10 Tips for a Happy Marriage

by Jonathan

10 Tips for a Happy Marriage

To have a really good marriage, you need to work at it. As the saying goes, the only place you find success before work is in the dictionary.

Here are some things you can do to help build a strong marriage.

1. Watch Your Relationships. To preserve your determination to make your marriage succeed, don’t get too close flirt with members of the opposite sex. If you do, in the back of your mind, you might begin to view them as alternatives in the event that your marriage doesn’t work out. This will weaken your resolve. After all, why work so hard when you have an escape route? Also, these types of close relationships are likely to make your spouse feel threatened.

2. Pay Full Attention. Listen to your spouse when he or she talks to you. It’s a sign of respect. Try to give him or her your undivided attention. Also, nod in agreement occasionally—it tells your partner you’re listening. If your spouse talks to you when you’re in the middle of something important, say so, and suggest a time when you’ll be able to pay full attention.

3. Share Enjoyable Activities. Do fun things with your spouse. Exercise together, take leisurely walks, or share a pursuit that’s mutually enjoyable. Such activities strengthen your relationship and make it easier for the two of you to endure the hard times that come in every marriage.

4. Learn from Your Experiences. Learn from the past. For example, if you find that you’re often tense when you’re very hungry, minimize your conversation with your spouse during those times. Similarly, if you see that your spouse gets worked up whenever you mention the name of a certain relative, don’t mention that person’s name unless absolutely necessary. Try to learn from the past.

5. Be Polite. Be courteous to your spouse. When speaking with him or her, use phrases such as “please,” “thank you,” “would you mind if I….,” and so forth. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and respected.

6. Never Say “I Told You So.” Remove the phrase “I told you so” from your lexicon. Saying these words only causes ill will between you and your spouse.

People say this phrase for two reasons:

  • To show off that they were right,
  • To get their mates to listen to them in the future.

What they don’t realize is that the message that comes across is, “Aren’t I smarter than you?” which is insulting.

When you’re proven right after an argument, your spouse will realize this on his or her own. There is no need to point it out.

The poet Ogden Nash wrote the following poem to encourage people to act this way:

To keep your marriage brimming,
With love in the wedding cup,
Whenever you’re wrong, admit it;
Whenever you’re right, shut up.

7. Don’t Keep Score. Don’t walk around with a watchful eye making sure your partner carries his or her share of the workload. Instead, take the view that it doesn’t matter if you end up doing more than half of what has to be done. Making sure your relationship stays fifty-fifty will put so much tension into your marriage that it’s not worth the effort. So unless your spouse is very lazy or a real responsibility shirker, don’t keep track of who does more.

8. Watch Out for the Little Things. A family court judge once commented that in 99 percent of the divorce cases he presided over, the couples were upset about very small matters. Here are some of the types of complaints he was referring to:

  • “She never lets me leave the window open at night.”
  • “He always wears that loud shirt that embarrasses me.”
  • “She never replaces the toilet roll when it’s finished.”
  • “He always leaves his socks on the floor.”

These small matters can be very detrimental to a relationship, so watch out for them.

There is, however, a silver lining to this cloud: Just as little things can ruin a relationship, they can also build one. A brief call to ask how your spouse’s day is going can make a big difference in his or her feelings toward you. Remembering your mate’s birthday with a little gift can mean a lot. Even just bringing your partner a chocolate bar or a novel you think he or she will enjoy can mean a great deal, because it shows you care.

Women in particular often need small but frequent gestures of love.

9. Greet Your Partner Happily. Smile at your mate when you greet him or her. It will make your spouse feel appreciated and loved. Even if you’re in a bad mood, be sure to flash that grin. It’s a small investment that can go a long way.

10. Respect Your Spouse’s Privacy. Don’t go through your partner’s things out of curiosity or in an effort to make them look neater. Privacy is a fundamental need all humans have, so be sure to respect it.

Similarly, make it a habit not to repeat your spouse’s words to others. You never know what your mate wants kept secret.

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{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }

Kevin

Great tips. I like no. 2 the most. Sharing enjoyable activities keeps the spark ignited in the relationship and if there is passion, all the little problems will resolve themselves.

Reply

Aldo Tate

One of the things that most new married couples have problems with is realizing that their partners are still individuals and deserve their own personal space and some measure of privacy in their lives.

-Aldo T

Reply

Vishmita singh

All the tips were tremendous but I like the 6th most because your mate should not hurt or insulted in any manner .

Reply

elle

Fantastic tips. My husband needs these. He rarely looks happy to see me, I wish he would do that. It hurts my heart when he has a big smile for his friends but not me.

Reply

noel

Apology is like a scalpel, if used correctly it saves lives, loved ones and can cut away years of
damage, but used incorrectly and it can swiftly sever the heart from the body PERMANENTLY.
Millions, if not billions of dollars have been paid in lawsuits could have been saved with an
effective apology.

Reply

Tosin Olaniyi

I love this article it just confirm some of my actions

Reply

damian

Great tips, especially love the one about paying full attention to your partner as that is really important

Reply

married

I’ve always think that for having a happy marriage neither him not her must feel pressured to make the decision of getting married. It should be a decision made by both of them. Then if you want to get married and your mate doesn’t it should be necessary to use methods to induce your mate to start thinking abot marriage rather than asking or pushing them for a decision that they don’t want to make.

Reply

alegan

All tips are great…it really help me a lot.
Thanks to this site.

Reply

deepika

Wonderful tips….i often have problem with my spouse because he ignores me…..Now I will try to fill the space…looking fwd to follow these tips?

Reply

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