In every culture, nation, and religion there are special times set aside for celebrating. We generally refer to these special times as holidays. Have you ever wondered why people get so excited about holidays? Think for a moment about the role they play on an emotional level.
A break from the norm.
Emotionally, holidays feel like a reward. Instead of working, those days are used for enjoyable activities like getting together with friends or family, having exceptional meals, or going on a vacation. It’s like being rewarded for all your hard work.
It’s a fact that everyone likes to be rewarded for their efforts and accomplishments. In fact, almost without exception effort is motivated by the prospect of some kind of reward. Taking time off from your normal routine to have fun fits into this “reward” category.
Rewards come in all shapes and sizes.
Some rewards have material value while others have emotional value. Most people go to work primarily for the material reward that comes in the form of a paycheck. Others, a happy minority, love what they do so much that the monetary reward is secondary to the feelings of accomplishment they experience.
When we do something nice for someone we love, our reward may be as simple as a smile on their face. Making them feel good makes us happy, thus we are emotionally rewarded as well. This action-reward feedback loop is an intrinsic part of human nature and is closely related to the joy of giving and receiving.
Do you believe that success is the opposite of failure? That’s exactly what most of us have been conditioned to think. If someone makes an all out effort to achieve some goal but doesn’t quite make it, what have they done?
Have they failed?
Well, that all depends on their concept (and yours) of success and failure. For some, the result alone is what determines if we belong in the winners circle or not. If life were a single, all or nothing event, perhaps we could afford to be that narrow minded. But that is not the way life works.
Life has a learning curve.
Have you ever accomplished anything worthwhile that only required one attempt to get it right? Have you ever seen a baby go from crawling to walking without ever falling down in the process? Falling down is part of learning to walk because there’s a learning curve.
“You got to learn how to fall, before you learn to fly” -Paul Simon
This means that most successes will be preceded by a series attempts that didn’t quite produce the results we were hoping for. With that in mind, it seems like the course of wisdom is to develop a healthy respect for whole learning process, not just the final result.
Learning is succeeding.
Anytime we learn from our efforts we are in the process of succeeding. Each lesson brings us closer to our intended result. Calling the learning process “failing” is not only inaccurate, it’s also emotionally discouraging.
“I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that don’t work.” -Thomas Edison
If we allow ourselves to become discouraged during the process we may give up right before we reach our goal. How sad it would be to go through the learning curve and then never experience the benefits of our new knowledge.
People who understood the process.
This short video is about famous success stories who stayed the course and never gave up. We can gain courage and determination from their examples.
How do you feel about failure now?
The lines are open!
We have all heard about the comfort zone, but have you ever noticed how inaccurate that description can be? For many, the comfort zone may not be all that comfortable.
Perhaps a more accurate description might be “the less uncomfortable zone” or even “the avoidance zone.” I say that because if we were truly comfortable in a situation, why would we ever feel a need for change? Here’s an example:
If we are thirty pounds overweight and we are avoiding doing something about it, some might suggest that we need to get outside of our comfort zone. Why would they say that? Because exercising and dieting could represent an uncomfortable change.
Uncomfortable compared to what?
Being thirty pounds overweight is already an uncomfortable reality. Can we realistically call it the comfort zone? No, not really! Then what is so uncomfortable about making a change to improve the situation? Most of the time – it’s the idea of change that we find unsettling, not the change itself.
Sometimes, the very thought of making changes in our life can represent discomfort, even pain. This is because it requires us to make an effort in a new direction. It is very easy to become a creature of habit and to adapt to a set daily routine. Such patterns can be constructive or destructive, it really doesn’t matter.
There are certain core needs shared by every person on the planet. Some of these needs are physical such as food, water, and air. We also have emotional needs. Once our physical needs are met, filling our core emotional needs becomes our number one priority in life.
The need for approval fits into this category. Whether we choose to acknowledge it or not, the desire for approval is one of the strongest motivating forces known to man.
Whose approval do we want?
Well, it all depends on whose opinion we value most. A child wants the approval of their parents, while a teenager generally seeks the approval of their peers. Wives want the approval of their husbands, and visa versa. But it doesn’t stop there!
Employees want to here the phrase “well done” from their employer, just as authors want to please their readers. The fact is, we all have a longing for validation, and approval helps fill that desire.
Why does it matter so much?
Have you ever wondered why approval is so important? The answer may surprise you, but it’s actually pretty basic. Approval feeds our strongest desire. The strongest of all emotional needs is directly linked our feelings of approval or disapproval. Can you guess what that need is?
The first thing people usually think of is the need for love. Was that your thought also? As powerful as the need for love is, in reality it is the same as approval. In fact, love is the ultimate expression of approval. So love feeds the same core emotional need as approval does.
What is the granddaddy of all human emotions?
Every person on the planet has an inherent and insatiable desire to feel safe and secure. Most of what we do in life revolves around this core desire. Efforts to fill this desire shape the actions of individuals and the course of world events.
Wanting to feel secure is the fundamental driving force of the human species. Just as the Earth is in orbit around the sun, human behavior revolves around the need to establish a physical and emotional sense of security.
Today I want to share three wonderful articles with you on subjects that directly affect the quality of your life. We are going to talk about money, productivity, and personal outlook.
In this challenging economic environment money is the focus of many conversations. Let’s begin by recognizing that money is probably the most emotionally charged inanimate substance there is. It has it’s own distinct energy.
For some, mixed feelings about money create internal conflict and confusion. This is a breeding ground for limiting beliefs that can interfere with the flow of abundance into our lives. But here’s the thing…
We all need money to function.
My friend and colleague Steve Aitchison wrote a very insightful article covering many of the different aspects of money, and the emotions that surround it. The article is titled: “The Energy of Money and How To Make More of It.” Here’s an excerpt…
“As I said in the beginning of this post we have been programmed to believe the pursuit of money and wealth is not good. Get rid of this thought as quickly as you can for it will hinder you from making progress in your life’s goal to create more money in your life. Money is the pathway to freedom for yourself and for others in your life. You will have the ability to help more people by being wealthy than you will be by being poor. Think of this for a moment.” [read the article]
About productivity.
Productivity is another area that lends itself to confusion. Is shear will power the secrete to increased productivity, or is there a more natural approach?
Personal development blogger Steve Olson helps us to appreciate the futility of trying to create by force in his article: “The Secret to Getting Things Done: Acceptance, Love, and Patience.” There is some valuable insight in this article that we can all benefit from. Here’s a taste…
We live in a culture where we are taught from our earliest days that problems are solved by the application of force. Popular culture action heroes and athletes delude us into thinking we can create a better world via physical strength, will power, and force. [read the article]
Your personal view of circumstances.
Are you in control of your life, or are you just a victim of circumstance? This is a question that cuts to the heart of the perception we have of our own reality. This week my good friend Stephen Mills dove right into the deep end of this subject. His article: “Stop Being the Victim” is both powerful and straight to the point. Here’s a quote…
When you play the victim and expect others to come to your rescue, you are shutting yourself off from that tremendous power you have to make a difference. You are creating a self-limiting environment for yourself. You are failing to be 100% responsible. [read the article]
Well, that’s it for this Friday with Friends.
Before you go, let me ask:
Did you find these articles useful?
Which ones did you like the best?
The lines are open!
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In every culture, nation, and religion there are special times set aside for celebrating. We generally refer to these special times as holidays. Have you ever wondered why people get so excited about holidays? Think for a moment about the role they play on an emotional level.
