard the going to bed and getting up together thing can be. My wife likes a little alone time late at night, and I like mine early in the morning. So we all do the best we can.
Twitter: mrjWells
He let me sleep in this morning- he is so fantastic!!!
Bunnygotblogs last blog post..It’s A Bug’s Life
This is a great list — another I shall print out. Just wonderful and so true.
RE: “When a man has the respect of his mate, it actually makes him want to become a better person. Feeling respected is a huge issue for most men.”
I worked this out very early on with my husband and KNOW that it works. I only worked it out because it is exactly how “I” feel. Maybe it’s not so for most women, but I’ve had men love me, tell me or think I was beautiful or sexy or fun, BUT that is not enough for me. Those things are low on my list of priorities. Not that love is a low on the priority list, but without “full-on” respect for who I am as human being, it means little to me. But then maybe that’s not real love if someone doesn’t respect/or show respect to their partner every single day. Lets just say that it’s not love lived actively.
Anyway, I need to be completely respected for who I am, for the way I treat people, my work, my creativity, etc. I also need to be “liked” not just loved. Where I feel everyday, “Wow, this person REALLY likes me.” Now that is exciting. Then love is the amazing bonus of all of these. My husband not only love each other but we REALLY like each other and have deep respect for each other.
I wonder if it’s because I grew up with four brothers that I relate strongly to this list of what men need. Although a feminine woman and one who also thinks like a woman, I also tend to think a lot like a man. And even in the areas where I think/act very much like a woman I so understand how my husband thinks, feels, processes differently. Now, something we each do is to teach the other to think and respond like the opposite sex. I have learned from him and he from me. So we have a lot of overlap there. And what happens is — moved beyond social conditioning — we end up finding that there is very little difference between us.
Also, just a whimsical side: since I work at home and he works at the college, I go to the door every single morning and we hug/kiss and I stand there and wave as he drives out. I don’t do this because he expects it. I do it because it makes MY day feel more whole. We once had a question and answer session with each other, which we do a lot. And I had the first question and I ask him what was the most romantic thing I had ever done for him, and he said that the most romantic thing in his life (ever) was when I came to the door and waved bye each morning. I was stunned and deeply moved that such a simple act could fill another human being’s life. He always waves back as he drive out and we both often pull goofy faces at each and laugh. Sometimes I even do ridiculous 3 second dances in the driveway in my PJs. We’ve been together 12 years and he will still comes home, walks in the door laughing and say, “All day I kept laughing over you standing in the driveway doing a goofy dance. It made my whole day.” Life is short Jonathan so I have to dance NOW.
Thank you SO much Jonathan. This whole post moved me deeply.
Robin Eastons last blog post..What Do You Believe Happened?
Thanks Robin, most people don’t realize how showing respect for others not only encourages the same in return, but it can actually change the dynamic of all our relationships. One of the deepest human needs is the need for approval. Respect fills that need on a very special level and encourages us to act in ways that will live up to that respect. As I said in the article, it actually makes us want to become a better person. Thanks for sharing your thoughts on this.
Twitter: mrjWells
Great tie into your last post, http://advancedlifeskills.com/blog/65-ways-to-make-her-feel-special/ It is these reminders and the actions we take towards or relationships that reap huge rewards in our happiness and the happiness of the people around us. Well worth the read!
Matt Clark – Power of Personal Developments last blog post..Mastermind Groups and The Power of Many Minds
Hey Matt, you are so right. Reminders really do help us stay pointed in the right direction. And as you said, it’s what we do with the reminders that’s really important.
Twitter: mrjWells
I think my husband would disagree on #33… one of the things that I love about him is he always wants to know what I’m fully feeling. I try to get away with a simple, short answer, or no details at all, but he always wants to know what is really going on inside my head. I don’t mean on the small stuff, like the 101 ways this shade of pink does not go with that one, but on bigger issues. Every guy is different.
Respecting your man and bragging about him are definitely two important things. I really can’t help but brag about my hubby, and I think if you are someone who really appreciates the positive things your guy does, that part will come easily.
Great list!
~ Kristi
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Hi Kristi, In #33 I simply meant to keep the length of the explanation abbreviated, not the depth. When there are deeper issues involved, we should never bury them. For example, when a husband senses that there is something not quite right, he needs to know. He doesn’t (or shouldn’t) want to hear that nothing’s wrong if something is wrong, that’s just frustrating. On the other hand, if he is exhausted, keeping the explanation within reasonable bounds is a real kindness. Good communication is one of the cornerstones of a meaningful relationship.
Twitter: mrjWells
Hello Jonathan!
This is very beautiful indeed! I can imagine it will be a great little resource for many women out there! And I love the fact that there was one for men too.
It really does come down I think, no matter what we do to always really respect each other. Some people get “comfortable” and think it is okay to do some things to their partner that they would never do to an enemy…but with a conscious mind I believe we can all transform our relationships into blissful love stories!
Hi Evita, thanks for joining the conversation. I agree with everything you said. When people let go of respect it’s a choice (a bad choice). When we cherish and respect each other, that too is a choice. One choice brings pain and the other brings blessings. I vote for the blissful love story choice.
Twitter: mrjWells
Fantastic List. I like number 17. I like feeling useful and being able to listen and offer advice often empowers me. It works both ways though.
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Hi Amit, I like that one also. There is something really satisfying about having your mate seek out your advice. I think “feeling useful” is exactly what it is, thanks.
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I know there’s one missing, and that’s fishing together as fishing buddies. It’s the times you share the same interests that have the most fondest memories. The flip side is, if she catches more than you or catches the bigger fish, there could be some digs here and there.
All in fun!
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Point well taken Frank. I’m not a fisherman but my wife and I have many common interests that have led to lots shared experiences over the years. These are indeed some of our fondest memories. At one point we spent our summers hang gliding together. Sometimes I would have a short flight only to look up and see here at 8,000 feet having a great time. That’s like the bigger fish thing.
Twitter: mrjWells
So true and some what the same on a different level, no pun intended.
Frank Js last blog post..The Biggest Mistakes in SEO
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Wow..can’t believe I’ve read it all, but I found most of the time I’m nodding all the way through. Marriage sure taught me alot on how different men/women are from each other. I’ve learnt #38 only after marriage, and knowing it’s perfectly normal for men just be quiet at times, not talking much. ^^ Men/Women supposed to be different, that’s how 2 souls can become 1, ammending to each other’s need.
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